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I know, I know. It’s the weekend and I should be restesing. I dreamed last night I had a pet squirrel named Death from Above. He rode around town in my convertible with me, clinging to the headrest. Poor Death from Above. His sense of territorial propriety was so distorted by his lifestyle that he would leap out of the car and attack any squirrel he saw, on the grounds it was poaching his turf.

That there squirrel is Larry. I raised him and his brothers on cream and Esbilac and they grew into fine strapping big lads. But that’s another story for another day. Today, my real estate agent is holding an open house Chez Weasel and I have to make myself scarce. So here I am, gone.

I’d probably have better luck buying a lottery ticket.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 21, 2008, 8:54 am

Not the most disturbing thing I’ve ever turned up on an innocent Google images search, but it’s in the running:

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 21, 2008, 9:22 am

And since I have likely doomed this thread by capping it with a disturbing picture, have some more. A reader sent me these:

ZombillaryZombie Wright

A very very disturbed reader with good Photoshop skills.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: September 21, 2008, 9:45 am

Wow…I’m surprised you can have that squirrel clinging to you like that…their claws are as sharp as razors.

Good luck with your open house…

Comment from apotheosis
Time: September 21, 2008, 10:44 am

Milo: “Did Adam and Eve have navels?”
Binkley: “…well you can just rock ME to sleep tonight.”

Comment from apotheosis
Time: September 21, 2008, 10:55 am

omg omg omg omg omg omg

…that is all.

Comment from harbqll
Time: September 21, 2008, 12:00 pm

For a couple semesters, I dated this girl in college, and her apartment was pretty messy. I didn’t think much of it at the time – stoner/hippy college chick in her early 20’s, of course she has a messy apartment.

Then I went with her to her mother’s house. It looked almost, but not quite, as bad as those pictures. And the 47 or so cats roaming through the devastation did not help the smell out one bit. I actually saw the woman upend a full ashtray onto the coffee table, so she could begin refilling it.

Needless to say, I got rid of the hippy chick with a quickness, and went back to dating nerdy girls. I had seen the future, and it was double-plus-ungood.

Comment from XBradTC
Time: September 21, 2008, 12:20 pm


that’s just the Ace O’ Spades Lifestyle, writ large.

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: September 21, 2008, 12:46 pm

Yeek! Note to self – eat breakfast before checking sweasel.com.

Comment from LemurKing
Time: September 21, 2008, 1:20 pm

Enas, I could stand to lose a few pounds… I’m going to eat lunch now that I’ve checked out this post and will do so for every meal for a while. I think it’ll help.


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: September 21, 2008, 2:41 pm

The woman of the couple who lives over the road would stroke out over seeing that…that sty. She’s obsessed with cleanliness. Sometimes when I come home, I see her cleaning their gates with a bucket of soapy water and an old toothbrush.

And what’s with the toilet? How insane do you have to be before you start dumping (what looks like) used bog roll on the floor?

Comment from porknbean
Time: September 21, 2008, 2:58 pm

How insane do you have to be before you start dumping (what looks like) used bog roll on the floor?

How much you wanna bet she works a.) with food or b.) in a hospital?

Comment from Allen
Time: September 21, 2008, 6:56 pm

That first picture redefines “buttcrack.” Hey, everyone come on over… It’s disturbing image day at Weasel’s place.

Apotheosis, gee thanks. Hey, did you get the impression the sewage system is backed up? See outside toilet stains, and used TP on the floor. You’re welcome.

S.S. Joe had his gun moment, “I got two..” That’s right Joe, I’m gonna get me a huntin’ license. Remember, Joe is the voice of experience. He’s just not sure whether the experience was good or not.

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: September 21, 2008, 7:06 pm

Okay, I’m not as bad as Gibby’s neighbor, but I cannot stand clutter. CAN NOT! That’s why I don’t have a ton of stuff, what I do have has a clearly specified home, and it gets put back in that home.

Comment from MCPO Airdale
Time: September 21, 2008, 8:29 pm

Squirrels ain’t nothing but rats with bushy tails, IMO. As for that series of photos, that is, without a doubt, the most disgusting thing I’ve every seen in my life!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 21, 2008, 8:47 pm

I forgot to explain he was called Death from Above because, instead of attacking other squirrels directly, he’d run up the side of the nearest tree and launch himself into the air above his prey. Yes, MCPO, they ARE rats with bushy tails; I am also fond of rats. Because I’m insane like that.

QuasiModo, it wasn’t far off having kittens. I had lots of little scratches and nicks for as long as I had the lads, but they really did seem aware enough to try not to hurt me.

With one exception. I wore a headscarf around them, because I was their tree and they climbed to the top of me whenever I was in the room. The largest of the lads loved to hook his back claws into my scarf, lower himself down my face, grab a nostril in each paw and pull. Takes a while to describe; took a split second to execute. I had a scar for a while.

Don’t tell me rodents don’t have a sense of humor

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 21, 2008, 8:54 pm

Oh, I just noticed Zombie Dude signed the Hillary one, so it’s probably good if I tell you his name is Carlton Cobb.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 21, 2008, 9:01 pm

Oh, also this guy has come up with the novel idea of selling t-shirts on the innernets. I’m guessing he found me on a Google search of “OMGWTF?” But, hey, he asked for a link real purty, so here it is.

Comment from porknbean
Time: September 22, 2008, 1:32 am

So, how did the open house go?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 22, 2008, 6:23 am

Eh. Just had an email from my real estate lady. Two people and neither, she thinks, are very good prospects.

To be honest, that’s two more than I expected. I’m in *exactly* the sort of neighborhood where bad mortgages were being written. It’s a sea of foreclosures, and I can’t compete against that, price wise. It’s a sweet little house in a not very good neighborhood in an appalling financial crisis.

I’m scrood.

Comment from Dawn
Time: September 22, 2008, 1:04 pm

ew. ew. ew. And that apartment! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: September 22, 2008, 3:35 pm

Squirrels are rats with a nice outfit on.

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