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The cheese stands alone

I’ve always found the phrase incredibly sad and disturbing. This is what it looks like in my head.

Poor cheese. Poor damn cheese.

Is that all I have for you today? No, of course not. I also have this.

PocketFart ™ uses advanced flatulence simulator technology to produce custom audio events, anything from a short and sweet toot to an epic monster blast…With just a finger gesture, you can stylize one-of-a-kind farts. Modulate qualities such as fart duration and sphincter tightness, allowing you to produce unlimited combinations!…Many kinds of farts included: O Tight One, Monster Butt and more…Convenient fart playback styles for added flair…

Today’s secret word is cheese.


Comment from steve
Time: March 7, 2011, 7:26 pm

Qui a coupé le fromage?

Comment from Sporadic Small Arms Fire
Time: March 7, 2011, 7:39 pm

I am by no stretch a Luddite, however no fancy machine will ever replace a man! (or a well-fermenting wo-man!)

Comment from David Bain
Time: March 7, 2011, 8:43 pm

Is it necessary to feed it electronic beans and cabbage?

Comment from Nina
Time: March 7, 2011, 11:28 pm

Oooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaay…personally, I feel that farting is one of those things upon which technology development dollars (or pounds sterling, if you prefer) do not need to be spent.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: March 8, 2011, 12:15 am

I promise I’ll disconnect Stoatie from the psychedelic drip-feed soon, folks.

I just need someone standing by with a tourniquet.

For me.

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: March 8, 2011, 12:42 am

I don’t need no stinkin machine…..

Comment from Sven in Colorado
Time: March 8, 2011, 12:42 am


That being said…read on if thou darest.

Personally….Fly fishing in late August — Standing in the a river, waving a stick, in chest-high waders that have seen multiple days of fishing over a long summer…. And, having had a glorious dinner of Mexican food, where appetizers of Liederkranz cheese and garlic/beet pickled eggs were the prelude to a feast redolent with refried black beans and home made pork green chile, washed down with buckets of Grain Belt beer (The beer that made Nebraska famous)has produced some of the most heavily layered, fragrance wise, farts that I have ever experienced.

AND, I hope, I shalt never have to experience again!

Comment from Skandi Recluse
Time: March 8, 2011, 1:58 am

You call that a CHEESE? Looks like Sponge Bob’s second inbred cousin.

The landscape is nicely done, however. Could you colorize it? In flashing neon psychedelic colors? Something to go with ’60’s era music to smoke pot by.

Comment from harbqll
Time: March 8, 2011, 2:47 am

Yo soy El Queso!

El Queso dice que hay peligro!

Comment from Doug!
Time: March 8, 2011, 5:28 am

Don’t be sad for the cheese. Perhaps this story will cheer you up. It’s called “The Ugly Barnacle.”

Comment from mojo
Time: March 8, 2011, 7:19 am

Hard to blame on the dog, though.

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: March 8, 2011, 7:28 am

Now if there’s one thing Badgers know about, it’s cheese. Wisconsin still makes the best cheese there is. I like Colby best myself.

Comment from LeeAnn
Time: March 8, 2011, 1:30 pm

Before this current iteration of my blog, it was called The Cheese Stands Alone. I wish I’d found that picture then.
I always credited the lonely cheese for having good survival skills. You get around people, they slam your ass on a cracker and eat you.
Not so very different than prom night, now that I think of it.
(Joan of Primal Slack sent me here. )

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 8, 2011, 2:13 pm

There’s a Cornish cheese they sell in all the poncy shops here which is called Yarg. You know, you’re invited to think it’s some ancient tradition. Turns out — one shopkeeper told us — the cheesemaker’s name is Gray. Yarg is Gray backwards.

It’s not just us, you know. Finest British bullshit.

Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: March 8, 2011, 2:16 pm

LeeAnn, Stoaty makes her own pictures. That’s just the way she rolls.

Comment from mojo
Time: March 8, 2011, 4:36 pm


National Cheese Carver Creates a Salute to Champions at Lambeau Field

Who: Sarah “The Cheese Lady,” a Wisconsin native and nationally recognized cheese sculptor.

What: Will give a Wisconsin cheese salute to the champions: the Green Bay Packers and the winners of this week’s United States National Championship Cheese Contest. Kaufmann will carve football players, cheese makers and other Wisconsin icons out of a 640-pound golden Cheddar throughout the three day public event.

When & Where:

Tuesday & Wednesday, March 8 and 9 9 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Thursday, March 10 – Championship judging 10 a.m. – 12 p.m.

Lambeau Field Atrium 1265 Lombardi Ave. Green Bay, WI 54304

Why: Over 1,602 cheese and butter entries are competing in this year’s United States Championship Cheese Contest. 30 states have submitted their finest products, vying for the coveted championship honor. It’s only natural that nationally recognized cheese sculptor and Wisconsin native, Sarah Kaufmann, participate in this event – the largest dairy product competition in U.S. history.

During the event, members of the public can enjoy the spirit of Lambeau Field as they watch the judging, look on as Kaufmann whittles a work of art out of Wisconsin cheese and taste some of the finest cheeses in America.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: March 8, 2011, 5:46 pm

For mojo:
Never let it be said that Green Bay can’t cut it. At least when it comes to cheese…

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: March 8, 2011, 8:22 pm

OT – Hey , SWeas:
I see y’all had some excitement on the East side of the Pond:
Any chance that y’all are gonna beat the States to civil war? Or is everyone just so beat down over there that nothing will come of this?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 8, 2011, 11:06 pm

It’s an excellent question, Mark, and I wish I had a definitive answer. In fact, I’ve wondered that ever since I started coming here in the mid-90s.

My tentative conclusion is that Britain is made up of a large number of essentially passive and a-political people, and a small number who are highly plugged in and incandescent with rage.

Comment from Deborah
Time: March 8, 2011, 11:20 pm

Weasel accused in New Hampshire chicken killings. Little Mr. Midnight and Checkers Chicken were among 18 birds found dead outside an Amherst barn last weekend.


I hate myself for sending this to you, but I thought you’d want to know.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: March 9, 2011, 12:03 am

For Deborah:
Are you SURE they weren’t talking about a member of the Obama Administration? After all, it IS the Union Leader…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 9, 2011, 12:55 am

Is that Amherst, MA, Deborah? I mean, seriously — the death of 18 chickens is newsworthy where you come from?

Food rights. Hm. Food is going up alarmingly in the UK, Mark, but I don’t think that’s going to be the sticking point. Gas riots, maybe (that almost got going ten or so years ago). Tax revolts. Energy revolts. Food’s bad, but it’s by no means the worst shortage here.

Comment from Nina
Time: March 9, 2011, 5:23 am

Not to mention social services taking children from innocent parents.


Comment from Deborah
Time: March 9, 2011, 4:23 pm

The story showed up in a news service that I read. It was the photo of Little Mr. Midnight that got to me. And the comments! Such passion and compassion. Plus I’d never heard of a fisher cat, so I had to go look that up.

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