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Welp, thar he blows. The last of the Kennedys.

I can’t believe I turned up every two years to vote against this douchenozzle — hopelessly, doggedly — only to have him give up with a whimper as soon as I leave Rhode Island. Makes you wonder if he survived DC strictly by way of his dad’s protection.

Something wrong with that boy. Something bad wrong. He’s dumber than several dumb things stacked on top of each other, and he’s got the weirdly asymmetrical face of an inbred.

The last Patrick Kennedy campaign ad I saw was about some unfortunate bureaucratic screwup — a kid not getting into a special school or something — and how he fixed it.

For that one kid. He didn’t tackle the underlying systemic problem so the same issue wouldn’t happen to anybody else. That’s how he saw himself — a political fixer, doing small things for little people.

Go away now, Patches. I have drawn the ugly picture, and I am done.


Comment from Allen
Time: February 12, 2010, 6:11 pm

Did he retire to spend more time with his dealer? I had a feeling you were in his district when you lived in RI. What on earth did you do to get so much bad karma laid on you?

Great picture though, larf me arse off in fact. 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 12, 2010, 6:18 pm

The year he piled up against the police barrier in DC, the state Republican party didn’t even run anyone against him. Like it would be unsporting to challenge him when he was down.

Somebody ran against him — somebody almost always did — but without party backing. The Republicans of RI are pathetic.

But they sure did love them some John McCain.

Comment from Deborah
Time: February 12, 2010, 6:25 pm

Yes, go away.

The advent of John Kennedy on the national political scene coincided with the occasion of my learning to read. My mother and my grandmother (who lived with us) subscribed to at least a half-dozen ladies’ magazines, not to mention the regional newspapers (Abilene Reporter News, and Fort Worth Star Telegram, and the folksy Grit weekly), all of which sucked on the big Kennedy teat for news. By the time I was ten, I was heartily sick of the Kennedys; then JFK was killed—and it got worse!

For research about “The Kennedys” (for an editorial I was writing on how much I loathed, despised, and abhored the Kennedys) I went through the Readers’ Guide to Periodical Literature to count the entries on Jackie Kennedy O. I stopped counting at 8500 (and this was before she died).

I don’t want anything bad to happen to the rest of the Kennedys, but wish they would all go the hell away and stay there.

Comment from JeffS
Time: February 12, 2010, 7:03 pm

Makes you wonder if he survived DC strictly by way of his dad’s protection.

As dumb as this guy is, he had to. But it took several months of standing on his own, and Brown’s election to the vacant Massachusetts senate seat, for the message to sink in.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: February 12, 2010, 8:13 pm

We interrupt this thread for an, um, well, I suppose, um, unimportant announcement.


Weasel: I ordered yesterday and got a page that said “you can follow your order here, but it takes 3-5 days to produce stuff on dark colored t-shirts”

Today, they shipped.

I hope you are getting a really good percentage of the take–so far, I’m super-impressed with the company, although of course I still haven’t seen the final result. . .

[return to previous programming]

Comment from jw
Time: February 12, 2010, 8:40 pm

Same thing with Me(h)gan McCain!
“Something wrong with that ‘(gal)’ boy. Something bad wrong.”

She is showing her daddy’s progressive side, like it wasn’t screaming obvious to MOST of us out here.

I propose a bill that would eleminate every second generation from following in their daddys and mommys footsteps in the political field. Maybe make it every third generation.

Now. Let the flogging begin.

The Kennedys are dead. Long live the…uh, ?????

Comment from jw
Time: February 12, 2010, 8:46 pm

Who’s next?

(edit wouldn’t let me edit?) ain’t that peachy?

Comment from porknbean
Time: February 12, 2010, 11:43 pm

I hope you are getting a really good percentage of the take–so far, I’m super-impressed with the company, although of course I still haven’t seen the final result. . .

The mugs are nice, though the t-shirt shrunk a size. But I expected that.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: February 13, 2010, 1:20 am

JW: I’d go further. “No one shall be eligible for election to any office of the United States, or of any state, or of any territory, or any local or municipal government under the United States or any state or territory, whose spouse, or sibling, parent, grandparent, or parent’s sibling, by blood, adoption, or marriage (including former marriages), has previously served in that office by election; all seats in any legislative assembly or adminstrative commission being considered the same office.”

This would get rid of Senators Dodd and Bayh, and about 30 Representatives.

It would have prevented Senators Lincoln Chaffee, Al Gore jr., Liz Dole, Bobby and Teddy Kennedy, and a great many others in the past (there were five Senator Bayards from Delaware). Also Pat and Joe II Kennedy (JFK was in the House for three terms).

One thing – the previous holder has to have been elected. Otherwise, the opposition could appoint some relative who hates you to the office for a day, and then you’re blocked.

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: February 13, 2010, 1:22 am

He is creepy looking, and you’ve captured that aspect of him perfectly, Stoaty.


Good riddance to bad rubbish. ptooooie!

Comment from Blast Hardcheese
Time: February 13, 2010, 8:53 am

Local radio gadfly Howie Carr was in fine form last night. I would say he despises Patches almost as much as he despised that bloated, drunken, where-are-my-pants jackass we just shoveled into the ground.

I feel more anger at the morons in RI who kept voting for Patches. As goofy as he looked, his voice was even worse. He tried for that sort of upper-class-twit voice where you mainly talk through your nose. In Patches’ case, it wound up sounding like he’d just taken a shovel upside the head. If the dude’s last name had been Gespurnigablitz instead of Kennedy, he would have been laughed right off the ballot.

Not to wish ill on an entire family, but I hope the Kennedy clan goes through a monumental implosion in their fortunes. Something spectacular, that gets talked about in hushed tones for the next twenty years. We don’t do royal dynasties in this here country.

Comment from jw
Time: February 13, 2010, 10:25 am

Rich Rostrum, I DO like the cut of your gib. I would vote for you for RULE CZAR. You don’t have any of the mentioned realatives in office do ya? 😉

Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: February 13, 2010, 11:09 am

I have totally stolen this.

Comment from Joe-L
Time: February 13, 2010, 11:21 am

JW – The Dead Kennedys are awesome. You should get you some on your iPod.

And to finish your statement:

The Kennedys are dead. Long live the ____, ?????

I’ll take ‘Palin’s’ for 500 Alex. Just to make heads explode!

Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: February 13, 2010, 12:25 pm

The first time I saw patches “live” heh, was when I was working at a company next door to the UPS center on Plan Way.

There was a UPS strike going on, he was standing on a truck screaming incoherently about worker’s this or that.

The only good thing was the “I’d rather lend Patches my sail boat” joke. He liked to rent them and trash them because he is retarded head of cabbage.

He is absolutely bat shit crazy as well. I am also bat shit crazy and me and patches take a few of the same meds.
But I never shoved an airline agent, trashed a sail boat
(ok once but it was my boat), rammed a Jersey barrier, did had a Will and Ted’s excellent rape adventure, threatened the coast guard because they picked up my girlfriend on a rock cuz I abandoned her on a rock and they had to do a rescue. And I’ve never been in rehab. And I’ve had a real job for 30 years and Patches never had one. And he sullied the good name of Providence College and wasn’t even a good basketball player.

I would sing love ballads to Suze Orman (accompanied by my my Gibson Mastertone) rather than ever gaze upon that wretched mass of dynastic dung again.

When I leave Rhode Island I will scrape any remaining memories of Patches from the bottom of my shoe.

In short, I’ve never been very fond of Patrick Kennedy.


Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: February 13, 2010, 12:27 pm

And given a chance, I’d go all Police Truck on his ass.

Comment from sherlock
Time: February 13, 2010, 12:36 pm

Ha! I like the cut of this site’s jib. Speaking of which, if you haven’t seen the video of the first America’s Cup race from Valencia, Spain, give it a look. No, I lost the link, but there’s this thing called “Bing”.

USA laid a serious ass-kicking on the defender Alinghi. The American boat does not have a mainsail, it has a vertical wing. They flew a jib for a while, and then decided to pull it down and sail with the wing only. The race was basically what they call a “horizon job”… as in, when we finished, we looked back and that’s what the other boat was over!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 13, 2010, 12:59 pm

How long do you think I can go without saying, “no shit, sherlock”?

Ach. Damn.

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: February 13, 2010, 2:31 pm

Not much longer. 🙂

Comment from Guaman
Time: February 13, 2010, 3:48 pm

OK – Velociman is on sabbatical, Acidman passed on to his reward, Rachel Lucas went to grad school, and Dax Montana is posting daily Tao. There was a increasing shortage of Ace of Spades kind of smart ass in my daily weblog visits.

How I missed you people is beyond me. Bookmarked now. The growing void is now mitigated.

My skills are not such that I dare post with the big boys and girls here, but someone has to read it.

Lurking now.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 13, 2010, 5:43 pm

Check out the blogs in the right sidebar, Guaman. They’re all blogs inspired by Ace, and a number of them are good.

But you’re welcome to my humble moronblog. If you see any of those big boys and girls, tell them I don’t have any more lunch moneys.

Comment from Pablo
Time: February 14, 2010, 9:35 am

Rhode Island smells better already. The sun is extra bright. Even the filthy plowed up snow piles are gleaming, and if you listen closely you can hear a faint celestial giggling. That’s God. Thanks, Dude.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 15, 2010, 8:51 am

AIIIIIII! Somebody just told me Buddy Cianci is thinking of running for Patches’ old seat. The law they passed special for him preventing felons from running for state-wide office apparently doesn’t apply to national office.

They’re going to have to bury that man at the crossroads with a stake through his heart, I swear.

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