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We got invited ’round to the neighbors for Boxing Day afternoon. We got the time wrong and landed in the middle of family celebrations. Awk-warrrrrd.

Still…on the way home, I got Uncle B to take a picture of me next to The Sign.


Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: December 26, 2008, 9:47 pm

Stoaty, seeing it large like this, I’m pretty sure that the design is an excuse for a stylized swasti-thingy.

Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: December 26, 2008, 9:48 pm

But then, I love a good paranoid delusion.


Comment from Joanna
Time: December 26, 2008, 11:25 pm

What gets me is that a so-called “professional” designed this. Either no one dared to call her on it, or her staff is just as dumb as she is. Neither option is very comforting.

Comment from Lipstick
Time: December 27, 2008, 12:25 am

Rolllling… along the Nazi Highway. . .

Comment from Lokki
Time: December 27, 2008, 10:14 am

” We haf veys of making you slide! – You must drive as zaa sign indicates!”

Very nice pic of you, by the way…. but you’re slightly visible beside your left hand

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 27, 2008, 3:56 pm

Is it just me or do the skid marks look like a swastika? Reminiscent of the Mr. Hilter of Monty Python fame.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 27, 2008, 4:01 pm

Sorry everyone, I didn’t read your comments prior to mine. What a stooge. I guess I’m not alone.

Comment from Jill
Time: December 27, 2008, 5:59 pm

Is it just me, or do the edges of that sign appear to be serrated?

Is that to deter theft…leaving would-be sign thieves with no use for gloves, only mittens?

Comment from Jill
Time: December 27, 2008, 7:01 pm

“Lisa: No! The defense is wrong!
Vinny: Are you sure?
Lisa: I’m positive.
Vinny: How could you be so sure?
Lisa: Because there is no way that these tire marks were made by a ’64 Buick Skylark convertible. These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Jim Trotter: Objection, Your Honor! Can we clarify to the court whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?
Judge Haller: This is your opinion?
Lisa: It’s a fact!
Vinny: I find it hard to believe that this kind of information could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture!
Lisa: Would you like me to explain?
Vinny: I would love to hear this!
Judge Haller: So would I.

Lisa: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can’t make these marks without positraction, which was not available on the ’64 Buick Skylark!
Vinny: And why not? What is positraction?
Lisa: It’s a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The ’64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who’s been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
Vinny: Is that it?
Lisa: No, there’s more! You see where the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the ’64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn’t happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the ’60’s, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the ’64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.”

Comment from Allen
Time: December 27, 2008, 7:37 pm

At first, I thought the serrated sign edges were due to weasel bite marks. Then I sobered up.

I hate when that happens.

Meanwhile… back to the gardening tips. Redneck cucumber frames: those old mattresses you’ve got hanging about, drink some shine, and set ’em on fire. The remaining box springs make great frames for holding your cuke vines off the ground.

Next time: fun kids’ projects with kudzu.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 27, 2008, 7:48 pm

Okay. I drank the ‘shine. I forget what I’m supposed to do next. Oh, I ‘member. Something about setting my bed of fire. Um, am I supposed to wake up Sweetie-Pie first?

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 27, 2008, 8:39 pm

*McGoo staggers in – scratched to hell and bleeding copiously, …*

“..OK, now where is this Eskimo woman I’m supposed to shoot?”

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 27, 2008, 8:46 pm

I know that one, McGoo πŸ™‚

Comment from iamfelix
Time: December 27, 2008, 10:19 pm

LOL @ Jill. I love that movie, that scene in particular. And that sign is an abomination.

Comment from Michael
Time: December 27, 2008, 11:45 pm

A nod being as good as a wink and all that rot…is it just me, or does that sign appear to be curiously detached from any visible means of support other than that of our gracious hostess? Either those wacky Brits post roadsigns at about four feet (1.219 metres) or our hostess is eleven feet (3.353 metres) tall. Perhaps said sign (or what’s left of it) now resides in the dungeon beneath Badger House…

Right, then. Move along.

I yield the balance of my time, but reserve the right to revise and extend and just make siht up at a future date.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 28, 2008, 7:47 am

Michael, if you look just below the Offending Sign, it’s the beginning of another sign (which reads “for one mile”), which is covering the post holding them both up. And I’m 5’10”, so the sign is quite low.

In fact, there’s another example of this Abomination we spotted coming in the other direction last night that is staked directly into the ground. They do odd things with signage over here. Obviously.

Comment from lauraw
Time: December 28, 2008, 11:37 am

So? Does your new composter-thingy digest bones or what? I’ve been on tenterhooks.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 28, 2008, 2:16 pm

Geez! Keep your knickers on, lauraw! It takes four to six months, and preferably not all Winter ones.

I’ve been feeding her religiously — though I confess I haven’t given her any bones. I’m pretty skeptical about that one.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 28, 2008, 2:29 pm

I’m even more sceptical than Herself, having made compost for several years in my last sett – and used a plastic bin to do it in.

I’m sure this Johanna thing is perfectly OK, but as far as I can see it’s essentially no different to any other compost bin, save that it has a grille at the bottom to keep out vermin (and weasels).

A bit of Nordic hippie hype at work, if you asks this badger.

Still, as long as it makes good compost to feed my plants, I’ll be happy!

Comment from JuliaM
Time: December 28, 2008, 3:35 pm

“So? Does your new composter-thingy digest bones or what?”

If you know a friendly local pig farmer nearby, it won’t need to. If you catch my drift.. πŸ™‚

Comment from lauraw
Time: December 28, 2008, 9:44 pm

*cheeks redden*

*steps back into knickers*

Well, you can always throw the bones in the fireplace and use the wood/bone ash in your garden. That’s what we do. Minerals is minerals.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 28, 2008, 10:26 pm

Nice, healthy bonemeal, lauraw πŸ™‚

Bought a whole load of it today in a garden centre sale.

Some folks shop for Gucci handbags….

Comment from Michael
Time: December 28, 2008, 11:18 pm

Yes, they do odd things with signage. Obviously. Odd.Things.

To (badly) paraphrase Claude “Capt. Renault” Rains: “I like to think you absconded with the road sign. It’s the Romantic in me.”

I’d put up a proper link, but my mad HTML skillz suck when I’m sober, so now is right out.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 29, 2008, 12:33 am

The Weasel is 5’10”? Well, now I really feel like an elf.


(I’m 5’0.5″…even lauraw makes fun of me.)

Comment from TimB52
Time: December 29, 2008, 1:38 am

It’s the Eye of the Weasel…

Wasn’t that a hit song once?

Comment from lauraw
Time: December 29, 2008, 9:11 am

even lauraw makes fun of me

*rears up to full mighty height of 5′ 4″*

That’s right babe. You know what I can do with that extra 3.5 inches of raw, sizzling verticality?

I can see the top of your head, but not the top of the refrigerator. According to my husband, that’s a good thing.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 29, 2008, 9:27 am

My mother was a terrible housekeeper, and she was six feet tall. She took an abiding delight in the secret knowledge that all the tidy little women whose houses she visited had *filthy* ‘fridge tops.

As the shortest person in my family, I always felt…inadequate.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 29, 2008, 10:18 am

Well, at least I am small enough for guys to easily toss around while dancing.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 29, 2008, 11:02 am

A 5′ 10″ weasel should send chills down everyone’s spine. Or thrills up a badger’s leg!

Comment from geoff
Time: December 29, 2008, 12:20 pm

I still think the sign makes perfect sense as a warning to those who are recklessly approaching a transparent Moebius strip. After all, you don’t want to be hitting one of those at full speed – you might end up rear-ending yourself.

Comment from Jill
Time: December 29, 2008, 12:42 pm

Stoaty…imagine how I feel: my mom is 5’10″…dad was 6’0″…brothers are 6’0″ and 6’4″ and sister is 5’8″…grandparents ranged from 5’10” – 6’+…and…

I’m 5’4″.

But – Mom always has a spotless fridge top. πŸ™‚

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 29, 2008, 2:30 pm

Hm. Out of curiosity, how tall was the milkman, Jill?

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: December 29, 2008, 2:57 pm

I’m 5’5″. I say I’m 5’6″ because I can’t bear to think I’m so short.

Comment from Jill
Time: December 29, 2008, 3:34 pm

Swease, hmm…good question. πŸ˜‰

Comment from Lipstick
Time: December 29, 2008, 4:04 pm

I’m 5’10” too and when Lauraw teases Mrs. Peel for being short I tease Lauraw. But then Michael is about 6’4″. . .

Weasel, do you have gigantic feet too?

Comment from porknbean
Time: December 29, 2008, 4:48 pm

I’m 5’4″ and the kids…5’7″ and 6’1″. They call me stubby and my fridge top looks like it is growing hair. That much I can see.

We just had company over and we says to each other..’Each other, we should invite folks over every week to keep the house clean.’ I like a clean house but it always gets away from me due to my attention span and shiny things…..ah hell, who am I kidding….I’d rather do many other things than keep the house tidy. All hands on deck when we are expecting company though.

Comment from Jill
Time: December 29, 2008, 4:57 pm

Hey now…no teasing about gigantic feet.


Comment from Lipstick
Time: December 29, 2008, 5:22 pm

Jill, I always make fun of my own gigantic feet and remember the bad old days when Naturalizer was the only brand to make sizes over ten.

I was thrown out of a shoe shop in Italy for asking for size 42 — “Get out! That ees a man’s size!”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 29, 2008, 6:28 pm

I’m a mere ten! My feet *are not* gigantic. They are, however, pretty fugly.

My mother used to say, “never mind, Honey. Peacocks have ugly feet, too.”

Yeah, but they also have psychedelic rainbow-colored featherdusters shoved up their butts. It distracts the eye wonderfully.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 29, 2008, 7:04 pm

My feet are f’n adorable!

But it is hard to find shoes in 5.5 narrow.

Comment from Jill
Time: December 29, 2008, 7:30 pm

I’ve been placed in the moderation queueueueueue.

Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: December 29, 2008, 9:31 pm

Oh hell, I’ve figured out the sign. I’ve thought it through. What we are seeing is the front of the car because it has pirouetted on its left front tyre, on that first acute arc in the left track, the right side tyres tracking in an arc around it until the car is now 180 degrees and moving backwards, where the front left tyre is now tracking on the right side of the pavement.

I need another drink.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 30, 2008, 5:30 pm

I saw that godforsaken road sign on the news yesterday…next to a road…in Israel (or maybe it was the Gaza strip). Nice little bit of our imperial legacy.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 30, 2008, 6:04 pm

Good lord! No wonder the region is never at peace, Gibby!!

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