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Happy International Women’s Day

women

Pictured: International Women’s Day march and general lady strike in Spain.

What the hell is that gesture supposed to represent? The Wall of Hoo-Hah? The Sea of Poon? “I self-identify as a giant hole”?

I wish women would make their minds up about this stuff. Like, I want you to see me for a brains and, hey, have you seen my pussy hat?

Anyway, the slogan for this Spanish thing was, “if we stop, the world stops.” But, ummm…things seemed pretty much normal here. I’m guessing nothing much ground to a halt anywhere, even in Spain.

March 8, 2018 — 10:46 pm
Comments: 12

O, Canada!

unicorntrudeau

So the image above came up in my Twitter feed. While it is obviously Trudeau entertaining a unicorn hand-puppet, the tweet that went with identified it as the Gender Identity Unicorn.

buttertrudeau

Sadly, it’s not, though I’m suspicious of the rainbow-colored horn. It is Gary of Gary’s Hug Club, a club started by a puppeteer who…solicits hugs. Yes, he hugged it.

As did Margaret Atwood (scroll down), that dessicated old bore (I’m still salty I had to read so much of her feminist shite in High School). She’s been all over British radio this week talking about…I don’t know. Her twat or something.

In the course of my researches, I rediscovered Small Dead Animals — remember? It’s a really splendid Canadian blog that I used to love back in the day. That is, back in the day when I had a corporate gig and read a bajillion blogs every day.

Oh, also I found this butter sculpture of Justin Trudeau hugging two baby pandas. Because of course I did.

February 6, 2018 — 8:20 pm
Comments: 11

This came today

brushrest

I ordered this from Amazon and it came today. It’s from China. It’s very nice and rather large. It’s a brush rest, carved to this shape (presumably laser-carved, because they’re all alike) from a hunk of rosewood tree root. It cost me less than five pounds and the shipping was free.

There is so much wrong with the thing I just typed, from the cost of the item to the free shipping to the fact that rosewood is more protected on the international market than baby fucking harp seals and shouldn’t have sailed through Customs without a bureaucratic fight to the death.

Are you guys getting this? Super cheap, excellent stuff from China with free (you have to assume, hugely government subsidized) shipping? Because we are. It takes two to five weeks to get here, but I mean…really?

November 7, 2017 — 11:50 pm
Comments: 12

Huh. That’s kind of…huh.

emoji

It’s a modern Dutch building, where the gargoyles are emojis.

I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, modern architecture is so plain and dire and serious and determined to impose sick-making non-Euclidean silhouettes on the landscape.

On the other hand, emojis.

The firm that designed it is Attika Architekten. Hit the link for more pitchas.

May 8, 2017 — 7:13 pm
Comments: 18

Neat.

train

That’s the Silk Road Train leaving the station today on its maiden voyage from Britain straight to China pulling thirty containers of British goods. Bit of a misnomer, as this is actually the return trip, but w/e.

That’s 7,500 miles in 18 days. I make that 416 miles a day, for an average of 17 miles an hour. It does stop several places and switch engines, but I don’t think it takes on additional cargo. China already has similar rail services with a dozen other countries along the way.

It’s China’s idea. This is cheaper than moving goods by air and faster than container ships. I’m not sure it will work out — something about the logistics of trains never seems to be economical — but I think it’s neat that they’re trying.

One of the things going to China is whisky. We know someone whose son is a whisky dealer in Hong Kong. They can’t get enough of the stuff. The good stuff, too.

Age of wonders, y’all.

April 10, 2017 — 8:18 pm
Comments: 8

Sixty-eight days to Christmas!

putin

Forget Vladimir Putin cuddling a puppy! That was last year’s calendar (no, really).

This year’s offering in the beefcake calendar market features Putin, among other things, with a kitten. Going straight for that internet demographic. Kitty does not look happy.

I don’t like the news around Mad Vlad at the moment. I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say he’s right and we’re wrong in the Syrian conflict (I’m not absolutely certain sure I wouldn’t go that far, either), but I really, REALLY don’t like all the saber-rattling we’re doing.

By ‘we’ in this context, I mean the UK. I think the US is at least as bad, isn’t it? I’m only getting the news I occasionally glimpse between my fingers.

Whoever has the right of it, I’m absolutely as sure as I’ve ever been about anything that fucking Syria isn’t worth starting WWIII over. Could we not?


I could not come up with a good take on ‘Vlad the Impaler.’ Here are all the two-syllable rhymes for ‘impale’. Anything strike you as suitable?

abeille, airedale, airmail, amell, anael, ancell, arsdale, asail, assail, avail, avale, azrael, barksdale, barrell, bartell, bataille, beam scale, besayle, blackmail, black whale, borrell, brix scale, brown snail, bulk mail, cadell, camail, canaille, capell, cardell, carpale, carrell, cartmell, carvell, cattail, cicale, cigale, clinkscale, clout nail, clydesdale, coattail, cocktail, conrail, contrail, correll, curtail, cutrale, deer trail, defail, derail, descale, detail, dimsdale, dinsdale, doornail, dorrell, dovetail, downscale, drysdale, dugdale, e-mail, elayl, email, embale, empale, enscale, entail, euryale, exhale, fantail, fee tail, female, fence rail, ferndale, fife rail, fin whale, fish scale, folktale, forced sale, foxtail, fresh gale, full-scale, garrell, glendale, goodale, gorrell, gray whale, greenmail, greenvale, grisaille, guardrail, handrail, hay bale, hemdale, hillsdale, hinsdale, hobnail, holmdale, horsetail, houdaille, imail, impale, inhale, inrail, intail, inveil, jamail, jarrell, jerrell, kinsale, lambale, land rail, langdale, lansdale, large-scale, lavell, lawnsdale, levell, lonsdale, macphail, maleyl, marcell, mare’s tail, mcgrail, mchale, mcphail, medaille, mervaille, mikael, mikhail, minke whale, mireille, mishael, modell, mondale, montale, montvale, mortell, nadell, nasale, near gale, northvale, oakdale, oil shale, orrell, ovale, palmdale, parail, parcell, percale, perrell, plate rail, plymale, podell, poraille, portell, potale, presale, prevail, prunedale, quesnell, radell, rafale, ragsdale, rattail, regale, renail, resail, resale, retail, reveille, revell, ring mail, rocaille, rodale, savell, scarsdale, scotch gale, scottsdale, sea kale, secale, serail, shemale, slop pail, sociale, soft scale, soleil, split rail, springdale, spring scale, square sail, stockdale, stocksdale, strong gale, stub nail, subscale, sumrell, surveil, sweet gale, tagtail, tarsale, teasdale, telltale, the taal, third rail, thumbnail, time scale, tirrell, today’ll, toenail, toothed whale, topsail, tramell, travail, trouvaille, truesdale, turn tail, udale, ungueal, unnail, unscale, unvail, unveil, upscale, urteil, vandale, verrell, voicemail, wage scale, wassail, whitetail, white sale, white whale, wholesale, whole gale, wide wale, wind scale, withnail, yisrael, zapmail, zerwhale

October 18, 2016 — 7:31 pm
Comments: 6

Oh, Japan!

japan

I honestly do not know what I was doing when I found myself in this place today. I only know it scared me. Japan Trend Shop is superficially one of those silly gadget shops, like Brookstone, but being Japanese…somewhat more horrifying.

Like, in the cosmetics section, you can buy horse oil. Which, if you read the description, is clearly made from actual horses (“Son Bahyu also breeds only quality horses, so its creams do not contain oil from former racing horses or other steads that are no longer healthy.”).

You can spend $24 on a cardboard box for your cat to sleep in. An ordinary cardboard box, though I suppose it is “designed to look just like the boxes used to send and transport large bottles of soy sauce in Japan.” So there’s that.

Earplugs in the shape of tiny colorful dachshunds ($42). A plastic vase you can scream into to muffle your angsty cries $52 (reduced from $80). A machine that makes perfectly spherical balls of ice in seconds, $1,281 (I won’t lie, I really want one of these). Cotton Wife and Husband Hug Pillows (“We’ve seen plenty of hug pillows in Japan before but these have the most attractive and, well, huggable designs so far.”). $180.

None of those objects brought me to the site, though. I decided I just couldn’t bear to post a picture of the thing that caught my eye: the Bigan Beauty Face Expander. It’s supposed to be for exercising your cheek muscles. And there are other horrifying-looking beauty apparatuses in that section, but I just. No. No, I don’t believe it.

sock it to me

August 17, 2016 — 8:26 pm
Comments: 13

What the hell, Belgians?

belgians

There’s something super creepy about the Belgians. Like, these guys. The Blancs Moussis, or ‘clad in white’, from the mid-Lenten celebration of Stavelot (it was last weekend). “During the afternoon a procession of floats travel through the streets showering crowds with confetti and flogging them with pig bladders.”

Oh, and Kattenstoet (means Cat Parade) where they commemorate that time they threw cats from the towers by throwing toy cats from the towers. Those and more creepy Belgian festivals at the link above.

I’m not sure why this story has floated up again, since it happened in the Nineties. I think because his lawyer has been telling stories to a local magazine. Innyhoo, Marc Dutroux was a pedophile serial killer who kidnapped girls and kept them in his basement. Some he killed, two just plain old starved and a couple were found alive.

During the investigation and trial, the behavior of the police and other authorities was so strange and incompetent that when Dutroux insisted he was part of a large pedophile ring that included people at all levels of government, he wasn’t completely dismissed. This was all going on when I first began travelling to the UK and I remember the scandal festered unresolved for a very long time.

Hence my Belgophobia, probably. Just thought I’d share, since Dutroux is back in the news.

Tomorrow? Dead Pool! Be here, 6 sharp.


sock it to me

March 10, 2016 — 10:39 pm
Comments: 8

The thirtieth anniversary of something I don’t remember

palme

Sunday is the thirtieth anniversary of the assassination of Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme. He was walking home from the movies with his wife when he was approached by a gunman and shot dead.

Sometimes I like to play a game with True Crime books: I shuffle to the picture section and, without reading the captions, try to figure out from their faces who’s the victim, who’s the perp and who’s the policeman. In this case, though, it’s easy — dude on the right is a druggy who was picked up for the murder three years later after Mrs Palme picked him out of a lineup. That’s about all the evidence against him, though, so the case is classed as unsolved. A hundred and thirty people have confessed to the murder and been dismissed.

It’s officially the biggest murder investigation in history — bigger than JFK’s, bigger than Lockerbie. And it’s still active. Sweden even scrapped their 25-year statute of limitations on murder to keep it going (which is fine. There shouldn’t really be a statute of limitations on murder).

He was a hard left anti-Imperialist, pro-Revolutionary, the first Western head of state to visit Cuba and speak in favor of Cambodia’s revolutionaries. So you can imagine the prevailing theories.

The Turks say the Kurds did it, the Kurds say the Turks did it. There was a Yugoslavian, and a LaRouchie. Indian gunrunners. Chilean fascists. The Masons. The CIA. I’m not even kidding. If you like this sort of thing, this is just the sort of thing you’d like.

Not me. I hate the unsolved ones. Good weekend, all!

sock it to me

February 26, 2016 — 9:19 pm
Comments: 8

Oh, dear

monkey

Oh, dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. In what’s being called “the design fail of the year,” San Fran designer Lehu Zhang apparently really and truly didn’t mean this minimalist monkey to look like a Communist propaganda poster for gay sex.

Eh. Well. Gong Hey Fat Choy, y’all. Happy Year of the Fire Monkey. Here’s a better article about Chinese New Year, what am today.


sock it to me

February 8, 2016 — 9:11 pm
Comments: 19