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As usual, Violence is the answer

Ladies and gentlemen, my one functional hen.

My flock is down to three, and two of my nutty birds have decided they’re going to be mamas. Not only do I not have a rooster, they aren’t sitting on any eggs, but don’t try explaining reproductive biology to a chikken. It always ends in tears.

They stopped laying and sit on each other in the nest box all day, screaming and poofing themselves up to improbable size when you raise the lid. I lift them out several times a day, put them in the warm grass and give them a handful of food. They are quite capable of doing this until they totally lose condition, if not starve to death. Bantams are famous for going hardcore broody.

Leaving this poor bird on her ownsome. Her name was originally Violet, but we changed it to Violence when it became clear she had serious anger management issues. She’s been known to fly clear across the lawn just to deliver that good peck on the foot we all know I so richly deserve.

No more. I think she must be lonely without her chikken buddies. She does a little dance when I walk up, a little dance that used to be a precursor to some serious beak action but now appears to be something approaching delight. It looks something like a honeybee’s waggle dance, but I don’t think she’s trying to tell me anything.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Weasel, this is an awfully grainy picture to come out of your fancy new birthday camera.” Well, let me tell you something, Mister Smarty: this is a teeny tiny section from the middle of the picture, at 100% zoom. Quite extraordinary.


Comment from Uncle Al
Time: June 3, 2015, 10:11 pm

Non-violent? Delighted to see you? You ought to get her a tiny little “COEXIST” bumper sticker but I’m not sure it would adhere well to her comb.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 3, 2015, 11:04 pm

I suppose this is the time to repost my favorite chicken ad: Domino’s Techno Chicken ad.

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: June 4, 2015, 12:07 am

I have been known to regale one of my daughters with “Tales of the Weasel”, including the great Gallus gallus Caper. I passed this on, and her first comment was to rename “Violence” to “Dinner”. On reflection, she changed that, deciding that a more appropriate and perhaps delicious name [and behavior modification incentive] would be to rename “Violence” to “Vindaloo”.

Comment from mojo
Time: June 4, 2015, 1:04 am

Dances with Weasels? Must be a N. American breed.

Comment from PatAZ
Time: June 4, 2015, 1:42 am

Did you ever consider getting a rooster? Sounds like the broody chikkens are in need of one.

Comment from Stark Dickflüßiᵹ
Time: June 4, 2015, 2:07 am

Chicken-weblogging >>>>>> perverted tranny fruitcake bloggin’.

So I have said, so it shall be.

Comment from Nina
Time: June 4, 2015, 2:42 am

That’s for sure, Stark.

Comment from MikeW
Time: June 4, 2015, 2:27 pm

Kinda like a weasel, but with more rhythm. 🙂


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: June 4, 2015, 3:05 pm

I know little about chickens except that I enjoy reading about them. How does Violet, er Violence feel about Mad Jack?

Comment from ermine
Time: June 4, 2015, 3:52 pm

The wife has been talking about getting some chickens. Any suggestions for beginners?
Just curious Weas, do you have possums ’round yer parts? Wow, that didn’t sound right.
We have had an infestation of them this year.

Comment from scottthebadger
Time: June 4, 2015, 3:58 pm

Possums are an American Critter.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 4, 2015, 6:09 pm

Sadly, Jack is a chicken chaser. He terrifies them, though I’m happy to say he hasn’t given them a run in a while.

I totally recommend bantams, ermine. They come in awesome colors, they have bags of personality, they’re little so they don’t tear up gardens. The only downside is, they lay little eggs and they aren’t terrific layers (but their eggs are almost all yolks).

Get at least two at a time (so every chicken has a buddy). I recommend six weeks old – that’s old enough that they don’t need to be under a heat lamp, but young enough to be cute and trainable. Well, not really trainable, but if you handle them at that age, you’ll have a better chance of handling them when they’re all grown up.

They start laying at about 20 weeks.

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