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Help us, Zombie Reagan — you’re our only hope!

I don’t know what I’m going to do in November. And, you know what? I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m sick and sore and bored with the whole thing, and there really isn’t any hurry. No matter what anybody says. This lousy primary season proves we’ve got more pressing things to talk about, anyway.

Conservatism is as relevant and important as it has ever been. So many of our bedrock principles — ideas like minding your own goddamned business and not taking people’s stuff away from them — are so basic that people are born believing them. It takes years of rigorous training to knock the conservatism out of a human being.

If our ideas aren’t resonating, it must be because we quit talking about them.

Somewhere along the line, Left and Right stopped arguing philosophy with each other and started jell-o wrestling straw men. Then we stopped arguing philosophy with ourselves. When our last guy proposed “compassionate conservatism” as if it were an actual idea, we should’ve known right there we had let things get badly out of hand.

If the Republican Party doesn’t remember what we stand for, we’re in a buttload of hurt. I know the GOP is not the Conservative Party, but it has been American conservatism’s most successful host organism. And the relationship is symbiotic: without conservative ideas, what exactly does “Republican” mean?

We’ve got work to do, ‘wingers.

So come! Let us rally under the banner of the last guy we felt really good about. Sure, he’s a little beat up, but he doesn’t look all that much worse than our current guy. Come on, people — we know what Zombie Reagan wants from us: hard work, sunny optimism and braaaaaaaaaains.

zombie reagan

UPDATE: Since this has turned out to be the Identity Election, I believe the time is right for an undead candidate. Got any slogan ideas for Zombie Reagan? Please join us in the thread and share. Let’s win one for the Kipper!

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:29 am

Weasel, I see you have come full circle and are using your blog in its First Office – the one you intended when you started. Politics!

The Gipper up there still looks up to whomping some McCain butt.

Now who will be McCain’s, Hiliary’s, and Obamesiah’s runing mates?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:34 am

That’s right, McGoo. Don’t worry; I have the attention span of a ground squirrel. Soon enough, it’ll be back to septic tanks and booger haiku.

But for now, I’m fired up about a Reanimated Gipper candidacy, and I’m pushing it for all its worth. Some people say prejudice against dead guys runs too deep in America, but I say fie! We’re better than that. The time is right for a zombie candidate.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:37 am

IN COLOR! JUST TO MESS WITH YOUR HEAD!

zombie reagan 4evah

 


Comment from Cuffy Meigs
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:40 am

Zombie Reagan is terrifying — yet comforting.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:43 am

God I love this site!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:48 am

optimism conservatism brains

HE’S BACK! AND HE’S HUNGRY!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:55 am

That’s why the Steal My Stuff thingie went up yesterday, McGoo. I’m kind of hoping Zombie Reagan escapes into the wild. Shoot…I guess I should’ve signed it, huh?

Slogans? Anybody? It’s morning in America! Specifically, Monday morning…and I totally don’t feel like working.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:05 pm

best hair in politics<


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:12 pm

shit sandwich

 
 


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:15 pm

Beautiful work Weasel! Huzzah!

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:21 pm

Sign it! Sign it! I’ll steal it after…

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:24 pm

I am totally making myself a brains t-shirt!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:26 pm

Y’all want specific sizes or slogans, let a weasel know.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:32 pm

shut the hell up jimmy carter

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:43 pm

I’ll take a dozen, XXL. Half “Carter” and half “Braaiins”.

Where do I send the check – or do you want Paypal? I’m easy…

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:46 pm

Hm. I hadn’t even thought of t-shirts until Dawn said that. I wouldn’t mind wearing the Kipper, myself. This artwork is too small to make a decent reproduction, though. I’ll have to see if I can find out what the specs are.

Heh. “Win One for the Kipper” would be good, too.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:47 pm

I’m thinking AoS Insta-launch in the near-future for your marketing needs…

Are you up for a bump in traffic, Weaz?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 12:50 pm

McGoo, you shameless hussy.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 1:02 pm

Yes.

But I get a free post subject out of it for later today. I’m empty at the moment and 6PM is fast-approaching. We have the porn – just no prose…

Besides, Ace is probably still inebriated with CPAC funded val-u-rite, so he won’t notice.

 


Comment from See-Dubya
Time: February 11, 2008, 3:46 pm

Yeah, I’m stealing that right now.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 3:48 pm

Steal! Steal like the wind!

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 4:05 pm

Man, I’m not going near Ace’s now. He’s over there talkin’ Dark Energy and state-of-the-art cosmology theory.

I knew I shouldn’t have taken that nap. Everyone forged ahead intellectually while I was asleep.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 4:56 pm

Yeah. Spooky, huh? It’s like contact with grownups has given him a new lease on braincells or something.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 5:02 pm

Either that or he got wind of my nefarious plans to – ahem – utilize his hit rate. (But now see-dubya is on it! Woot!)

Man, last week he couldn’t spell Rhine-Passagalia Construct and now he’s spouting space-time orthogonality like it was mother’s milk!

I feel so primitive.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: February 11, 2008, 5:07 pm

I kinda like “Help us, Zombie Reagan… You’re our only hope!” myself.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 5:16 pm

Me, too, jw. And the line about Carter – whom I haven’t demeaned in weeks.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 5:28 pm

Yeah, but the tagline should’ve been “HE MADE JIMMY CARTER SHUT THE HELL UP FOR TWO DECADES” — specificity and accuracy being important here.

you're our only hope

Never thought of that, jw. This one has a pupil in his dead eye. Better one or better two?

 


Pingback from Conservative Crisis Averted « The Center of the Anomaly
Time: February 11, 2008, 5:38 pm

[…] Crisis Averted February 11, 2008 Posted by Enas Yorl in Art, Politics. trackback Stoat Weasel has unearthed the perfect candidate for ‘08.  Hop on over and pledge yoursupport! […]

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 7:59 pm

Well, considering the serious amount of creativity you expended today – and which is now on display here – a li’l sippy or two of uisge-beatha surely isn’t too much to ask.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:02 pm

Hahaha…vodka. And I biffed the comment shortly after making it. I realized I had slipped into “Dear Diary…” mode on a thread that was getting linkage. No sense stepping on my own dick.

Ummm. Whatever.

Say, JYB has some pretty serious ‘lanche mojo.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:08 pm

I would hope so. See-dubya did a nice piece. My influence over Ace hits has dwindled significantly (dammit!) – and my place is near-dead. Rats.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:17 pm

Not to worry, McGoo. Zombie Reagan will find a way. He always does.

Say, my carpenter did me a ‘favor’ today and nailed shut the window my cats use as a cat door. I came home to find myself the proud owner of two catsicles (it was ten degrees this morning, with 50 mph gusts).

Who invented the cat flap? I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before…

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:23 pm

Why don’t you return the carpenters favor and kick him in the spheres – after his work is completed, of course.

Ooooh! Weaz! Go find a stuffed cat somewhere and put it outside the window – and spritz it with water so it’ll look frozen.

Then wait.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:25 pm

Wiki says Isaac Newton definitely did not invent the cat flap.

One down – billions to go. Wait. I didn’t invent it either. That’s two…

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:26 pm

Shoot! Wiki is always ruining my fun 🙁

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:26 pm

No, wait, that’s Snopes. I usually like Wiki.

 


Comment from See-Dubya
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:30 pm

I’m having a good day, thanks. Good month, actually. Happy to share.

One possible suggestion–for some future iterations, should you do more, a faint lich-like gleam of malevolent witchfire in the eye-socket. He always did have a “twinkle” in his eye… Red, maybe?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:41 pm

I’m thinking “President Amadjenadad- tear off that towel! as a variation.

Or Zombie Reagan – Pimped out and ready to go!

Or Zombie Reagan – Because Fred! turned out to be a Wussy!

Or Zombie Reagan – because Ted Kennedy still lives!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:42 pm

I almost did that! I was going to make the ‘off’ socket glowing red. Then I thought…wait, I know why that’s stuck in my head. That’s the Terminator!

So, ummm…Terminator Reagan? Anybody?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:51 pm

Try it. No one’s gonna subtract points, Weaz!

I’m lookin’ for a particular photo….

 


Comment from See-Dubya
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:56 pm

Firey yellow-orange then, or yellow green?

Oh: and if you’re doodling with colors, remember everyone used to make fun of Ronnie for the brown suit.

Gives a new meaning to “Voodoo Economics”. Maybe Juju Economics..

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 8:57 pm

“Vote Conservative if you want to live!”

http://aardvarks.wordpress.com/files/2008/02/terminator_girl_partial.jpg

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 9:45 pm

Create, Weaz, create!

Y’know – Dawn hasn’t said a peep since mentioning t-shirts.

Just email me with an address I can send the check, Dawn!

 


Pingback from Cold Fury » Blog Archive » Braaaaains!
Time: February 11, 2008, 9:51 pm

[…] Weaz has it down cold: I don’t know what I’m going to do in November. And, you know what? I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m sick and sore and bored with the whole thing, and there really isn’t any hurry. No matter what anybody says. This lousy primary season proves we’ve got more pressing things to talk about, anyway. […]

 


Comment from pajama momma
Time: February 11, 2008, 10:18 pm

Is there something wrong with me? I really want to see Zombie Reagan in tie-dye. I dont’ even like tie-dye.

Could it be because this beer is 9% alcohol?

 


Comment from Gnus
Time: February 11, 2008, 10:30 pm

Maybe something featuring Gomer Pyle? You know…

for the Huckaninnies.

This could be a series.

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:19 pm

I was running stoopid errands all day! I missed all the fun again.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 11, 2008, 11:22 pm

How can we get Zombie Reagan t-shirts, Dawn?

 


Comment from steveegg
Time: February 12, 2008, 12:07 am

Damn beautiful, and that’s not (just) the Killian’s Red talking.

 


Pingback from No Runny Eggs » Blog Archive » Zombie Reagan in 2008!
Time: February 12, 2008, 12:08 am

[…] Further details of my third-party candidacy (and similar artwork) supplied by most excellent VRWC operative S. Weasel. That girl’s a little…off, but her heart’s in the right place. […]

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 6:10 am

Dang, PJMomma — what sort of beer is 9%? You weren’t drinking malt likker on us…?

 


Comment from Former Lurker
Time: February 12, 2008, 6:55 am

If you want t-shirts, the easiest, fastest way is to start a merchant’s account at cafepress.com. It takes about ten minutes and doesn’t cost anything. Then pick out all the different kinds of t-shirts you want Zombie Reagan on, upload the image, and tell everyone the link so they can go buy them.

No fuss, no muss, and no cost. In fact, you (the merchant) sets the price and you may be able to make a few bucks out of it.

I have a link to our cafepress “store” on my band’s web site. Check it out – so far, I haven’t spent a cent to have that up and running. Of course, I haven’t made any money, either, but… oh, well.

The Blind Ducks

 


Comment from Former Lurker
Time: February 12, 2008, 6:58 am

Come to think of it, with cafepress you can sell hats, caps, sweatshirts, tote bags, coffee cups, beer mugs… almost anything you can think of.

Cafe Press

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 8:16 am

I’ve heard complaints about Cafe Press, FL. I’m not sure what, specifically — their service or support staff or something. Whatever it was, it put me off.

There was a similar outfit called Zazzle I was looking into, but somewhere along the line I lost the will to live.

Nono, Minions. Stoaty wasn’t fixing to sell out. I was looking to have some t-shirts made up for my RL friends. Not that I’m above picking the pockets of my pretend internet friend, mind you. It’s just…if I ran into a sweasel.com t-shirt stretched across the back of some 400 pound scabrous doxy on the mean streets of Boston, it would break my heart.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 12, 2008, 8:39 am

Ah! The tragedy that is capitalism. One can create – but one cannot control possession in the marketplace. Anyone can buy your wares, one way or another.

I think you ought to do sumpin Weaz – maybe with Dawn, who is set up for this and knows about the stuff (I think). But – I know you’re going into camping mode soon and are just a wee bit busy.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 12, 2008, 8:55 am

Oh, yeah. I also recall hearing of quality issues with Cafepress shirts, or the silkscreening, or whatever. But I can’t recall details. Damned brain…

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 8:59 am

There ya go, See-Dubya!

reaganator

Okay, okay…that’s it. I better do some work today or I’m SO going to get busted!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 9:03 am

You put that big ol’ loaf of a chin on him, and he looks more like Arnold, doesn’t he? I better be careful. I’ve always had trouble catching likenesses.

Not as bad as this guy, though. The official White House portrait looks NOTHING LIKE Ronnie.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 11:39 am

Better, I think. It was the mouth.

reaganator

Wait, did I say “work”?

 


Comment from Lokki (with a painted mustasche) ~^~
Time: February 12, 2008, 12:43 pm

It’s just…if I ran into a sweasel.com t-shirt stretched across the back of some 400 pound scabrous doxy on the mean streets of Boston, it would break my heart.

The question of Artist’s rights after sale is a very interesting one. If I buy the Mona Lisa, do I have the right to paint a mustasche on it?

There was a very famous case about sculpture some years ago. An artist was commissioned to do a sculpture for a very large public courtyard in New York City. The courtyard was essentially a flat concrete space perhaps 200 by 200 feet (if I remember) with a few benches and trees but otherwise devoid of decoration. The artist determined that his sculpture should be an waving 2 inch thick steel wall about 5 feet tall bisecting the courtyard.

Viewed from above, looking down from the Skyscraper windows, the courtyard was bisected into a sort of ying/yang plurality.

However people who worked in the buildings and used the space for lunches and for transiting from point to point HATED the sculpture because there was no passage through it. You had to go all the way around the side of the courtyard to get around the end of this rusted brown steel ‘berlin wall’.

The commission which had commissioned the work first decided to respond by cutting gateways through the wall at various points. The artist refused to permit this, saying (paraphrasing here) “people be damned, if art makes them inconvenienced or uncomfortable – too bad”.

The commission then decided to simply remove the work from the courtyard since everyone hated it. The artist then went to court, asserting his rights to his work; he insisted that the place was part of the work now that the wall had been installed. He asserted that his work could not be moved without his permission.

The committee’s position was that, having paid the artist, it was up to them if they chose to ‘paint a mustasche on the Mona Lisa’ or not to display the work.

And the result of the court case?

Uhm, I don’t know, and I’m too busy today to research it

Could Weasel write a contract of sale, saying that only the Beautiful People® can wear her work of art?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 12:46 pm

No offense, you guys, but I have a feeling that would severely suppress sales.

 


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 12, 2008, 12:51 pm

Umm… make them incredibly expensive so that only ‘beautiful people’ can afford to buy them?

It works for Dior.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 1:03 pm

Oh, sure. I bet you just want to blow my money on more of those expensive sticks with Latin names to bury in the yard.

Stupid badger.

 


Comment from pajama momma
Time: February 12, 2008, 2:01 pm

Dang, PJMomma — what sort of beer is 9%? You weren’t drinking malt likker on us…?

Dogfish Head. http://www.dogfish.com/ It’s nummy.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 12, 2008, 2:43 pm

I thought this was funny, especially the first paragraph (regarding English food).

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2008, 2:48 pm

That’s really weird, Musli…I just started back-reading Emerald Bile (reading forward from the first post). I forgot how I found it, though. It’s real…well…you know.

Dogfish Head. Hm. I didn’t know you could brew beer that strong. I’ll have to poke around their site and see what’s what. One of the things I wanted to do at Badger House is homebrew. I was going to make hard cider, but apparently fruit pectin increases the % of methyl alcohol in the brew…which is why hard cider hangovers are so vile. Booze is bloody expensive in the UK.

 


Comment from steveegg
Time: February 12, 2008, 4:56 pm

Any “beer” that requires the use of a snifter isn’t beer.

 


Comment from pajama momma
Time: February 12, 2008, 5:07 pm

I can’t do sweet alcohol.I don’t know why, but I’m just not a girl drink drunk

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 12, 2008, 5:18 pm

I love the various British blogs: Emerald Bile, Harry Hutton. If you haven’t read The Joy of Curmudgeonry, you should. I once spent 48 hours (not consecutively, of course) finding the blog when my bookmarks went poof and I had forgotten to blogroll him.

Random point (because you know I have to do random points): I have been going to Mandarin Chinese websites. Now, Blogspot and WordPress either suggest to me that they too can do blogs in Chinese or, even worse, have their top banners in Chinese.

 


Pingback from No Runny Eggs » Blog Archive » If You’re Not a Leftist You’re “Brain Dead”
Time: August 28, 2009, 10:43 am

[…] Dead” and “Un American.”  Maybe it’s time to officially form the Zombie Reagan Nation! [Comments (1)]  [link]  […]

 


Comment from Umer Sharif
Time: June 21, 2010, 3:24 am

Lol… Nice!!

 

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