sweasel.com

Survey sez:

The One and a bunch of his toadies in the Situation Room by the Religion of Peace.

I have a dream!

Zsa Zsa, because this time, she means it!

Saviour of the world banking system and next head of the IMF (yeah, right) the loathsome and hubristic J. Gordon Brown.

Anwar al-Awlaki/ Aulaqi/ al-‘Awlaqī, because.

I would have put “War Powers Act,” but figured someone might notice it had died before the time stamp. And there’s no sense picking anybody virtuous – after Saturday, all dick will be for the left behind. Win!

Am I early enough to claim Gaddafi? Really? How odd!

p.s. Weasel, appreciate the explanation re. sidebar. Cat will learn to scroll…

Just because I got here early and I can I’m going with Jeff Conaway. I need more (spotted) dick.

This time it’ll be Jimmy Carter, in the boat, with the rabbit.

If I were a celebrity, I’d fear 6:00 PM WBT:

‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage dies in a car crash
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/post/Report-Randy-8216-Macho-Man-8217-Savage-die?urn=top-wp98

Jeff Conaway? Who ‘n’ heck is Jeff Conaway?

If that’s a sports figure, I’m’a save an out-of-date dick, just for you!

The passing of Randy Savage, R.I.P., makes a trifecta of sports-figures-I-never-heard-of-before-they-died passings. Does the “threes” rule apply to subsets of celebrity?

I’m still sticking with Dick Cheney.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the IMF rapist

1) He has a girl’s name
2) He was on suicide watch before he lost his job

When the Macho Man says it’s time to go, it’s time to go.

I want Helen Thomas to die. So i guess I’ll take her for the dead pool.

Jeff Conaway – longtime TV actor probably best known for his character Bobby Wheeler in the 80’s series Taxi. He’s also been battling drug addiction for a long time, and now he’s in a coma after an overdose. He was going to be my pick so now I actually have to think of one.

Geez, I don’t even remember the character Bobby Wheeler.

Apparently he was the failed actor guy.

I’m sticking with Lindsay Lohan

Delores Hope (She is approaching 500,000 on the old odometer….something is bound to give out soon!)

John Glenn. I have always hated him. (and as a bonus, please, please my mother-in-law)

Point of order, Madam Chairman.

According to the familyradio guy, the rapture will start tonight at midnight MDT. This corresponds with 12 noon at the international date line. The rapture will proceed westerly around the planet as the respective clocks strike noon.

Also according to the familyradio guy, the rolling nature of the rapture is intended to allow folks to turn on their TVs and see that it’s coming their way in sufficient time to permit them an appropriate amount of wailing and gnashing of teeth; a full twelve hours for those of us in the Rocky Mountain West. That’s a lot of gnashing.

Since Kiribati will be the first place to go, can we generically pick a famous Kiribati resident, assuming such a person exists, or would that be cheating?

Anticipating a negative ruling, I pick Billy Graham.

Kirk Douglas, if’n he ain’t already cashed in.

I also want to take this opportunity to extend my gratitude to the Brits for being so kind as to name a foodstuff in a way that provides an essentially bottomless well of humor for Yanks.

Micky Rooney. He has been too quiet.

I never tire of the spotted dick jokes, Pavel. Or blue tits. Or fat balls.

On the other hand, I made somebody at the grocery store turn pink today when I explained that the small leather bag he had slung over his shoulder was actually called a “fanny pack” (“fanny” being a much ruder word to the Brits).

As for the Rapture question — good lord, Pavel, I expect you an everyone else to be out there with me, looting all the good stuff. Surely evangelicals believe in wide-screen TV’s and SUV’s as much as the rest of us, no?

Jeff Conaway was Kenickie in Grease (and ladies of a certain age remember him fondly)

Helen Thomas, because a man can dream.

Nancy Reagan

And unintentional jokes about suspenders and pants, which, as I understand it, do not mean the same thing here as there (or knickers).

The Dear Leader Kim Jong Il.

Damn you rustbucket! You stole mine. OK, now I have to ruminate (grumble, grumble, mumble….consults the Ouija Board and Tarot.)

— Sen. Daniel Inouye D-Hawaii in the Senate washroom…with a Barney Frank broomstick.

Well, this evangelical hasn’t had a working TV since the digital switchover, and pinches too many pennies to drive SUVs. Books we have in profusion, and you’re welcome to drop by to borrow a few, but since I don’t believe in the Rapture I’ll have to ask that they be returned.

I’ll re-up with King Abdullah, though I fear his demise will make an unhappy mess. Given how secretive that crowd is, we might not learn of his death till well after the fact.

Jack Kevorkian! I just read that the fucking ghoul was in the hospital. I hope it’s slow and painful for the freak.

Oh, I am SO routing for Gromulin to take the dick. Kevorkian has been a hate object of mine for years.

Gayland Bradford, in Texas, on June 1st. What? No death house dudes?

OK, howzabout King Abdullah?

Damn, James beat me to it.

Well then, I’ll go with Henry Kissinger.

Guess I’ll stick with Mubarrak for now.

I’ll take Fidel Castro, in the humidor, with a Cuban sanguwitch.

Al Molinaro…his diner food has to catch up with him soon.

Harry Morgan! I didn’t even know we were up for a new round today!

Bashar al-Assad……

slowly and painfully by way of mob-n-rope.

Ok since someone already took Fidel I’ll go American this time and pick Andy Griffith.

Yeah, as Mrs Hill said – Macho Man Randy Savage.
🙁
Having been a fan of the “sport” of professional wrestling back in the 80’s – he will be missed. Ooooh Yeah! http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/post/Report-Randy-8216-Macho-Man-8217-Savage-die?urn=top-wp98

So I’m back to Ernest Borgnine.

Geeze, Fidel went late this time. Sticking with casius clay, aka Mohamed Ali. That parkinsons has got to be taking a toll by now.

Betty Ford

Durum, I didn’t either! Good thing I checked in first thing after work. Ok, first thing after sorting the mail, scratching the cat, pouring a BIG glass of wine, starting a load of laundry…but first thing!

If I were old Jack K.’s nurse, I would be asking him if he was feeling any discomfort every few minutes, while holding a sinister looking needle….

Charlie Sheen for the winning! Duh!

Clint Eastwood, but I’m not rooting for him.

Comment from Mumbles
Time: May 20, 2011, 11:11 pm

Clint Eastwood, but I’m not rooting for him.

I know the feeling……….I didn’t have the heart, plus with “Ass”wad whacking his own people, its only a matter of time……of course I am hoping for sooner so I can get some dick………did I just say that?!?!?

Harold Camping, the 89 year old leader of that church proclaiming the end of the world tomorrow.

(Y’see, I predict it’ll only be the end of his world, not everyone else’s…)

Sen Lautenberg of NJ

Ayman Zawahiri (I spell with foniks)

Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Capital Steps (not the musical group…) by a pissed mistress and a pissed wife at the same time. And he WON’T be back. Take that Terminator….

@ Mumbles: Clint Eastwood, but I’m not rooting for him.

As I mentioned a couple of deadpools back – I see him from time to time and he looks infuckingcredible for somebody that age. Not that it couldn’t happen, but for now I’d say a misplaced bet.

If I’m wrong and he croaks this deadpool I’ll send you something from Carmel as a bonus, ok? Like say, a fucking sea otter something or other. And throw in the local obits as packing.

The only dicks around there usually wear flannel and they fly rainbow flags with bears on ’em. You don’t want one of those.

Dan Rather

Stephen King

Must get creative here…

Supreme Leader Khamenei – because Ahmadinnerjacket won’t go quietly. Scorpions in a bottle… And maybe they’ll both lose.

Uncle Monkey,
Fook the sea otters! If y’all around Carmel are gonna pony up when Squint fills out his bucket list, I want to see BIG abalone steaks!

OH MY! — That do bring back memories from the dark ages. (The statute of limitations doesn’t go back 30 years, right?)

Freshly harvested green lipped mussels steamed in Sauterne and tarragon…Then! — grilled abalone, fresh corn, onions and green peppers and young zuch squash, all marinated in olive oil and fresh herbs. All washed down with a Napa Valley version of a golden Rheingau Kabinett Reisling.

All on the beach somewhere up around Carmel.

And yes, there was illicit MJ smoke in the mix.

Uncle monkey — Cavuto was having Squint with Clint on a lot last year and I was pretty shocked at how he had aged (we Dorian Gray types are lucky like that *eye roll*). His voice sounded like Harry Reid’s too. Dunno. Maybe he was just going through a rocky patch.

I’m going with Barney Frank again. This time with his broom stick before it can be used on Senator Inouye.

Abe Vigoda

Since Mumbles is going with Blondie, I’m going with Tuco. Eli Wallach is 96 years young.

Steve Jobs, damnit. Third time’s the charm. Hope my Macbook doesn’t self destruct for typing that…

Al Gore. For Mother Earth!!!!

Jeffs – did you see where AlBore is having a coniption fit at Rupert Murdoch for dropping “Current TV” from his Italian cable network over the hiring of Keith Olbershit?

The pics I saw DEFINATELY looked like a massive stroke in progress….. 😉

Sven (and anyone else), if you’re anywhere near the Central Coast of CA on Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend, we always have a huge bbq, and my cousins save up their abalone hunt all season for the crowd that attends. Pret’much more abalone than you can eat, no lie, and that’s just the appetizer. One of the appetizers. It’s a hedonistic weekend as far as food goes, and there’s always room for one or two more if you don’t mind my family.

🙂

Who to choose, whom, whatever. I was gonna go with our gube, wishful thinking and all that, but then I realized that we’d be left with Gavin Newsom replacing him, and that wouldn’t do. AT ALL. So Since Kirk Douglas was taken above, I’ll go with Michael.

Hey, somebody’s gotta win, yes?

Phyllis Diller

The Crew of Space Shuttle “Endeavour”.

Ray Bradbury.

It’s Larry King dead! Yeah, that joke is getting old, but so is Larry…

Still, sometimes I think he may just live forever because a man who can survive having eight wives can survive just about anything :-).

Present company excluded ’cause ya’all seem like more fun than trouble – but if you’ve ever seen Larry’s ties you know he has bad taste

And if any of you end up taking up Nina’s offer above and overindulge on the appetizers, she’ll be sure to have Nancy Pelosi swing by as a purgative to empty your stomach…
}:-]

Rosa muhammed. (?)

hmmm the 21st is here and the world didn’t end…….

or maybe they meant the “end” of the day on the 21st……

Scubafreak….nope, I missed Gorezilla’s snitfit! Had to Bing it, but I’m up to speed now. Heh!

Nice to see that I’m closer to my Dick that I thought. But whom do I thank for this improvement of the odds? Olby? Whining lefties? Clueless Italians? Whining, clueless leftie Italians? Tipper? Oh, the humanity!

Hugo Chavez is going to die within 3 days of reading this post. For sure.

Etta James, At Last.

Kenny from South Park

Jeffrey Catherine Jones has bought it. They don’t say (the news has come out of a tweet by a documentary filmmaker doing a think on him), but I’m guessing suicide.

If you bought National Lampoon, Eerie, Creepy, any of a number of pulp scifi and fantasy book titles in the early Seventies, you’d know Jones’ work. At his best, he was spectacular.

S.W. No, it appears emphysema and heart disease:
http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110520/NEWS/110519713/-1/rss01

Ok, this may be a bit too obscure for some folks – so does this mean a new deadpool next week? Plus technically he was a she now (or not technically). Does that count double?

BTW, the end of the world has not come apparently, at least as far as EST.

So, no bachelor party for me. I think my wife was looking forward to it too.

On the upside, Weasel Times & Stoater Intelligencer will still be working (such as it is). I think ole S.W. was gonna get a free pass to watch the procedings while the rest of us got to loot the place. Don’t know about Uncle B.

No, no…nobody had him in the Pool, so we soldier on. I didn’t even know he was ill…

You know, I kind of have to admire the chutzpah of the ones who say, “end of the world, next Wednesday, three o’clock sharp.” There’s nothing wishy-washy about it.

Nope, and so easy to prove wrong, too. I’m one o’ them e-van-jelly-kle born-again Christians and this sort of thing sets my teeth on edge. Someone needs to dead pool Camping, who will surely expire from sheer embarrassment.

Or not.

I’m pickin’ Sheriff Joe again. He’ll probably outlive me, but whatever. 🙂

Nina: I’m expecting (hoping…?) that Camping will find his end soon, with the assistance of all those he conned out of their hard earned money, by being part of the “Tree + Rope + Conman; some assembly required” equation.

Nina and Weas –

The sect called the Millerites were famous for predicting the end of the world in the 19th century several times without dying of embarrassment.

My favorite was the the Jehovah Witnesses. After botching some predicitons of the second coming, they decided that Jesus actually had come, but did so invisibly.

Oh wow, totally forgot and no one nabbed her! Maggie of course!

Jimmah Carter. Die, whoreson that thou art! And rot in hell for giving the Panama Canal to the damn Panamanians.

Betty White

Bush 41

I’ll go with Olivia de Haviland again.

Reluctantly.

Since Steve poached Delores Hope, I hope she lives until the next round. I’m back with Sun Myung Moon.

The StupidCat is going with Hugh Hefner, since Hugo Chavez and the Chinless Ophthalmologist, Assad were taken.

I’ll take Dick Clark for the Spotted Dick (well, maybe this time…)

Can it be that nobody has Christopher Hitchens?

Hitch!

Aretha’s got cancer, BB King’s about as old as Moses, but I think I’ll go with Dick Van Dyke, for the dick. NEarly died about a year ago. Fell asleep on his surfboard. Saved by porposiseseses. http://www.newser.com/story/105087/dick-van-dyke-i-was-saved-by-porpoises.html

@ thefritz:

So….now, all of a sudden, you are a member of that “Keep Hope Alive”, Jesse Jackson group….!!!

Who has Mullah Omar?

Nobody….?

Play on!

Did anybody pick Joseph Brooks?
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/you_light_up_my_life_composer_broks_IicVKeBhvEP9JOEs75LXcI

At least his suicide was creative.

No fair picking anybody who has to be treated by the UK health system:
http://menmedia.co.uk/manchestereveningnews/news/health/s/1421402_two-patients-died-after-waiting-in-ambulance-outside-full-oldham-hospital-unit

EZnSF, you bastard!

**wanders off, whistling “Shave and a haircut…”**

Jerry Lewis, because French people will cry.

Valerie Jarret, FTW.

Mel Brooks and I hope I’m wrong.

For Elphaba:
That won’t count if she goes as one of His toadies in the Situation Room by the Religion of Peace. Of course, if He don’t go, you’re a winner. Or loser. Or whatever. Hell, we ALL lose as long as He is around…

Dave Brubeck

Jeff Conaway‘s reported dead.

so whats the clock new start today or are we past the magic sloaty time point where we start these things……???

Conaway’s out, evidently.

For the new folk, it starts again at some-weird-time Friday… so probably next week unless Weasel is feeling energetic.

Tawny wins it! And thereby joins the short list (along with steve) of double dick winners! I’ll never find your address again…re-email me if you’re peckish.

Right! It’s too late for this week — new Dead Pool next Friday, 6pm GMT.

Congratulations, Tawny!

dang it a bunch of good ones will be dead by then…..

zsa zsa prolly won’t make it another week, opportunity lost….

FFS! I was gonna take a break for a few days. Go to the beach, down some beers, hang out with the other three dudes…

Zsa Zsa? Pff! She scares me anyway.

Gadaffi (however ya spell it) is in hospital .. mostly because NATO don’t generally bomb them, though.

Alas.

Mew

Gromulin: Beat out by a few days. Jack Kevorkian is dead as of today.

I was robbed, I tells ya! If the fucker would have offed hisself I’d have the dick!

I’m going to drink to that fucking ghoul’s demise, by seemingly natural causes, anyway.

Funny how he didn’t take his own medicine, eh? Just let nature take it’s course. One might think he was too cowardly to take his own life and just drew sick pleasure from using that power on others.

Delores Hope dammit!

Hang on, thefritz. Thread’ll be up in half an hour (this is the old one).