Dead Pool 179: you call this Summer?
Gromulin wins the dick with Bob Newhart, and I bet he wishes he didn’t. There are worse ways to idle away an afternoon than watching Bob Newhart clips on YouTube.
He was a seriously funny man and his own unique voice, which is the kind of stupid thing people say when someone dies but this time it’s true.
Here are Suzanne Pleshette and Bob Newhart separately talking about the making of the final scene of Newhart – one of the most astonishing moments in television, if you were lucky enough to see it cold.
Okay, are you ready? Then let’s get started.
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.
Note: I am woefully behind on dick deliveries. If I owe you one, you’ll know how long. I ain’t gived up, but I haven’t drawn much since lockdown. Some day, your heirs might hear from my heirs.
July 26, 2024 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 20
Very much not
I’m very much having a bad technology day. I spent a couple of hours troubleshooting my Outlook at work. It received files okay but couldn’t send them. No idea what the problem was, but eventually I clicked “repair” and it fixed it.
My printer sat around with its thumb up its ass every time I tried to print something.
Sat down to launch my browser, Brave asked if I would do an update, did an update and now it won’t open. I’ve found a half dozen people reporting the same – if it was a total bad update it should be thousands. I’ve tried the suggested fixes to no avail. The one thing everyone says will work will wipe out all my passwords, etc., so I ain’t doing that. I guess I’ll wait until Brave updates the update.
Lucky Slimjet remembered my login credentials.
Hey ho – at least Albert is still with us. He’s walking crooked, so I’m working on the assumption he has wry neck. A symptom, not a disease, it may indicate vitamin deficiency. I’m plying him with nutritious treats.
July 25, 2024 — 6:51 pm
Comments: 10
Flipping redcurrants.
Of all the fruits Uncle B grows in the garden, the only one that overperforms every year is the red currant bush. One year we got twelve pounds of fruit off that thing. I mean, thanks but…what am I supposed to do with all these currants?
Anyway, I’ve been out picking redcurrants. And Albert has rallied strongly today. I got him some fresh straw and chicken vitamins and let him mope in the run for a day and he seems much stronger this evening.
No picking my chicken for the Dead Pool.
It’s been another astonishing day of watching the Democrat party rattle to pieces. Big donors think Kamala is too whackadoo for their money. BLM opposes her, for some reason. The grassroots are now foaming anti-Jew crazies whom the rest of the party seem terrified to contradict.
She’s snubbing Netanyahu. Amazing.
I’m telling you, the Democratic Convention is going to be lit. I am…uneasy.
July 24, 2024 — 7:02 pm
Comments: 7
What a weird day
Joe Biden has been on deathwatch all day. Moments ago, an apparently fresh video of him surfaced, so he ain’t already dead after all. He was pretty feeble though.
I believe in Uncle Al’s theory – Joe is so ding-dang mad that they de-nominated him without permission that he can’t be trusted in front of a microphone until he simmers down.
Then Jimmy Carter was dead. Then Jimmy Carter was not dead. I admit, I was taken in by the fake death notice. Ain’t nobody reading all of that (and nobody did).
Real talk, though – he’s 99 and some days he doesn’t wake up all day.
More important than all that, Albert the cockerel isn’t doing well. He spent the day standing in the corner of his cage with his head down. He is not a young chicken, and the last of my Polands, which (when they weren’t disappeared by something in the hedge) had a tendency to wilt and die suddenly.
By this evening, he’d rallied enough to get up on the perch for the night. I’ll keep you posted.
Finally, Gromulin won the Dead Pool with Lou Dobbs. So there’s that. You know what that means.
July 23, 2024 — 7:10 pm
Comments: 8
It seemed appropriate
All week, I’ve been craving a sloppy joe. It must be subliminal.
I made one. It was awful. You can see from the pic the meat stayed in chunks and never cooked down to a smooth ‘joe’ texture.
And it was godawful sweet. Never doing that with ketchup again. I’ve lost my taste for sweet.
So I put cheese on it.
As of this writing, nobody has heard from Joe Biden since Wednesday the 17th. He stepped down from the race on Twitter yesterday (Sunday) with a posted letter not even on official letterhead. No other sign of life. No pics, no video, no short news conference. Absolutely unprecedented.
There’s a rumor he had some kind of medical emergency last week in Vegas. Naturally followed by a rumor he’s dead. They’ll have a hard time covering their tracks if that’s true.
Oh, look – a letter from his doctor has just been posted to X. Taken his tenth dose of Paxlovid today; vital signs normal; presidenting just fine, thank you.
This has got Barack’s fingerprints all over it. He never understood American history and tradition and didn’t get how wantonly screwing with them is deeply unsettling to most Americans.
July 22, 2024 — 6:38 pm
Comments: 14
Name her
Special Agent Cindy. Her friends call her Doodlebug.
I had an instinctive spasm of sympathy for this chick. It can’t be nice to wake up one day and find you’re an internet meme. For incompetence.
But, screw it – this DEI stuff is going to get people killed. If we can’t make companies stop doing it, at least we can shame people who take on jobs they’re grossly ill-suited for.
Have a great weekend, everyone!
p.s. if you want a PSD file of our girl in color with the background knocked out (an exploitable, if you will), drop me a line.
July 19, 2024 — 5:26 pm
Comments: 15
Too soon
That poof of smoke in the distance is a combine harvester. They took in the rapeseed field today. That is way, way early.
We’ve had a lousy Summer.
Still walking through the timeline of Saturday’s assassination attempt. I am speechless at the incompetence. One way or another, they watched this guy walk around for over half an hour, even apparently spotting him on the roof with a gun in time to stop him.
That kid was simultaneously the blandest and the luckiest who ever lived. Next to nothing has come out of his socials. One report said he posted something on Steam, like “Watch my debut July 13!” And both presenters nodded sagely because, you know, games.
But Steam isn’t a social platform in that way. So he either was in a community forum about a specific game, or (seems more likely to me) he put that on his Steam profile. Which is like putting it in your Twitter bio. It’s a billy-no-mates kind of move.
I’d love to see his Steam profile.
July 18, 2024 — 6:52 pm
Comments: 10
The blink of an eye
In the second picture, he had just turned to look at the chart behind him (images pinched from this tweet, which runs them as a neat animation). I don’t need to say more.
This is the chart he was looking at, by the way. Causing some online wags to joke that Trump’s life was saved by illegal immigration.
Oh, just come across my feed: a clearer version of the animation.
July 17, 2024 — 6:49 pm
Comments: 10
Carry on!
I’ve been stuck in a Zoom call this evening. I looked up in time to see my one hen go sailing over the hedge. Fortunately, she hadn’t made it all the way over and into the field next door. By the time I got out there, she’d found her way home (she was fleeing surprise chicken sex).
Some wild stuff coming out of Twitter today, if you want to keep chatting about it.
July 16, 2024 — 7:55 pm
Comments: 11
Guys! Guys! I figured out the VP pick!
He confirmed today there’s a chunk out of his ear. I think the little fella deserves a chance.
This is probably the strangest political happening of my lifetime. And I’m old.
I have soooo many questions. The shooter was a long-haired 20-year-old noodle-armed nobody with zero social media presence who lived with his parents. Oh-kay. How did he know the layout of the site, 100 miles away? How did he know there wouldn’t be law enforcement on the roof? (There should have been!). How did he carry a ladder? Was it already there?
Why wasn’t there a presence on the roof? Why didn’t the snipers spot him? How could people on the ground see him and yell about a man with a gun on the roof for five minutes without getting a reaction? What about the cop who went up the ladder, got the rifle pointed at him, and went down again? Why didn’t he duck and draw his weapon?
At the very least, someone deliberately or carelessly assigned the most incompetent possible team to the detail. Did you see that woman trying to protect Trump from the front? She came up to his collarbone. They’re supposed to shield him 100% with their bodies and that just wasn’t physically possible.
How about all those Secret Service chicks surrounding him at the car? Bunch of chubby soccer moms with ponytails. That one poor woman who couldn’t holster her sidearm – I feel bad for the flak she’s taking, but come on.
Biden’s agents look like proper sides of beef.
Well, I guess the good news is, the people responsible for this are in charge of the investigation.
July 15, 2024 — 5:23 pm
Comments: 13