My Little Pony
September 28, 2007 — 11:56 pm
Comments: 37
The Uncyclopedia:
How did I miss this? File it under “more things you discover while looking for a photo of Roger Ebert.” It’s the Uncyclopedia, a web parody of Wikipedia. I, of course, had to go to Wikipedia to learn the background, which may have caused a rift in the space/time continuum, whatever that is. Ummm…sorry.
It was started by some guy in early 2005 and quickly outgrew its first host. It now has tens of thousands of articles in dozens of languages. It follows the Wiki model of user-generated content, which is orders of magnitude dicier to do with humor than it is with factual content. Articles range from really pretty funny to not particularly funny at all, most appear to be largely unfunny with occasional bursts of “ha!”…but every single one is funnier than the departmental Monthly Highlights for September, which is what I’m supposed to be reading right now.
One recurring gag is rampant quoting of Oscar Wilde, “a man whose wisdom touches on nearly every conceivable topic, often without consent, which in turn has led to several lawsuits.”
Here’s part of their page on weasels:
The Weasel was first manufactured in 1967 by SONY as an incontinence aid and radar system. Its ability as a device to invoke zero-gravity (normally using bovril) fuelled its instant popularity and led to the GREAT WEASEL BOOM OF 1968
Weasels are reptiles of family muselidae and are honorary members of the von Trapp family.
Weasels are known to be more or less constantly engaged in family feuds.
Fossil evidence from a long, long time ago has suggested that the weasel is in fact a type of crocus (the band, or the flower) and should be classified accordingly as a member of family iridaceae, though the scientists conducting this research were nearing retirement and not very keen on being particularly correct in their conclusions. GOD, MY HEAD’S ITCHY!
Little is ever made of the involvement of weasels in the Gambino crime family, or their studio work with Sly and the Family Stone. Needless to say, “weasel” is synonymous with “family” in many walks of English life, except Wales, (a mythical country, thought to lie off the coast of Nova Scotia. Only accessible during a full moon, from the east), where weasel is spelled Llwchynghwyllio(pronounced luncheon willie).
The proper term referring to two or more weasels is a Limited Liability Partnership of weasels.
See also weaselpudge, weasel popping, stoat molesting and bacon mist.
— 8:52 am
Comments: 10
A special weekend happy birthday to Dawn and the Camden Town Murder
So Dawn mentions it’s her birthday. So I think about what sort of graphic goes with “Dawn” and, naturally, the first thing that pops into my head is this little guy, above.
It was drawn by Robert Wood, a young commercial artist, in 1907. It’s a postcard mailed from Belgium inviting a woman named Phyllis Dimmock to a pub called the Rising Sun in the North London neighborhood of Camden Town. Phyllis was described at trial as a prostitute, but she may simply have been extraordinarily liberal with her favors. Also, she collected postcards. Isn’t that nice?
It is signed “Yours to a cinder, Alice.”
On the morning of September 12, Phyllis was found by her common-law husband lying in bed with her throat cut from ear to ear. There was blood in the basin and a straight razor beside it. Her postcard collection was strewn about the room, as if the murderer had tried unsuccessfully to find something. Or really hated postcards.
Later, this card turned up in the back of a drawer. When it was reproduced in the papers, an old girlfriend identified Robert Woods as the author. He talked her out of going to the police and asked her to give him an alibi. She couldn’t resist running her mouth about it, though, and word got out. He eventually admitted being the last person seen with Phyllis on the night of the 11th.
Long story short: tried and acquitted.
His case was argued by Edward Marshall Hall, who went on to be become one of the most famous British barristers, evah. Wood was the first criminal defendant in Britain to give evidence at his own trial and still be acquitted (despite the fact that he didn’t make a very good impression). The case became known as the Camden Town Murder.
The execrable painter Walter Sickert lived in Camden Town at the time and painted several enigmatic, crap pictures of the Camden Town Murder. Several writers — most recently and famously Patricia Cornwell — think Sickert was Jack the Ripper. Which is tosh, rubbish and bullshit.
That makes Wednesday before last the hundredth anniversary of the Camden Town Murder. Happy birthday, Dawn!
September 22, 2007 — 2:39 pm
Comments: 14
Friday the Twentyoneth
September 21, 2007 — 11:13 pm
Comments: 126
YABACS
Yet Another Bad Album Cover Site. I never get enough of these. I grew up thinking the world was a hideous, terrifying place…but it turns out, it was just the Seventies. Whew!
This site is particularly fun, as it’s the man’s actual vinyl album collection, and he offers digitized samples of the delights in store. Also, links to CD’s and DVD’s (uh-huh…some of this stuff has been recently re-released). Yes, they sound EXACTLY the way they look.
I found this trawling through my stats page. Whenever someone finds sweasel.com through a Google search, I always run the same search and see where I place next to the competition. This was an MSN search of “peanut lady fuck.” I do not actually have any posts about “peanut lady fuck” (and neither did this guy), but search engines aren’t very clever about these things. As long as those three words ever appeared together on a page (including comments), it’ll register a hit. That’s right; you guys contribute to my search engine mash-up weirdnesses. Thank you!
I am not an authoritative “peanut lady fuck” source (though I will be now). I placed on page eight. Somebody clicked through eight pages of links searching for his answer. Just, damn.
I am, however, hit #5 on page one for “supernumery nipples”!
That thumping sound you hear is my grandmother. In heaven. Wagging her tail.
— 8:31 am
Comments: 53
Ummm…I’ll explain later
But, yes, I’m a chick.
Or, more accurately, a broad.
Short version: I just didn’t want to deal with it. I’ve been around the innertubes a long, long time. I’ve posted with a recognizably feminine handle and I’ve posted as a generic and there’s a difference and I don’t like it. So I opted to go neutral when I took to commenting on blogs.
Apologies, minions. I release you, my pretties. Fly! Fly like the wind!
September 16, 2007 — 1:20 am
Comments: 76
Oh! Almost forgot Weekend Weasel
September 14, 2007 — 11:47 pm
Comments: 33
And now for something cheerful and stupid
Must…lighten up…top…page. Too…depressing. Ah, here we go. Daily Mail to the rescue. Here are some images from the Cloud Appreciation Society. For a nominal fee, you too can join the society like 9,613 of your fellow cloud starer-atters. They have a manifesto and certificates and buttons and everything.
Back to the Mail, here’s my favorite headline of the week: Dingo baby mum says she’ll support McCanns. Thanks, but…ummm…
There’s a cat at Downing Street again: meet Sybil (named after Sybil Fawlty). Her predecessor, Humphrey, was evicted during the Blair years. Rumors Cherie had him offed were so pervasive that she was forced to call a press conference and have herself photographed smiling and holding the beast. That didn’t stem the impression that she had him evicted (or worse), so Humphrey was periodically photographed in his secret London home standing on the day’s newspaper. He died last year, age 18.
Doofuses Wed. The Society for Creative Anachronism doesn’t have a branch in the UK, but chubby people everywhere seem inexorably drawn to period costume. I feel for the horses. Though at least these people had a real live castle to get married in.
Man shoots honkin’ big pig. Sad story, actually. He’s a farmer in Devon and he was raising a herd of wild boar. Animal rights activists destroyed his fence and set a hundred of them free (including many pregnant sows), so hunters are having to track them down and kill them. I fail to see how this is a victory for the animals.
Thank you, Mail. And now let us turn to the BBC, where Mighty Weasel Brings Beeb to its Knees. This article about Muslims fasting during Ramadan began with “Thirty-one-year-old Sumaya Amra is just one of the billions of Muslims who takes part in the holy month of Ramadan by fasting in daylight hours, each day for 30 days.” Oh, I don’t think so, Auntie. I left a comment (which didn’t get published), but it was corrected to “billion or so” not long after. I don’t for a moment think the original was an accident. Reminder: the BBC pulls this shit all the time, and you can track it at BBC-Biased.
September 12, 2007 — 11:09 am
Comments: 25
Daylight come an’ me wan’ go home
September 7, 2007 — 7:39 pm
Comments: 21
How come they call it Labor Day if nobody works?
Have a good ‘un, everybody. It’s going to be beautiful in New England.
August 31, 2007 — 11:50 pm
Comments: 15