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Hi! Recognize me?

Durned asked for a happy ending, so here’s one. I happened to have the monitor on and looked up to see this tableau.

Yes, that’s a stoat. And that’s good old Jenny sitting on her dud eggs. After I ran screaming out to the henhouse and ran him off, I came back in and watched the recorded footage.

She had been fending him off for several minutes. He approached her from a couple of different angles and she puffed herself up and lunged at him. I am astonished that put him off. He would have moved in for the kill eventually, but she managed to buy enough time for a rescue.

Something like that happens and you think your chickens have a story and the story has a plot and the plot makes human sense. Then a few months later, a fox headbutts your nest box, your chicken is disappeared and the illusion shatters.

Hell. I just ruined the happy ending, didn’t I?


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 21, 2020, 7:46 pm

Stoaty came back several times that afternoon. I ended up sitting out with an air rifle waiting for him.

I do have one strong enough to take out a stoat. It’s probably strong enough to take out a fox, but I’d feel awful if it didn’t quite.

Comment from dissent555
Time: May 21, 2020, 8:57 pm

All I know is that today I have been consuming an inordinate amount of chocolate.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: May 21, 2020, 9:04 pm

No, you dint! I’m sticking with the armored chicken through the portal ending.

That was her introduction into dealing with the perils of Chickenworld. Later she would look back on that incident and recall how her resolution had seen her through. Well, resolution, and a screaming human showing up to rescue her.
In fact, that’s where ALL the missing chickens went.

So, Woozles. Good thing you don’t have Heffalumps too!

Now if you’ll ‘scuse me please, I have a chicken who didn’t make it to Chickenworld to cook up in the air fryer, oh, and I ‘retired’ today, so, another happy ending.

Comment from CantHarkMyCry
Time: May 21, 2020, 9:32 pm

Congratulations, DurnedYankee!
And–sorry about the chooks, Sweas. 🙁

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: May 21, 2020, 10:13 pm

Meanwhile in other stories – it will be interesting to see if your, so called, Covidiots can wrest control of the country back from the Connivers who think they can keep you locked down for many more months because of a flu.

Comment from Drew458
Time: May 22, 2020, 5:11 am

I am kind of amazed that you haven’t built ChickenBunker. I would. Fencing is cheap, so are cinderblocks and concrete. Razor wire, merlons and crennels, drawbridges, and stoat sized Claymore mines run the costs up though. No fox, hawk, stoat or even mouse would be able to get in to my chooks if I had any. Redwalll!!!

Durned – two full months after OrangeManBad said the C-word, 3 months after Dr. Zelenko and the frogs started publishing results, 4 months after the ChiComs mentioned it on New Year’s Eve, the Brits are going to try chloroquine on thousands of their own NHS staff to see if it works as a prophylactic. No mention of zinc or vitamin D, but their press is calling HCQ “the Trump drug”. These, the people who invented the G&T to prevent malaria.

I can’t believe every damn nurse, doctor, and hospital orderly the world over hasn’t been living on these pills for 2 months already and just keeping mum. Doesn’t the hypocritic oath say “first do no harm, but save your own self before that”?

Comment from weasel again
Time: May 22, 2020, 8:42 am

Congratz, Durned.

We went to Aldi yesterday. Trust me, the lockdown is over. The government may not know it yet, but it’s done.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: May 22, 2020, 11:31 am

I’m already bored. NOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT.
and, according to advice which seems generally public but almost unknown – as soon as you retire, you’re supposed to start drinking.
4 different people suggested it of the 6 or so real people I told.
That day!
Right after you give them notice even.
At 10:00 in the morning!

Comment from BJM
Time: May 22, 2020, 2:17 pm

@Durned: Congrats! Somehow I don’t see you as ever being bored. Yeah, judging by the Geezer shopping day baskets; Value-Rite vodka in gallon jugs seems right popular hereabouts. The ratio appears to be 1 gal booze and 2 gal orange juice.

BTW In chickenworld they are all wearing armour liners made from missing socks.

Comment from BJM
Time: May 22, 2020, 2:31 pm

@Drew More counties and folks are going rogue in CA after Gov Nitwit proclaimed Sept 8th for restart maybe. ‘Up his’ appears to be the general census.

The only sliver of good news in this entire pandemic is that Americans have had a taste of socialism and find it not to their liking.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: May 22, 2020, 2:41 pm

BJM – the socks! At last an explanation!

You do know that means armored trans-dimensional Chickens are occasionally popping into our houses and gathering socks.

(Chickensquad #32 returns through portal to Chickenworld)

“These socks match (cluck, cluck)”
“I know Chickencommander, should they not? (bwaaaak bwaaaak)”
“NO! (squawk!) You idiot! (squawk!) Were you asleep during your basic training? Never take a matching pair! (bwaaaaaaak bwaaaaak cluck)
NOW we have to take that one back! (squawk squawk peck peck peck peck)
“Owww! (bwaaaak bwaaaakk bwaaaak)”

Comment from Armybrat
Time: May 25, 2020, 12:20 am

Oh durnedyankee, how did I miss this earlier?! Oh yeah…I’m still working a couple of days a week! Well…BIG congrats! And I’m only 74 days behind you!!

Comment from BJM
Time: May 25, 2020, 12:49 am

@Durned Akshuly, dryers have built-in trans-dimensional conduits, also known as vent pipes, to the Chickenworld Armory Supply Depot. Pop your tidy whities and socks into the dryer and listen to the sound the drum makes;nowsthetime-nowsthetime-nowsthetime-nowsthetime-nowsthetime-nowsthetime…

How this came to be is a whole ‘nother story.

Comment from CJ
Time: June 2, 2020, 2:20 am

I found a rat snake in my coop nest boxes today, and thought of your stoat. If you are bored, you can watch it try and eat an egg way too big. Spoiler, it didn’t succeed, but it made a damn good try. https://youtu.be/-YSIXGamh6M

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