You might be a RINO
Here we go! It’s the run-up to the 2010 election — time for the foamy political ideologues and squishy middle-of-the-roaders in both parties to go after each other like hungover weasels in a rabbit hutch.
Fuck it. Civility is for afternoon tea with the Queen. Politics is a blood sport. Here goes:
If you’d rather be in power and actively steering the country in the wrong direction than out of power and pointing in the right direction you might be a RINO.
If you think Sarah Palin is — come on now, honestly — just a bit de trop you might be a RINO.
If you think the Tea Partiers are a muddled, ignorant rabble likely to flare out of control or give the party a bad name you might be a RINO.
If you think defining conservative principles and insisting candidates agree with them is a “purity test” — and a bad thing — you might be a RINO.
If you think it’s okay if the “Big Tent” is big enough to hold two people who agree on practically nothing at all, you might be a RINO.
If you think consensus and comity between members of opposing parties is an important political principle you might be a RINO.
If you think the Constitution is over two hundred years old and a lot has changed in that time you might be a RINO.
Come on, sock an elephant — it’s fun! Got any more? Say, isn’t that David Brooks over there, smirking at your alma mater?
January 6, 2010 — 6:53 pm
Comments: 34
Honey, I didn’t know you invited Al Gore to tea
We’re expecting sixteen inches of global warmening tonight. Okay, that’s the Mail. They are <ahem> somewhat prone to exaggeration — but we’ve just watched the evening news, and it looks pretty dire out there. It’s been snowing on Scotland for two weeks, and now it’s moving across the sunny South.
It’s a lot for here, I’m telling you. And worse than the snow is the deep cold that looks to hang on afterwards, turning us into a slippery Britcicle.
The Met Office has so much egg on their faces, they could make face omelets. They — for the third year in a row — promised us a record warm Winter, as temperatures have gone down and down to levels not seen in decades.
How can £200 million a year buy weather forecasts so consistently wrong? Because the Met Office is the throbbing heart of British warmist propaganda.
The current chairman of the Met Office, Robert Napier, was previously chief executive of WWF-UK, the UK arm of the World Wide Fund for Nature. In other words, a long-standing, committed environmental activist bugfuck looney-tune.
And, in the chattering teeth of this latest embarrassment, management has given itself nice, fat raises.
The question is, how long will Britons pay stupid money for short-range forecasts substantially less helpful than just sticking your head out the damn window, and long-range forecasts that amount to hysterical international suicide pacts?
January 5, 2010 — 7:47 pm
Comments: 43
I am SO TOTALLY not making this up!!!
I was going to give you a post about all the swell things we’re going to have in 2010, like antigravity boots and Thanksgiving-dinner-in-a-pill. But then we went to the supermarket and Uncle B put this in the cart. I ’bout wee’d myself.
OMFG! Uncle B is eating cheese out of a Wookey hole!
Turns out, Wookey Hole is a touristy tackfest, like Mammoth Cave or Rock City. It’s now owned by the former owner and ringmaster of Britain’s biggest circus, who declares himself delighted to be bringing cheese back to Wookey Hole.
Ahhhhhh…no. Can’t go on with a straight face. Have a good weekend, everybody!
January 1, 2010 — 6:56 pm
Comments: 40
Discuss among yourselves
We’re going to the neighbors’ for New Year’s Eve, so I’ve left a casserole in the fridge for you. All you have to do is pre-heat the oven to 350º and give it forty, forty-five minutes. Until it’s brown, anyhow. In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve left their number on the hall table. We’re right next door, so we’ll know if you have anybody over, ‘K?
Love you.
Mwah.
December 31, 2009 — 1:20 pm
Comments: 28
You guys are the swellest!
Look what you got me for Christmas!
See, I brought my muscular desktop computer across the Atlantic, but not my funky old monitor. I promised myself a nice big flatscreen — as soon as I made enough money to pay for it. And now (thanks to what Uncle B laughingly calls my t-shirt empire) I have.
I intended to wait a little longer, but the big P’shops I’ve been doing for print are straining my poor old scruffy Thinkpad to its limits. Oh, and umm…sorry if I burned out anybody’s retinas. The screen on this laptop is so dull, I had NO IDEA how painfully I’ve been super-saturating color on the merchandise. Thank goodness the blog is in monochrome.
Anyway, thank you all very much. I’ll lay off’n you guys now. My next store is going to be aimed at crazy cat ladies.
Oh, yes. Yes, I am that low.
December 30, 2009 — 5:50 pm
Comments: 28
So how about this: increased scrutiny for goofy-looking loserboys?
I mean, Jesus — look at these two! Wouldn’t you get up and move if Richard Reid sat next to you on a bus? To be perfectly fair to Abdulmutallabambalambabooboo, it’s the angle makes him look so goofy. Maybe that’s the photographer’s fault. Or maybe he really was gazing into the camera cocked sideways like a doberman staring down a kazoo.
Okay, fine. If they don’t want to profile Muslims — or, god forbid, foreign brown people — can we please profile young men with an obvious screw loose?
I got pulled out of line once, just as I was boarding a flight to London. I think it was my new aviator sunglasses (it was six in the morning, but I’d been up all night shuffling around Logan airport). Anyhow, I took them off and chatted with the nice security man for a while, showed him my passport and he let me on the plane.
Me. Middle-aged middle-class middle-American Wonder-bread old broad, me.
Is there any doubt if they’d pulled either of these guys out of line for a chat, he’d’ve rattled to pieces on the spot? Why didn’t they? Is there something like an inalienable right to be young, male and loser-y?
Okay, I take the point that the bad guys would go all out trying to recruit bombers who don’t fit the profile. But judging from these guys, they’re having a hell of a time recruiting the usual splodey-dopes who fit the profile exactly. What’re the odds they could convince a blue-eyed Scandihoovian grandma to slip into a panty bomb?
December 29, 2009 — 8:56 pm
Comments: 21
Captions?
Hmmm. I don’t know. My best so far is:
Only YOU can prevent Muslim crotch fires!
December 28, 2009 — 5:48 pm
Comments: 64
It was excellent, thanks!
Please join us in front of the virtual fire at Badger House for a…no, wait — keep the hell away from my whisky, you!
Yep, I got whisky. And books. And socks (no, exciting technical socks). And a woolly Mike Nesmith hat (Huh. I thought I looked fetching and not at all Muslim with my scarf wrapped around my head). And dominoes (does anybody remember how to play dominoes?).
And one of those neat little Flip USB video cameras. Except I haven’t figured out how to drive it yet, so I offer you this lame .gif animation instead.
What did Sandy Claws bring you?
December 25, 2009 — 4:58 pm
Comments: 59
It’s the Christmas thread!
Eh. So the Senate passed Obamacare this morning, 60-39. Still, if the White House is back-burnering it until after the State of the Union Address, we’ve got a hope they won’t get this shit sangwich reconciled before the campaign season revs up. And then they (please god) get their majority trimmed, at the very least.
Mostly, I wanted to post the picture of Santa flipping the bird.
Merry Christmas, everybody! Here we go!
December 24, 2009 — 1:59 pm
Comments: 27
Geoff’s famous chart, now with 100% more commercial exploitation
If you hang around the Moronosphere, you’ve seen this chart. Or this chart’s baby-daddy, anyhow. This is what happened when geoff (who usually posts at Innocent Bystanders) took the wishful thinking unemployment chart the Obama administration used to sell the dreadful porkulus and plotted actual unemployment figures on top of it.
It reads better in color.
Anyhow, someone recently came to geoff and inquired if he could get the chart on a shirt or a mug or something and geoff thought to himself, “do I know anyone venal, desperate and masterful in the construction of line charts?”
Me! Yay! I give you: geoff’s famous unemployment chart merchandise.
Notice the postcard and greeting card. I hope sending one to your Congressman becomes all the rage, because every one of those represents twenty American cents of cha-ching in my little piggy bank.
It’s through November, 2009 — the most recent period we have numbers for. I have a bad feeling we’ll be updating that chart a time or two. I can’t see the red line coming down to touch either of those blue lines for quite a little while.
December 23, 2009 — 6:20 pm
Comments: 20