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It’s a fifty-foot cyborg Scalia. Why?

The reader formerly known as Skeptic wrote to tell me that Frank J. over at IMAO had posted about a fifty foot cyborg Scalia and he — the reader formerly known as Skeptic — could not rest until he had seen a P’shop representation of this wondrous machine.

Now, I generally don’t do requests — not because y’all don’t come up with some corking ideas, but because I’m lousy at visualizing somebody else’s pictures. This is why I gave up on freelance illustration after a couple of angry, drunken years.

But a fifty-foot rampaging cyborg Antonin Scalia? Well, who doesn’t fantasize about that?

Click the picture to embiggen and becolor.


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 9, 2010, 11:44 pm

But STOATIE, you forgot a CRITICAL piece of hardware!!



Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 9, 2010, 11:47 pm


I just got around to watching Up, by the way. Pretty to look at. Cleverly written. But Jesus — what a downer!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 10, 2010, 12:09 am

Actually, this clip is much better..


Comment from Pablo
Time: August 10, 2010, 12:24 am

OK, now we just need 8 more…

Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 10, 2010, 12:28 am


Ruth Bader Ginsberg is not and can never be a cyborg….

She is a skeksie!

Comment from USCitizen
Time: August 10, 2010, 12:28 am

Good work!

Comment from Bob
Time: August 10, 2010, 1:57 am

How about a secret government breeding program that combines the DNA of Scalia, Thomas, Roberts AND Alito?

“The Boys from Liberty Town”

You brings teh awesome yet again, Stoaty!

Comment from Anonymous. . .for good reason
Time: August 10, 2010, 2:02 am

Um. Scalia was my Contracts and Administrative Law professor. I am willing to share stories. . .

Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: August 10, 2010, 3:57 am

Oh please do, Anon… Please do.

Comment from Pavel
Time: August 10, 2010, 4:20 am

What would be even awesomer is if the Scalia cyborg was cyborg-buddies with a John Bolton cyborg. Oh dude. That would be the coolest cyborg-buddy movie of all time.

Pingback from Tweets that mention S. Weasel — Topsy.com
Time: August 10, 2010, 4:27 am

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Melissa Clouthier and Jennifer, Gabriel Malor. Gabriel Malor said: Oh my. http://is.gd/eaT99 […]

Comment from scubafreak
Time: August 10, 2010, 8:08 am

ROFLMAO!!! Hey, did any of you catch the announcement that Greg Gutfeld from Fox News’s RED EYE (and former MAXIM UK editor) is seeking investors to open an Islamic-themed gay bar next door to the Cordoba 9/11 Mosque?

I think it’s a PERFECT answer to the jackasses that are working so hard to rub salt in that particular wound…. 🙂


Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: August 10, 2010, 12:33 pm

Awesome! I think one of your links is supposed to go to Frank J’s post, however. Want to make sure he gets credit (and so people can figure out what the heck this is all about!) Thanks 😉

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 10, 2010, 12:43 pm

Ach! You’re right, FKAS. Fixed now.

Comment from Corona
Time: August 10, 2010, 2:06 pm

Sweet. Thanks for the imagery. Franks’ stick figure version seemed so flat.

Comment from Allen
Time: August 10, 2010, 5:10 pm

How about a 50 foot Zombie Rhenquist?

Comment from Afgr
Time: August 10, 2010, 5:26 pm

‘k, Scott Jacobs. . .

Contracts is a first year course. Also included in the first year curriculum were Elements of the Law (a sort of quick introduction to “how to think like a lawyer”–which is what first year is all about), and Real Property. Our Elements of the Law professor was Edward H. Levy, a short, irascible man with a growly voice (and a penchant for wearing bowties); our Real Property professor was Richard Epstein, a tall gangly man with very gawky movements. Shortly after the beginning of the year a graffito appeared in one of the men’s rooms that read “Why is Groucho Marx teaching us Elements of the Law?”
A couple of days later, a second graffito was appended to it: “Why is Jerry Lewis teaching us Real Property?”
The final addition read “Why is Al Capone teaching us Contracts?”

Probably the very best story–Scalia loved to cast the fact patterns of the cases we were reading using recognizable Hollywood actors. One case concerned a woman who had borrowed money from a moneylender in Greece immediately prior to the outbreak of World War II (the implication being that she borrowed it in order to get out of Europe and come to America). Scalia had fun casting Sidney Greenstreet as the moneylender, and Ingrid Bergman as the borrower. He then introduced the issue that was important for purposes of the class discussion by saying “. . .and this all comes on to be heard in a suit in Bexar County, Texas,” pronouncing it “beckser county.” Our classmate from Texas (we had only one) drawled loudly from the back of the room “That’s BAH-YER County,” stopping Scalia dead in his tracks. After a brief pause, Scalia scampered over to the textbook he had open on the lectern and scribbled in it for a moment, then looked up with a fiendish grin and said “I’ll catch some student on that next year!”

Speaking of which. . .
One of the cases we read concerned the sale at auction of a wormtub. The nature of the merchandise sold was not important, the issue in the case having to do with when the contract of sale was complete. But Scalia, in introducing the case, did the devilish grin thing and said “A wormtub. What’s a wormtub?” clearly expecting to be met with a bunch of blank looks (or, actually, a whole bunch of downcast eyes, since the best way to get called on when you don’t know the answer is to make eye contact). [This was long before the Internet, although the first Computer Assisted Legal Research product–Lexis–was first marketed during my second year, so looking stuff up was a laborious process.] The look on his face was priceless when someone responded “Well, according to the OED, it is the tub through which a distilling coil runs. . .”

He was a dynamic, engaging professor (roundly looked down on by all the snooty little first years because he came from the active practice of law rather than an academic background and actually cared, horrors! about the nuts and bolts of law as well as the theory). He was a master of rapid-fire hypotheticals. And, in fairness, he took it very well when I pointed out to him (privately) that “Then the law, sir, is an arse, a idiot” was not spoken by Mr. Micawber, but instead by the Beadle Bumble. I believe he did (and still does) truly respect and prize intellectual rigor. . .

Comment from Afgr
Time: August 10, 2010, 5:34 pm

And the book he wrote with Bryan Garner (Editor-in-Chief of Black’s Law Dictionary and author of Garner’s Modern American Usage) titled Making Your Case: The Art of Persuading Judges is a miracle of brevity married to valuable content. Not particularly something a non-lawyer would want to read, but a delight to the thinking lawyer.

Comment from Pavel
Time: August 10, 2010, 6:07 pm

Lovely stories, afgr, and thanks so much for these nice insights into this brilliant man. He sounds like exactly the kind of prof that made law school so invigorating.

You and I must be approximate contemporaries in law school (though I was on the Left Coast, not at UVA.) I remember the single, shared Lexis terminal in the library by my 2L days. It was so primitive that the primary use of it was similar to that of 12 S.2d – by far the most well-worn of the early reporters.

Comment from Afgr
Time: August 10, 2010, 6:40 pm

Yep, Pavel, he was fun.

My second summer I clerked at a high-fee downtown firm that subscribed to Lexis. One of the summer clerks used “full faith and credit” as a key-word-in-context search term. . .several hours later the terminal was still processing it. We’ve come a long way, baby!

Um. Are you familiar with United States ex.rel. Mayo v. Satan & His Staff?

Comment from Bill (still the .00358% of your traffic that’s from Iraq) T
Time: August 10, 2010, 10:24 pm

Needs four 19-shot rocket pods and eight TOW missile launchers for extra fearsomosity!

And a trap door to unleash the rabid zombie camel spiders!

Comment from Pavel
Time: August 10, 2010, 11:15 pm

Afgr – I had seen that at one point. Pretty funny. There are a few howlers out there. Judge John Kane from D. Colo. has written some very clever opinions; 588 F. Supp. 1152 is worth reading for the footnotes alone.

Comment from Afgr
Time: August 10, 2010, 11:44 pm

Pavel–well, during our first year our professors (I don’t remember which–it may have been Ed Levy) shared two humorous items with us. One was U.S. ex. rel Mayo. The other was “The Common-Law Origins of the Infield Fly Rule,” http://www.pennumbra.com/issues/pdfs/157-1/Infield_Fly_Rule.pdf

As I knew nothing about baseball, the latter didn’t make much impression on me; but I’ve watched a couple of movies and read a couple of novels and short stories since (and been to 2 actual games!), so the Kane opinion footnotes are making some sense to me. . .and I just went looking for that link in case noone ever shared it with you.

Comment from BeckoningChasm
Time: August 11, 2010, 3:01 am

That picture is totally awesome. The antennae give it the winning edge.

Comment from Gromulin
Time: August 11, 2010, 4:57 am

Cyborg Scalia, Bolton, Christie and Smeaton.

They’ll set aboot you!

Comment from HoundOfDoom
Time: August 11, 2010, 4:24 pm

Awesome tipped awesome!

What happened to his eye? Did it look too long on Helen Thomas?

Comment from Pablo
Time: August 12, 2010, 2:52 am


Ruth Bader Ginsberg is not and can never be a cyborg….

Oh, nononononononono. 8 more 50 foot cyborg Scalias.

If you’re gonna go, you might as well go all in.

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