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Wait, I haven’t posted anything tonight? Really?

cat x-ray

This isn’t Damien’s X-Ray. It is a cat, though. I Googled it. The image is from the University Hospitals of Cleveland radiology website. The childrens’ department.

It’s pretty much what I imagine Damien’s x-ray looked like, had I remembered to ask for it, though. With a little more “hallelujah!” thrown in. Yeah, I guess the little bastard bumped his elbow. Against a Buick or something. I watched him gimp around the house for three days before I couldn’t stand it and took him to the vet. I just got back.

He’s okay, but there’s one more expense I could live without. And I hate his vet. Vets. Whatever. Different rant for another night.

It’s not a fracture, but a bad bruise. I have to give him anti-inflammatories for a few days and “keep him quiet for a while longer than that.” Huh. Thou doest not keep the Prince of Darkness “quiet for a while.” So I asked for specific instructions.

Vet: “Oh, keep him in a small dark room. Like the bathroom. Even the cat carrier. He’ll just think it’s a very long night.”
Me: “But I’m going away for Christmas.”
Vet: “No problem.”
Me: “I’ll be gone for two weeks.”
Vet: “He’ll be fine.”

In a box. For fourteen days. What is the matter with people? If my cats are shut up in the house for two hours, they get antsy. If you locked Damien in a tiny box for fourteen days, he’d be a howling psychotic. More of a howling psychotic. Seriously, it would be bad news.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 12, 2007, 8:33 pm

Oh, man. This cat is high as a fuckin’ kite. Smacked out of his little noggin. Chasing shiny aluminiumnium gumwrappers across the floor, backwards.

They gave me this liquid anti-inflammatory to put in his food once a day. So I asked if it would be a problem if my other cat got a lick of it. They hate each other cordially and eat out of each other’s food bowls for meanness. Oh, yes (says the veterinary assitant) there’s a painkiller in that, too.

I thought about comandeering the lot for myself, but it’s by weight. I have about 40 pounds worth of pain relief. What is that, a leg?

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 12, 2007, 8:44 pm

Shiny things! And cat-opiates. Cats have it good.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 12, 2007, 8:59 pm

A braincell.

Weasels is smart.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 12, 2007, 9:17 pm

This cat is SO HIGH. I’m loving watching him roll about on the floor waving his paws in the air.

I’m guessing…tomorrow morning? Not so happy.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 12, 2007, 9:28 pm

Now is when you need to break out the laser pen, Weas. Or the R/C car.

You DO have a laser pen?

Comment from porknbean
Time: December 12, 2007, 10:00 pm

Oh my Lord, lookie how cute Uncle Badger was as a pup.


Comment from Jessica
Time: December 12, 2007, 11:14 pm

I cannot believe the vet wants you to box him up for two weeks! WTF? Hey, we can box up the vet, see how he likes it!

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 12, 2007, 11:35 pm

Vet sounds like a complete asshole to me, Weas.

I think you should seriously reconsider his advice.

Like…ignore it completely.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 13, 2007, 6:16 am

Oh, sure, McGoo. Most I’m going to do is make them inside cats for a few days, until his medicine runs out. He’s already walking better.

It was actually the vet’s assistant that gave me that advice. Another vet’s assistant at the same clinic told me, a few years back, that her cat is locked in the bathroom all day when she’s not home. To keep him safe, you see. That poor cat must be batshit crazy.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 13, 2007, 7:34 am

I knew you wouldn’t follow those instructions.

Locking a cat in a bathroom for days on end should be a capital offense. Death by cat-scratch, or toilet-bowel drowning. Prisoners choice. No mercy.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 13, 2007, 11:19 am

I really like our veterinarian. Both of them (they’re husband and wife and they own and run the practice). They’re typical English country folk: overweight, ruddy faced, hideously ugly, sky-high cholesterol no doubt – good people.
The veterinary business is a fucking racket though. Sometimes I think it’d be cheaper to treat a human being than your pet.
Put a cat in a basket for 2 weeks? Looks like your vet. got into veterinary game because he hates animals. Our cat (yeah, he came back – imagine that) pulls up the carpet if he gets shut in a bedroom for a few hours.
See, that’s another thing about cats versus dogs. Cats need drugs to get crazy; dogs are crazy by default.

Comment from Lokki
Time: December 13, 2007, 1:01 pm

Weasel – It’s just a bruise, let him run as he chooses. The odds are very low that he’ll hurt himself more. Damien’s going to hate the treatment a lot more than the injury, and he won’t understand the connection between staying in the room and the injury.

As for Vets:
We’re not completely crazy about our current vet. I like him , but he has just been in the mill too long. He’s become wearied by the strange combination of excess compassion, wierd indifference, and misguided acts of ‘kindness’ with which people (including the Lokki’s) treat their pets.

Example #1 “Doctor, I know that you said goose liver patè is damaging Fifi’s liver, but she just loves it sooooo much, I can’t stop feeding it to her.”

Example #2 “Doctor, I know that Coco needs to take her pills, every day but she hates me when I give them to her.

Example #3 $11 a pound for hypo-allergenic dry cat food? Let him scratch!

Our poor Vet just can’t stand this kind of craziness any more, and he really does love animals, so he’s switched off. He doesn’t have any emotional engagement with the animals as he treats them any more.

However, his compassion is still buried inside him. When our old Jojo died at 20 years, we arranged for cremation through the Vet. My wife (who loved Jo very strongly) washed his corpse, and arranged it in a box surrounded with fresh cut flowers for the cremation.

This moved the Vet, and he wrote her a beautiful letter…. in that letter you could recognize that he’d originally become a Vet through his love of animals rather than for the money.

That’s why we’ve stayed with him.

Editor’s Note : Lokki has personally been guilty of two of the three examples given above.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 13, 2007, 2:42 pm

What Lokki said…except keep giving the cat the cat-opiates. He likes ’em soooo much.

..and my Internet connection sucks sooo much today.

Comment from Pupster
Time: December 13, 2007, 6:50 pm

Dogs ain’t crazy. Dogs are Zen masters. Totally in the present moment, no sense of time. Lock a dog in a room for an hour, a week, or a year, he’ll react in EXACTLY the same way when you open the door: really, really happy to see you again.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 13, 2007, 7:21 pm

I’ve been looking at that x-ray since yesterday. The left “wrist” area looks broken. That look so painful.

Wees – give the x-ray some of your cats meds.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 13, 2007, 7:46 pm

Yeah, I noticed that, McGoo. I think that might be an ex-cat. Pining for the fjords. Joined the choir eternal. Etcetera.

Meanwhile, Damien’s had his meds for tonight. Which made him fairly crazy. He was curled up and purring on the desktop and he just reached up and bit me quite hard on the cheek.

He’s always had a hard time distinguishing between affection and bloody murder.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 13, 2007, 7:51 pm

Are you telling me you posted an x-ray of a Late cat?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 13, 2007, 8:00 pm

I don’t know. I don’t know what I did. I just thieve and plagiarize and hope for the best. God speed, pussycat!

Also, note those vague lines going up from his skull. Ear cartilege, I guess, but I can’t get the head to materialize for me.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 13, 2007, 8:21 pm

The lines almost look like people-arms holding the cats head.

Or sumpin.

Comment from Lokki
Time: December 13, 2007, 9:17 pm

Pupster – while it’s true that Dogs live in the present, I believe that Cats have some sense of time. Perhaps it’s linked to the desire for ritual that they have.

A cat that has been boarded at the Vet for 3 days acts differently than a cat that’s been there two weeks. They hate you, and punish you for much longer after two weeks.

You may keep your stinking sardines and your cream -perhaps they look good, but I wouldn’t take anything from a traitor like you.

Steamboat and Weasel – I like to think that Cat X-Ray is alive because it appears to me that he’s moved his head- the skull looks odd because you are seeing it both ‘head-on’ and in profile at the same time.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 13, 2007, 9:24 pm

If I ever manage to struggle my way into work tomorrow, I shall attempt to draw a cathead outline on that x-ray. Because it troubles me exceedinly.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 13, 2007, 9:55 pm

Lokki – I either think you’re right about the cat being alive, or I just want to believe you’re right.

That would explain the “moving head” blurring – and the faint people-hand lines discussed earlier. They are holding the cat’s head steady, and doing it poorly. Thus, their own bones show up.

Weaz – while you’re fiddling around with this thing, you might see if there are people-finger-bones in that head mess somewheres. I can’t tell – its all a blur.

Comment from Lokki
Time: December 13, 2007, 10:52 pm

Since we’re on the subject of cats:

The Black Cat

Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 14, 2007, 12:53 am

My wife and I boarded our cats at the vets whenever we went on vacation, and after the first time, we had to label one of the cat’s carrying cage “I am Harry – Caution”

The last time I went to pick up the cats, the vet’s assistants made me go in and get Harry from his cage. He was definitely letting them all know they could come at him all at once, or one at a time, it was all the same to him.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 1:21 am

jw – I have had that exact experience. Years ago, my Clawed One had the vet and an assistant totally cowed and wounded. They couldn’t believe it when I picked her up and she nestled in my arms and starts snurching out my nostril like I was pure cream n’ catnip.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2007, 10:49 am

Dogs ain’t crazy.

I meant crazy in a good way. Like how cats – and this is obviously a crude, nay, ugly generalisation – lie around and look at you contemptuously so that you have to rub catnip in their face or dangle something above their heads or have previously put some pharmaceutical-grade cat crank in their stinky food to get them interested. Whereas, all you have to do to get dogs – and this too is another crude, ugly, hideous generalisation – running around in circles is to make eye contact, or at most, say ‘Hewwo puppy!’
I’m a veteran dog-person. I like cats, but I adore dogs.

Comment from Lokki
Time: December 14, 2007, 3:47 pm

Hewwo puppy!

Christ! The mushiness that Dog Owners will stoop to!

I would never say Hewwo puppy! to my Gina-weena-beena-boo. She’s a lady and would not respond to someone so crass.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2007, 6:29 pm

My school leaving report said, ‘Most likely to turn out crass.’ I shit you not.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 14, 2007, 6:32 pm

Did it really, Gibby? I’d have it framed!

When I got kicked out of finishing school, the headmistress was quoted having described me as, “brilliant…but sick.”

I have treasured that always.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 6:40 pm

Gibby, Weasel,-

I am soooo envious of those personal evaluations. I would have either one framed and on my wall right now.

Christ, I would be proud.

Mine would have said something like, “Destined to become a useless vulgarian, and will probably die by violence – most likely in a married woman’s bedroom.”

Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 14, 2007, 6:45 pm

For the Vegan in all of us.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 14, 2007, 6:50 pm

I am in love with that man.

And I’m hungry.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 14, 2007, 6:51 pm

I am actually considering a trip to Snook, Texas.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 6:59 pm

I never would have believed it possible to increase the fat, caloric, and cholesterol content of a chicken-fried meal. But he did it! Only in Texas.

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