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Barbarians heart Sarah

barbarians heart palin

I cannot beLIEVE how many pundits I like and admire (I’m looking at you, Charles Krauthammer) have got it wrong on Sarah Palin. Mark my words: she was a brilliant pick. You guys are overlooking one very important fact: I really, really like her.

Hear that? That fluttering sound? That’s the sound of ten thousand DC insiders’ eyeballs rolling in their sockets. “Really,” they harumph, “there ought to be some kind of aptitude test before we let just anybody vote.”

But, see, what you Beltway people don’t realize is, you’re freaks. Really, I love you to pieces — the pundits and politicians on my side, anyway — but you’re politics nerds. You give us (speaking in my capacity as honorary straight American here) the jim-jams.

I can’t even watch the Sunday talking head shows because you’re all like, “well, don’t forget what Ed Muskie said in the ’72 Iowa caucuses!” and everybody busts out laughing because somehow all you Poindexters know what that means. You’re like weird Al Gore zooming across the stage barking “Dingell/Norwood!” It’s enough to make mush-mouth patrician George Bush look like an ordinary guy.

It’s not just that you can reel off more politics off the top of your head than any sane person ought; it’s that you give off that creepy Rain Man vibe doing it.

So why do we read books by geeks like you? Why are you all we elect to office? Because that’s all that’s on offer.

So here comes Sarah Palin — who totally doesn’t make our freak-dar jingle-jangle-jingle — and we’re psyched. Vetting be damned; I already know Sarah Palin. I’ve known several of them.

Cute girl. Likeable. Smart. Did her homework. Partied a little, not too much. Hunted with her dad every deer season. Played on the varsity basketball team. Fierce competitor, but nice about it. Fell in love with a cute guy in High School. Got married and had a cute family. Underneath that healthy, happy, all-American façade is…a genuinely good and decent person. It happens. Honestly. That “quiet desperation” thing is mostly reserved for the arty types.

Plus — Alaska! Man, you’d have to be something as dim as a professional pundit to think Alaska is a liability. Alaska is a real life slice of the mythical Old West. I was in High School while they were building the pipeline and throwing money at people to move up there; we used to dream of going to Alaska. (One of my friends actually went and thought it was a bit of a shit-hole, but never mind — Alaska!)

So, yeah, Sarah Palin could disappoint me yet. But don’t count on it. And don’t think you’ll put anybody off by pointing out how much she’s not one of you sad Beltway twerps.

Comments


Comment from apotheosis
Time: September 2, 2008, 11:50 am

Alaska is a real life slice of the mythical Old West.

I always liked Robert Service’s take on the territory. And this:

When you’re lost in the Wild, and you’re scared as a child,
And Death looks you bang in the eye,
And you’re sore as a boil, it’s according to Hoyle
To cock your revolver and . . . die.
But the Code of a Man says: “Fight all you can,”
And self-dissolution is barred.
In hunger and woe, oh, it’s easy to blow . . .
It’s the hell-served-for-breakfast that’s hard.

“You’re sick of the game!” Well, now that’s a shame.
You’re young and you’re brave and you’re bright.
“You’ve had a raw deal!” I know — but don’t squeal,
Buck up, do your damnedest, and fight.
It’s the plugging away that will win you the day,
So don’t be a piker, old pard!
Just draw on your grit, it’s so easy to quit.
It’s the keeping-your chin-up that’s hard.

It’s easy to cry that you’re beaten — and die;
It’s easy to crawfish and crawl;
But to fight and to fight when hope’s out of sight —
Why that’s the best game of them all!
And though you come out of each gruelling bout,
All broken and battered and scarred,
Just have one more try — it’s dead easy to die,
It’s the keeping-on-living that’s hard.

Properly horrendous poetry by any progressive coffeehouse standard, I’m sure. I mean for jah’s sake, the damn thing even rhymes. How distressingly pedestrian!


Comment from Conservative Belle
Time: September 2, 2008, 2:19 pm

When I saw this photo, all I could think of was that Capitol One commercial – what’s in YOUR wallet? Didn’t they have a bunch of cave men and barbarians in a few of them?

There has to be a joke here somewhere but I’m too much of a moron to think of one.


Pingback from Real-world wisdom | Cold Fury
Time: September 2, 2008, 4:27 pm

[…] A little reality for politics geeks, and it’s about time, too: I can’t even watch the Sunday talking head shows because you’re all like, “well, don’t forget what Ed Muskie said in the ‘72 Iowa caucuses!” and everybody busts out laughing because somehow all you Poindexters know what that means. You’re like weird Al Gore zooming across the stage barking “Dingell/Norwood!” It’s enough to make mush-mouth patrician George Bush look like an ordinary guy. […]


Comment from Randy Rager
Time: September 2, 2008, 6:34 pm

DAMN straight.


Comment from April
Time: September 3, 2008, 1:51 pm

Some of my friends went there, and they stayed. They’re still there. And I’ll bet they’re voting for McCain/Palin!


Comment from Max Power
Time: September 3, 2008, 3:49 pm

Alaska! should always have an exclamation point after it!
Alaska!


Comment from daveinboca
Time: September 3, 2008, 4:44 pm

I think I’m falling in love with Sarah! Fur does something for a woman.


Comment from Ananda Lamichhane
Time: November 10, 2008, 7:35 am

I respect allways to Sarah palin.

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