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Say no to the Turkish delight!

Al Gore is the White Witch

I got it! Al Gore is the White Witch!

That’s why it snows wherever he goes. That’s why he’s desperate to make us cool things down, even though the climate is manifestly not getting warmer.

They’re snowed in in Copenhagen. It’s predicted in D.C. They’re predicting snow for us tonight, too, so I’m making cookies in case that means Al’s dropping in unexpectedly.

I’m not just saying this to be nasty: have you ever noticed there’s something drag-queen-y in Gore’s face? It’s partly that his eyebrows look shaved, but it’s something else about his eyes. And his high nostrils.

Why would drag queens have high nostrils? Shut up is why.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 17, 2009, 6:54 pm

I’m awful at this sort of thing, but if you aren’t, they’re having a caption this over at Snapped Shot.

I hate that I suck at that. I tried my hand at captioning some Cheezburger cats way back at the beginning, and mine were all totally non-funny.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 17, 2009, 7:30 pm

Hell, I tried to post one and it never showed… 🙁

Comment from David Gillies
Time: December 17, 2009, 7:51 pm

Big Gay Al is a contender for this site: Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.

Comment from Allen
Time: December 17, 2009, 8:12 pm

Oh no, that’s a nightmare from my childhood. That’s Louhi The Hag of the North from Finnish mythology. Louhi was known to do terrible things, such as stealing the sun, so that the heroes would face horrifying ice storms and blizzards. Damn, my grandfather could spook the hell out of us. That and make us roll in the snow after the blazing hot sauna.

Lummee, some paganism, and the bear. Hey, did you know one of the euphemisms for the bear was “Meadow Sweeper?” The bear was sacred and only referred to euphemistically. An old Finnish proverb: When a bear is on either side of the river you are crossing, smile, your fate is sealed.

It sounds better in Finnish.

Comment from Schlippy
Time: December 17, 2009, 8:16 pm

Gah! You’ve ruined my til now erotic images of the White Witch as played be the loverly Tilda Swinton. sigh

Something about those gingers…

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 17, 2009, 8:19 pm

Allen, Have you ever watched “The Edge” with Alec Baldwin, Anthony Hopkins, Elle Mcpherson and Bart the Bear? THAT one would REALLY freak your grandfather out, especially the parts where Harrold Perrineau gets munched by Bart, and when Alec Baldwin and Tony Hopkins have to face Bart with nothing but caveman-style spears…..

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 17, 2009, 8:25 pm

Dunno about the White Witch. I always think Gore looks like Christopher Reeve – after his accident. There’s something of the waxworks stiff about the creep.

Either that or he has a large pole up his fundamental orifice.

If that’s the case then I hope that it’s owned by a truck driver called Stanislaw.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 17, 2009, 8:36 pm

My mom loves The Edge because of what happens to Alec Baldwin.

Comment from weirdsister
Time: December 17, 2009, 8:47 pm

Bwahhahahahaha! Awesome work, Stoatie! Bravo!

Comment from Allen
Time: December 17, 2009, 9:02 pm

I think I have Scuba. In Finnish mythology the bear would also punish transgressions. It’s interesting how common, story lines really are.

My mom would get so mad when my grandfather would tell us bedtime stories from the old country. The one about wolves stealing off with children was not her favorite.

Comment from Brian L.
Time: December 17, 2009, 9:22 pm

LOL @ Princess Gore. Seriously. That is some funny stuff!

(And yeah, he looks like he’d get along just fine on Fire Island, IYKWIMAITYD. NTTAWWT. lulz.)

Edit: Oh snap! It’s not working for you, Scubafreak? I’d be happy to help with that. Just drop me a Gmail anytime, and I’ll make it worky for you. 🙂

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 17, 2009, 11:15 pm

Meh… Got to thinking about that movie, so now I’m watching it between calls on my laptop here at work….

Ah gotz ta say, Stoatie. That pic is enough to make my privates hide somewhere in the vicinity of my voicebox…….

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: December 18, 2009, 12:43 am

Miz Weasie, can I request some sort of Al Franken shirt? There has just got to be money made in that one.

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: December 18, 2009, 12:48 am

Hey, Schlippy, have you ever seen Young Adam with Tilda and Ewan McGregor? One of the steamest movies ever!!!!!

Comment from Deborah
Time: December 18, 2009, 1:06 am

You shoulda posted a spew alert with this one. I had red wine in my mouth.

Comment from Al Gore
Time: December 18, 2009, 9:13 am

You’ve probably heard my song:

I’m Mister White Christmas
I’m Mister Snow
I’m Mister Icicle
I’m Mister Ten Below
Friends call me Snow Miser,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
I’m too much!
He’s Mister White Christmas
He’s Mister Snow
He’s Mister Icicle
He’s Mister Ten Below
Friends call me Snow Miser,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
He’s too much!
I never want to know a day
That’s over forty degrees
I’d rather have it thirty,
Twenty, then Five, then let it freeze!
He’s Mister White Christmas
He’s Mister Snow
He’s Mister Icicle
He’s Mister Ten Below
Friends call me Snow Miser,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch,
Too much.
Too Much!

Comment from Dawn
Time: December 18, 2009, 10:38 am

Shut up is why. ha!


Comment from Nicole
Time: December 18, 2009, 12:13 pm

You may be onto something here…

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: December 18, 2009, 1:10 pm

I’m my iPhone on way to WDW so need to make short and no time to search for link but has anyone seen pic of odumba getting out of AF1 reading Post Ameica World?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 18, 2009, 5:28 pm

A quick Googling says the photo is from May 2008, when he was campaigning, Mrs C.

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: December 18, 2009, 6:50 pm

Thanks Mz Weazie. I’m at Walt Disney World sitting shiva for Roy. Hard to sneak off for a google.

Comment from Sporadic Small Arms Fire
Time: December 19, 2009, 1:27 am

Al Gore’s has high nostrils due to being a highlander. A mountaineer… from the YHVH’s Chosen Tribe roaming on the Mount Zion.

Comment from Bob
Time: December 21, 2009, 12:29 pm

Placing the Goreacle’s face on Tilda you can bewitch me anytime” Swinton’s body is just about the worst thing you could have done!


Comment from Brigette Russell
Time: December 30, 2009, 9:21 pm

Love the picture. Love the title. What’s your policy on other people using your brilliant photoshoppery on their blogs — okay as long as we link to you and give credit? Now that I’m upgraded and can actually put photos on mine again, I think I’d like to use this one for the next time a whopping blizzard happens to come along the same day somebody at the New York Times (or like establishment) is making fun of climate change deniers.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 30, 2009, 9:27 pm

My policy is, I *adore* when people use my stuff, with or without a link — click the “steal my art” graphic in the right sidebar for details.

I might even have kept a color version of that one.

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