Christopher Buckley is not a homosexual, but he sure is gay
Chris Buckley, son of William out of Pat, has just come out for Obama in a fluttery lace hanky of prose as silly as it is frilly. Jesus. I thought this guy was supposed to be a good writer.
Why Obama? Because he’s a Harvard man, and Sarah Palin…my dear, need I say more?
See, Obama wrote two books, his own self, which everyone knows makes him some kind of superhuman brainal powerhouse (I wonder if Buckley believes Bill Ayers would make a good president on the same grounds), while Sarah Palin is a hausfrau.
So there you go.
Barack Obama. He of the crunchy fig-eating aquatic apes. The Obama who says “we are the ones we have been waiting for.” And…
“I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington…I’m asking you to believe in yours.”
…sentiments so semi-literate, crassly populist and light-bendingly vapid that if Sarah Palin uttered any such twaddle, Chris Buckely would surely suggest she put her time to better use cross-stitching them on an eskimo’s socks.
Oh, Buckley knows Obama is a lefty. “But having a first-class temperament and a first-class intellect, President Obama will (I pray, secularly) surely understand that traditional left-politics aren’t going to get us out of this pit we’ve dug for ourselves.” You got that? He thinks Obama is a pretend lefty who, when pressed, will acknowledge that leftism doesn’t actually work. That’s the kind of scary-smart analysis you can only learn at Yale, I guess.
Christopher Buckley (and David Brooks and Peggy Noonan and Charles Krauthammer and the rest of the inside-the-beltway brie-munching Republican cool kids) don’t know the difference between alma mater and smarts. They gots the Ivy League kidneys.
October 15, 2008 — 9:42 am
Comments: 80
Blow on the dice for me, Baby…
Hard to escape the news today, even if you wear large poofy headphones tuned to white noise and glare at people who catch your eye. My heart is full of angry and sore.
Feel free to continue discussing fiction in the thread below.
October 10, 2008 — 1:58 pm
Comments: 54
Angry underwater dancing apes eating crunchy figs
Kidding? Not!
Spotted at Ace‘s, where there’s probably still time to contribute some poetry to the thread. Or whatever that shit is.
Hey, I found an old diary while I was packing my stuff. Oof! I know about terrible, humiliating writing bubbling up from adolescence. But dude was in college when he wrote this. And he let them publish it.
Senator, there is a difference between imagery and gibberish. Trust me, I speak fluent gibberish. I was in all the advanced placement gibberish classes. Later, I was offered a fellowship in weed, so I’m pret-ty sure I know where you’re coming from with this one.
Update: typical Weasel, I left off the punchline. Jack Cashill in American Thinker points out that Obama went straight from Underwater Apes Crunching Figs to Dreams from my Father (by all accounts, a book of some literary merit) with nothing between. He makes a persuasive case that Dreams was ghost written — very possibly by William Ayers. I think the former is pretty likely, and the latter is too delicious not to repeat irresponsibly.
October 9, 2008 — 12:35 pm
Comments: 104
Fifty-three percent less shiny than advertised
For a while there, I was kind of leaning Obama. Oh, I wouldn’t have voted for him, but I might not have voted against him, either. My reasoning was: they love their guy, I hate our guy, we can’t win them all and they can’t all be the most important election in history…so why not Obama?
I didn’t think it would be much of a contest, anyway. Put Mister Tall, Dark and Elegant on a stage next to that crusty little booger McCain, and I was pretty sure that would be the end of that.
But then Obama began making the nuttiest mistakes. A European tour? What the hell?
Joe Biden?!? Seriously — Joe Biden?!? Joe Biden is a creature composed entirely of mouth and stupid. Barney Frank would be a better choice — at least if you could make him put his teeth in.
And then that Greek temple thing. Jesus! Arrogant isn’t the word. Cartoony is the word. That’s exactly the sort of place I would have loved to see the President of the United States give a speech…when I was eight. Saturday morning, somewhere between the Herculoids and the Banana Splits.
But the worst was still to come: turns out, dude can’t take a jibe. His skeen is too theen. I don’t know how much of that extra sensitivity is the candidate and how much is his entourage, but we can’t have it. We can’t have a president we’re not allowed to make fun of.
It’s positively unAmerican.
October 7, 2008 — 10:48 am
Comments: 83
Who knows what lardassery lurks in the heart of the bailout?
Click to belargen. No, there is no color, but you have to see the large version to appreciate all the tiny shoulder hairs illuminated by backlight that I painstakingly drew before I realized they wouldn’t show up at regular posting size. I almost published an earlier version, which included a glimpse of Congress’ little icecream-covered winkie. I figured it was too dark to see and it would be my little joke. Then I saw the graphic on an LCD panel, and there it was — winking at me! I’ve got to get rid of that old CRT I use at home.
So, how about that bailout, huh? The soundbite of Nancy Pelosi describing Barney Frank as the “maestro” of the new, improved (now with extra EXTRA pork!) bailout plan made my skull implode, and then fold in on itself and vanish in a flash of supernatural fire, like the house at the end of Poltergeist.
So I did the only thing I know to do when confronted by my own powerlessness in the face of a terrible injustice: I drew a picture of the people who made me mad as a big ugly naked fat guy with a tiny winky and hairy shoulders. Take that you stupid, stinky doody-heads!
Yeah. Everything I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, too.
October 6, 2008 — 10:10 am
Comments: 48
I am totally, completely serial
I hate myself for asking this question. But…I can’t bear the burden of it all by myself. DOES BARNEY FRANK HAVE ANY TEETH? Check it — I’m seven pages into a Google images search, and I see NO evidence!
It would explain why his speech is so completely incomprehensible, I guess. What the hell? Dude can afford dentures or implants or something, surely…? What kind of person goes around without teeth? On camera? Representing his state and his country?
Why have I never noticed this? Why hasn’t anyone mentioned it?
Okay…I really, really regret asking this next question. I’m not sure I even want to know the answer. This isn’t related to his…lifestyle choices, is it?
UPDATE: ZOMG! Incoming LGFalanche. That thing in the picture in the upper right corner? Not lower teeth: tongue. You can tell in the color picture, because it’s pink.
There! First thing Monday morning, and I got you thinking about Barney Frank’s little pink tongue. And you thought the bailout was distasteful! (You’re welcome).
October 2, 2008 — 1:48 pm
Comments: 57
Shameless
Ifill questions why people assume that her book will be favorable toward Obama.
“Do you think they made the same assumptions about Lou Cannon (who is white) when he wrote his book about Reagan?” said Ifill, who is black. Asked if there were racial motives at play, she said, “I don’t know what it is. I find it curious.”
Okay, let’s walk down the list, shall we?
▓ Ifill wrote a vomitously saccharine puff piece about Obama in Essence magazine. (Warning: Barack holds Michelle in his arms and sings. Can you take that, sunshine?).
▓ She covered Palin’s convention speech like she was sucking a lemon.
▓ She’s writing a book titled “The Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama.”
▓ It’s set to be released on Inauguration Day — hence, she stands to make substantially more money if Obama is elected than if he is not.
▓ She’s moderating tonight’s Vice Presidential debates.
▓ If you think there’s anything wrong with that, the AP thinks you’re racist.
This election makes me feel like I took the crazy bus to Crazytown.
— 7:32 am
Comments: 57
Blaming Wall Street operators for the current financial crisis is like discovering a fly-blown corpse and arresting the maggots for murder
Pithy obthervation from a sthmall brown muthtelid. More later.
September 23, 2008 — 9:25 am
Comments: 36
But Mom’s new husband lets me drive…!
I can’t resist pinching this from Howie Carr. He’s having fun with it, why can’t I? CNN is running footage this afternoon of Barack Obama getting heckled at a speech today. Well, no big. Anybody can get heckled. But if you listen to the speech Obama is trying to give in the background, it’s purest gibberish.
So you’re working longer hours. Or working more than one job just to get by. And then there are the jobs you do once the workday ends. Jobs like paying bills. Like buying groceries. Like making dinner. Doing the laundry.
It’s bookended by heckling, so god knows where he’s going with this idea, but…what the hell? Is he really whining about buying groceries, making dinner and doing the laundry? The ordinary, grownup things that make up ordinary, grownup lives for most of us?
Howie wants to know if Obama will send someone around to balance his checkbook and change lightbulbs, but he’s missing what Obama’s plugging into. Can’t you hear it?
“It’s so unfair! Clean my room! Lights out by ten on schoolnights! NO TV until my homework is done! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!”
It’s citizen as sulky teen, government as parent. And Obama promises to be the cool stepdad who lets you have a beer when mom isn’t around. He’s aiming this idea at his natural constituency: the permanent adolescents of the Left. But bitter clingers aren’t going to get this at all.
Anyhow, here’s the audio. As an aside, note that he’s definitely speaking from a teleprompter. He says, “jobs you do once.” Full stop, and then realizes it should be “…once the workday ends…”
[audio:obama.mp3]
September 19, 2008 — 4:52 pm
Comments: 47
fanniemAeTM
If Congress does not act, American taxpayers will continue to be exposed to the enormous risk that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac pose to the housing market, the overall financial system, and the economy as a whole.
– John McCain, May 25, 2006
Needless to say, Congess did not act. Lord knows I’m no fan of John McCain, but he’s too right on this one and has been riding it for years.
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac together hold or own up to FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS in mortgage debt. That’s more than half the total of the current U.S. national debt.
Their failure is what has sparked the world financial crisis and the blame lies solely with the Democrats in Congress who shielded them from reform for years while Democrat party hacks running the companies enriched themselves.
From Flopping Aces, where there is plenty more. We put five trillion dollars in the hands of the sleaziest band of thieves and sociopaths in America? And told them to make loans to people with bad credit? And then didn’t keep an eye on them? We did this? Really?
So now I have my nice little house on the market 30% below the value I’m paying taxes on and I can’t get a nibble because the city is stuffed with foreclosed property. Which doesn’t matter because the sort of first-time buyer who would be interested in my house couldn’t get a mortgage in this market if he sacrificed his firstborn on the altar of Ba’al.
So, Democrats — this helps minorities and poor people…how, exactly? Oh…right, right. That was never the point. It was only the cover.
John McCain is lord and master of this one. If he continues to point finger at “greedy Wall Street” out of deference to his friends in the Kleptomaniac Kongress — verily, my Bonce shall catcheth on Fyre with ye Rayge.
I barely have enough good humor left to mention that it’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day, however horribly appropriate that might be.
— 5:21 am
Comments: 46