sweasel.com

And you know what else? English people call boogers “bogies.” It’s probably a good thing Lauren Bacall wasn’t English, because she’d be, like, “ew, gross.” And she’d probably try not to think about it but you know she would anyway.

I just noticed your “On Saturday…” pic notes that “Weasel had a little tramp in the woods.”

This is incorrect terminology, and perhaps consciously hurtful. It should be “Weasel had a little itinerant sex worker in the woods.”

Once you’ve had Weasel, you’re pretty much of a tramp.

Here’s a new one: blogsearch.google.com. Is this one of those “I’m always the last to know” things? Because it’s kind of handy and I didn’t know it was there.

I had to finish a project and came back to find weasel trying to pick up buried car lurkers. Those tramps!

I’ve been using it for two years to track the exploits of The Perfesser. I even have a link to do the same search on every page.

Where have you been?! Out having some little tramp in the woods, no doubt!

I happen to be partial to peanut butter cookies dunked in Scotch, but that may just be me.

Hmmm. Gin? Maybe those vanilla wafer thingies with the frosting in the middle?

Okay, I lied. I don’t drink gin. I drink the cheapest available vodka (absent the occasional drop of good Scotch). I can’t tell the difference, anyhow.

Two weeks ago, I walked into my (large, impersonal) local liquor store, and the manager said, “case of generic vodka?”

Look, you get 5% off by the case.

Whoa, Weasel. You were at the top of the list at blogsearch …search term = Weasel.

So was Pirate Ballerina. Search term = ballerina

This really pleases me!

But PB has nothing to do with ballet! I always imagine people getting to my blog through an inappropriate search term being good and pissed off about it.

Then again, it was the name that got me reading PB. Am I right in assuming “PirateBallerina” means, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” That cracks me up. I should probably ask that over there, I guess.

My number one search hit is “what do weasels look like?” I keep meaning to make a handy chart and pin it to the sidebar.

Look, you get 5% off by the case.

Good enough for me!

Then McGoo pipes in:

Whoa, Weasel. You were at the top of the list at blogsearch …

Why do I suddenly feel inadequate?

PB was originally set-up to be a job-search service, and it’s original motto was “Oh, grow up!” about mid-development monster.com kinda took the wind out of PB’s sails, and it died, although the domain was paid up for a couple more years.

…And then The Perfesser jumped on to the national stage, and –needing a place I could start blogging about his antics–I filled up the PB tanks with kerosene, pulled the start-cord, and started sawing.

Sheesh, the truth is so frigging boring!

Yep. Liquor stores always give folks who top out a google search result 5% off. Didn’t you know that, EW1? If the store owner is married, the wife polishes his knob too.

No! Not boring, jwp! I always wondered how the name came to be – and I always thought the “Oh, grow up!” part referred to Pow-wow himself.

Yeah, I left it as the motto for about a year because it seemed to fit. And then I remembered Chutch’s own “But innocent? Gimme a break!” and that was custom-made.

McGoo sez:

Yep. Liquor stores always give folks who top out a google search result 5% off.

Obviously, I need to have a talk to the owner at my source of supply.

He’s been ripping me off. I’m sure I find a way to rig search that will put me on top.

Tell him your blog-handle is “Hot naked co-eds”. Works for me every time.

I always thought the “Oh, grow up!” part referred to Pow-wow himself.

Me too! And I thought it was cruel and perfect!

Holy haiku! Booger haiku in 2003!

http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/668294

I am standing beside myself….

I got six hits on “booger haiku” yesterday. Some of which were, indeed, booger haiku.

sweasel, you made it to #1 at google for booger haiku.

Nose goblins! My initial disappointment in learning that we imaginary friends of Weasel (iFoW) had NOT originated the booger haiku artform completely evaporated when I discovered that marvelous phrase! Say it with me: Nose goblins!

I was relieved to get hits. If you’ve come up with something so weird it exists nowhere else on the internet, you’re probably a danger to yourself and others.

Slashdot has now picked up the car story. Expect more hits.

Say – Weasel? Ever been slashdotted…?

Holy shit, McGoo! Did you do that?

Do what?

Oh – that? Um….

It’s spectacular. We’re going to run out of chairs…

Oh, good!
I posted a “More pictures over at…” in the comments section.
Hope you didn’t have any Fathers Day plans.

Uh…that didn’t come out right. Apologies.

If you’ve come up with something so weird it exists nowhere else on the internet, you’re probably a danger to yourself and others.

You certainly present a great danger to my time management. But I’m not sure that you are an incipient danger to the world like some of the Weapons Group at another blog we both frequent.

And I want to thank you for suggesting the Akismet plugin. Got it, installed it, and it didn’t work. 45 minutes of troubleshooting and wading through doccos all over the InterWeb thingie later, I decided I needed to upgrade my WordPress install. Even though nothing I found had pinpointed that as the problem.

No matter, three hours of painful command line ftp (while looking for a suitable GUI client) later, I had the upgraded WordPress installed.

Only to find that the upgrade comes with the latest already installed.

The docco tells me that I can’t use the files that I had already customized so I only have a few months of finding what changes I had made. And the old plugin I was using have been obviated, so those need to be replaced, and Akismet didn’t accomplish what I wanted. So more plugins needed. I figure in three, four years, I’ll be ready to go back to blogging.

So, thanks! 🙂

And, thanks to McGoo, who suggested changing my nic to “Hot naked coeds” (or sumpin’ like that), the hits are already rolling in!

/Suddenly feel like stalking something …

I can’t figure out how to take that wrong, McGoo. I’ll keep trying.

Anyhow, my single greatest contribution to the world of tomorrow is not passing along my genes to the next generation. I will, however, have to call the old man in a bit.

Not having plans = kids don’t care = no dad to visit.

I didn’t think you’d take it wrong, but like dad always told me: “manners are never more important than amongst friends.” I, too, denied the world my offspring.

EW1 – be sure to get that paypal up asap.

McGoo:

– be sure to get that paypal up asap.

Count on it!

Like I said, three or four years tops!

How’s the hit-rate now, Weasel? The Shashdot Effect is usually short-lived. Geeks have short attention-spans.

This was probably only field mouse flatulence compared to what Slashdot can do to a site – as I’m sure you know. The Slashdot Effect can be seriously traumatic to a li’l ol’ server out in the boondocks somewhere. Like trying to swallow the Missippi.

Oh! Jesus Christ!
M
i
s
s
i
s
s
i
p
p
i!!!!!!!

I only lived within 5 miles of it the first 18 years of my life!

Still getting more hits per hour than I typically get in a day. Of course, you sent them to the flame war and booger haiku thread, but I don’t suppose slashdotters will mind that. It’s a wonder to behold.

I don’t think you can properly call it ‘attention whore’ when you aren’t getting paid. My inner ‘attention slut’ is highly gratified, however.

Missippi… that’s how it’s said, anyway. Why expend all that extra effort to include letters that aren’t pronounced? What are we, French?

Do you guys know Miss Tilly from Tennessee? She loves the Mississippi, but hates the Nile. Loves tommorow, hates today. Loves apples, hates bananas.

One little mistake….

I bet that’s why my comment at /. got moderated down to 1 for “100% overrated”.

That – and the fact that I told them all they were asswipes. Or was that a dream?

But – who knows. Maybe you’ll pick up some more minions.

I’ve seen other sites that actually had to post “We’re being slashdotted, so if we load slowly, be patient”.

Its like a natural force. Or spastic bowel, or sumpin. Ya just gotta stand back…

Overrated! Story of my life.

Hm. I wonder what my password was…

Right you are, jwp. Minimalism.

Mmmm…I remember Co’cola.

Co’cola – as in “Bite the wax tadpole”?

Ahem. You mean you ‘member co’cola. Speaking of which, a friend once told me the reason English is so hard to learn as a second language is because of sentences like this:

“Squeet.”

…as in “Let’s go eat”?

That is the correct response to: Jeet? No, joo?

Man, I had to look that tadpole thing up, Steamboat. I’ll save google the trouble of doing it over and over for the other idiots like me:
http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/tadpole.asp

And you got it right, Steamboat. And Weez, I’d completely forgotten about the interrogatives that usually precede Squeet.

I shoulda known it’d be on Snopes. Too good a story.

Female horse fastened with wax.

There is a whole conversation there.

Me, I liked “female horse fastened with wax” (to the female horse’s mom’s refrigerator, one must presume), but it definitely lacks the punch of that imperative “bite.”

btw: I really hate looking up “bite the wax tadpole” when I’m not on the clock. In the future, please bring up stuff like this during normal working hours.

Noted, jw. Admittedly, looking it up on your own time jus’ ain’t right somehow. 🙂

I’m just sayin’.

I’ve been watching that hit counter over there on the right, Weasel. Neat.

1. Weasel posts another outstanding Stoaty Original.
2. Slashdot picks up on the same story later.
3. Legitimate comment referencing Weasel site injected into /. traffic stream.
4. Profit!

You forgot underpants. Without underpants, nothing has meaning.

Speaking of underpants: Looks like some folks have really given Wardo the Indian Boy a real loincloth wedgie on-air tonight. See PB’s latest post.

My heart soars like a hawk.

I’m actually very heartened by the questions posed by the viewing public to The Perfesser and his sock-puppet. If their level of discernment is even close to that of the available jury pool, Chutch better start updating his c.v.

“On-air wedgie.” Kewl.

I couldn’t resist, jwp. See PB comments.

“I’m actually very heartened…” -jwp-

/serious on

jwp: you, your site, and your commenters and associates have performed an extremely important service to academics everywhere and the public in general vis-a-vis that flaming asshole. Thank you. He coulda gotten away with his fraud forever.

/serious off

Well, it ain’t over yet. I suspect PB will still be bird-dogging Churchill a year from now, perhaps two. He’s not gonna go gentle into that good unemployment.

And thanks, Steamboat. Quite a few academics contribute info to me for use on PB, and without their help, it would just be an overgrown list of links to other sites.

Beautiful! I just watched the Churchill interview.

There’s something bad wrong with that man…

Jus’ sayin’. You – and your contributors – made a big difference, jwp.

Oh, yeah, he’s not going away. I believe/hope he’ll be unemployed soon, and will eventually stay that way. But he still has his followers. He can no-doubt support himself giving talks to his disciples for the forseeable future.

Ok – so how do you say wedgie in Cherokee? Not Navajo.

Wow.
Wish I’d gotten sober sooner so I could play.

Many booger Haiku
Rusted 57 Plymouth story
Hot Naked Co-eds

Ward Churchill buffoned
Slashdot greatness strikes Weasel
Vodka Case discounts!

Instead I spent the weekend teach some Japanese friends to make peach pie and getting drunked. Damn.

Thanks, jwp! I’m ‘somebody’ for the next 15 minutes! Even if I did get the “navajo” wrong, leave out the (?), and mis-spell foreseeable here.

Teaching the japanese to make peach pie and get drunk (I thought they already knew how?) is a good thing, Lokki.

Geez, Lokki, I direct my erudite, edjumacated readership over here to the weez’s to view in situ Steamboat’s bon mot, and you gotta go and drag out the booger haiku.

Yer so cool.

Effetely erudite
Ward Churchill crashes in flames
Now FORGET Booger Haiku

There, JW. Now they no we is indylectuowls and not Booger eaters.

Oh and McGoo. I googled “How to say wedgie Cherokee”

The answer is “Weejuns”

McGoo – They know how to get drunk , but not how to drink. They’ll mix anything Sake, beer, brandy, wine, a margarita for dessert. Things can get ugly. That’s why I didn’t wake up till 11 and couldn’t function till two.

They loved making peach pie. Japanese homes don’t usually have ovens, and so they think it’s all magic or something.

I had an engineer making pie crust while his wife was peeling peaches and two others learning the secret to making mashed potatoes. They’ve all been eating in restaurants for weeks and learned to hate American food. “Grease served with 4 kinds of cheese and extra sauce” was how one guy put it.

We fixed that perception. Grilled chops, roasted corn mashed potatoes and peach pie with Bluebell Ice cream.
Restored their faith in cheese as an edible substance with fresh garden tomatoes and basil on mozzerella with balsamic vinegar.

Oh and the pie? They ate it all. Fun with foreigners.

Wardo’s loincloth slip’d
academic manfruit squish’d.
was that a war whoop?

Lokki (I thought you were…like…in Finland, or sumpin?), you did us ‘mericans proud! And you probably saved their lives. Four weeks? Restaurant food? Good thing you flushed their systems with healthy doses of alcohol. It might take a second purging.

I’d type more but your damned menu made me hungry.

Cherokee wedgie
parts a fraudulator’s cheeks
war whoop in F-sharp?

Dang it.

Weasel got me interested in fiddling with something other than nose goblins and I get back here just in time to find that I missed PEACH PIE!

What worse is getting tech advice from an artsy type and IT WORKS.

Haven’t broken anything all day, so it’s prolly a good thing my wife is out of town. Tried to net the cat and kick the fish but all I managed to do was to stub my kneecap and knock the mouse’s cage over. Whereupon the cat chased her up my leg.

Should have had ’em both declawed.

Oh, Weasel?

That darn plugin?

Well, the upgrade worked. And so far, nothing seems to be broke.

Guess I’ll have to add that PayPal begging cap this week.

(That ought to scare any potential minions off! Heh™.)

Here are some high resolution pictures of the car and the items that were stored inside it. Looks like a “fixer upper”

Pics:
http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=8700431#8700431