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The most beautiful bong in the world

This is a find from a few years ago in Russia. Archaeologists were excavating the area to make room for power lines and found an ancient burial mound. It had clearly been plundered several times so they didn’t expect much, but at the bottom was a hard clay layer that seemed like a natural feature.

It wasn’t. Underneath was an intact burial, a rich find including this and another gold bowl.

It’s Scythian, a somewhat vague term for a nomadic people who operated 2,500 years ago in a huge area encompassing Western China, East to the Danube. Herodotus the Greek historian wrote about them.

When chemists analyzed the residue in the bowls, they found both opium and cannabis. One source said they were mixed in a drink, but another described it as smoking opium while using cannabis as incense. The latter backs up the description by Herodotus that “Scythians used a plant to produce smoke that no Grecian vapour-bath can surpass which made them shout aloud.”

He went on to add, “those guys were totally shitfaced. I mean, they were high off their asses all the time.”

What is it with these people and the assassins getting all shouty and stabby on cannabis? All I ever wanted to do was eat Hostess Ding Dongs and watch cartoons.

As usual, the best overview I found on this was from Ancient Origins, an embarrassing woo site. I guess because they key in on the quirky stories. But here it is from Archaeology, a more respectable choice. And one from the Independent, for good measure.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 16, 2021, 8:24 pm

In the interest of complete transparency, my passion wasn’t Ding Dongs, it was the similar tasting Suzy-Qs. But I couldn’t remember what they were called, so I went looking on the internet.

Behold, A Very Unofficial Snack Cake Field Guide.

Comment from Mitch
Time: March 16, 2021, 9:12 pm

Hostess cupcakes and the fruit pies were my jam. You have to have an RC Cola in hand for the proper Moon Pie Experience. Partaking of the Wacky Tobaccy is of course optional.

Comment from The Neon Madman
Time: March 16, 2021, 10:17 pm

In my own case never mind how many years ago, many pleasant evenings were spent getting baked, along with pizza, real Coke in the big glass bottles, and the Muppet show on the TV.

Comment from Carl
Time: March 16, 2021, 11:46 pm

I note the spelling of the “Archaeology” magazine, published by the Archaeological Institute of America.
I suppose, as antiquarians, they feel obliged to use the old (i.e. British) spelling.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: March 17, 2021, 12:20 am

Orange juice, pretzels, video cassettes of Fraggle Rock, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, and/or Mystery Science Theater 3000, and Colombian.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: March 17, 2021, 12:21 am

Drakes Devil Dogs.

Pity, if that was a drake instead of a Gryphon on the umbrella holder they recovered I’d have had a tie in.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: March 17, 2021, 1:22 am

Uncle Al – Doozers!

Comment from drew458
Time: March 17, 2021, 2:13 pm

Nice description of Ancient Origins. Woo site. Yes, they are a bit out there, but not quite to the Von Daniken ancient aliens level.

And these things are not bongs. They’re not even smoking pots. If they had bong residue in them, it would be rather charred. Given the skill of Scythian metal working, I’m sure they could have invented a pipe if they wanted to.

For all we know these could be medicinal cups for post-battle treatment. Opium paste and hash oil, dissolved in wine, probably stops all kinds of pain.

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: March 17, 2021, 3:45 pm

I’m embarrassed.

I just got the “Irish joke” from the previous post and it took this to bring it home:

“What’s Irish and stays out all night?”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 17, 2021, 6:24 pm

Mitch, I wrote a whole post about RC Cola and Moon Pie. There’s a fambly connection!

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