sweasel.com

I was all excited to learn you could register your wedding at Wal*Mart. Until I remember we don’t have Wal*Mart over here.

😮

This sort of faux pas would result in a massive face palm for anyone with even a smidgeon of a sense of shame. As it involves President Present and Wide Bottom Michelle, I expect that they’re snickering over it.

An excellent graphic, Madame Weasel, one that caused me to guffaw loudly. But couldn’t you do one for a gay wedding? One must be an equal opportunity offender these days. 🙂

LOL, my first thought at seeing that image, was that the female was “Julia” and Obama was coming between her and her man.

Did someone actually make an Obama action figure? I had to go search for presidential dolls and came across this:
http://www.ashtondrake.com/products/301426001_barack-obama-vinyl-doll.html

It’s a commemorative baby-doll…for $150 and they expected high demand. I wonder how that worked out for them? Perhaps, they should’ve applied for stimulus funding.

I wonder what the divorce rate is going to be on people who sign up for this.

I changed my internet name because I’m looking to get a gig in the advice columnist field. I guess it’s hard to
get respect being called a bug but whatever. It also creeps out women.

For some reason, I’m only getting questions from weirdos.
I could use some honest critiquing if you have some time.

This one is from some person in Idaho.

Dear Dr. Insecto,
My daughter keeps running into my living room screaming:
“Everybody in this room is bitches ‘ceptin me”. It causes me distress when we have guests. Got any ideas?
– Inga in Ohio

Dear Inga,

I can see why this would bring you distress. Your daughter’s grammar is atrocious. “All of the people in this room, are indeed bitches” would be a better expression. Unless all of the people in the room are female dogs which makes the statement correct and that you are a dog with a human daughter.

Back in the good old days you could give her a syrup made from dried lavender flowers and heroin but I don’t think you can do that anymore. Speaking of dogs, you could try one of the correction collars made for dogs. Not an electric shock one although they work good. Use the kind that outputs a puff of citronella. It discourages bad behavior. Also it will keep mosquitoes from going in your daughter’s nose.

If none of this works, ask somebody else because I gave you what I have. Because I’m a giver.

-Insecto the wise.

Sponsored by the makers of Lunesta. Tell your doctor if you are afraid of Talking Beavers. They promise Abraham Lincoln but only the scary beavers show up. Stupid beavers.

A lot of folks have been saying that this or that campaign action smells of desperation on the part of the Obamabots. Some I kinda buy, some not. But this… To me, this one thing screams DESPERATE! in 20-foot-tall, flaming letters.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to be made to the Obama Reelection Committee.

0’s campaign merchandise floggers could raise a lot of cash by offering inflatable 0 dolls, (approximately) anatomically correct of course, so those who just love him can have their own private “Oooooo! Mr. President!” moments. It should be ambigendered to be as true to life as possible.

@Stoatie – I remember Wal-Mart making that announcement, too. My first thought was “Woo Hoo! Tiffany’s for Rednecks!!”

@Stoatie – Oh, and I found you a new graphics tool to play with…

http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/547275_467825796579991_1493128605_n.jpg

A bare breasted Alice in Wonderland joyfully skips down the yellow-brick road towards Hooterville, as Elmer Fudd jabs his shotgun into her back at every third beat. Neither notice Steven Spielberg filming Shrek and Justin Bieber fucking in the ditch. Song of the South plays in the background. Obama playing the jews harp.

The world we live in.

I didn’t realise that you let Blacks into your political structures?

Frankly I thought this was a prank by Iowahawk.

But it’s real.

I … this is really creepy. I mean birthday money? Wait what? So instead of getting a present for my Uncle Art or my niece Paige I should … donate it to a guy who plays hundreds of holes of golf each year, dines on $100/lb+ beef and flies in his own personal 747? Obama is a frigging multi-millionaire. Can’t he kick in some of his own cash?

You know if I were still allowed to donate blood I’d do it and donate the cash and then blog about it just to increase the creep factor. Except that I don’t think you can increase the creep factor. It’s pretty much redlined from my perspective.

The guy claims to have raised a BILLION DOLLARS for his reelection and he STILL wants my birthday present too?

The Democrats really DO want everything you own.

Just when you thought they couldn’t possibly get any more creepy.

Aww, looks like Jerry Sandusky just fell down and went boom.

Guilty on all but 2 counts..

If the Obama reelection team isn’t running low on money and desperate, they’re doing a fair imitation of it.

And every happy couple will be given a Party gift of a copy of Dreams of My Father to inspire and illuminate their union…

[…] our, ‘You just can’t make this shit up” department, TMN’s campaign is now horning in on people’s weddings, bar mitzvahs and […]

All we need now are some tasteful Obama2012 “Keep Strappin’ On, Folks®” strap-on dongs and a tub of Michelle Obama “Healthy Healthy Hippo®” vegetable shortening.

In a way you have to admire the effort they’re making to raise money. Its sad and weak, and the same mindset as the law that puts that checkbox on your 1040 EZ form to send money to a political party (which no one ever checks) but its creative.

Ace of Spades linked you!

😯

I know, JeffS. My sitemeter turns awesome when that happens 🙂

I came from Ace and read several of your posts. Really loved the one about the chicken and the super soaker. I posted it to a friend’s Facebook – he has chickens, too!

Stick around, Auntie. This place is lousy with chickens.

Heh. I just got a hit on this old thread. Ah, memories. If you want to read grownups discussing penis bones for 100 posts, there you go.

Holy Shit Stoaty, that was OS-ume! Please randomly refer to old posts more often.

I like that he stole the bride’s bouquet.

The bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral …. Terrific pic, SWeas.

FROM : CMFIC USS LUBBOCK
TO : NSF COMMAND / SAT RELAY NSF:ALL
RE : TERMINATION OF OPERATION “FAT FREDDY’S CAT”

CMFIC USS LUBBOCK HAS TERMINATED ALL ACTIVITIES RELATED TO OPERATION FAT FREDDY’S CAT.

THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE IS TO BE RETRANSMITTED TO ALL NSF PERSONNEL ATTACHED TO THE USS LUBBOCK.
—
“IT IS WITH DEEP REGRET THAT I MUST ANNOUNCE THAT OUR NUMBERS ARE LESS BY ONE. CDC WORLD COMMAND HAS NOTIFIED NSF COMMAND OF THE PASSING OF “THE NIGHTSTALKER”. THE FOLLOWING DECLASSIFIED STATEMENT IS BEING RELEASED TO THE WORLD PRESS :

‘ HE WAS LAST SEEN EMBARKING ON A SOLO ATTEMPT TO SWIM ACROSS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE, SUBSISTING ON NOTHING BUT THE MEAT OF SHARKS HE HAD PUNCHED TO DEATH AND WATER PURIFIED BY A PORTABLE DESALINIZATION PACK OF HIS OWN DESIGN. ‘

IN RECOGNITION OF HIS PASSING ALL NSF OPERATIONAL STATIONS WILL FLY COLORS AT HALF MAST FOR THE NEXT WEEK. COORDINATED MEMORIAL SERVICES ABORD THE USS LUBBOCK AND NSF ISLAND WILL BE ANNOUNCED SHORTLY, TO BE FOLLOWED BY A SPEAKER FOR THE DEAD CEREMONY. UNTIL THAT TIME THE USS LUBBOK AND THE NSF AS A WHOLE WILL MAINTAIN AND CONTINUE TO MAINTAIN MISSION READY STATUS. HIS MISSION IS OVER, OURS IS NOT. ”
—

SPECIAL DUTY ASSIGNMENTS WILL BE GIVEN WITHIN THE NEXT TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.

AUTHENTICATION : VGhpcyBpcyBub3QgYW4gZXhlcmNpc2UuIFRoZSBOaWdodHN0YWxrZXIgaXMgbm8gbG9uZ2VyIHdp
dGggdXMuIA==

If you want though, maybe you can get the bride and groom an Obama Phone

http://obamaphone.net/

Free cell phones from de gubmint!

Christopher,

It’s incredible how thoughtful Obama is. Poor people cannot SURVIVE without the ability to text. It’s like water and..and, the Internet, we would die without it!

[…] danke SWeasel […]

Where is the Nazi Weasel when You Need It?

LOCK UP YOUR WEASELS!

Reactor Fire in France!

http://eurdepweb.jrc.ec.europa.eu/PublicEurdepMap/TimeSeries.aspx?loc=12869&end=201206250510∫=D1&rad=1&test=0

At least they had the good sense to finally turn on comment moderation.

I was talking with a shrinkologist friend about Coach Sandusky, and he reminded me that the man is a true sociopath. He’ll go to his grave and to hell thinking he’s done nothing wrong.

I guess I should stop picking him in the dead pool.

What’s this “color” business?

And the look on the bride’s face is perfect!