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Let’s kill stuff — for Gaia!

reduce your carbon footprint

Happy Earth Day! Yes, today’s the actual date, though NPR is pretty much observing Earth Week. (I listen to NPR so you don’t have to. You’re welcome).

Yesterday they ran a little feature called Food Footprint: Minimizing Greenhouse Gasses (yes, with “gasses” spelled like that…when did that become okay?).

Did you know that 18% of the world’s greenhouse gases are produced by “animal agriculture”? Animal agriculture: making and moving meat.

Turns out cows are especially bad, because hippies hate beef. Raising a cow and bringing it to market releases thirty six pounds of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere for every pound of edible meat.

So I’m thinking…hunting has got to be the greenest thing on Gaia’s green earth. It tranforms dangerous wild animals — animals that would otherwise spend their lives destroying nascent forests and emitting harmful fumes into the atmosphere — into healthful, planet-saving food.

Why let Al Gore have all the fun? Once we work out the lifetime carbon load of various animals, every hunter is his own one-man carbon credits business.

“Mornin’, Sir. I’m taking carbon orders. Will you be needing a rabbit-sized credit or the deer-sized credit today?”

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2008, 12:35 pm

Of course, stupid hippies put Earth Day on the opposite side of the calendar from deer season. But I understand rats make an interesting stew…

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: April 22, 2008, 1:05 pm

You know we’re not just gonna stop eating cow. Just won’t happen.

Run with me on this… They are going to produce methane, right? And methane is WORSE than CO2, right? So why aren’t we hooking up methane collectors to the bovine bowels and cashing in on an almost free and mostly unlimited energy source?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2008, 1:14 pm

Because the picture that put in my head is just WAY TOO SILLY, that’s why.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 22, 2008, 1:25 pm

Burning methane releases that evil gas carbon dioxide too. That evil gas which makes up 0.03811% of the Earth’s atmosphere.
I wish I was a cow. I’d trot up to the nearest hippy and hoof them in the throat.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: April 22, 2008, 1:32 pm

Ah, but that’s my point. Methane is far worse than CO2, so by burning cow farts we’re on the right track to giving Mother Earth one big green hug.

And we get a nice rare steak out of the deal. Win-win.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 22, 2008, 1:57 pm

But this is the weird world of Environmentalism and you, Lemur, have made the amateurish mistake of using logic. The sooner you come to the realisation that we’re all doomed and that short of going back to living in trees, dying of old age at 25 and filling your loincloth with uh-ohs everytime a tiger shows up, that nothing – nothing – can be done to prevent it.

By the way, my hotmail.com junk folder has been pretty uneventful of late with only two notable subject-line exceptions: ‘Two cute babes sharing one huge fresh shlong woman,’ and ‘Girls eating white and black massive coaacks say.’
I’m not sure what that means, but by god, it worries me no end.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 22, 2008, 2:19 pm

I’m getting so many scam e-mails. I used to sit and read every one, as I find the horrid English and silly assumptions to be quite amusing. Now, I delete them all.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: April 22, 2008, 2:20 pm

Does this mean roadkill is a good thing?

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 22, 2008, 2:21 pm

Yeah, well I’m a loser Musli, so I like to think of them as my friends.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 22, 2008, 2:39 pm

Does this mean roadkill is a good thing?

Yes. Need recipes?

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 22, 2008, 2:43 pm

Gibby, you’re not a loser. Not at all.

Obama, إن شاء الله inshaa’a-llaah, yes. You, no.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: April 22, 2008, 2:51 pm

How many Oregonians does it take to eat roadkill? Three, one to eat and two to look out for cars.

But this is the weird world of Environmentalism and you, Lemur, have made the amateurish mistake of using logic. The sooner you come to the realisation that we’re all doomed … … and filling your loincloth with uh-ohs everytime a tiger shows up…

Well there’s a rosy picture. 🙂 The bright side is that if there are enough tigers, no one will have to worry about constipation again because of all the loincloth-filling.

I’m amateurish! Yay! I think that’s the nicest thing said to me all day.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: April 22, 2008, 3:24 pm

Thanks for the info EW1. I already have a pretty good one for Possum Pancakes, and Turtle Tortillas.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2008, 3:50 pm

There is just NO combination of ANYTHING that would make possum pass my lips in ANY sense of the word.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 22, 2008, 4:13 pm

What if you ate it but were not told, and found out only after?

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 22, 2008, 4:31 pm

I be wantin’ a hawg-sized credit with a side of fries.

I wish I was a cow. I’d trot up to the nearest hippy and hoof them in the throat.

Just toot methane on ’em. Doesn’t take much to knock an anemic weenie on their butts.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:10 pm

Huh. I just saw a banner ad, obviously IP targeted, for US Customs and Border Control. They’re recruiting in Providence May 3rd.

Aren’t we kind of a long way from the border?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:17 pm

I be wantin’ a hawg-sized credit with a side of fries.

No bacon on the side? Hmm…

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:27 pm

mmmm….crispy bacon on a turkey sammich

 


Comment from Allen
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:28 pm

No likey possum? There’s:
Possum & Pineapple Pizza.
Possum Pierogis.
and the ever awesome, Possum Tamales

“Possum the other gray meat.”

Cheers & gag!

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:34 pm

My parents would never told me what anything was made from. They were happy I ate it. (I was a very picky eater.)

RI is near Canada, no? Gotta keep those illegal Canucks out or they’ll turn all of our bacon round.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:49 pm

Heh. “The bacony stench of Canada.” That’s from MST3K. The episode with Rausdaur. Or however you spell it.

“Rausdaur, Rausdaur…bippidy-boppidy-bausdaur…”

Oh, god. I’m the only one in the bar singing again, aren’t I?

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:51 pm

What does possum taste like? Fruitcake? Is possum one of the colorful globs hacked to bits in fruitcake?
Or are they more in line with say, badgers and weasels?
Cute to look at or shoot at, but not eat.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2008, 5:56 pm

I’ve never eaten possum, but I suspect Allen nailed it. It tastes gray. Really, really gray.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 22, 2008, 6:08 pm

K…I went hunting for the answer..gives instructions on how to properly defur it and cook it too.

http://www.discussanything.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-59982.html:

“Opossum meat is light colored and tender. Excess fat may be removed, but there is not a strong flavor or odor contained in the fat.”

jojo07-22-2004, 01:46 PM
never had it..what’s it taste like? 🙂

“A little like pork, but darker. A little greasy like racoon. Older ones are tough.”

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 22, 2008, 6:12 pm

I confine myself to chicken, cow, goat, lamb, and seafood. My favoritest is goat. Which most Westerners don’t have a taste for, which is just as well. More for me.

I tried frog legs, which I think I related a few days back. I have never eaten other game stuff animals, like bison or deer or rodents.

Although I don’t know how much of this is due to social constructs imposed upon me from my South Asian Muslim upbringing. I have no problem with pork and animals allowed in Islam. I cringe at almost all other animals.

 


Comment from Homer
Time: April 22, 2008, 7:43 pm

Mmmmmm! Animals!

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 22, 2008, 8:40 pm

Cute to look at or shoot at, but not eat.

I’m sorry, but a possum is a critter that is just too ugly to eat.

Shoot at, okay. Eat? Never.

/And I have a confession to make. I like fruitcake.

 


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 23, 2008, 3:20 am

Well said, EW1(SG)!

I knew there had to be at least someone with good taste in that vast country 😉

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2008, 3:58 am

NB: I’m pretty sure Uncle B is talking about the fruitcake, not the possum.

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 23, 2008, 4:52 am

Gasses is correct if your’re in the vast majority of the English-speaking world that spells according to the Queen’s English (IOW, OED-style).

And Muslihoon, you’re missing out on venison. Especially black pepper, or stir fried in ginger and spring onion.

Next time you head down to Malaysia, if ever, ask for bak kut teh (pork spare ribs, mushrooms and tofu skin cooked in a herbal broth). Absolutely delish!

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 23, 2008, 5:14 am

There was a guy on University Challenge (not sure why I was watching it; must’ve been temporarily confused, it is the BBC afterall) the other night with a handlebar moustache like the hunter in Weas’ drawing.
You don’t see many of them these days. I might grow one. It’s nice to have something on your face to twist. Something that doesn’t hurt by doing so. If it was good enough for Field Marshall Kitchener, and Wyatt Earp then by God, it’s good enough for me.

http://www.igshistoryonline.co.uk/Images/kitchener.jpg

http://www.facade.com/celebrity/photo/Wyatt_Earp.jpg

I’ve never had goat. I’ve had goat’s cheese which is delightful. And back when I used to eat meat, one of my favourite meals from the Indian was Arkan Gosht, which is lamb, but I’m sure could be substituted for goat without too much difficulty.

 


Comment from Old Iron
Time: April 23, 2008, 5:15 am

Mmmmm. I LIKES me some venison.

Venison jerky is excellent. Oh, and here’s an exotic for you guys: I had some wilderbeast (wildebeest?) jerkey and sausage that some of the South Africans brought with them from home. Absolutely amazing meat.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2008, 5:16 am

Ha! Population Britain, 60 mil. Population Canada, 30 mil. Population Australia, 20 mil. Population US, 300 mil.

I must’ve cut math class to smoke dope the day “vast majority” was covered.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 23, 2008, 7:16 am

It’s nice to have something on your face to twist. Something that doesn’t hurt by doing so. – Gibby-

I just woke up – and I actually slept last night – and am confused, but there is something really strange about that statement. But I like it. I keep wanting to add something like, “Its even nicer if you can wank it!” or whatever. I don’t know. I just somehow sense that the statement can be perverted outrageously, and I’m just the man to do it!

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 23, 2008, 8:12 am

NB: I’m pretty sure Uncle B is talking about the fruitcake, not the possum.

Even if Uncle B had only ever seen a picture of a ‘possum, then he would be correct on both counts.

 


Comment from Moron Pundit
Time: April 23, 2008, 9:31 am

Ha! Population Britain, 60 mil. Population Canada, 30 mil. Population Australia, 20 mil. Population US, 300 mil.

I must’ve cut math class to smoke dope the day “vast majority” was covered.

Don’t forget, a vast number of non-native speakers are learning American English for trade purposes now. Go ‘gases’ and ‘buses!!!!’

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:26 am

Population Malaysia: 25 million
Population Singapore: 5 million
Population Hong Kong: 7 million
Population South Africa: 43.7 million
Population Ghana: 23 million
Population Nigeria: 148 million
Population Pakistan: 169 million
and oh…
Population India: 1.12 billion

Tell me, you albino weasel, you wannt keep wrasslin’? 🙂 Bearing in mind I’m a 250lb gorilla? 😉 Cuz I sure don’t mind wrasslin with a gurl, not at all…

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:02 am

Oh, and just so’s I’m not accused of not kicking someone when she’s down and beating a dead horse so’s it makes good steak…

Population British Commonwealth (previously British Empire)?
1.9 billion

Puts a whole new perspective on ‘vast majority’, don’t it?

 


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:13 am

Gregory the First,

Puts a whole new perspective on ‘vast majority’, don’t it?

Ahem. Here’s yet another whole new perspective on ‘vast majority’.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 6:12 am

Ah. So all the third-world shit-holes are “native English speakers” because it’s a better language to demand their UN welfare checks and perpetrate 419 scams than the language of squeaks, clicks and eyebrow-waggling they actually use at home.

I have a hunch there’s not a lot of drama in Ghana about whether to go with the British or American spelling of the plural of “gas.”

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 24, 2008, 6:52 am

Enas: Do I look like I give a shit? Seriously. Do I look like I give a shit? You shiftin’ goalposts on me? We talkin’ about spelling of words here (or population, I’m cool with population), not some other frell like the relative GDPs. Considering the average American gets born, lives and dies in the great USA, I should care when I’ve been to more countries than there are states in the US?

Apparently, Ms Weasel, you are not only albino, but blind as well. 😉 Or at least, dyslexic.

I said “vast majority of the English-speaking world that spells according to the Queen’s English (IOW, OED-style)” not ‘native English speakers’

No, no drama, but you say it’s incorrectly spelled; I point out that it’s spelled correctly in a whole lot of places other than the USA. Can anybody refute my point? No? Didn’t think so. Maybe the NPR writer was Brit in a previous incarnation, what do I know. Nor do I give a shit.

Is it even incorrectly spelled in American English? Apparently, fuck it all, not really.

Linky here

Again. You asked: “(yes, with “gasses” spelled like that…when did that become okay?)”

My answer: Well, apparently, it’s ALWAYS been okay – at least in MOST of Sol 3, and even in the US.

So. Instead of refuting my point that Queen’s English spell it ‘gasses’ (and for that matter, American English recognise that variation), you pick on my ‘vast majority’, turn that into a discussion of numbers, and then come up with THREE out of FIFTY-THREE Commonwealth countries (how convenient – they’re all white dominated, very well done). And when I point out that India, the bane of all who need to contact tech support, has 1.1 billion people (so there’s a whole lot of fucking going around there and you know it), which is a pisspot lot more than America has, you then wanna discuss GDP and their native fucking language? Seems to work out fine for them – they still fucking, language or otherwise. And still no refutation of my main thesis.

Hmm. Sounds like something a liberal would do. Not much honour, valour or proper demeanour there, I daresay.

Yeah, I know we’re moronbloggers, but surely we’ve got *some* standards. 🙂

So there. Neener neener neener. My argument is bigger than your argument. 😛

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 7:01 am

Okay, Gregory. I concede. I understand that when people lose empires, they become bitter and cling to issues like spelling and treaty alliances. (Say, when did “fucking” become part of our argument?).

 


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:06 am

Weas, I saw this post from work, and I actually intended to come by last night to tell you that “gasses” was the British English spelling. But I wasn’t going to be a douchebag about it. Too bad I forgot, eh?

So, is anyone else a Potter fan? If so, when you read these comments, did you keep seeing “Gregory the” and immediately fill in “Smarmy”? Because I totally did.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:19 am

Smarmy was not the word that first came to mind, although I get your drift, Mrs. P.

Who pee’d in your milk this morning, Greggie? Admittedly, Weaz is a tease – like a lot of us adults here – and it takes a certain thickness of skin (and self-confidence) to get by here – but that’s no reason to quit your meds and go Kos-like. I mean, if the zings sting a bit, just pull up your diaper and jump back in.

Jeez. you’d think she’d crapped on your porn and put sand in your Vaseline or sumpin!

Oh! Weaz! He called you a blind albino! That doesn’t come anywhere near beating the “cum-guzzling gutter tramp” Jimneycricket called me last Fall! So Neener-neener!

I win!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:28 am

Collecting and publishing the company’s data sheets was my job until quite recently. A fair number of them deal with “gases” — so “gasses” jumps out at me badly. I think our style manual comes down for “gages” instead of “gauges” too, but that one never looks right to me.

Anyhow, don’t mind Gregory. I find the British/American spelling argument as comfy as an old shoe by now, as you might imagine.

Spelling arguments are the easy ones; pronunciation differences can get dicey. And meaning arguments are the worst.

Uncle B called me a “slut” once. I almost decked him. He meant “slob.”

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:36 am

Pronunciation is always an issue. it’s the old “GHOTI” problem. Like I always say: if ya want to know why the language is so screwed up, just think about who’s been in charge of it for centuries; English Lit types! God save us from English Lit types!

But French is easy! Always mispronounce French. It pisses them off no end, and entertains the casual public.

Slut, huh? Well, I have to grant that’s a pretty good insult. ‘Bout as good as gutter tramp, I guess.

We’ll call it a draw for now. But I’m still surfing the web and creatively offending folks – seeking that ultimate, perhaps-mythical, expletive-laden insult. So don’t go resting on your laurels. Or your buns, either.

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:58 am

Gasses is correct if your’re in the vast majority of the English-speaking world that spells according to the Queen’s English (IOW, OED-style).

Since NPR is publicly funded radio in the United States, the spelling habits of the “vast majority of the English-speaking world” are completely irrelevant.

Besides, that majority is only half-vast.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:00 am

Heh.

 


Comment from cranky
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:21 am

McGoo, creatively offending folks is your euphemism for stirring up shit, I suppose.

I believe gauges should be the preferred spelling. I have a Remington 870 pump 12 gauge shotgun. Not a 12 gage shotgun.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:22 am

Well, it’s interesting that slowly even the so-called vast majority is gravitating to American English.

When I was in Pakistan attending a Pakistani school, I would spell it “color” and “favor” despite the fact the school taught it as “colour” and “favour”. (Pakistan uses British English.) Never got marks off for it.

This has to do with why they started to use English and why they use it now. Before, they were given English by their British rulers. They adopted it so they could participate in ruling the country with the British. (In India and Pakistan, English is still the official language of government.) But now, the other English-speaking nation rules the world economy, and so people are switching to American English to participate with Americans in the world economy. Britain — no offense, my British friends — is no longer the world powerhouse, but America is and so American English is spreading.

As far as speaking it is concerned, a large number of people are picking up vocabulary and constructions from American movies. It’s very common for less educated Pakistanis, for example, to say stuff while understanding the purpose and connotation but not the meaning. (Thus, many will swear or use foul language without really realizing it.)

 


Comment from PattyAnn
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:23 am

geoff is the best. Ever.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:24 am

“Gages” looks wrong but I’d love that spelling. It takes me a few minutes to figure out how to spell “gauge”.

It took me years, actually, to realize that “geyj” is spelled “gauge” and that “gauge” is not pronoounced “gauj”.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:26 am

geoff’s awesome, true dat.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:30 am

When I was just a little weasel, riding in a car with my grandmother, I was showing off to her by reading the billboards aloud. “Check your gawgs” I solemnly advised her. I never got over the reaction.

I’ve always hated ridicule.

Speaking of the primacy of the internet, Google says:

gases = 25,700,000
gasses = 1,980,000

Beat that horse! Beat it to perdition, Weasel!

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:30 am

To pile on, Gthe1st’s list is retarded: for example, only 90 million of the 1.12 billion people in India speak English.

The US does in fact rank #1 in terms of countries with native English speakers, and has more native English speakers than the rest of the world combined.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:35 am

Uncle B called me a “slut” once. I almost decked him. He meant “slob.”

Oh dear. Not sure I could get away with that one, no matter what I meant.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:43 am

To pile on, Gthe1st’s list is retarded…

Of course it is! See cranky’s comment: McGoo, creatively offending folks is your euphemism for stirring up shit, I suppose.

You betcha!

You could replace “gases” with “vapors” I guess, but then you’d get into the argument about “vapors” versus “vapours”. It never ends. Damned English majors. Talk about stirring up shit. I bet the language experts – who set the “rules” way back whenever – are laughing in their graves at all the trouble they’ve caused. Dickheads.

Is that pronounced gawgs as in “dogs” or as in “gouger”, Weaz? Either way its funny.

Uncle B called me a “slut” once. I almost decked him. He meant “slob.”

Oh dear. Not sure I could get away with that one, no matter what I meant.

And I, too, was idly wondering if Lord Badger still walks with a limp after that incident?

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:05 pm

(how convenient – they’re all white dominated, very well done)

I hope Gregory the Grump isn’t one of those guilt-ridden types.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:31 pm

Considering the average American gets born, lives and dies in the great USA, I should care when I’ve been to more countries than there are states in the US?

A subtle insult perhaps? Hmm…not sure. Though it does point out that your carbon footprint is way bigger than the average Americans.

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:38 pm

Considering the average American gets born, lives and dies in the great USA,

…if things work out for the best, that is.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:54 pm

Ah. The “most Americans don’t own a passport” meme, I believe. And oldie but a goodie.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:00 pm

A subtle insult perhaps?

Yes, and faux elitism – equating “borders crossed” with sophistication developed or wisdom garnered. And with a healthy dollop of insecurity, self-consciousness, and lack of self-esteem implicitly thrown in.

*Yawn* This particular specimen of Lib-troll isn’t even interesting.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:15 pm

Yes, and faux elitism – equating “borders crossed” with sophistication developed or wisdom garnered.

Exactly.
Which reminds me, I let my passport lapse. Need to remedy that in the event the husband assumes room temperature on one of his business trips and I need to retrieve his carcass.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:21 pm

Grit your teeth, PnB – the fees have gone up. I’d hate to have a family of 5-7 and want to go to Mexico for a weekend. It’d cost a fortune just for ID…

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:44 pm

Yeah, I’ve heard that. Takes longer too. What do you expect when the government outsourced the whole ball of wax.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:01 pm

I hope Gregory the Grump isn’t one of those guilt-ridden types.

Oh, I certainly hope he is-they have such a talent for getting the least out of life!

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:12 pm

I don’t know EW1, those types have a talent for pulling everyone down with them.

http://gatesofvienna.blogspot.com/2008/04/indigo-red-says-you-prounce-eu-this-way.html#readfurther

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:19 pm

You know who annoy me the most?

It’s not Americans in America who don’t know squat about the world – that makes sense. They are concerned about their own world, wherein much is happening anyway, and they haven’t gone to see them other furrin lands. Perfectly understandable.

But Americans who have traveled and then become pompous, arrogant, elitist donkeys…they annoy me to no end. Look, just because you’ve been abroad doesn’t make you an expert in other nations or countries or people, or in international relations, or in foreign policy. Nor does it give you any moral authority, or authority otherwise, to preach to the Americans how they should behave and think and say and do and write.

I’ve been overseas. I’ve lived with these other folks. I understand them very well because I was practically one of them. But I am ardently a very patriotic and proud American. Perhaps because of this, not despite it.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:40 pm

That was one of the favorite themes of the Stuff White Pople Like blog (amusing enough to read for one evening, but not bookmark). Americans who go abroad and spend the next thirty years claiming they can’t bear Dunkin’ Donuts coffee now they’ve had the real thing in Turkey, and shit like that.

I worked with a woman years ago whose every other sentence was, “when I was in grad school in England…” until I wanted to stab her with scissors. Yeah. We get it. You spent a year in another country.

The passport thing used to cheese me off because, until recently, Americans could go anywhere in our hemisphere without one (does that include South America? Anyone know?). Certainly Canada, Mexico and the Carribean…because I went to all those places before I had a passport.

PnB, I had mine renewed last year when everybody said there were huge delays. I paid to have mine expedited; a friend of mine applied at the same time and didn’t pay extra. We both got it back about the same time — a week or so later. If you’re just doing it on spec, don’t panic.

Do you really have to go in person to pick up spouse carcasses? I would’ve thought they’d ship them automatically. A sort of widow courtesy.

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:45 pm

But Americans who have traveled and then become pompous, arrogant, elitist donkeys

Fortunately I was immune, because I was already a PAED.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 7:32 pm

(does that include South America? Anyone know?)

It did, although not any more (at least some countries anyway).

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 7:50 pm

You’ve piqued my curiosity, Geoff – how can I become a PAED? Is the entrance exam very hard? Do I need, like, a sponsor, or a hundred signatures before I can apply? Is it OK if I’m circumscribed?

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 7:56 pm

Muslihoon:

I’ve been overseas. I’ve lived with these other folks. I understand them very well because I was practically one of them. But I am ardently a very patriotic and proud American. Perhaps because of this, not despite it.

Same here (almost).

Love to travel, don’t mind living and working overseas: thoroughly enjoy learning about the local culture…but I am always glad when the landing gear slaps back down on the tarmac at home. And it doesn’t matter which end or what side of the country.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 8:19 pm

Got “Preview” and a edit widget, and I can still screw up a comment.

A talent, that is.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 8:31 pm

Do you really have to go in person to pick up spouse carcasses? I would’ve thought they’d ship them automatically. A sort of widow courtesy.

Not sure if one is required to personally pick up a spousal carcass. It would have to be ID’d and I doubt they would ship it off without that. I just worry if he would go missing or would happen to get deathly ill.

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 24, 2008, 8:55 pm

You know, now we’re getting down to business.

Weasel, I actually happen to like your blog, and you ain’t a-gonna stop me from reading it. And commenting. And generally making a nuisance of myself.

Question: whenever did I say I was an American? Or white? I’m a Chink from Malaysia!

Again (and by now I think that Zombie horse is a good ride for Zombie Reagan, don’t you think?):

You asked: ‘…since when was it OK?’
My half-assed initial reply: ‘It’s always been okay to spell it in Queen’s English’
My fully-assed second reply: ‘… and apparently, it’s an accepted variation in American English as well’

Throwing aside all the extraneous monkey (well, in your case, weasel) poo we’ve been hurling at each other, do you agree this was my main point, and that these are facts not in question? If so, then “So there! :P” If not, then please, tell me, where was I wrong?

Addressing the other shit;

1. Well, I happen to think fucking is a much more interesting topic than spelling. Muslihoon can even jump in with the mating habits of fucking Pakis, and I can give some pointers on the mating habits of fucking Slanteyes, and if you’re already in England, you can tell us how the fucking Pommies do it (probably with stiff upper lips, like they do everything else). You’re free to disagree, but I’m surrounded by eye candy all over my office, so, you know. I’d like to talk about fucking Japs, Koreans, Mongolians, Africans, etc etc etc. A lot more than whether gasses come out of one ass or two asses.

2. I NEVER brought up NATIVELY SPEAKING English, except in the context of SPELLING according to Queen’s English. I will say this much – I don’t give much of a flying fuck about spelling variations, except that it is my RIGHT to speall in the BRITISH way, and you will pry that right from my COLD, DEAD HANDS. But anyways, it was only becuase of them Krauts that the English started spelling with ‘ou’ rather than ‘o’. Besides, your government forms are now bilingual, and you should talk? Sheesh.

3. So far, I have called you albino, an allusion to your ‘whiteness’, your inability to see the rest of us brown folk as also spelling OED style. And dyslexic, alluding to your inability to read my point but instead going on all other tangents. In return, I have been called;
‘bitter and cling to issues’ (I’m a necromancer, what did you expect?)
‘…a douchebag’ (and what better way to spray stuff into a pussy?)
‘Smarmy’ (All the way, baby. Smarm is my middle name. Well, my middle name is actually Wise Word, but smarm works just fine)
‘Kos-like’ (Um, no, haven’t called for anyone’s death yet)
‘retarded’ (well, at least my list was, supposedly)
‘the Grump’ and ‘guilt-ridden’ (W T F?)
‘Lib-troll’ (Um, no. Deeply conservative with some libertarian leanings. Try again.)
‘healthy dollop of insecurity, self-consciousness, and lack of self-esteem implicitly thrown in’ (yeah, okay, only HALF as many states as there are in the US, I exaggerated.)

Well, at least you know one thing – you’ve got a bunch of loyal minions, just like Charles Johnson. Weaseloids? Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. Oh well, I’m guessing you’ll come up with a better name. 🙂

But anyways. Haven’t insulted anybody else here. If you’re not white, I’ll take back albino. But I stand by the dyslexic part. But the rest of you guys… yeah, stay classy. Real classy. Ad hominem a guy whose points you can’t refute.

Now, I KNOW I’m an obese virgin Chinese gorilla whose BO and bad breath send people reeling for cover and whose dick brings pleasure only to himself (which, really, is the whole point). So my skin by now is pretty tough. But YOU lot might wanna think about ‘projection’.

Boy, talk about a tough crowd. Thank you, thank you. Remember, I’m here every weeknight from 8-10. Cash and all major credit cards accepted.

Oh, and porknbean? Do I look like I give a shit about my carbon footprint? Gimme my SUV, Mercedes Benzes, and cheap airflights. I’ll expend all kinds of H2S and CH4 gasses all I want, and as for toilet paper? It’s not like we’ve got a shortage of it.

Oh, and I forgot – to all (if any) Aussie readers, happy celebrating ANZAC Day. ‘Lest we forget’ and rest assured I will not.

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:07 pm

well, at least my list was, supposedly

No supposedly about it. Unless you have another favorite adjective to describe a list of English speakers than includes over a billion non-English speakers?

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:17 pm

You’ve piqued my curiosity, Geoff – how can I become a PAED?

I recommend blogging.

Do I need, like, a sponsor, or a hundred signatures before I can apply?

If you believe you need these things, you’re not ready. Work on the “A” part.

Is it OK if I’m circumscribed?

It’s better if you’re perambulated, but circumscribision ought to be fine.

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:23 pm

I NEVER brought up NATIVELY SPEAKING English, except in the context of SPELLING according to Queen’s English.

…and the majority of native speakers % spellers of English spell gases with two ‘s’s. About 2/3, in fact. Not a ‘vast majority,’ but certainly a clear one.

The fact is, “gasses” is so obscure in American English that it is only found in the dictionary – likely due to its British heritage. Having a government-funded institution use it is either evidence of sloppy editing or the pernicious influence of the UK.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:27 pm

whenever did I say I was an American? Or white? I’m a Chink from Malaysia!

Like, uh, who gives a shit? Because I must ha’ missed the entrance exam…

Oh, and I don’t really care how non-Anglophones “speall:” because it gives rise to such fun dialectical differences like Engrish!

And I’m guessing Johnson (known as ‘Nancy’ in some circles) tossed you out on your ass some time ago~likely for cause?

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:32 pm

It’s better if you’re perambulated, but circumscribision ought to be fine.

I’m thinking being percolated sounds more funner, but I suppose I could be circumnavigated in a pinch.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:17 pm

One little friggin’ erroneous autocorrect of a typo and look what I get.

EW – was that circumlocution?

I’ve always wanted to be percolated. They say once you’re percolated, you’ll never go back to opiates.

In return, I have been called; …(snip)

Greggie, you left off “…isn’t even interesting.” That was a really important point, chink-boy. Now you’re gonna simply have to do better if you want to hang with this crowd.

And – BTW – penises are waaaay better to spray stuff into pussies. Perhaps you’ve never experienced the awe and mystery that is …wait for it…sex with a member of the opposite gender! A live one, that is. And not made of rubber. And not your sister. Or mine.

Douchebags are for – well – douchebags.

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:26 pm

Hmm, no, I still have posting privileges at LGF. At HotAir, at MM’s, in fact, everywhere. Try again.

But really, can someone refute my point? I mean, so far I’m hearing a lot of crickets about how obscure it is, or how the rest of teh world doesna count or some other irrelevant crap loike-a that-a.

And who gives a shit about my origins? Well, apparently, those who are hell-bent on making me out to be some elitist self-important libtard troll from SoCal. Not that they don’t have a right to live, of course.

As for dialectical differences, as if you don’t have Boston Brahmin accents, or redneck spellings, or that Southern Drawl, etc etc etc.

Look, if you want to say that the USA is the best and nobody even comes close and we’re not gonna care about anybody who’s not American, and we spell things the way we do, fine. Most mainland Chinese don’t give a shit about Americans either, so it’s not exactly a unique attitude. And if your idea of authority is Google, that’s fine too – I’m sure Google is damned happy about it, at least.

But again, and by now the horse is an Eohippus in the Smithsonian, can anybody actually refute my point, which is that gasses is a perfectly acceptable, dictionary word? Even in the US of A?

Geez. Let me know when it’s time to let this matter slide.

And yo, goo-boy, who said I was interested in what you had to say? Are we now bringing the level of conversation down to gratuitous insults? Well then bring it on, motherfucker. If so’s happen you even had a mother, and didn’t just crawl out of some leftover goo left behind on Lewinsky’s dress. If I be the douchebag, then maybe you’re the douchenozzle, no? Who’d want to fuck your sister anyway? At least mine’s pretty AND touchy-feely. I bet yours is twice my weight and half the fun. Probably squash you flat if you weren’t made of some leftover snot from BJ’s dick. WTF did I do to you anyways, to merit such venom from you right from the start? Talk about throwbacks! I’m guessing Darwin forgot about your family. Probably should be studying you as a mising link. If so’s you’re even a man. Or are you more like that ‘man’ who got preggers? Stuff many socks down your jock? Yeah, maybe I’m giving you too little credit. After all, you musta somehow managed to learn how to turn on a computer and pound on some keys.

So, did I pass? Like I care, but am I now foul-mouthed enough? Cuz I could always come up with more…trilingually too, as if it mattered.

You know what I find interesting? Is that fact that none of you, not even one, wish to address the core issue I mentioned. And all you can do is insult me, my heritage, my origins, my characteristics, hmm…

Cibai, all this ire and insanity over me sayin’ that ‘gasses’ is ok spelling. And no one even said nothin’ about good food.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:35 pm

Who sez elitist self-important libtard trolls from SoCal have a right to live? I never voted for that.

…Eohippus in the Smithsonian…

Ok, you’re getting better…

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:46 pm

which is that gasses is a perfectly acceptable, dictionary word?

That point, the last of 3, wasn’t worth much. It is so rare a spelling in the US that it is even (erroneously) included in lists of misspelled words. And S. Weasel’s lack of familiarity with the alternate spelling is not why people leapt to her defense.

Your original point was that much more of the world uses the British spelling than the American spelling. Aside from being completely irrelevant to the post (since we’re discussing NPR), it’s likely untrue. This was the beginning of your hostile reception.

Your second point was that S. Weasel had been anglo-centric in her list of English-speaking countries. That was true, but not nearly as true as you claimed. In fact, as far as native-English speaking populations go, she had covered more than 90% of relevant peoples in her very short list. This amplified your hostile reception.

I hope you understand how much your argument has wandered, and how it has become petty and churlish, which I suppose is prefereable to the nationalistic and confrontational overture of your first argument.

Since you’ve failed to address any of the contra arguments, but continue to bleat about ad hominem attacks, I’ll leave it at that. Feel free to take the last word, at least as far as I’m concerned.

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:49 pm

Is that fact that none of you, not even one, wish to address the core issue I mentioned. And all you can do is insult me, my heritage, my origins, my characteristics, hmm…

Oops – just noticed this little gem, which is a bald-faced lie. I never insulted you or any aspect of you, and I addressed your ‘core issue,’ even when it meandered about and completely changed its focus.

And I’m quite sure that a vast majority of people spell “prefereable” as “preferable.” My bad.

 


Comment from Steamboat “Goo-Boy” McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:05 pm

Goo-boy. Heh.

I briefly had some hope for you, Greggie – me being an habitually optimistic and cheerful type person. But then, once again, you descended to your apparent comfort level – that of the vulgar ad hominem attack. I guess I’ll record your rant for my future amusement, but you’re not going on my “top ten” list by any stretch.

…and “mising” is spelled missing.

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:19 pm

Ah, we have in fact gotten somewhere.

Steamboat McGee: Well, you know, I thought that was the thing to say. About the SoCal folk, I mean. There’s at least some hope of converting them, don’t you think?

And thank you. 🙂 Let me know how and where else I can improve.

Dear geoff:
My thanks for your reasoned comment. I accept that it is a rare spelling in the US.

Let us agree to disagree about ‘gasses’. I just wanted to make the point that it was acceptable Queen’s English. And seemingly, American English also. So, NPR should be well within their rights to use it. BTW, who actually listens to NPR? No, seriously, I’m curious. It’s like saying you listen(ed) to Air America.

Yes, S. Weasel had been anglo- (I would say, white-) centric. I wanted to point out that the Commonwealth of Nations is composed of 53 countries with a total population of 1.9 billion, of which I am quite sure >50% can speak English, and >20% can spell in Queen’s English. However badly they accomplish that task. And seeing the way my classmates did in our English papers (can we say holy shit!), and the general level of difficulty of those papers (quite low), well. Just wanted her not to be so… provincial, I guess.

I hope this addresses what you call are the contra-arguments. If not, then I am more than willing to discuss it in a more civil manner.

Something tangential, but I would surmise that the term ‘gasses’ is more often encountered in the context of a present tense verb rather than a plural noun.

I would, however, take exception to your summary that my argument has wandered. Or that it has become petty and churlish. Well, petty, sure – even I am not too fussed about how you spell the damned word. And perhaps a smidgen of churlish. Nor would I say that it is preferable to my nationalistic and confrontational overture, since it was neither, in my view. The Commonwealth is not a nation, so I cannot have been nationalistic. And as for confrontational, well, only if the shoe fits, in my estimation.

However, insofar as my tone and style has not been acceptable here, I take full responsibility and ask that you forgive me. I am something of a blowhard, and this is entertainment for me.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 25, 2008, 5:05 am

Americans spell gasses ‘gases’? That I did not know. Judging by this thread, it seems Wilde was on the ball when he wrote, ‘We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language’.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 25, 2008, 5:37 am

Okay, I know it’s my blog and everything, but will everybody forgive me if I just skimmed all that, assumed a good time was had by all and cut to the part where the credits roll, the theme music swells and we all share a group hug? I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

I got stuck at the part where I tried to imagine the Malaysian pronunciation of ‘Gregory’.

 


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 25, 2008, 5:41 am

Neither did I, Gibby! Damn me!

As I always say, give some people a perfectly decent language and what do they do with it?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 25, 2008, 5:49 am

Phew! That wasn’t so bad.

I had Uncle B in the background on Skype. I listened to him read this thread and laugh like a drain. Then I heard the ominous clickity-clickity of a reply being typed. I was filled with dread.

Actually, it’s more like a whappity-whappity. Dude types with his fists.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 25, 2008, 7:24 am

Who was it that said ‘England and the US are two nations separated by a common language’, or sumpin like that?

Sometimes the ‘why’ of a spelling/grammatical oddity is more interesting that the oddity itself.

And I’d still like to find the guy who made up the ‘I before E, except…’ rule, and punch his nose.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 25, 2008, 7:35 am

Do you know the whole thing? I was sure there was a line after ‘or when sounding like “a” as in “neighbor” and “weigh.”‘

Something to do with “sounding like EE, as in “weird.”

Stupid language. Screw it, Uncle B. You can have it back.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 25, 2008, 8:07 am

I learned “I before E, except after C, and sounding like ‘A’, as in ‘neighbors’ and ‘weigh'”, but I think there is a more extensive/eloquent version out there.

Yep. Damned language. There should never be any exceptions. And lets get rid of all homonyms, too. I mean, why do we have three words (e.g. to, too, and two) that sound the same but mean different things? And read(present tense), read(past tense), red(color), and reed(plant) – who’s idea was that? Some language scholar addled on rye smut, no doubt.

 


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: April 25, 2008, 8:20 am

Don’t forget though and through and thorough. But actually, if you want to experience the full horror of English pronunciation, you must go here and try to read the poem out loud.

“Two nations divided by a common language” is Wilde, I think.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 25, 2008, 8:35 am

I cut and pasted that poem, Mrs. P. Very good!

 


Comment from geoff
Time: April 25, 2008, 10:10 am

and cut to the part where the credits roll, the theme music swells and we all share a group hug?

You’ll miss the climactic slowly-building group clap that way.

God I hate the climactic slowly-building group clap.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 25, 2008, 11:51 am

and cut to the part where the credits roll, the theme music swells and we all share a group hug?

Let me get my swipe in at Gregory the 250 pound vulgar chink(his words), first.

Look fatass, noone gives a rip about how ‘gases’ is spelled anywhere in the world. Obsessing over it in the pushy manner you did was annoying. So was bringing race into it.

So, you are not a self-loathing guilt-ridden white lib. Good for you. We aren’t either. And when someone comes off as having a problem with whites and Americans, we take offense and will tell you to piss off just like we will to the rest of the back stabbing, inbred, goat-humping, US aid wanting, anti-American shitholes. Btw, how is that sharia working out for ya?

And another thing, if you want to talk about f*cking everybody and genitalia (unless they are oddity stories), take your nasty self to Goo-boy’s porn thread and wank to your heart’s delight. And take a box of Kleenex, McGoo probably don’t want to smell when you are there.

Other than that, you say you are a conservative. Good. We can work from there.

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 28, 2008, 4:11 am

Well, well, well. Nice to know that people are all having fun with me. Okay, I learnt my lesson, at least I think I did.

Speaking of oddity stories, you hear the one about the penis-snatchers in the Congo? That got my office lauging their collective arses off, I can tell you that.

I got no problems with white Americans. Or with whites or Americans, generally speaking. It’s those who think America and Americans are the best in the world, exceptional in every way and whatnot that gets my goat, especially when ~3 billion Chinese know that it’s actually Chinese who are the best in the… 🙂 But seriously, look, you bunch are fairly nice folk in my estimation, right? So’s I’ll try real hard to play by your rules. Next time, anyrate.

And apparently, Weas did care a fart (possibly two).

But I think this comment thread is Pretty. Much. Done. So I’ll annoy you good folk on other posts.

Sharia? Well, so far no one has asked me to chop someone’s hand off because he was caught stealing. That’s always a good sign. As a non-Muslim, I’m anyways judged under civil law, so, well, it’s got nothing to do with me, really.

But I hope you’re happy and content with that last swipe at me, porknbean, and maybes you can tell me what the hell scrapple is, and where I can get me some-a-that.

 


Comment from Kristine Snyder
Time: November 13, 2008, 12:10 am

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