sweasel.com

Oh, and check out the Glorious Lemur King’s latest ‘Shop. Dude’s getting the graphics thing down.

And this sweet take-down of Robert Gibbs. That didn’t occur to me.

Just because something doesn’t occur to you doesn’t mean you can’t steal it.

Whenever PETA sends me literature, I send them a Slim Jim in the mail. It’s the least I can do. Maybe used TP would be ideal to send to these Greenies, provided they send me anything in the mail. And does poop stick to Hippies hair? I just love that joke.

This is such a crock. The paper industry has, almost en masse, for decades been planting more trees than it uses.

Well, if you made paper for a living, wouldn’t you want to ensure the future of your business?

Now THERE is a great way to push Cannabis growing. As Fiber for ASSWIPE!! And the best part is that the higher the THC and resin content of the TP, the more likely it is that people will learn to wipe their asses thoroughly (which can only be a BLESSING at the State Fair)….

😉

Around here, they cut down old-growth for lumber, not TP. (Though I’m sure the bits too small to make good sticks do get used, and some ends up as TP.)

Really good, straight lodgepole pine or noble fir or the like get shipped whole to Japan, in fact.

(Then again, as Badger says, I’ve seen the small forests that Weyerhauser and Boise Cascade have planted, of fast-growing hybrid cottonwood, specifically for paper.

Again, old-growth coniferous forest wood is too valuable as lumber to use for TP.

And of course here in the US all the old-growth on Federal land is protected.)

I had a feeling they were tapdancing, Sigivald. They didn’t say old-growth, they said “ancient forests” — which I suspected might mean something other than ancient trees.

It’s infuriating, because I actually care a lot about wilderness and definitely support preserving it, but all the foundations that claim to promote such things are watermelons.

On the rare occasion I am trusted to shop, I will often select non-Boss approved TP (purely from a total lack of interest in the entire shopping experience) and bring it home. This stuff often resembles the “One hundred percent recycled TP” described above. When this happens, I am required to stock my office bathroom with this (as punishment for failing to take my shopping responsibilities seriously, of course).

Oh, and the Boss and I refer to it as “British toilet paper.”

Incidental tip #6: Wiping one’s ass with snow is not recommended.

Oh, I think Uncle B would take exception to the expression. He’s VERY particular about this toilet paper. Only brand he’ll use is called Velvet. And, for reasons I never have understood, their marketing image is a little boy in a suit and tie.

Which I guess is better than the Andrex puppy. Wipe your ass on a puppy!

Have you ever noticed that some of these people speak of trees as eternal living things? I wonder if they realize that trees eventually die and fall over, including the nests of Hippius Flammeus (Hippy Owl) in them.

Speaking of which, after the spring run-off I’m going to cut down a 200′ Sugar Pine that’s deaded. I’m not sure if a party before hand will increase or decrease my bad Gaia debt thus causing the tree to crush my mountain place.

Either way I won’t have a shortage of firewood. Hey, I’m an optimist.

Oh, we call it British TP because of some we, um, experienced at a hotel in London.

Actually Stoatie, since Sheryl Crow is the handmaiden of the “One square per bowel movement” enviro-movement, I suggest wiping on her wardrobe…..

Try the stuff in Germany, JWP. Cheeeeesuz!

Wut?

http://thehostages.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/hellcouple1.jpg

Heh heh.

Aww shucks, thanks for the link, S.W.!

Honest question: Since Gibbsy is so obviously a member of the Weasel species, how awkward is it when he shows up to the “family” reunions and such?

Okay, maybe that wasn’t so serious…. 😉

Regards,
Brian

On a somewhat related note, Pope AlGore the first has decreed that Penance, Indulgences, Photographs and the opportunity to kiss his fat royal ass shall be available in Copenhagen for the meer pitance of $1209 dollars for all comers begining (quite appropriately) on December 7th.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/dec/01/inside-the-beltway-41029681/

I saw that scuba. I hope someone shows up and shoves a footprint up his ass.

Oh and no way will I allow my sweet ass anywhere near a hippy. I don’t care for itching and burning and de-crabbing.

ya know Stoatie, it could be worse, he could use Silk Soft..

http://www.tonyrogers.com/humor/poop.htm

Jeeezus I hates me some hippeh! Foookin Hippehs take a bath and quit ruining patchouli for the rest of us! You fookin fookers!

Have I mentioned I hate Hippies?

Uncle B: remember Izal? My Methodist great-aunts wouldn’t have anything that didn’t mortify your ringpiece in the (out)house. Im still backed-up from 30 years ago.

And as P. J. O’Rourke (PBUH) pointed out, conserving trees by cutting down on paper use is like conserving wheat by cutting down on bread consumption.

Is that James May in hippie garb? I refuse to wipe my arse on Captain Slow. Hamsters are much softer…

I don’t know who it is, gogman. It’s some random old dude in a livingroom snapshot. I asked Google for hippie, large.

And yes, David Gillies — trees are a crop. We grow them on purpose for this. Hey, didn’t we spot you in the Telegraph comments yesterday? Or was it the Times? Small commentariat.

Myself, I like Stoaty’s Hand O’ Doom (TM) reaching for the hippie. We need to have that as a regular feature on new material.

Prolly Telegraph, Weasel. I hang out at Delingpole’s blog (sound fellow, looks like he’d be good for a beer or seven). I am also a serial commenter on Worstall, Samizdata, AOSHQ, Obnoxio and Ambush Predator (AKA JuliaM, the ultimate cougar 🙂 ) so I get about.

The trick with a hippie is to slap him upside the head with one of those gunshot forehand slaps that make him ricochet off three walls like a pinball. You can’t slap sense into a hippie, but that shouldn’t discourage you from giving it the old college try. At the very least you will end up with a slapped hippie, which is a net improvement.

If I didn’t drink coffee, wipe my butt properly, maintain a smei-current wardrobe or wash the few pairs of bell-bottoms and fring-ey jackets I DO have….Why I’d BE a hippie!

They should all die a horrible death for suggesting I give up my coffee……

“How do ya hide money from a hippie……put it under da soap!”
Sleazy P. Martini, “Slaughterama”

I hang out at all those places except Samizdata. Used to. Got a bellyful of deHavilland and one or two others. Something about that crew flat pisses me off.

“And indian shamans.”

I think in this case it would have been indian Charmins.

Charmin. Man, I miss those cartoon bears. The big dude clearly having a shit behind a tree and then sighing with happy relief as he grabs a square of Charmin.

It was a bold move, allying your product with what a bear does in the woods.

Hey weas, I ordered one of your shirts from Zazzle (don’t tell anyone, it’s a gift).

Aw, thanks, mesa! My t-shirt empire groweth apace.

But I’m pretty sure anybody can get on this internet thing, you know. Type quieter.

“bold move”
or a B.M.? It just doesn’t end does it?

’round these parts, low-grade TP is “John Wayne” toilet paper. It’s rough, it’s tough, and it don’t take no crap off of nobody.

Check out the front page of the Onion website. Right now.

Dear Stoatie,
Is it my imagination, or is the toilet paper in Great Britain made of coarse grit sandpaper? I’ve been there twice, and my ass has never fully recovered from the British loo paper experience. Maybe I’m just a spoiled, rain-forest devouring American. What do YOU think?

Signed,
WS

You mean Zombie Reagan, Nibbles? I been selling t-shirts offa that sucker for two days, after it got reposted on HotAir. Heh heh.

In this household, we take our bog-roll very seriously, weirdsister. I have no idea what Uncle B does with it, but he does it in HUGE quantity. The TP chez Badger is as soft and fluffy and…yes, squeezable as any American asswipe I have ever encountered. Far nicer than anything I used to buy Stateside.

Though I have to admit, I was really cheap with the toilet paper. It was an expense I resented.

On the other hand, I only bought the very finest paper towels back home. And the paper towels here suh-diddly-uck.

DG – Dear Gods, Izal!

For readers of a gentle persuasion, I ask you to kindly look away.

Izal was the only kind TP we had in this country until… I dunno, the 1960s, maybe? If you can imagine rough tracing paper (or mabe poor quality greaseproof) which has been sprayed with an astringent disinfectant well… that’s Izal.

Or ‘Bronco’. There was a similar product called Bronco. I ‘ve just remembered that and wished I hadn’t.

The strange thing is that Izal is still available. It seems that not only do we have people in these islands who enjoy being whipped, pierced with sharp metal objects, or having hot candle wax dripped onto their doo-dahs, but we also have an altogether weirder class of bleak perverts, for whom a raw, itchy ringpiece is a source of ecstasy.

Kill them.

As for the Weasel’s sundry and various libels, I shall simply say that, given the choice between wasting my money on expensive TP and stuff used to mop runnybabbit blood from the floors of Badger House, I prefer to send my money on my arse. Or ‘ass’, if you prefer.

The floor can go hang.

UB: I have (tried the TP in Germany). Gak. I’d like to say the TP in (behind the Iron Curtain) Bulgaria was worse, but we carried our own when we ventured there.

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/283464.php

*wink