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And then there was this

Eh, I got nothing interesting, so let’s stick with Doom for the weekend. So, there was a comic. Did you know that? A couple of years after the game, id software released it. God alone knows why.

What do you do for dialogue when your plot consists of some guy running at full tilt through a building shooting stuff? Well, these folks decided to go with Doom Guy’s stream of consciousness.

I’m cookin’ with gas! I’ve gotta handful of vertebrae and a headful of mad! Yeah. That’s your spinal cord, baby! Dig it! Who’s the man? I’m the man! I’m a bad man! How bad? Real bad! I’m 12.0 on the 10.0 scale of badness! Don’t need a gun…guns are for wusses!

Huh? Whuzzat? Whuzzat? I like what I see! An important looking door…

Knock Knock. Who’s there? ME! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME

This is something between Ripley’s hissed version of You Are My Lucky Star while she shoots the alien out the airlock, and that dog who REALLY fucking wants him some Kibbles ‘n’ Bits.

My favorite part is toward the end, when he splashes radioactive goo on himself and gives a speech about protecting the environment. It’s like his meds kick in for thirty seconds. Just go read it.

Have a great weekend. And remember, kids — rip and tear!


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: January 12, 2013, 12:20 am

First! 🙂

Comment from Nina
Time: January 12, 2013, 12:21 am

Rip and tear? It must be a sewing thread, eh?

So.tired. A week ago I was happily in Norway and now here I am up to my eyeballs in teenagers again. Calgon, take me away.

Comment from Paula Douglas
Time: January 12, 2013, 12:24 am

The BFG 9000?

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: January 12, 2013, 12:25 am

I’m holding out for Aliens: Colonial Marines…pretty much puts you in the second Alien movie.

Tinkering with this Arduino programmable electronics thing these days…made one of those red Cylon eyes that scans from side to side…cool! 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 12, 2013, 12:32 am

Was that an actual question, Paula? I’ll proceed as if it is. Everyone assumes it stands for “Big Fucking Gun” and id software would, of course, never say.

It’s the most powerful gun in the game. It shoots a blast of bright green plasma field in all directions that kills everything for about fifty yards. It uses up an ungodly amount of your precious energy cells, but lordy is it satisfying when used just right.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 12, 2013, 12:35 am

Also, for those who don’t remember (I didn’t until I played it again), there’s a thing called a berserker cube. If you step on it, your fists become as powerful as rockets for a minute or two. You can punch your way through a roomful of enemies.

That’s what our intrepid comic book guy above is going on about. He starts the comic in berserker mode.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: January 12, 2013, 12:45 am

I saw the Doom movie…I thought it was pretty good.

Comment from beasn
Time: January 12, 2013, 4:44 pm

These ‘shopped Kate Middletons are rather amusing.


Comment from BJM2009
Time: January 12, 2013, 5:01 pm

OT: Hey Stoaty didja see this?


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 12, 2013, 5:48 pm

That’s a sweet ‘Shop, BJM. I wish I’d thought of that. Wait, no I don’t — he’s clearly put a lot of work into it.

Beasn, I’d take any one of those over the official one. I think she looks sarcastic in it. I can just hear her going, “tshah, right! I am so sure.”

Comment from Mitchell
Time: January 12, 2013, 5:54 pm

I read the whole thing. Lordy but that was awful. I don’t think I ever found a berserker cube, or if I did I didn’t know what it was.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: January 12, 2013, 9:33 pm

Pucker-pucker-pucker-pucker-pucker DIE! *ragequit*

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 13, 2013, 12:41 pm

When are you Americans going to war with yourselves?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 13, 2013, 3:01 pm

All the time. It’s what we mean by vigorous democracy.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: January 13, 2013, 4:03 pm

Appro of nothing, these popped into my mind this morning, and then I thought: why should I be the only one to suffer?

I’ve had a lot of jobs but nothing ever worked out for me –

I used to work in a tuna processing plant until I got canned.
Then I was a lumberjack until they gave me the axe.
Then I was a barber till they cut me.
After that I worked at an Orange juice bottler till they squeezed me out.
Next was a taxi company but they said I didn’t show enough drive.
I tried being a fireman but I got burned out with the workload.
Then a Starbucks till I got tired of the daily grind.
In desperation, I tried for a job making porno movies but they worked so fast I couldn’t keep up.
Finally I tried working for a Computer Game maker but they said I lacked a sense of Doom.

Gotta run!


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 14, 2013, 12:02 am

Just looks at Some Vegetable.

Yeah, you better run!

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 14, 2013, 3:16 am

Then what’s This?


God I miss Reagan.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: January 14, 2013, 7:50 pm

I assumed the dialog in those panels was one of your “embellishments,” but it really is thatincredibly awful.

Just wow.

Comment from Jon
Time: January 16, 2013, 7:48 pm

You heard of that “Lincoln” movie Oceania? I hear there was a war in there somewhere.
[end sarc tag]

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