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Be a part of philological history

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Work on the Oxford English Dictionary was begun in 1857, when members of the Philological Society of London became sufficiently annoyed with all the existing dictionaries. The aim was to cram in 1,300 years worth of every single goddamned word in the English language they could get their hands on, including earliest usage and quotations. Nothing much came of it for the next thirty years.

Eventually, the great work was accomplished through the use of volunteer readers. Hundreds and hundreds of them, who mailed in words and quotations on little bits of paper called quotation slips. These were mashed into chunks of dictionary called fascicles and published one by one. The 125th and final fascicle was published in 1928.

One of the most prolific contributors was Dr. W.C. Minor, who provided thousands of entries. The editors later discovered he was an inmate at my next home, the Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum. He was an American Civil War vet who went mad and shot some poor bastard more or less at random on the streets of London. Lexicographer by day, crunchy nutball after dark. Simon Winchester wrote a very interesting book about it a few years ago. Well, I thought it was interesting.

The current edition of the OED is 20 volumes and over 300,000 words (also available online and by CD). The Oxford University Press has never made a net profit on sales of the dictionary.

It seems likely Woody’s World of Penis Euphemisms has never made a profit, either, but Woody’s goal is somewhat more modest: to collect every single word for penis, like, ever. He’s asking for submissions. Can you help?


No, I didn’t find this when I was slapping together the coon bone post. It’s exactly what I was looking for, but I never found it. Somebody hit this blog on a Google search of “weasel penis” — so, naturally, I ran the same search to see how I ranked. Fourth. This guy was fifth.

Urban dictionary was first. Hmph. And they can bite me.

Comments


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 7, 2007, 6:02 pm

I read the OED book – “The Professor and the Madman” by S. Winchester – several years ago. It was facinating, both because of the story about the mad contributor, and because the history of the OED and how they “got all their words” is interesting anyway.

Matter of fact, I recommended all of S. Winchester’s work to jwp right here a few weeks ago.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 7, 2007, 6:14 pm

I liked it, too. The British edition was called The Surgeon of Crowthorne.

The Amazon review called it ‘more interesting to linguistics enthusiasts than historians or true crime buffs’ — which I thought was unfair. I’m a bit of all three and I didn’t think it was a geeky read at all.

Wow. Winchester’s got a lot of books to his name.


Comment from Pupster
Time: August 7, 2007, 6:22 pm

Woooh. I could only get about half-way through the C’s on Woody’s page. Very thorough.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 7, 2007, 6:53 pm

I can vouche for the Krakatoa book, the geology book, and the earthquake book. he writes very well.

The only phrases I can think of that Woody seems to have missed are “derriere delver”, “butt bludgeon”, and “discipline stick” – and I’ll grant that they are obscure.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:00 pm

And Winchester’s OED book is on my to-buy list, Steamboat.

And wow, Woody’s got every name there is for–wait!!! What a bout Princely Pestle? Ha-HA! I’ve submitted it, and will now await my 15 seconds of fame.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:10 pm

I have just bought underpants over the internet. Have I crossed some kind of ghastly digital threshold…?


Comment from Dawn
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:14 pm

just a little bit, weasel
*pinching two fingers together


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:19 pm

Well, that would depend on whether they were new underpants, or used underpants, ouldn’t it?


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:19 pm

friggin’ w key.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:28 pm

Um…what prompted you – exactly – to do online underwear shopping, Weas? Is it too much to hope that they were for your significant other?

I really want to know so I’ll be aware if the same urge strikes me.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:31 pm

Oh, yeah – and I’ve actually seen the phrase “princely Pestle” somewhere, sometime, jw. So it’s real. You definitely earned your 15 minutes.


Comment from Dawn
Time: August 7, 2007, 9:31 pm

He said “underpants”. Nothing kinky there, boys.

This reminds me of a barenaked ladies lyric

On an evening such as this
It’s hard to tell if I exist
If I Packed a car and leave this town
Who’ll notice that I’m not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say ‘underwear’
I could leave but I’ll just stay
All my stuff’s here anyway.
It’s like a dream – you try to remember but it’s gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 7, 2007, 10:01 pm

Yep, Steam, I stole it from Clavell.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 7, 2007, 10:04 pm

Is that where I read it? Yes! Oriental expression? Noble House? Shogan?


Comment from Pupster
Time: August 7, 2007, 10:06 pm

“I have just bought underpants over the internet. Have I crossed some kind of ghastly digital threshold?”- S.Weasel

Depends….


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 7, 2007, 10:53 pm

Ouch, Pupster!


Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 7, 2007, 10:57 pm

Ha! he said Depends…

Thanks McGoo, I really have no imagination.


Comment from porkthebean
Time: August 7, 2007, 10:59 pm

GAHHH…somehow posted this on the other thread, which should been here..

“Yam? Good grief, what a horrible visual.

I hope your new underpants are leech-proof. If not, go buy some tape too.”

*takes sleep deprived self off to bed


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 8, 2007, 3:18 am

It’s 2:15 in the morning and I’m not getting any more sleep tonight. Rats. Maybe I should go online underwear shopping.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2007, 6:14 am

Ooff, McGoo. I do that sometimes. Nothing more soothing than online underwear shopping, but it’s probably too late now. Now it’s proper morning, with sun and everything…


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2007, 8:57 am

Whoa! Check this out. Someone linked this from a comment thread at Ace’s (and now I can’t find who). High voltage line inspector:


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 8, 2007, 9:17 am

I missed the window for late-night undie shopping, so I went to Denny’s for breakfast, then back to bed, comfortably pudged out.

That video made me want to blow breakfast. Heights! Ugh! I wonder how many Faraday Cage Suits get a li’l soiled in the breeches by newbees.


Comment from Gnus
Time: August 8, 2007, 11:56 am

Soiled? No worries, mate. I would be so clinched I could eat charcoal and poop diamonds.


Comment from winston
Time: August 8, 2007, 12:01 pm

Whoopdedoo!! Just added two euphemisms over at Woody’s World. This is a proud, proud day at maison du home.

Hey! And I do mean HEY. Why did I buy a big old color monitor to view a website that is black, white and grey (gray)? I am sooo perplexed.

It’s kinda like watching Iraq bombing runs by the USAF. They stick a smart bomb down some chimbley and all the durn house does is blow up. Where the devil did napalm go? Explosions and FLAMES-that’s what my taxes go for.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2007, 12:10 pm

Shades of gray (or as I once heard a terrified geek say while trying to sell me an expensive computer system: grades of shay). I find it soothing. Also, grayscale graphics squeeze down really small so I can totally crap your screen up with images without breaking the bandwidth.

So what were your euphemisms, anyhoo? I note that JW’s pestle has yet to put in an appearance.


Comment from winston
Time: August 8, 2007, 12:26 pm

I won’t give away the euphemisms until they are accepted but I will give away a huge source (that would make a good one, too) for some seriously foreign dirty word stuff. Those Japanese folks in Clavell’s Shogun (Shotgun for midwesterners) have a plethora of really cool terms for people’s naughty bits.

And I am only kidding about the black white grey gray. Well, half kidding. I went to a school that had greygray
as it’s basic color. In Jan the food was grey, sky was gray, buildings grey inside and out, uniforms either gray or grey-well you get the idea. But being frugal I say hurrah to saving bandwidth.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 8, 2007, 12:43 pm

Winston,

Yep – jwp reminded me of all the Shogun terms for – uh – parts. I seem to recall the geisha-broker-lady rattled off a whole list of ’em. Good source!


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 1:37 pm

Ah, I just remembered “Peerless Part.” Yup, Shogun is a goldmine for kewl names for naughty bits.


Comment from Dawn
Time: August 8, 2007, 1:47 pm

jw, naughty bits is not on Woody’s list. I am going to submit that.
“Arm of the flesh” keeps rolling around in my head, but I’m not sure what it means. It’s something biblical.

I only know toddler terms used during potty training like dinky and peepee.

Hide your shame was said around my house growing up, but I think it referred to being naked in any way.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 1:50 pm

Oh, yeah! Just remembered another one–from The Idiot: “Special Purpose”!! Huzzah for Steve Martin!


Comment from winston
Time: August 8, 2007, 2:33 pm

This is horribly, horribly juvenile. And BTW I do actually live on Horribly Juvenile Street.
There is a euphemism from Shogun I would like to submit but lack the huevos.

OK….

Ready??

Do you have baited breath…..?????

Here it is. Tada!!

BLACKTHORNE

Oh yeah.


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: August 8, 2007, 2:41 pm

Hey Weasel – I got your prisoner matchstick craftwork stuff in good shape. Thanks!

BTW, the “Big Matchstick” would be a good euphemism too.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 4:26 pm

How ’bout “El Presidente”? “Der Furher”? “Moan Capitán”?

Somebody stop me.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 4:27 pm

Oops, that’s “Der Fuhrer.”


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 4:32 pm

And what about The Greaseman’s euphemism: “Eighth Wonder of the World”?


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2007, 4:59 pm

Cool, Enas. Enjoy them. Or set fire to them. I don’t care, they’re not my problem now!


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 8, 2007, 6:39 pm

Actually, it’s “Fuehrer” or “Führer”.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 6:53 pm

You say “Fuehrer” and I say “Furher”
You say “Führer” and I say “Fuhrer.”
“Fuehrer.” “Furher.”
“Führer.” “Fuhrer.”
Let’s call the whole thing off.


Comment from The Lady of the Lake
Time: August 8, 2007, 7:24 pm

Sigh; all this furor over fueher vs.furher. Sounds like a WWF cage match in the making.

Anyhow,fewer and fewer people even use the word (except on 20 April). It’s just out of fashion…. like spats… even spats over the spelling of fueher – or was that furher.

Ah well, the correct spelling fueher – or was that furher is
is the furtherist fueherest thing on my mind.

I just calls him das uberschnitzel.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 7:33 pm

Uberschnitzel! That’s another for Woody!


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 7:35 pm

Although I guess to avoid correction I should say Überschnitzel.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2007, 7:38 pm

Spats! Was that the weirdest fashion accessory ever?

Not counting neckties. Stupid neckties. Jesus.

Incidentally, NOBODY says “po-TAH-to”. I’m sorry. The toMAYto/toMAHto thing is legit, but everybody says poTAYto. Or tayter. Or or-ida. Or tots. Gimme some tots, I’m dyin’ over here.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 7:47 pm

“Gimme some tots”? Isn’t that the motto on the gate of Neverland Ranch?


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 8, 2007, 8:04 pm

Can one eat spuds while wearing spats?

Uberschnitzel!

I have officially named my – uh, part – to Uberschnitzel.

Don’t get me started about neckties. I mean – what did some doofus do, decide “Hey! I know! Lets tie some material (having sufficient tensile strength to tow a Mac truck) around our NECKS! – the most delicate region of our anatomy – the region that (when damaged) almost always leads to death or permanent paralysis! – and let it dangle there with a foot or two of loose material that can get caught in machinery or pulled by hostile folks or stained by food droppings!”

What a wonnerful idea!


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 9:36 pm

I happen to like wearing ties. I try to wear one at least once a year, usually when the wife and I go out for a linen dinner. I can tell you our menus for the past 12 years simply by looking at my tie rack.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 8, 2007, 10:05 pm

As you can gather, I despise ties. Had to wear them a lot when I worked; hated every minute of it. I still have my “solder-tie collection” from the times I was in the lab and shit happened.

But Peter Sellers put one to outstandingly good use, resulting in one of the funniest little moments in comedy I ever saw – in Pink Panther.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 10:16 pm

I can only remember the shoelace bit in (IIRC) A Shot In The Dark.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 10:23 pm

Back when I actually wore a suit daily, I was rather smugly proud of my ties. Now that a tee-shirt, jeans and boots are my usual attire, I often marvel at such ridiculous vanity. Ah, youth.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 8, 2007, 10:36 pm

I stopped being impressed with dress when I visited a zoo and saw 4 chimps dive into a random pile of clothing and proceed to dress themselves in color-coordinated 6-8 piece formal ensembles (each chimp distinctly different).

That’s when I realized that ANYONE can dress up. It means nothing whatsoever. Nothing.

The Sellers bit was when he’d stumbles behind a desk (where his assistent is sitting) and grabbs the guy’s tie to lift himself upright. The resulting tug slams the assistants head onto the desk. The whole thing takes only a second, but is hilarious. And is a perfect demo of the danger these piece-o-shit useless decorations present to the wearer.


Comment from Dawn
Time: August 8, 2007, 11:09 pm

McGoo, I bet you could pull off a bowtie.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 8, 2007, 11:56 pm

I could never pull off a bowtie, but I have pulled off a few brassieres.

Not from my own self, of course. Get your mind out of the gutter. Or at least, back in the gutter on the straight side of the street. Here, I’ll save a spot for you.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 9, 2007, 3:49 am

Dawn – how’d you know? My “favorite” tie was the string tie. Its the tie, reduced to basics. It also looks even stupider than a regular one.

I mastered the one-handed brassiere unfasten when I was 14 – by practicing with one of my Sis’ bras strapped onto my mom’s sewing dummy. Its like bike-riding – once mastered, never forgotten.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 9, 2007, 6:03 am

Mark Twain worked in a pencil factory as a yoot. To the end of his days, he could reach into a box of pencils and grab exactly a dozen.

Charles Dickens, on the other hand, worked as a child pasting labels on bottles of boot blacking and I don’t think he learned anything but how to be a whiny bitch.


Comment from The Lady of the Lake
Time: August 9, 2007, 10:01 am

Only Weasel would attempt to rescue a thread about penis euphemisms from the gutter by invoking the ghosts of great authors discussing pencils and boot blacking.

In an admittedly desperate attempt to get this discussion back into the gutter:

I see your Mark Twain and Charles Dickens and raise you a
William Burroughs and NAKED LUNCH Steely Dan Reference.

Now, quick, Dawn! While I’ve got him dazed, him with a D.H. Lawrence Lady Chatterly’s Lover reference!


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 9, 2007, 10:14 am

Lady Chatterly’s Lover! It was published in three different editions: mild, warm, and really very naughty. My mother read the mild version. My grandmother (her mother in law) read the the naughty version. Without knowing they had read entirely different books, they compared notes. My mother’s conclusion was, “pff! What’s the big deal?” My grandmother was horrified. It was one of those terrible family missunderstandings that never got rectified.

So! Points to the first person who remembers the pet names they had for each other’s parts! Because I read it a long time ago and I can’t recall.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 9, 2007, 10:16 am

Ummm…to clarify. I’m talking about the names Lady Chatterly and her lover had for their various parts. The names my mother and grandmother had for each other’s parts is…<shudder>


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 9, 2007, 11:34 am

Please! I cherish my ignorance!


Comment from porkthebean
Time: August 9, 2007, 1:38 pm

Lady Jane and John Thomas


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 9, 2007, 1:42 pm

Was it? I’m strangely disappointed.


Comment from Lokki
Time: August 9, 2007, 1:51 pm

I’m sure that someone with a screen name as delicate as Porkthebean only has the ‘mild’ version of Lady Chatterly’s Lover, Weasel.

I’m confident that “Harry” and “Willie” and exotic names for shellfish enter into the “spicy” version….

at least as I remember things.


Comment from Pupster
Time: August 9, 2007, 5:02 pm

No…seriously? John Thomas? I went to Jr. High and High School with a bully named John Thomas, who made my life freakin miserable. I honestly had not thought of him in 20 years.

It’s got to be true. Don’t tell me if it’s not. He was pure dick, through and through. It would explain a lot.


Comment from Lokki
Time: August 9, 2007, 5:56 pm

Well, that would explain the song about Old John Thomas, the pile drivin’ man who got replaced by a machine…..

By the way, since no one asked the shellfish I was referring to is a “cockle” (seriously, I kill myself


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 9, 2007, 6:53 pm

John Thomas is an old one, Pups (check it out on Woody’s). That’s why I was disappointed.

I was hoping it was something like Pinky and the Xylophone. Or Goober and Mister Whiskers. It’s been so long ago, I forgot.

I do remember them playing ring toss with laurel wreaths and Uncle Buddy, or…whatever.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 9, 2007, 6:54 pm

I b’lieve you’re thinking John Henry, Lokki.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 9, 2007, 9:45 pm

Cockles?

Then what does the phrase, “…warm the cockles of your heart” mean?

Does that mean your heart has oysters, or weiners?

I’m really confused. But that’s ok. Its a normal condition.


Comment from Dawn
Time: August 9, 2007, 10:27 pm

From the phrase finder…
To warm the cockles of your heart implies a feeling of pleasure and affection. The cockles here are said to come from the belief that 17th century anatomists likened the shape of the ventricles of the heart to that of the marine mollusc of the same name and, of course, the heart has always been regarded as the seat of love and affection.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: August 10, 2007, 12:45 am

Whoa! It really has a history. Thanks, Dawn.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 10, 2007, 12:44 pm

Um….

I got nothing.


Comment from Lokki
Time: August 10, 2007, 1:24 pm

JW – Just as a friend speaking( man to man), Never, ever, say

I got nothing “

in a thread about penis euphemisms –

Just a friendly word of advice.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 10, 2007, 1:59 pm

Good advice., Lokki I only thought of the inadvisability of said declaration after I’d pressed that POST button. Story of my life, I’m afraid.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 10, 2007, 2:04 pm

About the only advice I can think of is of a preemptive nature: Contact as many long-lost buddies as you can right now and get your email address in their hands. Then, you’ll be more likely to be findable should any of them get very drunk some evening and realize there is nothing more important than contacting people they haven’t seen or heard from for decades.


Comment from jwpaine
Time: August 10, 2007, 2:05 pm

Oops, wrong thread.


Comment from GEE
Time: June 19, 2008, 11:43 pm

Ummm… Yeah.
I can’t believe this either… but,

I was here looking for referencea made to Steely Dan,
the band’s named after a dildo in a literary classic.

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