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Today I did an impossible thing

I threw away a trash can. I’m sure there was a comedian who had a bit about that. Sounds like Stephen Wright. How do you do it?

The council gave us a huge recycling bin. I take every opportunity to make them regret it.

Wikipedia tells me Stephen Wright is a paraprosdokian enjoyer. “A paraprosdokian (/pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.”

I suppose that’s a “time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana” kind of thing. There. You’ve learned a word.

I stole the picture out of Uncle B’s photos. Daffs in our garden this week. This is been a bumper year for daffodils, which has slightly repaid the miserable, wet weather we’ve had. Doesn’t really work in black and white, does it?

I could have written an interesting and engaging post. Instead, I took a nap. I think I made the right choice.

March 13, 2024 — 7:54 pm
Comments: 3

Yeah, I think I could tear this in half

Ladies and gentlemen, positively the last phone book. I’ve bought thicker magazines.

I’m not sure I believe this, you know. My memory is the last few phone books were called the last. I’m not sure why we’re getting it now, either – it was billed as coming out in October. I think this is a money spinner and they’re marketing it to businesses as, “be in the last ever phone book!”

But I can’t be arsed to open it because, who cares?

The very first BT phonebook was published in 1880 and had just 248 London names – and no telephone numbers! Sixteen years later, the first national phonebook was 1,350 pages and 81,000 names.

I know. The idea of a national phonebook is brain hurty.

The first American phone book was published in 1878. It was a sheet of cardboard with 50 names on it all from New Haven, Connecticut. Reason being, it was invented nearby and Bell had demo’d it in New Haven the year before. So, fifty early adopters.

Names, again. You don’t think they’d dial numbers themselves? They called the switchboard and had the girl do it.

March 12, 2024 — 7:48 pm
Comments: 10

Woohoo! Lookatit GO!

My Bitcoin balance. A reminder that I bought of £50 it in the Spring of 2019. I intended to buy regular small amounts, but my only UK ID expired so I wasn’t allowed. From then on, I could only watch.

That there graph is the movement of £50 and £50 only during the last five years.

I’m thinking of returning to the original plan and putting a small sum by every month, the original plan. I know it could all go bust, but I won’t be out much. But somehow, having this one pristine index has a huge appeal. Maybe I’ll open an account somewhere else.

Today was my first day out of the house in six days, and that was to go shop for symptom relief. Not the worst cold I’ve ever had, but it is a bitter clinger.

Can you imagine what my inbox will look like tomorrow?

March 11, 2024 — 8:44 pm
Comments: 4

Dead Pool 178: the daffs are in bloom

BullDawgGirl takes it with Iris Apfel. My first instinct was to say no to this pick – I never heard of her, anyway. I would have done if I thought BDG was using the patented Steve technique: waiting to choose until someone famous got sick.

But no. She was the third pick in the thread, three weeks ago. Fair and square.

So, farewell, Iris Apfel. Good lord, what atrocious taste she had.

Are we ready?

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.

Note: I am woefully behind on dick deliveries. If I owe you one, you’ll know how long. I ain’t gived up, but I haven’t drawn much since lockdown. Some day, your heirs might hear from my heirs.

March 8, 2024 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 49

There will be a Deadpool tonight

I rise from my sickbed to make this announcement.

— 4:39 pm
Comments: 1

Finally.

Uncle B went out this morning and my package was leaning against the front door. In fairness to FedEx, they have phoned me several times and missed me, trying to track down what happened. Which tells me what happened was it was delivered to someone farther up the road, who got around to hand delivering it back. It hadn’t been opened.

I’ve tried to tell FedEx to cancel the case number and spare themselves further hassle, but they make it so hard to get in touch.

The lenses were from a company called Zenni in the States, which seems like some kind of luxury glasses firm. The package was so sexy I’m considering getting a pair of specs from them (I need a new pair). Sexy, sexy bifocals.

The good news is, I was home sick with this cold and able to play with the headset today. The bad news is, I was home sick with this cold and really didn’t feel like it.

March 7, 2024 — 5:55 pm
Comments: 15

But it was a terrible lie

We’re trying to figure out who it was delivered to. It certainly wasn’t me. I was F5’ing the FedEx page all morning and leapt to my feet when it was listed as delivered.

I asked around the village – stuff gets misdelivered all the time. Having a neighborhood Whatsapp helps, except nobody’s seen it.

I did get a call back from FedEx who said they’d have to wait until the driver made it back to the depot tonight to ask him about it. Fair enough.

Somehow, I get that extra little frisson of cranky when they said the package had been signed for by [my name].

.

.

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Cold sucks.

March 6, 2024 — 6:55 pm
Comments: 7

It came.

It’s a day early, which ought to be a good thing but isn’t. I bought it with prescription lenses and they won’t be here until tomorrow. FedEx swears they’ll be delivered tomorrow, but their tracker dingus tells me the package is in Memphis at the moment.

I almost didn’t even unbox it. I’m blind without glasses and there was no point mucking up my initial experience. Turns out, you can fiddle it to use glasses, cautiously. Glad I did. It spent most of the day downloading updates.

The little mixed reality app that comes with it is fun. You’re sitting in the room you’re sitting in when I spaceship breaks through the ceiling, delivering a ray gun. Then little fluffy tribbles start nibbling through the walls and you have to shoot bubbles at them to trap them.

It’s an okay gimmick that I suspect will wear thin for me, though I gather the zombie game where the undead are trying to come through your actual windows is a bit hairy.

The poor thing had a very hard time mapping my room. The big beams and odd furniture messed up its geometry. It would be happier in a clean modern house.

I hope the lenses do come tomorrow – it’s my day off. Also, I’m coming down with a cold :/

March 5, 2024 — 7:34 pm
Comments: 2

These people are cray-cray

This whackadoo is going to try to stop at all 2,580 railway stations in Britain in six weeks. For charity. His day job, he does in fact work for the railroad. I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.

He and two friends planned it all out on a big-ass map.

It has been done before in 2017. There were only 2,563 stations then (17 fewer) when a couple managed to do it in 14 weeks, 6 days and 22 minutes.

According to his Twitter, this is day 14.

March 4, 2024 — 6:58 pm
Comments: 3

Good weekend!

We went to a party tonight! With grownups! I don’t think they ever realized we were imposters.

Our neighbors being sheep farmers, that was naturally where the conversation went. These days, they’re getting £90 for spent ewes (ewes past lamb-bearing age). That’s very good.

They’re getting next to nothing for the wool, though. That’s a real shame. Wool is naturally flame-resistant and makes excellent house insulation, apparently. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a push to use it. It seems eco perfect.

And with that, the weasel wandered off in search of gin…

March 1, 2024 — 9:00 pm
Comments: 4