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Goodbye Vampira


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 19, 2008, 3:07 pm

You know, she looks scarier in that wig.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: January 19, 2008, 3:55 pm

I got the fever last week to look at houses closer to “town”. I had an agent show me a house on Thursday and went to look at another yesterday. We just put an offer on the house we looked at yesterday. We offered 20,000 less than asking. Here’s hoping they will accept our offer? Maybe we should have given this moving bit more than a weeks thought? But, hey that’s how we roll.

Comment from Dawn
Time: January 19, 2008, 3:59 pm

Something about getting a contractor to fix stuff makes you want to sell the house before everything breaks again.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: January 19, 2008, 4:15 pm

But, hey that’s how we roll.

It’s the only way.

‘Personal Beatle Wig’? That doesn’t sounds nearly communistic enough. Surely a Communal Beatle Wig (infested with pubic lice) would be much more right on.

You know, she looks scarier in that wig.

She looks like Terry Wogan circa 1960-present day. Doesn’t get much scarier than that.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 20, 2008, 9:13 am

So Uncle B says to me this morning, “your little graphic says you’re in London.” And I’m like, “yes, it’s kind of a pain in the ass to change. Also, I’m not really in Boston any more, either.” And he goes, “so you don’t have a graphic for Limbo then?”

Okay, so now I do, Mister Smarty Badger.

The sharp-eyed reader will recognize the figure as Doré’s drawing of Satan from his illustrated Inferno. The sharp eyed reader will note that Satan doesn’t appear in Limbo, but at the lowest depths of Hell (which are, for some reason, frozen over). Well, the sharp eyed reader can kiss my ass. That guy really gets on my nerves sometimes, you know?

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 20, 2008, 9:52 am

Yes, they never did get that ‘hell’ thing worked out. It’s what happens when one set of religious manics steals names from another set of religious maniacs.

Somewhere, there’s a picture of me sitting in the driving seat of the engine from Hell.

The real Hell (where this steam engine came from) is, it turns out, a village in Norway, where temperatures can reach minus 20 C (I have no idea what that is in F – expect for F-ing cold).

Sadly, it seems ‘Hell’ in this context derives from the Old Norse for ‘overhang’ or cliff, which is awfully disappointing. I’d hoped it stood for ‘I’m fucking freezing here! Will somebody throw something on the fire?!No, I don’t care what!’

Further research reveals that the outrageously named Mona Grudt (Miss Universe 1990, as I’m sure everyone reading this will already have known) came from nearby and playfully called herself ‘The beauty queen from Hell’.

Clearly, she had met few stoats… Or wildcats. Felis Silvestris can be a bit of a handful at times, too.

Here endeth this morning’s lesson. Please leave quietly, there have been complaints from the pub next door.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 20, 2008, 10:38 am

Awww…Suzanne Pleshette died yesterday. She was 70.

Comment from porknbean
Time: January 20, 2008, 6:04 pm

It’s quiet in here. Too quiet.

Slumps off, still in a bad mood over the idiots who don’t like illegal immigration but think McCain is sooooo experienced. Harummph.

McGoo, if you nailed any goths, it better have been with your cane, used like a stake. Otherwise they will never go away…unless you nailed them the other way…in which case, you had better have used a condom AND disinfectant and then use the cane on yerself..bleh.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 20, 2008, 6:11 pm

Meh. Don’t get me started on McCain. I Will Not Vote For Him!

Geez, I got strongarmed into voting for Linc Chafee in ought six and I *still* haven’t gotten the smell out of my voting finger.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 20, 2008, 6:21 pm

I know nothing about American politics, but I can tell you this abut McCain.

His oven chips are lousy.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 20, 2008, 6:31 pm

Since Thompson is probably not gonna happen, and I despise all the other (R)s, and I’m not gonna risk finger-rot like Weasel got by voting for something strange (like a – shudder – (D)) I am seriously thinking about not voting.

Boys and girls – I think we’re really f***ed this time. Game over.

porknbeans – I scored one Goth – but I nailed him with a syrup urn, so I’m medically OK. The really interesting thing is that I saw a skinny middle-aged cop eating a salad. Never saw one of those in Denny’s before. It was remarkable.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 20, 2008, 6:36 pm

Welcome to the ‘God rot ’em all’ club, McGoo.

I once believed it was my democratic responsibility to at least vote for someone . Here in the UK I currently have a choice between Leftist Euro-weenies and Leftist Euro-weenies: both of whom want their hands in my pocket.

I’m not voting for any of the bastards.

Comment from porknbean
Time: January 20, 2008, 6:57 pm

I don’t know McGoo, by not voting at all is like giving your vote to ‘it’.
What I want to know is, as I look at these exit polls, why are independents, who put McCain over the top, allowed to vote in either party’s caucus? They made the choice to take themselves out of a party, so why do they get to put their nose in and fuck it up during the primaries? Why have a primary at all, if it is treated as an almost general election?

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 20, 2008, 7:30 pm

You’re right to an extent, pnb.

I just don’t like voting for someone I wouldn’t vote for otherwise. I tell you what though: so long as Fred! is on the ballot, I’m voting for him. Even thought he’s apparently going to lose. But how much of that is MSM manipulation? Over at MSMNC they’re openly laughing at his speeches.

I voted for Perot back in ’92 – but only as a protest vote, and because I mistakenly believed Bush Sr. had it sewed up anyway. I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. Ends up, I ate Clinton shit for eight years.

(Hmmm. There”s some word play there somewhere, but I’m too friggin’ tired to seek it out and develop it.)

Anyway, I used to feel as Badger did – ya gotta vote. I felt that if you din’t vote, you had no right to complain. Now – not so much.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 21, 2008, 12:40 am

McCain oven chips? I do not understand. Is “oven chips” a euphemistic way of saying cow poopoo?

Not to go all pedantic, but some political academicians and scholars believe that a large number of the populace not voting is a good thing. It means that, all in all, things are tolerable. When huge numbers come out to vote, then that’s a sign something is bothering or concerning the people indeed. So when in the last general elections the turn-out was high, it meant we, collectively, were very concerned. When things are tolerable, people are less wont to make the effort to vote.

Of course, this refers to major nationwide population-wide trends, does not deal with individuals’ choices, nor addresses those who stay home because no choice is acceptable.

On the other hand, when things truly and deeply concern the people to the point action must be taken, or else, then the people are most wont to launch a revolution or rebellion and sweep sway the old regime to emplace a new regime (which, in the end, may be just as bad the old one). But we civilized Anglo-Saxons (I claim to be one because I want to claim it so there and don’t disagre else I’ll cry to Mommy and make the French pass a resolution against you you big meanie – at least I can do a good impression of a Continental Euro, eh?) have sort of lost the knack or desire or oomph to revolutionize or revolt or rebel.

I am, frankly, more concerned about encroaching political correctness, dictatorship of relativism, and Islamism in the government’s bureaucracy and in society in general. These cannot be remedied by elections: only society and its self-swareness can remedy this. Meaning: I have little hope.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 21, 2008, 12:42 am

“self-awareness” not “self-swareness”.

Although if I were society, I would start swearing at myself.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 21, 2008, 1:07 am

I think “oven chip” would be of the home-baked nacho/tortilla chip variety, Musli. As in edible.

I, too, am worried about the “creeping socialism” and “creeping islamic crap” that is on the horizon, Musli. That’s why I’m presently so frustrated in my presidential choices. I don’t like any of ’em that are likely to make it.

Comment from porknbean
Time: January 21, 2008, 2:34 am

I too am very concerned about the creepage of both soul sucking entities. I can see it in my dem voting family. They say there is no enemy but the money grubbing CEOs.

This country’s poor are wealthy in the eyes of many on this globe, but yet people walk around wringing their hands like they are victims and demand the government to give them more rather than work harder and be responsible for their own business. Too many have become fat and lazy.

And, of course, my family despises republicans because they are only concerned with money and are corrupt. But when you point out the worse crimes getting covered up by the media of the democrats, then it’s ‘oh, they all do it.’

Muslihoon, you may claim to be one because you have the soul of one. It is not so much the sack of skin we wear or place of birth anymore, but the journey that lands us ‘here’ in a common liberty loving place.

Comment from porknbean
Time: January 21, 2008, 2:41 am

And what I don’t get is that congress probably has more corruption and criminals than the general population and yet people want the state to
micromanage their lives with other people’s money.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 21, 2008, 7:14 am

A note in haste (the shit men arrived at seven and are digging up Badger House’s garden, even as I type ).

Oven chips are a vile and disgusting product, first sold in the UK by a company called McCain. They are what Americans call French Fries (which pisses off the Belgians, who claim they invented them). Instead of deep-frying them, you heat them in the oven.

They bear almost no resemblance whatsoever to real chips.

It transpires that McCain is a Canadian company.

Oh, and I agree about society and the thieving bastards who have usurped power over us.

Now I shall go and stare down the ten foot deep hole they have dug. Exactly where my vegetable garden was going to be.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 21, 2008, 7:36 am

Badger – just look on the bright side. When they finally leave, the garden soil will have been broken and tilled a bit. And….just think….what if it had gotten plugged up this May – after you’d planted and tended said garden for a month or two?

Did they use genuine bamboo effluvia pipes to get the crap out? I hope so…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 21, 2008, 8:01 am

It’s a new septic tank, McGoo. The size of a minivan and just under the soil…there will be no vegetable garden there. Uncle B was quite perturbed, but they’d already dug the hole and hauled off the soil by the time he got down there.

They hit the old ocean bed about three feet down, by the way. And the water table just under that.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 21, 2008, 8:22 am

Um..that sucks, Weaz. I must have missed the memo.

I bet Badger is mad enough to crap wolverines. I would be…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 21, 2008, 9:29 am

Well, to be perfectly fair, Uncle B craps wolverines every day. It’s why we need a new septic system.

He probably crapped a tyrannosaurus, though.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 21, 2008, 12:34 pm

Can’t say I’ve ever actually crapped a wolverine. I’d like to someday, though…

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 21, 2008, 2:11 pm

Thanks for the explanation, Uncle B!

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: January 21, 2008, 4:19 pm

Yeah, outside of American fast-food chains, chips are a thicker equivalent of french fries. Surely you’ve heard of Fish and Chips?
I’ve actually worked in a chip processing plant that supplied oven chips to people like McCain and supermarket own brands and hell, maybe even McDonalds and Burger King. To be honest, I never got to find out, I simply left that job without bothering to tell anyone after a few hours of my first shift. It was greasy, hot, noisy hell. I know it was wrong, but it was in my pre-living-like-a-destitute-taking-all-manner-of-recreational-narcotics-and-desperately-trying-to-get-some-action days a.k.a university, and when I phoned the temp. agency who’d set me up with the job to tell them of my misdeed, they were surprised I’d lasted that long and basically didn’t give a shit. Here’s a tip though: do not ever, ever, under any circumstances, consume processed, chips/french fries (unless their preparation is significantly different where you live, which is highly unlikely). Or do – what do I care.
Speaking of chips, I’ve got some Maris Peers (hopefully those’re going to be like Maris Pipers, otherwise I’ll raise bloody hell with anyone who’ll listen), aswell as some Desirees and Sharpe’s Express chitting away happily in the dining room.
You ever grown spuds B? Any idea why you’re not allowed to retain a few of your crop for seeding potatoes the following year? The only tenuous (I think it’s tenuous) reason I’ve managed to find is that they become more susceptible to virii and other diseases over time that way.
By the way, life is full of compromises, if you don’t vote because the only candidate of your party isn’t up to speed, then you’ll end up with the candidate of the other party who’s significantly – by many orders of magnitude – worse.
All you McCain haters can go to hell. I know how he can become more popular – hire a blimp with his name on the side. Yeah, nobody’ll’ve thought of that before. That’s not crazy at all…

Comment from Dawn
Time: January 21, 2008, 5:10 pm

Maybe McCain will pick Thompson as his running mate? McCain is not long for this world.

I have met McCain. He’s short.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 21, 2008, 5:33 pm

I have grown spuds, Gibby and was impressed by how easy it was. The only problem I encountered was a bit of slug damage.

As for saving your own seed (and you can stop that sniggering at the back, there!) all I know is that I’ve heard the same warnings. Apparently, that’s why all seed potatoes in the UK come from Scotland and ( I think) N. Ireland. It’s because the aphid that carries the virus can’t survive the winters up there.

Well, who can?

All I know is that during the last war, people were urged to grow potatoes from potato peelings, so unless it’s life or death to you to get a crop, I’d be inclined to at least try it and see how you get on. The only major downside would be missing the chance to try lots of different varieties.

I shouldn’t be talking about gardening, The shit men have so mangled the garden at Badger House beneath the wheels and tracks of their vehicles that I imagine the soil is now terminally compacted.

Outside resembles nothing so much as a Great War battlefield. Not surprising, really, as I imagine the soil here is just like it was in trenches. Poor bastards.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 21, 2008, 5:49 pm

Is the septic in now, Uncle B? Can you crap in comfort, and with a measure of confidence now, knowing that your end result will be shipped off to its’ proper destination with no muss or fuss?

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 21, 2008, 7:59 pm

Golly, McGoo – the fun ain’t even started yet.

Badger House has two septic tanks which are (allegedly) gefukt. They are fed by two drains, connecting various sinks, lavatories and (for all I know) the nearby nuke.

These, also, are gefukt.


Day 1 was dig a huge hole, bury sewage treatment plant and pour in a few tons of cement.

Day 2 dig and lay drains down one side of house

Day 3 dig and lay drains down t’other side of house

Day 4 connect and commission sewage treatment plant

Day 5 connect various lavatories, sinks (and wayward nuke if applicable) to new plant

Day 6 smash-in and lime ancient septic tanks, sacrifice virgins, fire shotguns into trees to scare away evil spirits etc.

Day 7 look back on work and see that it is good. Also like God, thereafter crap in peace.

It could prove to be a trying week.

Comment from porknbean
Time: January 21, 2008, 8:08 pm

All you McCain haters can go to hell.

No thank you. That is where McCain is the pet flying monkey of Hillary, Satan’s mother.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 21, 2008, 8:19 pm

We are of one mind, porknbean. McCain is a douchebag. They’re all douchebags.

Badger – I’d say your week is gefukt.

…And where are you making your…um…deposits for the next few days, if I might enquire? Is there one of those li’l porta-pottys outside? I hope it has a heater.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 21, 2008, 8:44 pm


So, you’re Jewish, nu? Do you make good matzoh balls? I love matzoh balls. I might make some tonight. Trip to the grocery store! (Good thing I live in a heavily Jewish area.)

That said, if I moved to an area where there are not many Jews, I’d go insane. I’ve become so used to living around Jews.

Anyhooooooo…off to the sane world.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 21, 2008, 8:53 pm

No.. I’m not Jewish, Muslihoon.

I couldn’t afford the subscription 😉

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 21, 2008, 11:54 pm

Uncle: thou makest me to giggle.

I shall now bring down upon me the wrath of Her Grace by posting these snippets from an e-mail I got from a Jewish jokes e-mail list (nothing Jewish about the jokes, though), and I beg Her Grace to delete this forthwith should it offend Her Grace in any way (I think the British here might like it, as it seems to have originated in The Sceptered Isle):

The wife of a duke is a dukky.

Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt and Japan. Sadly he died with no hair.

Joan of Arc was burned to a steak. Joan of Arc was Noah’s sister.

Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.

The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin.

In the middle of the 18th-century, all the morons moved to Utah.

Louis XVI was gelatined to death.

Hitler’s instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho.

The U.S.S.R. and the U.S.A. became global in power, but Europe remained incontinent.

If anyone should faint, put her head between the knees of the nearest medical man.

Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows.

If you cross XY and XX chromosomes, you get XX (female), YY (male) and XY (undecided).

Crude oil is a vicious substance.

Pine is an example of a carnivorous tree.

If teeth are not cleaned, plague is the result.

The Jews were a proud people, but always had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

The seventh commandment is “Thou shall not admit adultery”.

Solomon had 300 wives and 700 cucumbers.

The Papal bull was a mad bull kept by the Pope in the Inquisition to trample on Protestants.

The Philistines are islands in the Pacific.

Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican.

Merchants appeared and roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organising big fairies in the countryside.

Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 21, 2008, 11:58 pm

I would like to further hijack this thread to say that I do feel quite grateful for the British people here. It feels good to know that I know of some Englishpeople, albeit through a blog. It is a very educational experience for me. (Plus, those people of South Asian ethnic origins who don’t hate the British tend to look up to them or at least hold them in fond regard. After all, y’all ruled us for a few centuries.)

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: January 22, 2008, 11:39 am

Gefukt, unless I’m not mistaken is the past participal part of the perfect tense, for the German verb fuken, to fuck.
i.e. ‘Ach nein! Ich habe meinen Motor gefukt!’
Speaking of Jewish food, that’s probably some of the only food-of-other-cultures I haven’t tried. Well, apart from some of the funkier Chinese and Korean stuff. You know, like the sort of things you’d normally regard as more of a pet than a food.
Oh, bagels – I’ve tried those. Call me old fashioned, but there’s nothing appealing about stale, unsweetened, non-fried donuts.
No, I like my non-domestic food to be hot. And I’ve always had the impression that traditional Jewish food was sort of, well, bland.
Oh, and the Japanese eat raw eggs and seaweed for breakfast. The less said about that, the better.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: January 22, 2008, 12:49 pm

The way I figure it, all that foreign food is what makes foreigners so…foreign…to everyone except themselves.

I wonder if there was ever a culture that ate horse-sweat? I like to believe that it’s sole virtue is that it’s never been tried. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: January 22, 2008, 12:58 pm

I had chicken soup with kreplach (kreplach is something like ravioli), matzoh balls, and potato latkes. Never had kreplach or latkes before. And the first time I’ve ventured to make something like latkes – sort of like pancakes or hashbrowns. Frying is not something I’m allowed to do (I’d cause too much of a mess) but Mom was away, so hooray!

The latkes were nice. Would’ve been better with applesauce, or so I’ve heard. The matzoh balls were a bit bland in contrast. Kreplach were like ravioli, nothing special. I might see what recipes might exist to make matzoh balls more exciting. I still have lots of the matzoh meal left.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 22, 2008, 2:51 pm

I’ve seen Stoaty eat seaweed.

Weasels never understand the seaside.

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