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Burn the pope! Again.

Well, Bonfire Night in Lewes went off well enough, so I understand.

I’m sure I’ve explained in years past, Sussex takes bonfire night very, very seriously. But not just on November 5. Local celebrations are staggered so the various crews can march in each other’s processions. This means there are big marches and firework displays from September right through November, one village after another.

But Lewes is the big one. Biggest one in the country. Everyone saves November 5th in deference to Lewes. It’s gotten so big, they beg people to stay away because it gets out of hand sometimes, and there have been injuries. They burn multiple effigies every year, including — I’m pretty sure they’re the only one that still dares — the Pope. (Nice selection of past effigies here).

This is because Lewes not only commemorates the Gunpowder Plot on this day, but also the seventeen Protestant men of Lewes burned at the stake during the Marian Persecutions. They are serious as a heart attack about it.

This year, two of the effigies were of Alex Salmond, the Scottish First Minister who led Scotland’s attempt to break away from the UK. This caused a Twitter storm of protest and the bonfire societies who sponsored the effigies promised not to torch them. And then they blew them up anyway, or one of them at least. The Sussex police are investigating, because butthurt is a police matter here.

Oh, also thousands of unemployed trustafarian kids wearing V masks descended on London and other European cities to protest austerity, whatever that is in this context. This caused such an enormous sensation that I’ve had difficulty finding articles about it in the major papers next day, even though there were arrests and shit. That utter moron Russel Brand was there. ‘Nuff said.

Anyway, I think we’ve gone to all the main bonfires in our area at some time or other. Lately, we’ve taken to watching the displays from a distance. To be honest, I get a little freaked stuck in the middle of huge, jostling crowds. I think we’ll go to one.


Comment from Mojo
Time: November 6, 2014, 10:19 pm

The Marian Persecutions, y’all, that’s like in Bloody Mary, as in 400-odd years ago.

Some folks just know how to hold a grudge.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 6, 2014, 10:49 pm

That’s more or less the age of the house we’re living in now. So, you know.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 6, 2014, 11:07 pm

Some of those effigies are pretty awesome…shame to burn them up.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 6, 2014, 11:44 pm

Nothin’ wrong with burnin’ a pope or two, but those anontards in the moving-picture-show masks need to be burnt in non-effigy.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 6, 2014, 11:53 pm

400 years? Nothing at all.

Comment from dissent555
Time: November 6, 2014, 11:57 pm

If Russell Brand is the intellectual vanguard of your movement, you really need to be asking yourself “WTF?”

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: November 7, 2014, 1:06 am

Trying to get a closeup of the Salmond one, is it anatomically correct?

Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: November 7, 2014, 1:31 am

I want a cape and mask.
And that hat, and the boots.
I need to lose twenty pounds to look good in that costume.

Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: November 7, 2014, 1:32 am

4 hunert year old domicile.
This one was build mid seventies, and the roof won’t make it through this next winter.

I should start a ‘go fund me’ for a new roof.
“The Art of Asking” Amanda Palmer

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 7, 2014, 2:24 am

Baby ducks need a new Mercedes & 200kg of cocaine!
₤400,000 rolls in over 36 hours.

This human needs food & some clothes.
$5.85 comes in over the course of a month.

Comment from pandelume
Time: November 7, 2014, 2:57 am

“…because butthurt is a police matter here.”

i’m gonna steal that one, ok?

Comment from David Gillies
Time: November 7, 2014, 3:33 am

I just love the way someone took a section of Brand’s execrable*, eat-a-thesaurus-get-attack-of-verbal-diarrhoea prose and suggested it should finish with someone singing “Parklife!” after it, per the Blur song. Mockery is the best way to deal with pretentious little tits like that.

* oh, no matter how bad you think it could be, it’s worse. It’s fucking horrible. Worst sort of masturbatory, gosh-aren’t-I-clever schoolboy drivel. You can practically see him hugging himself as each ghastly, overwrought sentence unfurls itself into the word processor.

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: November 7, 2014, 2:39 pm

So we’ll see you at Burning Man huh?

Comment from Amichel
Time: November 7, 2014, 3:36 pm

I was about to say, “That isn’t a very good likeness of Pope Francis!” before I realized that it was supposed to be Paul V. Carry on then =P

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