Happy Year of the Horse!
It reads better in the original uncut color version, but I had to mash it to fit in my format. Weazels stealz.
Actually, Chinese New Year is tomorrow, but we all know what we’ll be doing tomorrow here at Mustelid Central. 6pm WBT. Dead Pool Round 59!
January 30, 2014 — 11:16 pm
Comments: 11
Still workin’ it
Hope yours was awesome. Mine’s still in the works. Better scurry!
November 28, 2013 — 11:59 pm
Comments: 7
Math is hard, let’s go to the mall!
I suck at math. I’m not proud of this. I have a feeling some of the most interesting stuff of all requires math and I resent that I can’t share. (My grandmother was an algebra teacher, can you believe? Which goes to show there’s a lot we don’t understand about heredity).
So the Obama years (including, to be fair, a big chunk of the Bush years) have been tough for me. All them big numbers. I could swear there was a time when a billion dollars was a lot of money. Why, we even got exercised over hundreds of millions. A few nervous nellies thought we shouldn’t waste money by hundreds of thousands, but who’re they kidding?
So with the US debt inching up to $17 trillion, I’m completely at a loss. I need a nice simple visual aid to help me wrap my brain around that number. Luckily, I found one.
Ready? The value of the United Kingdom — the whole thing — the land, buildings, cars, currency, oil, patents, livestock, bank accounts, even little chikkens is £7.3 trillion. That’s about $11 trillion in dollars (by today’s exchange rate. Have to watch that. If my calculations are correct — and they’re probably not — a penny difference in the rate amounts to $73,000,000,000).
The good news is, the chunk of US national debt that is held by the public is around $12 trillion. That means if you paid off your credit cards, you guys could pool your money and buy Great Britain. With a trillion in walking around money left over. And the good news is, it comes with its own fully socialized medical system, already in place!
You have all weekend to make this happen.
August 16, 2013 — 10:35 pm
Comments: 29
And then this lady
This is Cecilia Gimenez. You know her as the elderly Spanish cleaning lady who effed up that mural of Jesus last year. I know, she looks so normal. I pictured her as a tiny hunched up old thing, dressed in a big black sack and shuffling around with a besom. I guess my national mental stereotypes need a little touching up.
Well, she’s rich. Well, not rich rich, but her art has made about $66,000 for her little town, which has gone to a local charity. They charged admission to the church to peep at it. Behold, the power of the internet.
Now Cecilia’s going to get a little. She’s penning an agreement that gives her 49% of the profits of the merchandizing. T-shirts, coffee mugs, that sort of thing.
I suspect Cecilia’s about to learn something else remarkable about the internet: it has the attention span of a fruit fly. Monkey Jesus was, like, a whole year ago.
August 14, 2013 — 10:49 pm
Comments: 16
A moment’s reflection
Sadly, it looks like gulliblepratt’s fingers are slipping off the dick (ha! Nope. Never gets old). Nelson Mandela is said to be improving steadily. So, before he croaks indeed and criticizing him becomes some kind of special sooper dooper hate crime, let us pause for a moment and reflect that Mandela is a Commie and a terrorist piece of shit who richly deserved the prison sentence that pop culture sprung him out of.
Actually, I’m ‘onna let Kathy Shaidle do that, because I suspect criticizing Mandela is already some kind of special hate crime, and she has more guts than I have.
During this time, he and other ANC leaders formed its armed wing — Umkhonto we Sizwe (MK). Mandela was secretly appointed its commander in chief. – PBS special on Mandela
That “armed wing” carried out terror attacks at shopping centers, movie theaters and other civilian targets, not just “establishment” ones like courts and banks.
These attacks blew many innocent whites and blacks to bits.
And when Mandela was arrested, the authorities claimed to have uncovered “210,000 hand grenades, 48,000 anti-personnel mines, 1,500 time devices, 144 tons of ammonium nitrate, 21.6 tons of aluminium powder and 1 ton of black powder.” – Shaidle, at the link
What is it with the left and terrorist bombers? This week, Rolling Stone made a cover boy out of dreamy Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev (is it mean spirited to hope his last stand somehow messed up that pretty face?). And then there’s Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn, whose defense of the Weather Underground bombings is something like they weren’t very good ones. Oh, and Saint Yasser Arafat, who invented the suicide bomber?
It’s clear that some chunk of the left doesn’t just excuse these murderous assholes, but swoons over them. Why? What is it?
July 18, 2013 — 10:35 pm
Comments: 28
Vlad the Inhaler
So here’s Putin’s latest photo op: descending into the Bay of Finland in a bathyscaphe to eyeball the wreck of a 19th Century Russian frigate. Because I guess he’s decided that what the Russian people really want in a president is a Bond villain.
Here a sampling of his bizarre macho performances. I did not realize — if the hippies at the link can be believed — that the Siberian tiger he supposedly shot with a tranquilizer dart at a nature reserve was actually a zoo animal that subsequently died of an overdose of anesthetic. Sad, if true.
Can we go back to the days of rule by inbred show ponies, please? At least they were brought up with a sense of tradition and decorum.
July 17, 2013 — 10:48 pm
Comments: 20
Tired of mocking the Mexicans. Let’s make fun of the Dutch.
This is Queen Beatrice of the Netherlands. Yes, as far as I can tell, she always has that goofy look on her face. She is abdicating the Dutch throne in favor of her son, Willem. Oh, don’t worry, that’s just how they do it over there.
To commemorate, the crown commissioned a song and — here’s where everything went badly wrong — the songwriter asked the Dutch people to submit verses and concepts to be incorporated. The result was so mind-bendingly stupid, 38,000 signed a petition to “kill it, kill it with fire!” Or, in the original Dutch, “doden, doden met vuur!”
It’s a weird mish-mash about watching over Willem while he sleeps, building a dike with bare hands, wakefully eating stamppot together, a traditional Dutch sausage and potato stew. Also, it breaks into a gentle rap in the middle that invites the Dutch people to make a W with their fingers and wave it around. Oh, it’s a treat.
But that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about how close Dutch is to English. It’s like goofy English. LOLcat English. It’s what somebody who didn’t speak English would make people say in a Warner Brothers cartoon starring people who speak English. Here, check out some random lines from the Koningslied (the King’s Song):
Wij lopen met je mee Door de regen en de wind
We walk with you Through the rain and the wind
Ik behoed je voor de storm
I am saving you from the storm
We staan voor elkaar, niet te breken
We face each other, not to break
Een vlag, twee leeuwen
One flag, two lions
Voor jou, mijn kind
For you, my child
Voor m’n pa, voor m’n ma
For my dad, for my mom
Loop voor jou door de wind en regen
Walk for you through the wind and rain
Ik bouw een dijk met m’n blote handen
I’m building a dike with my bare hands
En hou het water bij jou vandaan Laat me weten wat je droomt
And keep the water away from you Let me know what you dream
Drie vingers in de lucht, kom op, kom op De W van Willem is de W van wij <--- rap, y'all
Three fingers in the air, come on, come on The William W of the W we
De W van Willem De W van wakker, stamppot eten
The W The W William of waking, eating stew
Only, it sounds more like, blubble-up-a-lubbiddle-up. Like a cartoon drowning man. Which…Holland, I guess. Makes sense.
Anyway, here it is in a Dutch newspaper. In Dutch (link to the song at the bottom). Enjoy!
April 25, 2013 — 10:23 pm
Comments: 32
What the hell, Mexico?
The question isn’t what to do with our X million Mexicans. The question is what the hell is the matter with you, Mexico? What the hell is going on when millions of your citizens risk their lives to slip out of your country to do next door’s shittiest jobs for wages so low it would be a crime, if it weren’t already a crime?
And why the hell do we accept that as normal?
Mexico is a big, beautiful country stuffed with natural resources. Miles of coastline, tons of oil. It’s like the world’s fourteenth largest economy. The rich are doing fine. The middle class is getting there.
So why is their economic plan “let the poorest sneak into the neighbors place and raid the fridge”? And why don’t we make a stink about it. To Mexico. Where the problem really lies. It’s like we think it would be rude to point it out.
They say conditions have improved so much that net migration into the US is now zero. I say: prove it. Take these ones back.
April 23, 2013 — 9:44 pm
Comments: 21
Bye…
Farewell to Baroness Thatcher (1925-2013).
You know what was really fun? After Reagan (PBUH) died, all the journalists pretending they’d had the utmost respect for him, always (subtext: “not like this current crop of pickled wingnuts”). That’s why we need to keep old people around; they know when the bastards are lying to us about the past.
I don’t think journalists here can QUITE manage pretend they for Maggie, but it’s instructive to watch them struggle not to smile and fist-pump the air today. Most of the obits have headlines that include “divisive” and “controversial” — words that generally mean “hated by the left.”
Oh, well. G’bye, MagOn, and thanks.
April 8, 2013 — 4:14 pm
Comments: 46
Kimjongunzilla
Dangerous baby is dangerous.
Yes. Yes, I went to art school so I could paint people who scare me as ugly fat babies. A friend of mine pissed me off once, so I painted her as Joan of Arc and burned her at the stake. Beware the wrath of the art nerd.
So, okay. AltBBrown takes the dick with…I dunno. Some sports guy again. Round 48 of the Dead Pool starts tomorrow. Here. Six p.m. Weasel Blog Time. Remember, our clocks have changed since the last time, so WBT is now…fucked if I know. Same as GMT, whatever that is. You do the math; I lied on my transcripts to get out of High School algebra.
April 4, 2013 — 11:19 pm
Comments: 22