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Say, I could really go for a big weepy dose of poison ivy!

poison ivy

I don’t think it is poison ivy, actually. I was well aware of the clump of undergrowth I was sticking my hand in and it wasn’t ‘leaves of three’ or anything else I recognized. But you can react this way to many of Mother Nature’s beloved greenbabies, which is one more reason Gaia can kiss my ass.

The primary site is messy and scary, but it’s the secondary sites that are getting me down; any place this naughty forearm can sneak off to in the night — my neck, my chin, my pantyline, my left armpit — I’ve got a patch of misery. Milder than the mama patch, but MUCH itchier.

We had a transformer blow this morning, which tripped the fire alarm at work. I got to stand outside for forty five minutes next to my boss’s boss’s boss and several hundred of my choice cow-orkers, while I squirmed and jived and thought, “don’t scratch your belly…don’t scratch your belly…don’t scratch your belly…”

Eventually, topical ointments weren’t cutting it; I’m having temporary itchy patches pop up in places my naughty spot hasn’t gone NEAR. Free-floating histamines, I guess. So I bought some Benadryl on the way home — or, as I like to think of it, Coma in a Caplet. Diphenhydramine knocks me flat. They gave it to me for hives when I was a kid, back when it was prescription only, and it’s like weasel narcolepsy.

Took one half an hour ago; so goodbye, cruel world!

Hey, y’all have just read a 253-word essay by a weasel describing a rash. Isn’t the internet wonderful? Have a great weekend!

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 15, 2008, 4:57 pm

The newest version of WordPress gives you a wordcount. Which is nice, I guess, but I’m such a geek I couldn’t work out whether to go with 253 words — which was the number of words right up to the point that I gave the number of words — or the total wordcount of the post. Then, of course, I went back and tinkered with it so I no longer know how many words lead up to the phrase “253 words.” Which worried me enough that I wrote out this whole explanation to account for the fact that I cannot guarantee that the number “253” has any significance to this post at all any more.

Really, is anybody surprised that I drink?

 


Comment from iamfelix
Time: August 15, 2008, 5:11 pm

LOL … You are funny. I hope you wake up from your weasel-coma feeling less itchy. I suppose that this would *not* be the time to say that I am immune to poison ivy (my dad was, and seems to have passed it on to all of us offspring). I’ve never gotten a plant-itch, but when adolescent was allergic to several dyes & fabrics, and used to have to get cortisone shots/ointments & other stuff to quell. Seemed to outgrow those, though.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 15, 2008, 5:26 pm

I’ve never been allergic to PI, either. In the last couple of years, I’ve come home from the woods with something, but it doesn’t really look like orthodox poison ivy.

Heh. Last year, I went hiking about an hour from here wearing a brand new pair of pants. Never been laundered. I got out in the woods and realized I was reacting to the dye. Itched like FOOL.

I thought I was going to have to strip them off and hike back to the car in my panties. It wasn’t a real busy park, but the chances of running into somebody on the trail were pretty high. And then I’d have the drive home on the Interstate.

Hoo boy! Managed to make it home with my pants on, though.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: August 15, 2008, 5:41 pm

“Hey, y’all have just read a 253-word essay…”

Now, why are you surprised we drink? πŸ™‚

5 years ago I suddenly became allergic to milk. Not that namby pamby, a sniffle, an itch, kind of allergy, full blown anaphylactic shock allergy. Poison Ivy doesn’t affect me at all, nor any kind of insect bites. Weird.

 


Comment from Stashiu3
Time: August 15, 2008, 5:42 pm

If you react that strongly to Benedryl, are you sure that it stops the itching? You could be dreaming that you’re itch-free the whole time you’re asleep, meaning the Benedryl is actually useless. Also, now that I think about it, you might be itch-free while you’re asleep and end up dreaming that you still itch… making the Benedryl useless. So, what are the odds the Benedryl is going to work as advertised? I guess it depends on how things usually turn out for you.

πŸ˜‰

 


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 15, 2008, 6:25 pm

I was going to say “You wimp, I take 2 of them and drive to work”, but then I remembered how badly Tavist-D strings me out. Blehhhh……

Ah well, such is life…..

 


Comment from pajama momma
Time: August 15, 2008, 7:15 pm

dang, between fake hepatitis, killer bunnies and poison ivy you’re surely not long for this world. They’re coming to get you. If aluminum didn’t cause alzheimer’s, I’d suggest you dawn a tinfoil hat.

Run away! Run away! Run away!

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 15, 2008, 7:39 pm

Goood Lord that looks nasty.

Tha’s the one thing I’ve never caught. Firefighting, I would be one of two first picks for clearing out an area with known poison oak.

Great Granddad used to rib the family because he didn’t get it. One picnic he was rubbing it in and just pulling the stuff up with bare hands. Everyone got a good laugh when he had it from neck to knees and all around the groin area.

Hey PJ Momma – Did you ever hear about Pet Foil Hat Technology? PFHT(tm). If it’s good enough for our critters it oughta be good enough for us, I say.

 


Comment from pajama momma
Time: August 15, 2008, 8:17 pm

Did you ever hear about Pet Foil Hat Technology?

hhhhmmmm, do you think pets get alzheimer’s?

 


Comment from Randy Rager
Time: August 15, 2008, 10:17 pm

Looks like a real bad case of Arm Herpes you got there, missy. Try to be a bit more discriminating when choosing fisting partners, willya?

πŸ˜‰

I keed, I keed! Please to not be unleashing the Rabid Horde of Non-Consensual Weaselers!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 15, 2008, 11:52 pm

Hey thanks, Randy! I’m cured! That ol’ rash just slithered off my arm in pure horror.

Woke up to find my house surrounded by two cop cars, a full-sized fire engine and an ambulance. Okay, not really my house; my next door neighbor’s house. They coaxed her into the ambulance and away. On the other hand, she got there on her own two feet…so it can’t be anything TOO evil.

I never know what to do when something like this happens. Charge outside and shout, “Stop! I know this woman’s name!”? Too forward. And pointless. On the other hand, I feel like Gladys Kravitz peeking out the window without helping. So I stood visibly in the window, as if to say, “yes, there is a weasel in this house, willing to aid your inquiries should you so desire…” God, this is a worse dilemma than that wordcount thing.

Anyhow, I’m up, it’s midnight, I’ve just had another Benadryl, so…wahoo!

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 16, 2008, 12:29 am

Here you go PJ Momma… (link has space pre-installed)

http ://www.abandonedstuff.com/petfoilhat.html

Benadryl is a miracle drug. They ought to be putting it in the water like fluoride.

 


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: August 16, 2008, 5:15 am

Don’t tell me they tried to burn down the wrong house?!

Gotta get rid of that place of yours somehow… πŸ˜‰

 


Comment from Randy Rager
Time: August 16, 2008, 11:10 am

There you have it, ladies: Rager, the cure for what ails ya!

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 16, 2008, 11:54 am

So Allen, are you now a label reader? Anaphylaxis with milk. That is scary stuff.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 16, 2008, 12:18 pm

Ahem, behind the curve here.

What pnb said Allen… that cannot be common at all to have that severe a reaction. Damn. Do you carry an epi-pen for something like that?

 


Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: August 16, 2008, 12:39 pm

Urushiol is the oil compound that you react to, and most people don’t have a bad reaction the first time they come in contact. It’s actually something that your body builds an allergic reaction to. It’s found in lots of plants in the Anacardiaceae family (and no I can’t pronounce that and really can’t even spell it w/o double checking). Mangoes belong in that family too.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 16, 2008, 12:59 pm

Poison ivy, oak, or sumac. Pics of each here. Not necessarily ‘leaves of three’.
– remove space after http –

http ://www.aad.org/public/publications/pamphlets/skin_poison.html

I’ve not had poison ivy but then I don’t go wading through scrub and the like. My neighbor’s family owns a Christmas tree farm and each year my neighbor comes down with it because she helps do some clearing. Last time, she had to go on steroids because she had huge blistered welts all up and down her arms and legs.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: August 16, 2008, 1:30 pm

pnb and LK, I’m a label reader big time, and epi-pen is my friend. In fact Senor Epi is a constant companion.

You know how you read those stories about parents freaking out over peanut allergies and their kids, well I don’t blame them. For me, the amount of milk you’d put in a cup of coffee, involves one of those funky near death experiences.

I’m also allergic, in the same fashion, to something in Coca Cola. You can say it, WTF? I think it often myself.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 16, 2008, 1:34 pm

Scared my dad silly. We moved to the country and the folks built a new house. I dragged down a “tarzan vine” from one of the trees and came running to dad with it. He about had a cow and a kitten both. Never got it though in 18 years of swimming in it. (whew!)

 


Comment from Buffoon
Time: August 16, 2008, 2:19 pm

In my best Nelson impersonation from the Simpson’s…. HAA HA

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 16, 2008, 2:52 pm

Senor Epi? Those imports can be iffy…

That really is scary stuff Allen. You’re an unwilling MilkNazi.

The one that gets me like that is the sulfites they put on veggies at veggie bars. Nice preservative but I end up having to chew up two benadryl and hold them under my tongue while hitting albuterol. I’d really rather have a darker veggie with spots than epinephrine. Some jerky is the same way.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: August 16, 2008, 3:45 pm

LK, nah I don’t get my stuff from Mehico, I just threw that in since we’re supposed to be working under the new 2nd language paradigm.

I had to change my whole diet and grocery shopping habits, but it’s been beneficial in the long run. MilkNazi, that’s a good one. πŸ™‚

I kind of do the “organic” thing, I get all my veggies and meats from farmers and ranchers I know who don’t go overboard on the chemistry thing.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 16, 2008, 3:55 pm

That sucks Allen. I am sort of in the same, though not as dangerous, boat. I am extremely lactose intolerant and have to monitor everything I eat too. Even a minute amount of lactose filler will make me physically ill.
Can’t drink Coke anymore, either. The caffeine makes me uncomfortably jittery.

Then I am extremely sensitive to medications and anti-biotics. Anti-histamines/decongestants make my heart race.

LK, I wouldn’t touch a veggie/salad bar with a ten foot pole. As I said before, I don’t eat out much.

Here is a recipe for a dairy-free/egg-free, surprisingly moist, chocolate cake to comfort yourself with –

1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

1 cup water
1/4 cup plus 2 T veg. oil
1 T vinegar
1 tsp vanilla

Combine dry ingredients in large bowl.
Add wet ingredients; stir just until batter is smooth and well-blended.
Pour into greased and floured 9-inch round pan or 8-inch square pan.
Bake at 350 for 35 min. or until cake tester comes out clean.
Cool in pan; frost as desired. 6-8 servings.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: August 16, 2008, 4:57 pm

pnb, that looks tasty. Vinegar?

Hey, mine started about the time the “California Cows” commercials were big, I loved those ads. My favorite was this one:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=qd8-zfIlDwY

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 16, 2008, 5:12 pm

Allen, my sister’s family can sympathize. Her son has Aspbergers Syndrome (spelling?) and cannot eat wheat/gluten or dairy. I was astounded at how that restricts the food selection. Sis has had to become a WheatglutenmilkNazi.

Yeah, I know it wasn’t Mehico goods in your pen, but it was a cheap joke on my part. Or should that have been an El Cheapo joke?

The Happy Cow Campaign people hit a winner on that note. Grew up near a dairy farm and it’s hard to find a nicer critter than a dairy cow. They are just not mean-spirited like those nasty old wolverines and skunks when trying to hook *them* up to the milking machine.

 


Comment from Allen
Time: August 16, 2008, 7:01 pm

LK, whoa, I didn’t know that syndrome involved dietary stuff. Gotta be tough on them.

I just considered something, at first blush none of this makes any sense vis a vis our Galactic Overlord Sweasel and her Blog, comment wise. But, si, si, it does.

Mehico = Paintings on velvet (Blog, Check)
Allergies = Milk = Rabbit’s Milk is Nutritious (Blog, Check)
My mind is shot = Drink (Blog, Check)

Makes me damn glad to be a Minion Prospect.

Cheers

 


Comment from Jill
Time: August 16, 2008, 11:12 pm

Allen, I’m thinking the vinegar is to react with the baking soda as leavening. Otherwise, you’d end up with a pretty tasty (and heavy) pancake.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 16, 2008, 11:39 pm

Allen – actually, once they used this one series of enzymes and went away from the bad food groups, he got much better. The family has certainly slimmed down given the number of grains that they cannot eat and all the veggies that they can eat, but that is pretty healthy.

Your mental connections re: mehico, velvet, rabbits milk, etc. … these are dangerous areas to dabble in – be careful. The Lemurati are watching and they don’t like their secrets delved into. Uh oh. Time to go take my lithium/prozac cocktail again.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: August 17, 2008, 10:48 am

We had a neighbor when I was a kid who was my dad’s absolute favorite to watch…. He was a nice enough guy but he had the whole moron thing going on big time.

I remember the time he locked himself out of his car in the winter, outside his house, and decided he couldn’t wait for his wife to come home (no cell phones in your pocket in those days). Did he go to a neighbors house? No. Did he break a window on his house and go in the house? Nooooo. He broke the driver’s door window on his car to get his keys. Then he had to drive around for two weeks during the winter with no driver’s door window, until the replacement came in πŸ™‚

My dad thought it hillarious that the guy didn’t think this through at all.

Lesson for boy: If you have to break a window to get in your car in the winter – do it on the rear passenger’s door.

However, what brought Mr. (name redacted) to mind after all these years is the hot summer day that he found a big patch of poison ivy in the yard while he was mowing the lawn. He got rid of the poison ivy, of course, by running the lawn mower over it again and again till it was all gone.

He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts and sandals. πŸ™‚

We went to vist him in the hospital πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Dad was in such a good mood, he bought us all ice cream on the way home.

P.S. – Don’t tell the government I included this link:

http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: August 17, 2008, 10:51 am

HA!!!!!!! Akismet where is your FILTER now?

Ha, hah!

Hey, quick! While he’s still asleep!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMA1FE0-oPA

 


Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: August 17, 2008, 2:08 pm

Allergies are funny things; they can come and go as we age. I’m very allergic to PI – I’ve gotten a reaction from the smoke of firewood that had ivy growing on it.

If you get a really bad case, ask your doc for a scrip for Prednisone. That knocks it back pretty quickly.

Feel better soon.

 

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