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Omelette ‘n’ Chips


A client came into my cube today and was frightened by this object. Take a close look. Do you know what this is? It’s scrambled eggs, french fries and baked beans.

In a can.

He paled. “What sort of people would eat something like that?”
“English people.” I said, “over toast.”

This thing reaffirms by belief that foods with ‘n’ in them are not fit for human consumption. Also my belief that god is, at best, indifferent to human suffering.

It sits on top of my filing cabinet. I tucked it away out of the sight of visitors once, but Mike from the other side of Cubicle Row said, “you can’t do that! It’s kind of our…department mascot.”

So there you have it. A living reminder that not everything invented by WASPs has been a boon to mankind.


Comment from Gnus
Time: June 5, 2007, 5:47 pm

Ummmmmm… the beans look like peas to me.

English peas.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 5, 2007, 8:31 pm

Have you ever, um, actually opened a can? What was it like?

I was wondering if it kinda plopped out all at once – like chili, or poured out in a chaotic cascade of constituent ingredients.

None of my business, of course.

Hey – are English can openers metric or ‘Merican? Do they go the wrong way ’round like English traffic?

Comment from Missourian
Time: June 5, 2007, 8:58 pm

I could see ‘beans n weenies’ or ‘chili n chips’, but good Lord almighty, that combo is nasty. And eggs of any sort in a can? Plain wrong.

Comment from Lokki
Time: June 6, 2007, 11:51 am

The horror, the horror of English food. I’ve had people try to persuade me otherwise, but this little item will set that effort back 100 years or oso.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 6, 2007, 12:10 pm

Note to Brits: Just because something will fit in the can, doesn’t mean it should be put in the can.

Comment from U
Time: June 6, 2007, 7:50 pm

Lokki, can I just point out that a nation that uses guacamole for anything other than lubricating wooden axles and tries to excuse the eating of grits as anything other than rampant masochism, is tottering on thin ice when it comes to dissing others’ culinary quirks?

Beauty. Eye. Beholder.

Oh, yeah. And chacun a son gout.

That also.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 6, 2007, 9:29 pm

Hey U,

(Hey! – that works. “hey” and “U”. Magical!)

….anyway, Mssr. or Wtvr. U.:

First: A “nation” didnt “diss” others’ food choices – a person did. It were Lokki – who’s math-fu is strong, and he eats food, so he knows what he’s talking about. And he can prove it. Mathematically.

Second: even if a nation did the “dissing”, why did you assume it was the nation-that-eats-guac-and-grits? This is an international internet.

Third: How do you know that Lokki is from that nation you imply is critical? From his name I’d assume he’s….uh….from a country.

Uh-huh…..gotcha, don’t I? Thought you’d slip this by me, didn’t you? You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on a minion.

Now go over there in the corner and write 100 times “I will not blow it out my ass carelessly on Weasel’s blog.”

Comment from Dawn
Time: June 6, 2007, 10:40 pm

Ouch – don’t mess with McGoo’s friends. He’ll make you write code.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 7, 2007, 5:15 am

mmmmm…guacamole and grits.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 7, 2007, 7:01 am

Sorry about the presumptious rant at your guest, Weasel, O’ Mighty Sage, but last night I was suffering from the effects of a debilitating hangnail and was a bit touchy.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 7, 2007, 7:58 am

Heavens, McGoo. Say what you like. Every day is Minion Day at Casa da Weasel.

I was all excited. I thought U was our first troll. Sadly, the IP address reveals only Uncle Badger, muffing the input of his own name. Must be those paws: excellent for digging, for typing…not so much.

Hey U! Eat worms! Heh heh heh.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 7, 2007, 9:43 am

Yeah, my heart was racing a bit too. Dawn’s little bon mot was especially pleasing, and added a delicate grace note to my otherwise heavy-handed ear-flick.

Comment from Gnus
Time: June 7, 2007, 10:36 am

Say, Lokki, when you’re through with food math, how’s about proving that I’m rich, handsome and sexy?

Since, at this point, it’s only a theorem.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: June 7, 2007, 11:21 am

Huh! and what’s wrong with worms, eh? Lotsa protein in worms, you know.

Anyway, least I don’t sleep in a hollowed-out runnybabbit!

Nice weather in Amsterdam.

Comment from mesablue
Time: June 8, 2007, 5:19 pm

Now, if those were faggot omelletes…

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