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Dead Pool Round 67: Fish Jumping, Cotton High

Platypuss wins dick with James Garner (born James Scott Bumgarner). Give his Wikipedia entry a read. Among the highlights: he beat the hell out of his stepmother after she made him wear a dress to school, and he was married to the same woman for almost 58 years. Money quote: “Marriage is like the Army; everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number of people who re-enlist.”

Okay, ready?

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I didn’t have any dinosaur shit particles.


Comment from LesterIII
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:03 pm

Luise Rainer

I almost switched… tempting the fates

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:03 pm

Billy Graham.

Comment from Hutch
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:03 pm

Olivia de Havilland

Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:03 pm

Hugh Hefner

Comment from RushBabe
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:03 pm

Zsa Zsa FTW!

Comment from Montenegro
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:06 pm

Muhammad ALI once more!

Comment from Fawn
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:06 pm

Stuart Scott – ESPN broadcaster (20+yrs – SportsNight, Sports Center, NFL, NBA).

Comment from JeffS
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:07 pm

Jimmy Carter.

Comment from Janna
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:17 pm

Kirk Douglas

Comment from stina
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:34 pm

Michael Moore.

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:49 pm

‘K, more-or-less on time & on target for once (possibly a trend?…Nahh – not necessarily) –

Sorely tempted as I am by such recent highly-pertinent and truly-deplorable acts by certain of our High(!) Gubment “public servants” (lookin’ at you, there, “Feerless Leeder”, ya seriously-Socialistic buttbrain, ya!!…), I will resist my far baser impulses, and the vague threats of Fate, the NSA, etc., and go with my merely baser impulse, and take my usual shot at ill-will to my usual target, to wit:

Insaney Janey, the Left-Coast feemale Fonda (of whom all truly ceevilized folk could reasonably be less fond-a), half (and detectibly the lesser half, at that) of ‘ol Hank’s offspring legacy to our presently-embattled Nation…

C’mon, Janey, ya disgusting Red-pants li’l git – do something, for once in your mostly-disgusting life, for somebody besides your ownself, an’ croak, fercrapsake – or step in front of a S.F. cable car, or a crosstown bus, or off the tour ferryboat to Alcatraz, or something!!

Jane Fonda, for the WIN!

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: August 1, 2014, 6:50 pm

John Boehner, preferably of a combination [contracted in series so he can appreciate each] of scabies, chicken pox, drug resistant TB, and Ebola transmitted by the invaders from across what used to be our southern borders. His “immigration bill” being just an extra appropriation so that they can be scattered all over the country, unchecked and untracked, more quickly and efficiently.

Comment from Bikeboy
Time: August 1, 2014, 7:13 pm

Astronaut John Glenn.

Comment from rustbucket
Time: August 1, 2014, 7:39 pm

Fidel Castro

Comment from Jamie
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:04 pm

Jerry Lewis

For the kids…

Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:15 pm

Subotai Bahadur – Oh, the irony, if the Weeper of the
House were to contract something via food prep or unhygienic conditions while at his swanky new FL golf villa’s clubhouse.

Comment from tomfrompv
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:16 pm

Frances Fox Piven. It would be fitting that she die before her life’s work is complete (ruining my country).

Comment from twolaneflash
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:22 pm

0bama for The Dick! J.S. Bridges, while I hold Hanoi Jane in great contempt, having served from 1969-73 in the Army, I maintain that The Great Usurper in The White (built-by-slaves) House is infinitely more deserving to give up The Dick.

Comment from Tibby
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:22 pm

Nancy Reagan.

Comment from Ripley
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:24 pm

Helmut Schmidt

Comment from dustoffmom
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:25 pm

Darn….Tibby beat me and stole my gal Nancy. Okay then, for fun I will take the great windsurfer John Kerry.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:27 pm

Gordon Brown. Because fuck Gordon Brown.

Comment from armybrat
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:32 pm

choices, choices. How ’bout one we can all get behind…Harry Reid! May that vile bastard experience as much pain as possible before he expires.

Comment from Rodent
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:50 pm

Lois Lerner, and happy to get her since I forgot, again.

Comment from thefritz
Time: August 1, 2014, 8:50 pm

Henry Kissinger

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: August 1, 2014, 9:08 pm

David Rockefeller Sr.

Born June 12, 1915. His number simply MUST come up soon, though I’d have preferred SIDS as cause of death in his case.

Comment from gulliblepratt
Time: August 1, 2014, 9:58 pm

Prince Phillip

Comment from jic
Time: August 1, 2014, 10:03 pm

Clive James

Comment from Ben
Time: August 1, 2014, 10:03 pm

William Shatner

Comment from Veeshir
Time: August 1, 2014, 10:09 pm

George Galloway,

Hey, a guy can hope, can’t he?

I wish I could say the bureaucrats who’ve been jerking me around for 3 weeks to get a job but they’re not famous, they’re faceless and have no accountability.


Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: August 1, 2014, 10:10 pm

Carol Channing.

Comment from m
Time: August 1, 2014, 10:29 pm

Bob Newhart

Comment from drew458
Time: August 1, 2014, 10:29 pm

Mary Tyler Moore. For reals this time.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 1, 2014, 10:53 pm

Lauren Bacall

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 1, 2014, 11:35 pm

leonard nemoy

Comment from eirik
Time: August 2, 2014, 12:15 am

Robert Mugabe

Comment from mojo
Time: August 2, 2014, 12:41 am

Joe “The Sheriff” Biden

Comment from PatAZ
Time: August 2, 2014, 12:42 am

The king of stupidity, Chuckie Schumer. I’d like to not ever see his face or hear his idiotic words again.

Comment from Pupster
Time: August 2, 2014, 1:10 am

Ginger Baker.

Comment from P2
Time: August 2, 2014, 1:35 am

Holy crapoly… I’ll grab Abe Vigoda….seeing as no one else did!

Comment from Paula Douglas
Time: August 2, 2014, 2:12 am

Stephen Hawking.

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: August 2, 2014, 3:02 am

Alright! I’ve arrived late but I’m already drunk… or at least inebriated so I’m ready to nominate someone and have a good time at their expense! I spy with my little eye James R. Clapper, DNI of USA and liar extraordinaire who is not worth pissing on if he were on fire… he should be in jail for perjury but with the damn… breeeeeathe… breeeeeathe… breeeeeathe…
Wow, that was close! Oh, Stoaty, where is my dick that you promised me, hmmmmm?

Comment from Davem123
Time: August 2, 2014, 3:57 am

John A. Koskinen, 75, formerly of Freddie Mac and now the 48th commisioner of the IRS. Done in by an overdose of smug and a pinch of karma and justice.

Comment from ama
Time: August 2, 2014, 5:26 am

Ruth “I’m not going anywhere” B Ginsberg

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: August 2, 2014, 5:32 am

Glen Campbell.

Comment from currently
Time: August 2, 2014, 5:43 am

Harry Belafonte

Comment from As If I Cared (now with caps!)
Time: August 2, 2014, 9:11 am

The Hef was pinched already? Making me work for it, are you?

Fine… Avram Noam Chomsky

Time to begin scraping the leftist barnacles off of Big Education’s hull – it’s about to hit the rocks, anyway.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: August 2, 2014, 9:59 am

Ginger Baker

Comment from Carl
Time: August 2, 2014, 12:08 pm

Denis Healey

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: August 2, 2014, 12:13 pm

Nancy Pelosi

That woman is going to have an aneurysm soon (we all hope).

Comment from rimrockR
Time: August 2, 2014, 1:44 pm

Richard Attenborough

Comment from Zooom Zooom
Time: August 2, 2014, 2:02 pm

I feel lucky punk……

Clint Eastwood.

Comment from RealMc
Time: August 2, 2014, 2:03 pm

Dang it…..late…..

hmmmmm….dem bones dem bones……

Harry Reid. (dem)

Comment from ocareha8er
Time: August 2, 2014, 2:05 pm

I want mr speak O, for obvious reasons.

Jonathan Gruber – dead O. for the dick.

Comment from Zimmermanfan
Time: August 2, 2014, 2:09 pm

Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend……maybe even with the energizer present, after Hi-Larry walks in on them.


Comment from weaselwannabee
Time: August 2, 2014, 2:56 pm

Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: August 2, 2014, 2:59 pm

Ramsey Clark both for tradition and for the Ramey Clark Is Dead Memorial Porterhouse that is dinner that night.

Comment from Bill the Butcher
Time: August 2, 2014, 5:53 pm


Eh, Rose Marie of “Dick Van Dyke Show” fame.

Comment from FGW
Time: August 2, 2014, 9:45 pm

Paul Ehrlich

Comment from Davem123
Time: August 3, 2014, 1:00 am

RealMc- Bad news, armybrat snagged Senate Majority Turd Reid yesterday.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: August 3, 2014, 2:23 am

Mister T.

Comment from dissent555
Time: August 3, 2014, 2:52 am

Way late to the party; been out of town and off the internets.

Not that I want to see it, but I’ll take Maureen O’Hara.

What a babe she was back in the day.

Comment from catnip
Time: August 3, 2014, 4:52 am

Professor Irwin Corey

Comment from cobrakai99
Time: August 3, 2014, 6:12 pm

Hillary Clinton to clear the way for Fauxcohonas.

Comment from JC
Time: August 3, 2014, 8:13 pm

King Abdul of Saudi Arabia

Comment from mandel bread
Time: August 3, 2014, 10:40 pm

Al Molinaro

Comment from mbtokyo
Time: August 4, 2014, 3:22 am

Gary Bussey

Comment from Thursby
Time: August 4, 2014, 10:01 am

Chuck Berry

Comment from StPatrick_TN
Time: August 4, 2014, 5:17 pm

Mikhail Gorbachev

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: August 4, 2014, 6:02 pm

Looks like Jim Brady has just left for the giant press-conference in the sky. I hope his hideous, manipulative wife contracts Ebola.

Comment from unkawill
Time: August 4, 2014, 10:29 pm

val harper

Comment from Davem123
Time: August 5, 2014, 12:26 am

“I hope his hideous, manipulative wife contracts Ebola.”

How about an assault by a knife-wielding psycho while her bodyguards have stepped away for a quick latte? And her with no nasty gun…..

Comment from jam2
Time: August 5, 2014, 11:38 am

hank Heimlich

Comment from Pablo
Time: August 5, 2014, 5:23 pm

Samaritan’s Purse missionary/Ebola patient Nancy Writebol. Because duh.

Comment from Adrem Puddy
Time: August 5, 2014, 11:52 pm

Charlotte Rae….”Oh, Mrs Garrett!” It’s a Fact of Life she could pass this year.

Comment from steve
Time: August 6, 2014, 12:14 am

Bob Barker

Comment from RealMc
Time: August 6, 2014, 8:20 pm

dag nabit……..too late for reid.

al sharpton then….if only.

Comment from Stephen Falken
Time: August 6, 2014, 10:28 pm

My pick is John McCain a man who has made a career out of bashing conservatives. If John McCain were holding daily press conferences criticizing Obama for abandoning Iraq and allowing the current genocide that would redeem himself in my eyes. But, instead, John McCain is now making suggestions that if he were President in 2003 we might not have ever even gone to war in Iraq.

Note to S. Weasel: you forgot to add the “deadpool” tag to your post.

Comment from Michael
Time: August 7, 2014, 1:14 pm

Rosalyn Carter

Comment from lauraw
Time: August 8, 2014, 2:29 pm

The Mosul Dam.

Comment from FGW
Time: August 12, 2014, 2:01 am

I see Robin Williams passed away today. Drudge says it was a suicide (TBC). He shall be missed by many.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: August 12, 2014, 3:07 am

Man, as much as I dislike Robin Williams, I’d prefer to think of him going out like David Carradine or Michael Hutchence: pretty much the same as suicide, except with his dick in his hand.

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: August 13, 2014, 12:02 am

Anonymous had Bogies wife!

Comment from Veeshir
Time: August 13, 2014, 12:02 am

Anonymous wins with Lauren Bacall.

Too bad, I liked her.

I bet he/she/it wishes he/she/it was less anonymous.

Comment from Davem123
Time: August 13, 2014, 2:28 am

FWIW, someone going by “Nanny 1” has selected the late Ms. Bacall for the last several pools. Does anyone have Fran Drescher’s phone number?

Comment from Nanny1
Time: August 13, 2014, 2:34 am

Nanny1and anonymous are one in the same. Just forgot to enter the name. Oopsie!

Comment from RushBabe
Time: August 13, 2014, 2:37 am

Congrats on the winning of the dick, Nanny1! (though everyone is sad to see her go).

Let’s hope for a tyrant next time!

Comment from Nina
Time: August 13, 2014, 2:46 am

Nice pick, Nan!

Too bad for the deceased, though, of course.

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: August 13, 2014, 11:48 am

BIG fan of Bacall, but a dick’s a dick.
Congrats Nanny1/Anonymous!

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