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A message from Weasel’s liver: I’m okay. Really.

My mother used to say, “all I have to do is tell you not to put molasses on the cat, and they next thing I know, you’ll be putting molasses on the cat.” Then, really, the best thing she could do was stop telling me not to, don’t you think? Sticky, sticky cats. So in honor of this thread at Ace’s — the one about how people who blog their personal lives are rewarded with very low traffic — I’m going to tell you about my trip to the doctor.

It’s annual physical time. Yes, that glorious day of the year when my middle-aged nakedness is examined up close and in detail by a stranger with boundary issues. My doctor is an elderly Jewish man. That was quite deliberate on my part. I couldn’t bear to have some young smartass sticking shiny chrome instruments where metal objects Do Not Belong and hectoring me to eat more green leafies. (And the Jew part? Smart enough to run the world, smart enough to manage my hypertension. ‘Nuff said).

It looks like my strategy of living on vodka and cocktail shrimp is paying off. My good cholesterol is now so freakishly high, he’s pretty sure my heart is incapable of stopping. After I blow the brain aneurism, they’re going to have to cut my heart out and whack it with a broom to calm it down a little.

We’ve got a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about alcohol. At least, as long as my liver numbers are good. And my liver numbers are excellent, thankyouverymuch. In fact, ALL my numbers are smack in the middle of the dial. I ran right out and had a roast beef and cheese sub with sweet potato fries.

What I’m going to do when old Doc Jew retires and I have to see some impertinent puppy who doesn’t know the difference between a physician and a celebrity lifestyle coach, I do not know. Whip out the Mighty Heart of Weasel and smack him with it, I suppose.

There. Because it doesn’t matter what anybody says, I know you care.


Comment from Pupster
Time: February 28, 2007, 7:57 pm

I disagree with Ace’s premise that personal info blogs are “icky”.

I don’t have the chops for current events, so I write about me and post stuff that I like. I like to learn about other people through their blogs.

I can read Drudge, LGF, and Lucianne for the news, I read Ace to find out HIS take on things, and I read s. weasel to find out about s. weasel.

PS – Your liver called, it would like you to switch to beer for a while. (Silly liver.)

Comment from Alissa
Time: February 28, 2007, 10:10 pm

I guess adorable cat pictures aren’t so bad….

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 1, 2007, 9:16 am

I suspect the theory is, in fact, true. Controversy drives traffic. Links drive traffic. Personal stories don’t lend themselves to either of those things (“I went to the supermarket today” “No you didn’t!”).

But, not to worry. It is apparently impossible to stop me talking about myself. Huh.

Comment from mesablue
Time: March 1, 2007, 11:21 pm

I’m the opposite of pupster. I don’t feel like sharing that much, besides it’s a lot more fun to denigrate others with smarmy bad writing and link whoring.

Comment from mesablue
Time: March 2, 2007, 3:48 am

I take it all back. I wrote about myself and jelly filled gooey things here: http://moralauthority.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/no-paczkis-for-me/

It’s still smarmy, bad writing, but it shows my soft and smooshy side.

Comment from Pupster
Time: March 2, 2007, 10:38 am

On further reflection, I don’t like personal info blogs unless they bring teh funnay.

That explains my Weasel man-crush in combination with total self-loathing.

Comment from Sissy Willis
Time: March 5, 2007, 12:19 pm

A clean bill of health? I’ll drink to that.

Comment from Frit
Time: September 10, 2010, 3:08 am

I don’t know about hitting people with “The Mighty Heart Of Weasel”, but I’ve this handy Clue-By-Four you can borrow… 😉

As for medical issues, I should tell you about my adventure back in ’04 sometime, when I had to have the lower left lobe of my lungs removed. Quite an amusing story, that! *laughs* Oh, and a lovely 30cm scar over around the left shoulder blade too! 🙂

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