web analytics

Forty thousand of your English pounds

It’s a beach hut. Some of them are very nice and, with the weather we get, it’s not a bad idea to have a place you can duck out of a sudden squall.

This one looks like it has a gas ring and plenty of storage. I understand my in-laws owned one and made a large profit on it some years ago.

Alas, the sea has a habit of eating them.

Rejoice! It is the weekend!

April 23, 2021 — 7:44 pm
Comments: 12

Hello, Department of Useless Information?

If y’all don’t have the Google Translate plugin, I recommend. Wherever you are on the web, you can highlight some text and a little blue translate button pops up next to your cursor. Magic.

That’s how I accidentally discovered the Cebuano language, which is spoken in the southern islands of the Philippines and is called Bisaya or Binisaya by native speakers. For most of us, I can’t imagine a language we would less need to learn conversational phrases in, so here you go.

Sometimes, I just like to hear people speak to me in another language.

None of it sounded at all familiar until we got to kumusta? And I thought naw, that’s got to be cómo estás – and it is. Turns out, the Philippines were a Spanish colony for 300 years. *shrug emoji*

Hey, did I ever tell you about the faulty soundcard I had in my first computer? Or was it a modem? I forget. It picked up a local Portuguese radio station and happily chattered to me in Portuguese all day.

The only words I remember were an ad for el Mundo de los Licores – Liquor World – but confusingly that’s in Spanish.

I am not good with languages.

April 22, 2021 — 7:39 pm
Comments: 7

Whaddya know

I follow a lot of British terfs on Twitter. If you don’t know what that is, good on ya. They were talking about taking out an ad in a prison magazine to ask female inmates how they felt about sharing space with trans inmates.

And I’m like…hol’ up. Prison magazine?

Yep. Prison magazine. Published weekly online and monthly on paper. Which makes all kinds of sense.

Check it out. It’s surprisingly interesting.

That’s right, peeps! It’s the return of the lamepost!

November 2, 2020 — 8:50 pm
Comments: 9

What the sam hill is going on here?

Meet my box of extra long kitchen matches. It is a clip art tragedy, featuring a googly-eyed hairy-leggèd prestidigitator spinning a wiener for an indifferent audience of Chads and Beckys.

Did you know fire targets children? Specifically?

I reckon that’s what’s going on in the warning box in the upper right: roving fire bolts victimizing a luckless child.

Forget the porn license – give us the clipart license!

p.s. No. I did not buy a porn license yesterday. Top of the world, Ma!

April 2, 2019 — 9:11 pm
Comments: 17

Happy International Women’s Day

women

Pictured: International Women’s Day march and general lady strike in Spain.

What the hell is that gesture supposed to represent? The Wall of Hoo-Hah? The Sea of Poon? “I self-identify as a giant hole”?

I wish women would make their minds up about this stuff. Like, I want you to see me for a brains and, hey, have you seen my pussy hat?

Anyway, the slogan for this Spanish thing was, “if we stop, the world stops.” But, ummm…things seemed pretty much normal here. I’m guessing nothing much ground to a halt anywhere, even in Spain.

March 8, 2018 — 10:46 pm
Comments: 12

O, Canada!

unicorntrudeau

So the image above came up in my Twitter feed. While it is obviously Trudeau entertaining a unicorn hand-puppet, the tweet that went with identified it as the Gender Identity Unicorn.

buttertrudeau

Sadly, it’s not, though I’m suspicious of the rainbow-colored horn. It is Gary of Gary’s Hug Club, a club started by a puppeteer who…solicits hugs. Yes, he hugged it.

As did Margaret Atwood (scroll down), that dessicated old bore (I’m still salty I had to read so much of her feminist shite in High School). She’s been all over British radio this week talking about…I don’t know. Her twat or something.

In the course of my researches, I rediscovered Small Dead Animals — remember? It’s a really splendid Canadian blog that I used to love back in the day. That is, back in the day when I had a corporate gig and read a bajillion blogs every day.

Oh, also I found this butter sculpture of Justin Trudeau hugging two baby pandas. Because of course I did.

February 6, 2018 — 8:20 pm
Comments: 11

This came today

brushrest

I ordered this from Amazon and it came today. It’s from China. It’s very nice and rather large. It’s a brush rest, carved to this shape (presumably laser-carved, because they’re all alike) from a hunk of rosewood tree root. It cost me less than five pounds and the shipping was free.

There is so much wrong with the thing I just typed, from the cost of the item to the free shipping to the fact that rosewood is more protected on the international market than baby fucking harp seals and shouldn’t have sailed through Customs without a bureaucratic fight to the death.

Are you guys getting this? Super cheap, excellent stuff from China with free (you have to assume, hugely government subsidized) shipping? Because we are. It takes two to five weeks to get here, but I mean…really?

November 7, 2017 — 11:50 pm
Comments: 12

Huh. That’s kind of…huh.

emoji

It’s a modern Dutch building, where the gargoyles are emojis.

I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, modern architecture is so plain and dire and serious and determined to impose sick-making non-Euclidean silhouettes on the landscape.

On the other hand, emojis.

The firm that designed it is Attika Architekten. Hit the link for more pitchas.

May 8, 2017 — 7:13 pm
Comments: 18

Neat.

train

That’s the Silk Road Train leaving the station today on its maiden voyage from Britain straight to China pulling thirty containers of British goods. Bit of a misnomer, as this is actually the return trip, but w/e.

That’s 7,500 miles in 18 days. I make that 416 miles a day, for an average of 17 miles an hour. It does stop several places and switch engines, but I don’t think it takes on additional cargo. China already has similar rail services with a dozen other countries along the way.

It’s China’s idea. This is cheaper than moving goods by air and faster than container ships. I’m not sure it will work out — something about the logistics of trains never seems to be economical — but I think it’s neat that they’re trying.

One of the things going to China is whisky. We know someone whose son is a whisky dealer in Hong Kong. They can’t get enough of the stuff. The good stuff, too.

Age of wonders, y’all.

April 10, 2017 — 8:18 pm
Comments: 8

Sixty-eight days to Christmas!

putin

Forget Vladimir Putin cuddling a puppy! That was last year’s calendar (no, really).

This year’s offering in the beefcake calendar market features Putin, among other things, with a kitten. Going straight for that internet demographic. Kitty does not look happy.

I don’t like the news around Mad Vlad at the moment. I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say he’s right and we’re wrong in the Syrian conflict (I’m not absolutely certain sure I wouldn’t go that far, either), but I really, REALLY don’t like all the saber-rattling we’re doing.

By ‘we’ in this context, I mean the UK. I think the US is at least as bad, isn’t it? I’m only getting the news I occasionally glimpse between my fingers.

Whoever has the right of it, I’m absolutely as sure as I’ve ever been about anything that fucking Syria isn’t worth starting WWIII over. Could we not?


I could not come up with a good take on ‘Vlad the Impaler.’ Here are all the two-syllable rhymes for ‘impale’. Anything strike you as suitable?

abeille, airedale, airmail, amell, anael, ancell, arsdale, asail, assail, avail, avale, azrael, barksdale, barrell, bartell, bataille, beam scale, besayle, blackmail, black whale, borrell, brix scale, brown snail, bulk mail, cadell, camail, canaille, capell, cardell, carpale, carrell, cartmell, carvell, cattail, cicale, cigale, clinkscale, clout nail, clydesdale, coattail, cocktail, conrail, contrail, correll, curtail, cutrale, deer trail, defail, derail, descale, detail, dimsdale, dinsdale, doornail, dorrell, dovetail, downscale, drysdale, dugdale, e-mail, elayl, email, embale, empale, enscale, entail, euryale, exhale, fantail, fee tail, female, fence rail, ferndale, fife rail, fin whale, fish scale, folktale, forced sale, foxtail, fresh gale, full-scale, garrell, glendale, goodale, gorrell, gray whale, greenmail, greenvale, grisaille, guardrail, handrail, hay bale, hemdale, hillsdale, hinsdale, hobnail, holmdale, horsetail, houdaille, imail, impale, inhale, inrail, intail, inveil, jamail, jarrell, jerrell, kinsale, lambale, land rail, langdale, lansdale, large-scale, lavell, lawnsdale, levell, lonsdale, macphail, maleyl, marcell, mare’s tail, mcgrail, mchale, mcphail, medaille, mervaille, mikael, mikhail, minke whale, mireille, mishael, modell, mondale, montale, montvale, mortell, nadell, nasale, near gale, northvale, oakdale, oil shale, orrell, ovale, palmdale, parail, parcell, percale, perrell, plate rail, plymale, podell, poraille, portell, potale, presale, prevail, prunedale, quesnell, radell, rafale, ragsdale, rattail, regale, renail, resail, resale, retail, reveille, revell, ring mail, rocaille, rodale, savell, scarsdale, scotch gale, scottsdale, sea kale, secale, serail, shemale, slop pail, sociale, soft scale, soleil, split rail, springdale, spring scale, square sail, stockdale, stocksdale, strong gale, stub nail, subscale, sumrell, surveil, sweet gale, tagtail, tarsale, teasdale, telltale, the taal, third rail, thumbnail, time scale, tirrell, today’ll, toenail, toothed whale, topsail, tramell, travail, trouvaille, truesdale, turn tail, udale, ungueal, unnail, unscale, unvail, unveil, upscale, urteil, vandale, verrell, voicemail, wage scale, wassail, whitetail, white sale, white whale, wholesale, whole gale, wide wale, wind scale, withnail, yisrael, zapmail, zerwhale

October 18, 2016 — 7:31 pm
Comments: 6