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Dead Pool Round 177: smells of fish&chips

Phew! I made it! Only just. Lavendergirl takes it with Jonnie Irwin. I’d never heard of him, to be honest, but I’m not into property programs.

Now to reheat my fish and chips in the air fryer. Go! Go! Go!

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.

Note: I am woefully behind on dick deliveries. If I owe you one, you’ll know how long. I ain’t gived up, but I haven’t drawn much since lockdown. Some day, your heirs might hear from my heirs.

February 16, 2024 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 45


I’m stuck in line for fish and chips. Will post the Dead Pool as soon as I get home and rescue my cockerel from the roof!!

— 5:17 pm
Comments: 1

We didn’t see any

We took the backroads to go buy our coffer yesterday and spotted this on the way. England, am I right?

The purpose of the box is to hold some of the junk threatening to overwhelm the livingroom. We spent the evening digging through archaeological layers of stuff. There weren’t any nice surprises, but there weren’t any dead mice either and we did manage to purge a lot of it. I’m tuckered. I’m nearly plumb tuckered.

Thanks to all of y’all for the well wishes yesterday. Remember, back here tomorrow for Dead Pool 177.

February 15, 2024 — 7:42 pm
Comments: 5

Hooray for us!

Old hands might remember that today is our wedding anniversary. Our fifteenth, in fact. Fifteen is crystal, but neither of us likes crystal and, anyway, we break stuff.

So we bought ourselves this pretty box instead. Dealer thought it was early Victorian. It was once a music box – we didn’t even notice the holes in the front – but it’s just a coffer now. It would have been a damn loud music box.

Oh, and it’s sweasel.com’s birthday. Its seventeenth, in fact. That’s right – I’ve been blogging longer than I’ve been married. Do you believe I’ve been gibbering nonsense every weekday for seventeen years?

Truth is, I don’t know how to stop.

February 14, 2024 — 6:15 pm
Comments: 16

Not the duke and duchess of *me*

Yet another rebrand. The Queen slapped sussexroyal.com out of their hands and now they’ve abandoned archewell.com and redirected it to sussex.com

No way sussex.com was free, I thought.

And I was right. According to WHOIS, the URL was registered in 1995. The Wayback Machine says it was active from 1995 until 2013. It was owned by a software company in the States called Sussex Systems, Inc.

It went dark for ten years and then up it pops on February 4 this year with these two muppets attached. I’m guessing after the demise of Sussex Systems, somebody squatted on the name all that time. I’d love to know what they had to pay for it.

It would be even better if the King took their titles away so they couldn’t use it any more. I’m sick of them messing up my Google searches.

February 13, 2024 — 8:57 pm
Comments: 4

No shit.

Our fancy, computer-controlled, hippie-approved septic system broke down over the weekend and took our electricity with it. Uncle B spent all Sunday morning isolating the source of the power outage.

We didn’t install this thing on purpose. It was a condition of the sale of the house because our waste discharges into a stream. Our neighbors are grandfathered in and don’t have a fancy system *grimace emoji*

It’s been a maintenance nightmare.

Outlet pump this time. We were told they usually last 5 years and ours lasted fifteen, so yay I guess. Somehow it doesn’t feel lucky.

If you’d like an explanation of how it works, you can watch this video on the Septic Tank TV channel. Or don’t. He does a lousy job explaining how waste water gets from the dirty side to the clean side. You will learn the charming old English term “poo water” however.

February 12, 2024 — 5:49 pm
Comments: 9

I’m sorry :(

I nixed the thing I was going to post at the last minute, so I’m postless. I shall use this opportunity to apologize to the Dead Pool folks. I didn’t think about Toby Keith being in the DP. Lavendergirl won it. I realized it too late for a new one this week, though, so the next Dead Pool is next Friday.

Have a wonderful weekend!

February 9, 2024 — 8:00 pm
Comments: 2

Broflake meltdown

Larry David was waiting to do a spot on the Today Show while the Elmo puppet was there to discuss mental health. David suddenly couldn’t bear the Elmo voice a moment longer, zoomed over and briefly wrung Elmo’s neck.

Okay, on a live segment about mental health, maybe not the best judgment, but I think we can all agree this is an overreaction.

Wil Wheaton, if you don’t recall, is a 51-year-old man who played the child character on Star Trek: Next Generation. Fans hated the character, I guess. I wasn’t a fan of any of it. He’s grown up with be a loud, whiny D-lister.

Now that I think about it, were they discussing mental health with under-fives or were they using a puppet intended for under-fives to discuss mental health with adults? It smells funny.

February 8, 2024 — 4:49 pm
Comments: 12

Physics, help me out here

This is the can we pour fat into before throwing it out. As far as I recall it’s a layer of lard followed by a layer of runoff from a roast chicken and capped with another layer of lard. Yesterday, it was level with the top of the can.

Today it looks like a big gross greasy lipstick. It’s a little warmer today. All I can think is the chicken grease expanded and pushed the lard out. I got his exact effect putting a can of refried beans over a candle once.

Yes, lard. Sadly, I no longer have a jar of bacon grease on the stove to use for cooking. British bacon doesn’t leak grease. In fact, I have to add lard to the skillet to make it cook evenly.

I don’t touch the stuff myself.

February 7, 2024 — 7:47 pm
Comments: 7

Look, a duck!

I’ve been in a Zoom meeting all evening, so here’s a picture of somebody else’s duck that I stole from Uncle B’s Google Photo.

She gets a fresh wading pool every day and every day she jumps into it and immediately shits (pictured).

This is the same friend who had a pet turkey that was amazingly sweet and friendly. Sadly, Gloria the Turkey died. She has two other turkeys now but they’re just turkeys.

My back hurts. Stupid Zoom.

February 6, 2024 — 7:59 pm
Comments: 3