web analytics

Count yer blessings, Yanks

In case you aren’t down with math or hip to the current exchange rate, that box of Premium Fucking Saltines costs $26.73 in real money.

Dang. What a weasel has to do for a cracker around here.

Speaking of economic tragedy, our neighbors just got back from a week in Spain. I asked if they saw signs of impending doom and they laughed. Not so much the impending doom, but the madness that drove them to it.

They said Spain is lousy with pointless and abandoned infrastructure projects. Like sections of new, modern, multi-lane highway that run parallel to the old, usable road for miles and then just stop. Connecting nothing to nothing, with no access at either end.

Way, WAY out in the middle of the empty countryside, standing in a field slowly grassing over, they saw an enormous concrete bridge. The kind that a big highway would pass over and another big highway pass under, but no road. Or town or anything to go from or to. All funded with loans that are now coming due.

Liberalism really is a cargo cult. The Spanish know — in a dim, inchoate way — that roads are important to a thriving modern economy, so they built little road-shaped shrines out in the ass-end of nowhere, hoping prosperity would follow.

Oh, this thing is going to get ugly.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from BJM
Time: June 11, 2012, 10:05 pm

>Connecting nothing to nothing, with no access at either end.

Perfectly describes Gov Moonbeam’s high-speed rail project too.

 


Comment from Oldcat
Time: June 11, 2012, 10:09 pm

But even that is the useful tip of the iceberg. The unseen part is the fraction that was diverted into ‘planning’ or ‘administration’ or ‘environmental impact studies’ that didn’t even buy useless concrete.

 


Comment from AliceH
Time: June 11, 2012, 10:46 pm

I can’t get past the cracker thing. They are one of my staples.

Have you tried making them? I did just last week, by coincidence. Easy – took 15″ prep (10″ of which was me trying to reacquaint myself w/ my food processor), 15″ in the oven. Excellent results for around 50cents of ingredients.

 


Comment from steve
Time: June 11, 2012, 10:56 pm

$24 for a pound of crackers?

Holy crap….We better start locking the kitchen cabinets…

 


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: June 11, 2012, 11:02 pm

How the f*&k are you supposed to enjoy your big ‘ol pot of spicy Southwestern Red Chili without crackers?

I’d take that to the EU court of Human Rights if I were you….. 😉

 


Comment from Mitchell TAFKAEY
Time: June 11, 2012, 11:39 pm

Dammit. I don’t have useful skills to live in a fallen civiization! The Lord Humongous has no need for middle level data analysts.

 


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: June 11, 2012, 11:50 pm

Okay, I found you a better deal on crackers at eBay:

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160804902904&clk_rvr_id=352658490085&item=160804902904&lgeo=1&vectorid=229508

…£5.95 + £2.25 for shipping! :)

 


Comment from Sven in Colorado
Time: June 11, 2012, 11:53 pm

Wease…..Whadda y’all want?

Tell ya’ what: We send you the Rainbow bridge, Skittle-shittin’ pink unicorn riding Obamanites (led by the Silverback herself), Holder, Biden, Kerry, Charley Wrangleer, Harry and Nan and Babs,….along with the bark chewing, retrovisionist Berkleites living in trees…. in trade for all the Harp/Guinness and singlemalts from the Scot’n’Irish for a year.

We get rid of the troubles. *AND* you blokes would sure a shit wake up to the loss of the best ales and whiskey inna world…Revolution would follow.

*HeH* Y’all then get a chance to blame this all on the Frogs and Kiwis….and call in the drones!!!

(Lord, I am so glad that I am not *GOD*, this old sphere would be a smoking remnant wheeling out into the universe.)

 


Comment from Redd
Time: June 11, 2012, 11:58 pm

Connecting nothing to nothing…sounds like the high speed rail they are building in Calif. Worse, it’s in the middle of nowhere.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 12, 2012, 12:50 am

26 bucks? How many blow jobs come with each purchase?

 


Comment from Dustoffmom
Time: June 12, 2012, 1:21 am

If you want to email me your address I’ll be happy to ship you a few boxes. I regularly send Cap’n Crunch cereal to a friend over there anyway, a few boxes of crackers won’t be a big deal.

 


Pingback from Got Yer Ugly Right Here…. | Daily Pundit
Time: June 12, 2012, 1:38 am

[…] S. Weasel They said Spain is lousy with pointless and abandoned infrastructure projects. Like sections of new, modern, multi-lane highway that run parallel to the old, usable road for miles and then just stop. Connecting nothing to nothing, with no access at either end. […]

 


Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: June 12, 2012, 2:32 am

Around these parts, our number 1 income generator is building roads, building them badly, fixing them badly, then fixing them again. You see, the Feds do a highway fund match that pays 2 companies to do road stuff. They in turn provide the monetary resources that fund our burgeoning graft industry.

Every once and a while, one or both of these companies blows up a house when laying sewer lines. In their defense, the only casualty in my neighborhood was a cat so they aren’t truly bad people. But I like cats so they are murdering scum.

We also fund statues of Mr. Potato Head. Placed around the State to celebrate Hasbro, a company that does or did make toys here. I think they made Barbie dolls and that EZ bake oven thing that was like the Corvair of toys because it burned kids and Ralph Nader made them change it to use a flashlight or something. I kinda think that using the hot heating element was a good lesson in keeping your fucking hands away from hot stoves. But that’s just me.

There was a big controversy with a Mr. Potato statue because one lady complained that they were racist because the statue was in a dark hue. A very stupid complaint because it did not look like a minority person. It looked like a fucking Mr. Potato head. To be fair, the lady who made the complaint did kinda look like the Mr. Potato head but she was exceptionally ugly. I think she was just wanting to get the statue removed because people were saying stuff like “Hey Martha, you look just like the Mr. Potato Head statue in front of the CVS, bitch”.

So, we build roads to somewhere rather than nowhere but they suck.

This rambling post is brought to you by Topomax. It can make you thin and stupid but probably just stupid. Side effects include rambling, quitting smoking(I kid you not), and rickets. Talk to your doctor about taking Topomax if you have anorexia or are already really stupid.

BBB

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 12, 2012, 3:45 am

So, besides the rambling, the stupid, and the rickets, what other kewl super-powers does Topomax give you?

And don’t tell me explosive diarrhea, because that would be, like, too much, man. But I’m layin’ in a supply, man, just in case.

 


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: June 12, 2012, 3:53 am

Holy crap that’s an expensive box of crackers. Where are they made, Wisconsin? That’s ridiculous.

By the way, what do they call crackers over there, anyway? I’m sure its not “cracker.”

 


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: June 12, 2012, 3:59 am

@BigBlueBug…your rambling post made me laugh, thanks :)

 


Comment from Oceania
Time: June 12, 2012, 4:02 am

Are they radioactive?

 


Comment from Oceania
Time: June 12, 2012, 4:06 am

They would be good for the Sweasel Festival of Pork Pies and Pig Swallow?
The salt covering would help Sweasel get her clammy figures to stick to them!

Try Huntley and Palmers ….

 


Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: June 12, 2012, 6:05 am

The vary last thing in the universe I would jones for is a saltine, but that’s just me.

Stoaty, I can go to safeway tomorrow and mail off two boxes of crackers for at least half that.

Let me know.

BTW: no currency is “real money” anymore.

 


Comment from David Gillies
Time: June 12, 2012, 7:26 am

Gadzooks. A pound of soda crackers runs me about $1.50. I like ’em with ceviche. Mmm, I think I shall have ceviche tomorrow for lunch.

I am singularly unmoved by the plight of the Mediterranean layabouts. The biggest problem is going to be stopping them from bankrupting the northern EU countries that have been less profligate. It seems to be necessary for socialism to be allowed to run its course every generation or so, to act as an inoculation. The Spanish and Greeks and Italians voted themselves into this mess. They can go hang.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 12, 2012, 10:27 am

The Bug speaks the truth, alas. Speaks it ramblingly, but the truth nonetheless. I used to live where he lives, after all. Rhode Island is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Mob, and the Mafia loves-loves-loves to build roads. Crappy, inadequate roads that have to be rebuilt constantly. You can tell when you drive over the border into MA or CT — your car sounds different!

I thought they’d scuppered all the Mr Potato Heads, though. There’s one in front of the library in Chepachet or some such place that they’ve turned into an elephant by painting it gray and painting a trunk on it.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 12, 2012, 10:44 am

Oh, and thanks for all the offers of crackers. What I was actually paddling around Amazon looking for was sweet pickle relish…you know, like you put a glop of in tuna salad. Totally came up empty.

There isn’t a British word for saltines. They don’t have them :(

There are cream crackers and ovals and matzos and Ritz crackers, so that’s okay.

 


Comment from steve
Time: June 12, 2012, 12:16 pm

You know, Stoaty…..with the mention of matzos in your most recent post, you may have tumbled to your solution.

Invent yourself a religious ceremoney (stopping well shy of a Scientology, mind control sort of thing, of course) that involves the blessing of the eucharistic chili, by crumbling saltines over the bowl, while mumbling barely audible, sacred, ritualist incantations.

Then claim that the economic barriers to the availableity of affordable saltines is an infringement of your rights to religious worship.

Claim that your sect is a part of a particlarly unpredictable branch of the Religiou of Peace and that strange, unpredictable things are likely to occur, here there and everwhere, if access to the whoesale consumption of the, properly ocnsecrated, holy chili is in any way infringed.

 


Comment from AliceH
Time: June 12, 2012, 12:49 pm

Did you already try searching under “chutney” for the sweet pickle relish?

Oh – and sweet pickles are another thing quite easy to make from scratch. If you’re not stocking up for the fall of civilization, you can just buy (or harvest) small cucumbers and pickle them in jars right in the refrigerator. No need to go through the boil/fill/seal/boil for short-term (1-3 months) use.

I’m feeling all Suzy Homemaker all of a sudden.

 


Comment from Anonymous
Time: June 12, 2012, 1:11 pm

@jwpaine

More side effects include removing migraines, stopping certain types of seizures, squashing rapid cycling in bipolar people and altering the activity of the frontal lobe. The last one being a super power sort of because it gives me jamais vu when I read Jane Eyre.

I take for sleeping, kinda.

BBB

 


Comment from BigBluBug
Time: June 12, 2012, 1:29 pm

I second AliceH’s advice about making sweet pickles (and other salty brine type delicacies)in the fridge. Although for that statement I may not have a leg to stand on.

 


Comment from mojo
Time: June 12, 2012, 2:31 pm

26 bucks and change for friggin’ crackers?

Geeze – what’s cheese cost?

 


Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: June 12, 2012, 2:42 pm

Bob said, “BTW: no currency is ‘real money’ anymore.”

Ditto on that. Right now I have more savings and disposable cash than I’ve had in my entire life . . . and (a) I hesitate to spend anything on fun because I might have a horrendously expensive emergency, and (b) everything I’d *like* to splurge on is insanely overpriced.

Stoaty told us about Rhode Island: “Crappy, inadequate roads that have to be rebuilt constantly. You can tell when you drive over the border into MA or CT — your car sounds different!”

And that is one of my major complaints about the pesthole of the American continent, Loozyana. Same problem, whether caused by Mob buddies or grafting politicians. It’s a state built and “run” by amateurs.

 


Comment from BigBluBug
Time: June 12, 2012, 3:07 pm

>Although for that statement I may not have a leg to stand on.

Aw come on Stoaty, that’s my A stuff.

Which is kinda sad.

 


Comment from Goober
Time: June 12, 2012, 3:23 pm

so they built little road-shaped shrines out in the ass-end of nowhere, hoping prosperity would follow.

Stoaty, I’ll have you know that you just made a 6′-4″, 310 pound man squeal with delight after reading that sentence. And I mean literally – like a little girl.

I love you so much!

 


Comment from Allen
Time: June 12, 2012, 4:39 pm

Oooo! Did someone mention our high speed rail here in California? I hope they do build one part of it and it doesn’t really need to go anywhere else, I’ll be on that sucker like a chicken on a Junebug.

That’s the Tehachapi subsection from Edison (just outside Bakersfield) to Mojave. It’ll be like Disneyland, Magic Mountain and Knottsberry Farm all rolled into one. Now that section has to rise of over 4000 feet in about 12 miles then drop 1000 feet so they’re going to be using a straight shot with constant grades. So what you might say, well the terrain is very rough. Tunnels and bridges. Too be precise there will be 12 miles of tunnels and 4 miles of bridges over 200 feet high.

Now, feature shooting into and out of tunnels and over really tall bridges at 200 mph, screaming all the way. Crikey, people will absolutely freak out, except adrenalin junkies. I can hardly wait.

Yeearrrgghhh!

 


Comment from WarmMountain
Time: June 12, 2012, 7:07 pm

There is a chance that the Amazon crackers are for multiple boxes. Many of their items in the grocery section are priced as a case, box of 6, etc.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 12, 2012, 7:56 pm

…the eucharistic chili…

That sounds so special it tempts me to get religion. Who knew that God would go better with a bit of Habanero?

 


Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: June 12, 2012, 8:25 pm

Not only are they expensive, but did you notice this:

Product Description
Best Before Date 23 April 2012

!!! I certainly hope that is a leftover from when they first put the post up and not indicative of state of their current stock!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 12, 2012, 8:40 pm

I went back and looked, WarmMountain. Looks like it’s a single box.

To be honest, I can’t work that one out. American specialty foods aren’t usually that overpriced.

 


Pingback from Thus Spake Russ » Quote of the Day
Time: June 12, 2012, 9:57 pm

[…] Stoaty Weasel: Liberalism really is a cargo cult. The Spanish know — in a dim, inchoate way — that roads are important to a thriving modern economy, so they built little road-shaped shrines out in the ass-end of nowhere, hoping prosperity would follow. […]

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 13, 2012, 2:23 am

“There is a chance that the Amazon crackers are for multiple boxes. Many of their items in the grocery section are priced as a case, box of 6, etc.”

Still, 26 bucks? For friggin’ crackers? I’m thinking a pallet.

 


Comment from Oh Hell
Time: June 13, 2012, 12:28 pm

This means when I take home the crackers from the fast food place, I should lock them up?

 


Comment from p2
Time: June 14, 2012, 2:13 am

There has to be someone you know with access to the commissary at Mildenhall or Lakenheath… or even the embassy…. how far can you be from Grosvenor Square anyway? It ain’t that big an island. And the closest thing I found to sweet pickle relish while I lived there was Branston’s…

 


Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: June 14, 2012, 11:36 am

Hey Stoatie: The Stateside Candy Company (SW of London by about 40 miles) has ’em for £3.25: American Nabisco Saltines Crackers: New 8oz Sized Box

Now that’s only half the size of the original 16 oz (454 g) box you posted about, but £6.50 is still better than £17.25.

Still pretty darned expensive… gah. What the hell is it with England, and the prices being about double what they are in North America?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 14, 2012, 3:58 pm

Awesome, Argentium! They have what I was really looking for, sweet pickle relish. I may have to put in an order.

Well, that stuff is expensive because they’re American imports and unusual here, but yeah…England is unbeLIEVably expensive. Especially food. My first year here, I wandered around supermarkets in a daze, going, “HOW much?!”

 


Comment from lauraw
Time: June 20, 2012, 1:10 am

Count my blessings?!?

OK, I’m late to this thread, but this Connecticut Yankee is telling you the cargo cult is HERE.

Connecticut is building an enclosed mass-transit busway for $600 million dollars.

It is nine miles long and will take a decade to build.

Because, jobs.

*collapses in tears*

 


Pingback from New NRCC Ad “He Doesn’t Get It” Slams Obama For Belittling Business Owners « Nice Deb
Time: July 17, 2012, 4:39 pm

[…] all around themselves. Merely building infrastructure and calling it ‘stimulus’ is a childish mimicry of the trappings of a healthy economy. It is foolish to expect the commerce that actually provides these good things to ‘just […]

 


Comment from jic
Time: July 17, 2012, 9:33 pm

Doriano crackers are the closest thing you can get to saltines in England. Asda and Tesco stock them. Oh, and Branston’s make pickle relish, but they call it gherkin relish (because, you know, England).

 


Pingback from New NRCC Ad “He Doesn’t Get It” Slams Obama For Belittling Business Owners | FavStocks
Time: July 18, 2012, 7:28 am

[…] all around themselves. Merely building infrastructure and calling it ‘stimulus’ is a childish mimicry of the trappings of a healthy economy. It is foolish to expect the commerce that actually provides these good things to ‘just […]

 


Comment from Evelyne
Time: July 5, 2014, 6:24 pm

Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article.
I’ll make sure tto bookmark it and come bachk to read more of your useful info.
Thanks for the post. I will certainly return.

 

Write a comment

(as if I cared)

(yeah. I'm going to write)

(oooo! you have a website?)


Beware: more than one link in a comment is apt to earn you a trip to the spam filter, where you will remain -- cold, frightened and alone -- until I remember to clean the trap. But, hey, without Akismet, we'd be up to our asses in...well, ass porn, mostly.


<< carry me back to ol' virginny