sweasel.com

I had one of those “My President is Charlton Heston” NRA bumperstickers on the weaselmobile for fifteen years. It made sense during the Clinton era, but I kept it for the Bush years, too. In my case, it meant “My President is Charlton Heston’s Saucy White Hinder” but there wasn’t room to write it in.

I’ve already told my Charlton Heston story before, but I’ll repeat it here on account of it’s appropriate. My dad worked as a mid-level fundraiser on some presidential campaign (Nixon, maybe? Don’t remember). Reward for that was luncheon at the White House. He sat at the table between Billy Graham and Charlton Heston. He said he felt like the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost — it helps to know my father and his gigantic ego to find that funny.

Anyhow, he says that Graham was a pompous blowhard, bragging about all the places he’d been and the people he’d met. He says Heston was egging him on, getting him to beclown himself; clearly poking fun at Graham, who was too full of himself to realize it. In as much as you can get to know anyone in the course of one meal, my dad really liked Charlton Heston.

Sadly, he didn’t really notice Mr Heston’s bottom.

Bi-lobal smoochies.

I am soooo gonna use that phrase some day. I remember the butt scenes in the original flick because whenever they showed butt all the girls in the theater squealed. Including my date. Rats.

Weaz – several others around the blogsphere have written to the effect that CH was not ever known to be overly impressed with himself – or the Pompous. He was a really “normal” down-to-earth guy who was quite likable.

Some great Heston quotes have turned up in the tributes. I’m going to have to read his autobiography after the born-again price settles.

Yep. The autobiography is at the top of my get-list.

BTW – offtopic: nice job on the AoS moronlist. I noticed the other day that it was moved and updated.

The header picture is not a very good representation of the Sacred Rump, by the way. He’s just had his loincloth ripped away by an ape, so he’s got a little nervous crouch-and-clench going on there. I don’t think he was all that comfortable completely nude: the butt is shown off to better advantage when he’s got a bit of cover.

Like the galley scenes in Ben Hur.

Still working on the moronlist. I started with the Conservative Belle one, but I took some things off (Protein Wisdom and Ace may have reciprocal ties, but I don’t think PW is a moronblog by my definition), re-alphabetized (the T in The does not work for me) and checked the actual name of the blogs, rather than going by usernames sometimes. I’m awfully retentive like that.

Alas, I can’t work on it from work. I can’t get behind the scenes of sweasel: they’ve got my BlueHost control panel blocked. My blogroll and moronroll are separate .php files, for easy cleaning.

Retentive.

Can’t say my memory of Heston-butt is that vivid or complete: it must be my heterosexual bias, I guess.

If you piddle with the list again, and you don’t mind, list me as “Steamboat McGoo” (and way down at the bottom where porn goes), not A&A. The only reason is that I find I’m more comfortable not “crowding” the genuine AoS listing and other more-worthy sites up there at the top. I am only an egg – I shouldn’t be “close” to his listing. Its no big deal.

Unless you don’t want me down there where you’re listed?

However you want it, McGoo. I’m completely overwhelmed trying to absorb so many new blogs into my reading habits. It’ll be a while before I work out who updates often and who doesn’t and who I find sympatico and who I don’t.

No biggie, Weaz. I like being in the shadows where I can weave my nefarious plans in anonymity.

It’s hard to hit all of the moronsphere every day. And there is some repetition. DPUD and others have a nice summary sometimes.

Yeah, I was going to say, he’s clenching. I went to boarding school as a child and we used to have to have communal baths after ‘games’ (rugby, cross-country, athletics) and we used to have a teacher walk around making sure we were washing ourselves properly. So, I’m familiar with the ancient art of clenching.
Jesus, reading that back, it’s a goddamned miracle I didn’t turn out queer.
R.I.P. Mr. Heston, sir. I liked you very much in The Omega Man, with that chick with the massive Afro. You were one of a dying breed; a military veteran in Hollywood.

…a military veteran in Hollywood. Yep. Like Clark Gable, Jimmy Stewart, Donald Pleasence, etc.

I can’t think of a single actor/actress now who was a vet. Maybe they just don’t advertise it now.

…Gene Hackman, George C. Scott, Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Henry Fonda…I had a shit-hot list that I wrote on digg.com but it was a week or so ago, and so it’s gone, uh, somewhere I can’t find it.

Today there’s…Oliver Stone…

You can tell there are no veterans in Hollywood now purely by their shiteating anti-American output.

Wait – I’ve found it. This was my stupid comment on digg.com:

Hollywood used to have a lot of veterans working as actors, producers and directors. People like Ronald Reagan, James Stewart, Ed McMahan, Jason Robards, Clark Gable, Henry Fonda, Charlton Heston, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson, Glenn Ford, George C. Scott (my favourite; multiple-decorated USMC Sergeant, one of the most shit-hot actors ever to appear on the silver screen, bar brawler), Lee Marvin, John Wayne, James Doohan, Alec Guiness, David Niven, Bob Barker, Lee Cobb, Tony Curtis, Kirk Douglas, Rock Hudson, Peter Sellers, Dennis Hopper, Walther Matthau, Gene Roddenberry, Mickey Rooney, Burt Lancaster, George Kennedy, Sam Peckinpah, Paul Newman.
I can’t think of any big-name actors, producers or directors these days who are veterans (apart from Oliver Stone). Instead you have treacherous, seditious, limpwristed commie turds like Sean Penn, Michael Moore and Brian De Palma. That goes a long way to explaining why the trash they churn out is so inherently anti-American and basically looks like undiluted enemy propaganda.

Weas, I was thinking the same thing about PW. I also wanted to leave Malor off ’cause I just don’t like him…but that would be petty, wouldn’t it?

I also thought something similar about the Jawa Report. Shouldn’t “moronblogs” be those blogs that got started by commenters of Ace’s? The Jawa Report is really their own thang, yannow?

also, totally heart Charlton Heston. Can’t say the same for his butt, though. I think the boy has the best butt I’ve ever seen.

Yes, I almost left Malor off for the same reason. I still don’t get what Ace is thinking, choosing him as a co-blogger. There are one or two others on the list that are…less than favorites. Still, electrons are cheap and I can learn to skip over them. I’m trainable like that.

Charlton Heston was a true American. He will be sorely missed.

And as far as veterans in Hollywood go, Tom Selleck was a member of the California National Guard.

Gibby, don’t forget Eddie Albert.

Albert served as a lieutenant in the United States Coast Guard in the Pacific during World War II. A genuine war hero, he was awarded the Bronze Star for his actions during the Battle of Tarawa in 1943, when, as a landing ship pilot, he rescued 70 wounded Marines while under heavy enemy machine-gun fire.

(Quote from Wikipedia)

Not to mention meritorious service on Green Acres.

I never noticed his ass, though. Heston’s either.

They don’t get any better than Heston.
I remember when Ben Hur came out,
thought the chariot race was the
hottest thing I’d ever seen on screen…
/how’d they do that…

Sorry gnus, I’d never heard of him. I wish I could find the original list; I only included about 1/3 of them.

Well, there appears to be an entire sub-genre of persons out there that we were oblivious to, guys. War Veteran Actors With Hot Butts.

Who knew?

“War Veteran Actors With Hot Butts”
Consider this stolen, McGoo. I am so going to use this this week to balance out Rosetta’s Big Boob Friday posting.

Take it. It’s yours. Wield it with a will!

It’s a true but seldom-acknowledged fact that Harlequin romance novels are hard-core porn for women.

True, but only the later ones, apparently. My mom loves the ones written before 1975 or so, after that they turn into porn, she says.

Here’s my post on WW2 vet actors. Just about every one that makes you say “man, he’s cool” was one.

I think what Weas meant was that the same impulses that drive men to consume unrealistic sex also drive women to consume unrealistic relationships. I don’t think she meant that Harlequin romance novels contain hardcore sex scenes – as you say, that is a newer trend. The typical sex scene in an older romance novel, like a sex scene in an older movie (To Catch a Thief has a good example), is long on steam, short on detail; you get a lot of heated glances, murmured sweet nothings, possibly a passionate kiss, and then the fire goes out or the door closes, and the scene cuts to the afterglow or even the next morning. That’s what turns women on, just as teh boobies turn men on. I think that is the point Weas was making.

I actually wrote a long post on my old blog analyzing Beauty and the Beast and its relationship to Pride & Prejudice, Regency-era “to reform a rake” romance novels, and the rather passionate fandom of the Hermione/Snape ‘ship. I should resurrect that post sometime – hardly anyone made fun of it when I originally posted it, so I must not have had much traffic that day.

I’m absolutely sure you and her Ladyship are quite right, Mrs. Peel.

Indeed, I have often wondered if the alleged damage done by pornography is not at least equalled by that caused by romantic fiction.

After all, married life (in so far as that quaint old institution manages to hang on by its fingernails, here in England) is so far removed from the rosy orgy of domestic bliss promised by M&B, Harlequin et al that it is surely as much the cause of broken relationships as is hardcore filth.

Wait.

It is…?

But…but you said…

No rosy orgy of domestic bliss? I was really looking forward to that.

Stupid weasel! I promised you a fruit garden, not a rose garden!

There are runny babbits in the hedge, if that helps?

Does reading romantic fiction make you go blind?

Weaz – you’re not gonna leave Heston’s butt there all night are you? I mean, the man just croaked … he’s in the dirt mode … daisy pushin’…

I keep thinking, “From my cold dead buns!” for some strange reason.

What? Why not? I think the world of Charlton Heston’s butt! It’s the highest tribute I can pay: forty years of abject ass worship.

All I know is I ain’t pulling nothing from his “cold, dead buns.”

Indeed, I have often wondered if the alleged damage done by pornography is not at least equalled by that caused by romantic fiction.

At least as much, I should say.

Oops! I guess I didn’t think of it as a tribute! Duh.

Bun away, Weaz. Bun away!

“Get you filthy paws off my man-buns, you damned dirty apes!”

“It’s man-buns! Soylent green is man-buns!”

I just got an email offering me a bowljob. What do you reckon one of them is?

I’m thinking it’s a Moe haircut.

A job spinning and serving salads?

w00t! Sweasel is hit #6 for supernumery nipples.

And they said I wouldn’t amount to anything.

2022 is coming soon. Where’s my soylent green?

I’m sorry, Musli. There’ve been some cutbacks. Soylent Green is currently made out of mealy bugs.

Stupid abortion policy.

Hey!

Where you came from, Weasel, they said you wouldn’t amount to “nuthin'”

(koff)

As opposed to the nuffink in Badger’s home district.

Mmmmmm! Soylent Green!

“I also wanted to leave Malor off ’cause I just don’t like him…”

Heh. Who does?

“I still don’t get what Ace is thinking, choosing him as a co-blogger.”

His first Open Blog post was OK. But who knew he’d get 10x more voluble and self-important when he got promoted?

Malor. Hmmm. Ace could do better.

Weaz – you definitely have a mixed crowd here today. It’s gotta be a Buns of Heston effect.

Sometimes when I read this blog I feel like I’m listening to Dennis Miller. I don’t get half the references but I laugh any way.

Indeed, I have often wondered if the alleged damage done by pornography is not at least equalled by that caused by romantic fiction.

Oh, certainly. In fact, I touched on that in the old post I mentioned, regarding the female attraction to Bad Boyz (whatcha gonna do?).

Also, I almost put a “[sic]” after “equalled” as a joke, since we spell that with one L here in the colonies, but I wasn’t sure everyone would realize that I was being silly and not intending any offense.

The Weas probably has a mixed crowd today thanks to Sinistar’s link from his moronosphere roundup. I’m sort of miffed he didn’t link my ape-related news story. Hmmmph.

Yep, Mrs. Peel. I kinda figured it was a Sinistar effect. Heh.

He mentioned my stolen aurora photos on his moronosphere report today and my hits went thru the roof.

‘Moses, Moses…’

I could never understand the appeal of the ‘bad boy’. They were/are dicks.

Give me a regular guy or nerd over a bad boy any day and I will help him find his inner viking. Or not, as I am domestically blissed.

I also thought something similar about the Jawa Report.

Good Lt. asked to have the Jawas on at CB’s when she was making the list, I don’t think we rejected anyone, most of them are done by former commenters. As for PW, Dan Collins was a commenter before he was recruited to co-blog PW, so I think it passes the test.

He mentioned my stolen aurora photos on his moronosphere report today and my hits went thru the roof.

I prefer to call it proactively borrowed.

Well, DPUD – I want to postactively thank you!

Apart from The Omega Man and Planet of the Apes are there any good Heston films that are worth seeing? Not the classical ones though; they’re not my thing.
I’ve browsed his imdb.com entry and the list seems relatively short for a guy who was a) a big name; 2) a life-long cinema veteran; iii) old when he bought it.
In any case, it’ll have to wait; I’m on a Hackman bent at the moment.

Gibby – I hesitate to mention it, but Three Musketeers and Four Musketeers starred CH (among others). He played Cardinal Richelieu. I love the humor in the two flicks.

BTW: The actors in the two movies (Raquel Welch, Faye Dunaway, Michael York, Dracula (whatshisname – Saruman in LOTR – Christopher Lee!), etc) sued the producers because they were paid for “one” movie but the producers split it into two flicks. The actors won, I believe.

CH also had a small part in Tombstone and the remake of Planet of the Apes.

Here ya go, Weaz!

http://seriouslyomg.com/?p=7878

Thanks McG, I’ll check ’em out. I’ve seen them before, I think. But it’s been ages.

Gibby – I just love the little “asides” minor characters make about the main characters in the two musketeer flicks. Like when Lady DeWinter (Faye Dunaway) gets out of her sedan chair at home, and as she walks away one of the carriers rubs his sore arm and grumbles quietly “She’s put on weight. Why doesn’t she get a horse?”

Ewww…Woody Harrelson. I mean, nice butt, but…ewwww.

If you listen to TV or radio around here, you’d think everybody hates his guts. That’s because the media hates his guts, natch.

All the more reason for me to like him!

Oh my god, it’s an area of blogospheric bilocation!

Heh heh. Vintage is replying to a message I left on his blog — a rumor that Don Carcieri, my governor, might be considered for VP slot. He’s a good guy; it would help sway me.

Woody H, huh. I didn’t read whose butt it was (nor did I recognize it – heh), I just happened to be perusing Agentbedhead and saw the link.

Hell, I figured it was Putin’s or sumpin.

Didn’t that guy [Woody] open an oxygen bar in (obviously) California? A bar that sells…oxygen? Where customers sit around huffing air with a higher mix of oxygen?
Sure, he’s got an attractive (I suppose) tuchus, but when you factor in owning a bar which sells people oxygen, his ass is irrelevant. Hell, when you factor that in, he essentially has no ass. Which makes you wonder how he gets rid of the cacka. But, he’s a lefty, which answers that question pretty well.

Blogospheric bilocation. That has got to itch…smear some of that pink shit for poison ivy on it.

I’d take Carcieri for VP. I kinda liked the Condi rumour, but I believe it’s probably bullshit.

And I like the way the Brits spell rumour and colour, so I’m gonna spell ’em that way today. Pbbbt!

Yep. That Woody Harrelson. Though I’ve always wanted to try pure oxygen; it’s supposed to work wonders for a hangover.

Oh, HERE’s a nice spam I just got in email:

PROZAC has helped me go through the sadness. And you know what? It actually gave me a good boost when I drank with it.

Condi for VP? Errrrr…..no. She has been pickled in the loosie goosie State brine for too long.

So our hero-and-Prozac-user had a “sadness”, treated it by drinking to excess, and got an additional buzz from the synergy between the booze and the Prozac? Good deal!

God I love self-medication success stories!

PnB – I didn’t care about Condi actually serving – I just loved the idea of stealing both the Race and Gender cards right out from under the (D)s lilly-white metro-butts – and with a person with more honesty and integrity that the sum of the entire (D) party put together.

I think a VP is fairly useless anyway.

I think a VP is fairly useless anyway.

Unless your name is Cheney, then peoples think you have all sorts of mystical powers.
The day Cheney told Leahy (I think it was Leahy) to go fuck himself, was the day he got my full respect. Too bad it wasn’t Reid, I would have sent him love letters.

I’d send him love letters, if I knew where to send them. Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, John Bolton…we make the wrong guys play second fiddle.

McCain’s #2 is going to be more important than most…not just because he’s an elderly cancer survivor. Also, because a sizable fraction of his base hates his guts.

If he picks a ‘thumb in my eye’ running mate (Lindsay Graham comes to mind) he can totally go fuck hisself, says I.

I still say John Bolton’s ‘stache for ’08, failing that, ’12.