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Jack Daniel’s really needs a good stiff one (and probably a drink, too)

jackdanielsgreenlabel.jpgOkay, I was wrong. I told Enas Yorl that the difference between Jack Daniel’s green label and black label is age. It’s not. Green label is just the stuff the official Jack Daniel’s tasters consider not quite good enough for the Brand.

I was going to call “official taster” my dream job, but apparently I have a positive preference for inadequate whiskey. I love the green label. I suppose they could go with the “Weasel likes it, it’s crap!” gambit.

What is Jack Daniel’s Green Label Tennessee Whiskey?

Jack Daniel’s Green Label is a lighter, less mature whiskey with a lighter color and character. The barrels selected for Green Label tend to be on the lower floors and more toward the center of the warehouse where the whiskey matures more slowly.

Lighter. ‘Bout right. As in “lighter fluid.”

I’d give a link for that quotation, but I can’t. By law. I went poking around the Jack Daniel’s web site (which is right where you think it is) and I spotted this:


“Fascinating,” I thought. “Tell me more.”

Each site shall only market products to adults and shall have an independently audited demographic indicating at least 70% of its site visitors are of legal drinking age.

Uh oh. I don’t know how to “independently audit” you guys, but if 30% of you aren’t under the age of 21, then you’re clearly in the developmentally delayed demographic. Is it legal to market likker to retards?

No site will use religious or other cultural symbols in a way that is likely to offend a particular religious or ethnic group.


No site will use sexual slang, situations or depictions, or exploit the human form in any manner that offends local standards of decency.


You agree not to use the link on any web site that disparages the Brand, the Site, or the Brand’s products or services, or which infringes on the Brand’s or Brown-Forman Corporation’s or its affiliates’ intellectual property or other rights.

Ah. Well, see…

You agree not to use the link on any web site that contains, or links to any other web sites that contain obscene, discriminatory, offensive, political or pornographic material of any kind.

Okay. Thanks.

There’s a lot more to it, which you can read for yourself by going to the obvious URL and adding /linkingpolicy.aspx (I couldn’t link to directly in any case because “You may link only to the opening page for each of the Brand’s Sites and you may not skip the web pages requiring the viewers of our Sites to verify their age.”).

Who knew distillers were such tight-asses?

I’ve cracked open my brand new 1.75 liter bottle, and it’s delish. Happy Friday the 13th! My uvula just went numb.


Comment from Dawn
Time: July 13, 2007, 5:37 pm


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: July 13, 2007, 6:10 pm

Hmm. Interesting. Do they explain why they changed from making 86 proof hootch to plain ol’ 80 proof? Now thier stuff is just like everyone else’s. If I’m gonna lay out some $$ for bourbon I’ll get some Maker’s Mark instead.

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: July 13, 2007, 6:12 pm

Thier? I don’t know why I can’t spell that word right, but I can’t. I always type it wrong.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 13, 2007, 6:21 pm

Bourbon. Bourbon. Tennessee sippin’ whiskey is not, technically, bourbon. Though bourbon is nice. It was my mother’s tipple.

The historical difference is Bourbon county, Kentucky. But not all bourbon must legally come from Kentucky, and Bourbon County has now been split into so many pieces, there is no bourbon made in Bourbon at the moment.

The practical difference is that Tennessee whiskey has to come from Tennessee, and is slowly filtered through charcoal before being put in casks to age. There are only two genuine Tennessee whiskies being made at the moment. JD is one, and I could tell you the other if I weren’t so full of JD at the moment.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: July 13, 2007, 7:36 pm

Funny, Google has no problem linking to the myriad Jack Daniels pages.
Neither does Wikipedia….

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: July 13, 2007, 8:18 pm

Mmm… it’s almost worth starting a half million sites registered in Uzbekisanikahn, each one linking to Jack Daniel’s.

Let the assholes enforce their links policy there.

Lawyers! Is there no problem that slaying them all wouldn’t solve?

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: July 13, 2007, 8:25 pm

Ah, ok. The other one is George Dickle I think.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 14, 2007, 7:34 am

Right you are! And, yes, while I was banging around the web reading about Jack Daniel’s, somebody said that local regulations in some places mandated 80 proof in the definition of whiskey, which made JD unsaleable in those areas. It was easier to standardize.

Government regulation. Is there nothing it does not pollute?

Comment from BONGO MIRROR
Time: July 14, 2007, 12:54 pm

I am the official stick figure of the 21st century.

I was referred here by one of your fans and have so far read exactly one of your posts. By pure coincidence, it is this post here that I’m commenting on.

I enjoyed reading the results of your research on the TOS of what one might have thought was a friendly southern internationally renowned filthy rich off of the back of addicts (hey, did you ever see the beer ads with “Lean on me when you’re not strong” playing in the background?) and workers hooch company that I felt compelled to leave a comment praising you. And more. After a sample of one, I’m sure that all of your posts are completely wonderful. And, thus, I award you ONE BONGO POINT.

BONGO points are worthless. But, that’s all I have that I’m willing to offer up to a complete stranger.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 14, 2007, 1:10 pm

Huzzah! I have a bongo point!

Hey, as a weasel who has spent a whole Saturday morning self-registering with blog-directories, who am I to turn up my nose at empty accolades? Bring ’em on, says I! (God. I have just registered myself with some place called GeekySpeaky. I’m so ashamed).

Today, I answer the question, “if you favorite yourself on Technorati, will you go blind?” For there is no risk I will not take for you, my minions.

I shall go now and read your blog. (I woulda bet you got here via a Google search for “bongo friendee”).

Comment from Spurwing Pupster
Time: July 15, 2007, 11:44 am

Remember the JERK where he wants fresh wine that movies was grate.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 15, 2007, 1:53 pm

Man, I miss old Spurwing. I wonder if New Comments Thingie really did scare him off. I don’t like it either, but he never did hyperlinks or anything, so what’s the deal?

Comment from Pupster
Time: July 15, 2007, 4:08 pm

I tried to write a comment about new whiskey and it just kept coming out sounding like Spurwing, so I went with it.

I’m no expert, but I would guess that the flighty bird disdains the spotlight thrust upon him whenever he commented at AoSHQ…and the New Comments Thingy may have ruffled feathers.

I like the new comments as well as I liked the old comments, either mu.nu interface is better than WordPress’ in my opinion.

Comment from BONGO MIRROR
Time: July 16, 2007, 8:51 am

Ahh! I’ve not searched for that.

Now I have. I didn’t find this place by search but pressing ctrl-tab took me back here. So, everything is fine.

FYI, the entity that referred me to this place is a whitishrabbit. You may have already figured that out though.

Comment from whitishrabbit
Time: July 16, 2007, 9:08 am


I didn’t want to claim you right off, bongo. Everyone’s been distancing themselves since I found that placenta recipe. *nods*

Comment from BONGO MIRROR
Time: July 17, 2007, 1:07 pm

Placenta recipe? I’ve not been reading carefully…or was that in a comment that I just haven’t read yet?

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