Remember, remember
Happy November 5, y’all. As I’ve explained in years past, Sussex takes its Bonfire Night very, very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that a single night won’t do it. The villages across the county take turns hosting bonfires, parades and fireworks right through the Fall, from September to December.
Somebody out there observed it tonight, though. I’m not sure which village. ‘Twas a dark and stormy night and we thought at first we were hearing thunder, but we could just make out a flash of fireworks far away on the horizon. The finale, though — holy shit, that rumbled through the earth like the apocalypse. I hope nobody got blowed up for real.
It’s a hoot that Anonymous has adopted Guy Fawkes. It’s never smart to dabble in somebody else’s civil war, and Fawkes was all about knocking over the Protestant government and replacing it with a Catholic one. Bonfire Night is written into law as a celebration of hatin’ on the Catholics. Thusly:
‘An Acte for a publique Thancksgiving to Almighty God everie yeere of the Fifte day of November’ ‘be held in a perpetual Remembrance’ and that the day be ‘a holiday for ever in thankfulness to God for the deliverance and detestation of the Papists’.
Heh. Lub dat spellynge.
If you ever have the chance to interrogate a Fawkes-mask-wearing anarcho-trustafundian, ask him why he loves the Pope so.
p.s. The identity of the year’s effigies is always a closely guarded secret. Lewes (site of the largest celebration, as it was site of the most Protestant martyrs) has six of them. One is usually the Pope. Another this year looks to be David Cameron with a pig’s head.
November 5, 2015 — 9:17 pm
Comments: 16
More holidays than a medieval monastery
Well, whaddya know? It’s National Poetry Day. Not as compelling as National Badger Day, but I’m home late tonight.
What do I know from poetry? Oh, it’s that impenetrable stuff I skip past when I’m reading a novel, is what. My personal taste runs to saucy limericks (I remind you I lived in Pawtucket for seven years).
I’ll get us started with my favorite:
There once was a woman from Exeter,
So beautiful, men craned their necks at her.
And then the more brave
Would smile and wave
…the distinguishing marks of their sex at her.
Beeyootiful! See you back here tomorrow, six sharp, for Dead Pool Round 78.
October 8, 2015 — 10:01 pm
Comments: 13
Good heavens! Is it National Badger Day *already*?
Well, lookit that. Tuesday, October 6 is National Badger Day (which I’m pretty sure is a totally made up fundraising holiday invented by the National Badger Trust).
In honor of this most artificial of celebrations, here are ten badger facts I totally lifted verbatim from today’s Express:
1. The earliest recorded use of the word “badger” for the animal was in 1523. Before that, it was called a “brock” or “bauson”.
2. “Badger” was originally (around 1500) a word for an itinerant trader.
3. The animal was probably called a “badger” from the badge-like white mark on its forehead.
4. Another theory it that is comes from the French word “bêcheur” meaning a digger.
5. Badgers feed mainly on earthworms of which they may eat hundreds every night.
6. According to an old belief, when a badger bites, it will not loosen its grip until its teeth meet.
7. A male badger is a boar, a female is a sow, the young are cubs and their system of underground burrows is a sett.
8. Interfering with a badger sett is an offence under the Protection of Badgers Act 1992. So is obstructing access to any entrance of a sett.
9. The honey badger, or ratel, is considered by many to be the world’s most ferocious and fearless animal.
10. The word “badger” does not appear in any Shakespeare play but Twelfth Night mentions “brock” once.
Must find out who does badger PR. Weasels could use a bit of that.
October 6, 2015 — 7:10 pm
Comments: 12
it’s incredibly worrying when the bedbird tucks you in
Very funny. Two monks invent a bestiary. Well, I laughed.
Technically still holiday here. I slept past noon all four days of the long weekend. And you know what? I totally threw my back out doing it. Lying around in bed and sitting around in front of the computer too much.
How in the heck am I going to get up early and hoof it to work tomorrow?
April 6, 2015 — 8:05 pm
Comments: 3
Careful, that shit’s flammable
That there is a vial of Winston Churchill’s blood, which is going up for auction.
One night in 1962 in Monte Carlo, he fell out of bed and broke his hip. He was 87. He spent several weeks in the hospital getting sicker, but he did ultimately recover enough to leave the hospital and die of something else entirely three years later
After he left the hospital, a student nurse was cleaning up his room and asked if she could keep the blood sample. I’m kind of surprised they said yes, even back then. Now she dead and it’s going up for auction.
She reported that he read the first edition of all the major papers before he’d settle at night, and that he’d regularly mix the first two courses of his dinner together in a bowl before he ate them. I’d like to see some examples of that latter behavior before passing judgment.
Also, his beloved poodle died when he was in the hospital, causing him much grief. Winston Churchill’s poodle. It doesn’t seem feasible, does it? On the other hand, what a cracking band name!
They’re expecting it to fetch between £300-600, which strikes me as stupid low for something you could use to clone Winston Frickin’ Churchill.
February 23, 2015 — 10:06 pm
Comments: 15
Kung Hei Fat Choy
Year of the Goat, ladies and gentlemen. Though I’ve seen it described on some sites as the Year of the Sheep. I suspect that’s because sheep have better PR.
Sadly, it would appear that the Year of the Goat does not mean we get to head-butt and stink in 2015. Honestly, what is the point?
Did I ever tell y’all about the herd of fainting goats we had when I was small. Yes, it looks like I did.
February 19, 2015 — 10:35 pm
Comments: 19
Happy Pancake Day!
So there was this one day I had a terrible craving for pancakes. You know how it is. We went to a Little Chef (a better than average side-of-the-highway fast food chain) and I ordered some. Imagine my surprise when — expecting a big, fat stack of flapjacks, dripping with butter and syrup — placed before me was one thin crêpe, folded over, with a squeeze of lemon. A perfectly good crêpe, I have to say, but not what I meant, yo.
This is what Brits call a pancake. I’ve since seen them sold as fairground food at village fêtes — very large ones, cooked to order on portable griddles and topped with a variety of things. They’re nice. And when I want a stack of flapjacks, they’re dead easy to make.
Anyway, it’s Pancake Day AKA Shrove Tuesday. British Pancake Day traditions go back hundreds and hundreds of years, the main one being a footrace. Women (and sometimes men dressed as women — a thing British men will do at the drop of a chapeau) run with a pancake in a skillet. Sadly, they don’t have to flip the pancake the whole way, but they do have to give it a couple of turns.
There are also street football games some places. I get the impression street football games aren’t so much games with rules and winners and people keeping score as, just, a mob of people in the street kicking a ball around. Whatevs. I don’t do sprot.
Pancake Day is always a small surprise. I think of Britain as being so secular — and I think of Lent as being Catholic — but the CofE is closer to Catholicism than I’d realized, and they do have pancake ingredient displays in the supermarkets beforehand. No fasting tomorrow though.
Me? I’m having pizza tonight.
February 17, 2015 — 10:03 pm
Comments: 21
Weasel smoochies for Valentine’s
Happy Friday the 13th! Alert readers may recall that sweasel.com went live on Valentine’s Day 2007, making tomorrow this blog’s eighth birthday.
Alas, Drew doesn’t get dick, but everybody gets a big, wet weasel smooch RIGHT! ON! THE! MOUTH! Thanks for being here. Have an awesome weekend!
p.s. Oh, yeah. Tomorrow’s our sixth wedding anniversary, too. Can you believe it?
February 13, 2015 — 9:51 pm
Comments: 28
‘Sup?
Jack thinks it’s awesome we brought a tree in for him to sleep under, but he’s a little concerned for our mental health. Also, what’s up with all the twinkly lights?
This’ll be my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day offering, so lemme know what Sandy Claws brings you in this thread. Merry Christmas, folks!
December 24, 2014 — 8:20 pm
Comments: 54
Here we go — whee…!
Thanks to the various pre-Christmas sales, I’ve got a glut of unplayed games waiting for my attention but, goshdarnit, I enjoyed Far Cry 3 so much, I’m playing it through again. Just the really fun bits.
Should I worry that my “really fun bits” were finding a comfy perch on a high hillside and picking off pirates with a heavily modified sniper rifle? Mmmmmmnah.
Anyway, I declare the holidays officially begun. Expect blogging to be light and lame for the duration. That’s my promise to you!
Good weekend, and let ‘er rip!
December 19, 2014 — 9:57 pm
Comments: 13