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Mall cop Tarzan

Meet DeWet du Toit. His name means “de wet of the roof” but his friends call him Wet Twat. I’m just sure they do.

Psych! He doesn’t have any friends. He’s a South African bodybuilder and mall cop who love-love-LOVES him some Tarzan. And, um, Hollywood film contracts.

Three days a week, he lives in the jungle, just like Tarzan, plus a cameraman (the other four, he lives with his mom and dad). The plan is to win a Hollywood movie deal by filming himself, mostly splashing barefoot through puddles of muddy water, from what I saw.

I kept thinking, “dude, you are so going to get worms or cut yourself really badly.” If that’s the kind of excitement they’re looking for in a Tarzan movie, he’s got a shot.


He says his best friend is an elephant called Shaka, and he’s been photographed with lots of other African exotics, so somebody lets this young man hang out in a petting zoo.

That doesn’t strike me as a great idea.


Comment from Alice
Time: January 30, 2012, 9:23 pm

You likey Mall cop? This is the ultimate: Shrine of the Mall Ninja http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

It begins: “This is a collection of the wisdom posted on the internet by a guy calling himself Gecko45. It all started back at the end of the halcyon summer of 2001, and his posts have created a certain urban legend that many refer to as the Mall Ninja. Hang out at any gun shop, gun show or shooting match and you’ll see one of these guys; you might even see a group of them since they are known to associate in the wild.”

Comment from Mono The Elder
Time: January 30, 2012, 9:35 pm

Wow. That’s really quite pathetic.

Comment from EZnSF
Time: January 30, 2012, 10:17 pm


Second Gay post in as many weeks.

Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: January 30, 2012, 10:31 pm

Well… Fabio has alove child. M’kay. Creepy in a whole new way. Has he called Anderson Pooper or auditioned for Elton John? Seems like a natural fit.

Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: January 30, 2012, 10:33 pm

The Fabio of mall cops and wannabes everywhere. Creepy.

Comment from Davem123
Time: January 30, 2012, 10:43 pm

Perfect fit for Hollywood, though. Toned abs and a weak mind. I assume he’s a leftie?

Comment from JeffS
Time: January 31, 2012, 12:19 am

Does du Toit have Tarzan’s terrifying victory cry of the bull ape down pat?

If not, he’d best practice some more.

Comment from JeffS
Time: January 31, 2012, 12:22 am

Or The Creepy Mall Cop could go for the modern version. Might go better with “modern” Hollywood. I don’t think they’d appreciate using subtitles for Mangani dialog.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: January 31, 2012, 1:41 am

Possibly a distant relative of retired Texas gunblogger Kim Du Toit (originally a South African). This guy went from South Africa to Britain, lived in Manchester, did the body building thing while mall-copping.

Then he got the Tarzan idea and moved back to South Africa. Where there is no jungle, if one means “rain forest”, just “veldt” (grasslands), with patches of subtropical forest.

Weird and rather pathetic.

I wonder who pays for the video crew that follows him around the “jungle”.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: January 31, 2012, 2:12 am

I see many late night soft core pr0n movies in his future.

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: January 31, 2012, 2:48 am

My supervisor does a very good Tarzan call. I’m not sure what the cry of the mall cop is.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: January 31, 2012, 4:35 am

“African exotics” like Whoopi Goldberg?

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 31, 2012, 6:14 am

Now Now … you just know what I could say here … 🙂

Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: January 31, 2012, 6:25 am

Whoopi… that would be African Repulsive not exotic. Just to be clear. Whoopi is one ugly dude. Did like her in Predator though.

Comment from Mike C.
Time: January 31, 2012, 11:26 am

Hmm… Fell completely through the looking glass today, eh?

Comment from Redd
Time: January 31, 2012, 1:35 pm

It’s snowing in the UK. Stoaty’s just jealous that she can’t run around outside in a loincloth, too.

Comment from Davem123
Time: January 31, 2012, 2:28 pm

“Stoaty’s just jealous that she can’t run around outside in a loincloth, too.”

With her faithful chicken companions.

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: January 31, 2012, 3:21 pm

The Mangani, Tarzan’s great ape “family,” would reject this guy roundly, I’ll bet. He’d never last through even one Dum-Dum ceremony, and if Sabor the lioness or Numa the lion actually stalked him, he’s die of heart failure.

Comment from dawn
Time: January 31, 2012, 3:37 pm

Two things…
Interesting tan lines for a guy who runs around in a loin cloth all day.
He has a twin????

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: January 31, 2012, 4:14 pm

Oh sure, he’s weird and all but… what the heck is this??


Comment from George
Time: January 31, 2012, 5:12 pm

I want to thank you all for being so patient while waiting for me to post this….


Comment from George
Time: January 31, 2012, 5:14 pm

Thank you very much, I’ll be here three days a week. Be sure to tip your waitress, but not so far she falls over! Try the veal!

Comment from Mike James
Time: January 31, 2012, 6:03 pm

I miss Kim duToit’s blog.

Comment from sandman says:nothing to see here…
Time: January 31, 2012, 6:48 pm

I miss Kim Kardashian looking nekkid and kinda sleazy. She hasn’t been scantily clad and sleazy on tv in over a month. She must be in mourning.

Kim DuToit? Not that exciting.

Comment from docitburnswhenipost
Time: January 31, 2012, 9:21 pm

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=50999&offset=85 He’s been at it for quite some time. Dunno, why not start with a beefcake/Tarzan themed calendar to generate some buzz?

Comment from N.Daveed
Time: February 2, 2012, 6:51 pm

yep Uncle Al…“African exotics” like Whoopi Goldberg?

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