I carved my pumpkin!
I outdid myself this year!
Yep. Other side. It’s really that bad. I so suck at this.
Happy Hallowe’en, folks!
October 31, 2012 — 10:27 pm
Comments: 14
About that AP survey…?
Did y’all see the brouhaha last week about an AP poll that supposedly found 51% of Americans are prejudiced against black people? That really weirded me out, because…well, among other things, they’re not counting black people as Americans?
So I tracked down the actual survey (.pdf file). It’s a joint product of the University of Michigan, Stanford University and the University of Chicago. Here’s the first question:
“Irish, Italians, Jews, and other minorities overcame prejudice and worked their way up. Blacks should do the same without special favors.”
If you agree with that, you’re scored as a racist.
Let that sink in a minute.
If you think black people are just as smart and capable as Irish, Italians and Jews, you’re a racist. Phwaw. Ready? Question two:
“Generations of slavery have created conditions that make it difficult for Blacks to work their way out of the lower class.”
Disagree with that, and you’re a racist. So if you think someone’s prospects are not blighted by something horrible that happened to his great-great-great grandparents, there’s just no other explanation for it: you’re a racist, sugar! The next three questions are pretty much variations on the “hard work = get ahead” theme from the first question. Here’s question six:
“Some people say that Black leaders have been trying to push too fast. Others feel that they haven’t pushed fast enough. What do you think?”
Yup. If you think the likes of Jesse Jackson and Louis Farrakhan aren’t doing black people any favors — racist! The next two questions are how much racism is there in the US, and how much of that is the fault of black people. Then they move onto complete voodoo.
On a computer screen, they show a quick flash of a black man’s face or a white man’s face, followed by a Chinese character. Then you’re asked if the Chinese character is pleasant or unpleasant. They do this 24 times. If you don’t like the squiggle you see after a glimpse of a dusky gob, you’re Bull Connor, baby!
Totally not making that up. It’s called Affect Misattribution Procedure (AMP). Because — science, you inbred hillbilly!
That’s it. That’s the whole thing. That’s how they come to the conclusion a whopping 51% of Americans are racists.
Is this the new, official, mainstream (Associated Press) definition of racism? Thinking black people are as smart as anybody else? And only 51% agree that they are? And those 51% are the bad guys? I really am having trouble processing this.
And, after all that, I still don’t know if the AP is only counting white people as Americans.
October 30, 2012 — 10:26 pm
Comments: 43
Now is *not* the time for Snarky Weasel!
Yeah, I know, everyone would probably appreciate a break from all the storm coverage, but I ain’t going to be the one to provide it. Hurricane Sandy looks like an epically evil fucker, and I’m going to close my eyes, hold my breath and wait for it to go by.
Metaphorically, of course. After major storms, we often get winds a week later, but Sandy will mostly blow itself out by Montreal. Though my dad told me yesterday, they’re expecting dangerously high winds in Nashville, a thousand miles inland.
Stay safe, peoples in the path! Charge your Kindles and your phones now, eat the icecream first and don’t drink too much!
October 29, 2012 — 2:41 pm
Comments: 40
This is what happens when you put Greens in charge
Okay, so Brighton and Hove Town Council are thinking of scrapping ‘Mr’ and ‘Mrs’ in official paperwork. The reason? It’s complicated.
No, no…the reason isn’t complicated. Gender is complicated. We’ve moved beyond straight, gay and transgender into a category called genderqueer. No, really — that’s a thing. It’s apparently gender’s Undecided column.
I suspect the ordinance unlikely to go through, even in Brighton (the South coast’s gay capital; it’s always been a little…queer in Brighton). But it’s been proposed (yes, by a Green party councilor). Oh, and tax forms have already scrapped Mr, Mrs and Miss in favor of the gender-neutral Mx.
Here’s the thing. I just really don’t want to think about your issues any more. Do whatever you like, and as long as you aren’t hurting anybody, I’m okay with it. But please stop demanding that I think about your genitals and your sex life so much, okay?
All of you. Not just the extra bent people — the straight people, too. I don’t want mental pictures of ANYbody else’s stuff any more, okay? Just. Ew. Deal with it yourselves.
The picture? Generic picture of Brighton Pier. I was laughing about this the other day – have you noticed no online news story is ever published without a picture, even if they have to rustle up something stupid? Like, “Fox Steals Picnic Basket” runs with a picture of a fox and the caption “file photo of a fox.” Oh, hey. Good to know.
But in this case? You’ll thank me for not picking one from the ‘genderqueer’ images search.
Okay. Here. Tomorrow. Six sharp. Round 41 of the Dead Pool. Be here or be genderqueer! Unless you already are, in which case…bummer, Mx.
October 25, 2012 — 11:05 pm
Comments: 22
Ever made your own Tabasco sauce?
I usually freeze our chilis for perking up Winter soups (get me! I’m Martha Freaking Stewart!), but this year, Uncle B got a little…carried away. That’s just under two pounds of red, ripe chilis. The ones on the right are hot, the ones on the left are O Sweet Jesus What Have I Put In My Mouth???
So I’m’onna make Tabasco sauce. Well, fake Tabasco sauce. The proper McIlhenny stuff means putting the peppers in a barrel, covering them with salt and fermenting them for up to three years.
Pff! Screw that!
There are a ton of recipes for a homemade simulacrum on the Web, and I have massaged them together into this:
1 pound peppers, 2 cups white vinegar, 2 teaspoons coarse sea salt
1. Don Hazmat suit
2. Roughly chop the ingredients together
3. Bring to a boil, then simmer for five minutes
4. Cool and puree
5. Store in the ‘fridge for two weeks to ‘ripen’
6. Strain through a strainer and put into jars
There’s no reason you need to know this, of course. I’m just posting it so I remember what I need to do.
That’s right. I’m using you guys as a recipe holder.
October 24, 2012 — 10:11 pm
Comments: 28
Big Bird, binders and bayonets
You know what really puzzles me? In 2008, the Obama people knew instinctively to sell him as an upbeat, nonpartisan, nice, inspirational guy. And in 2012, the same team thinks the country is hungering for President Sarcastic Jerk.
No, actually, a LOT of things puzzle me about these guys. The whole Obama crew. I mean, the randomness of so many things this administration has done.
Like, really cracking down on pot smokers — even in states that have legalized medical marijuana. Or these drone strikes, some of which make even bloodthirsty me a little uneasy about ‘peripheral damage.’
He hasn’t governed as a boilerplate liberal. I can’t decide if the thread that connects all these things is an insatiable will to exercise power over others, or just a weakness of central leadership, so all the agencies wander off and do their own thing.
p.s. Oh. Hey. Help a weasel out. Did I get enough zeroes in 16 trillion? I kept adding three and taking away three. I’m so freaking innumerate, and Google search isn’t helped by the fact Brits don’t use “billions.”
October 23, 2012 — 9:21 pm
Comments: 24
See your Romnesia, raise you Barackoli
Eat your Barackoli, America!
Nah, just goofing. Stupid idea. And you know what? I didn’t even get there first.
Let me know how the last debate goes. I’ll be tucked up in my little weaselly bed, snoring and farting.
October 22, 2012 — 10:11 pm
Comments: 26
Jinx!
Had trouble coming up with something to post about tonight, so I had a stiff vodka. Now I still can’t think of anything to post about, but I feel a whole lot better about that.
Not that there isn’t stuff going on. I’ve been watching the Romney polling threads today with awe. I think we may finally be seeing that preference cascade Ace is always talking about.
But I don’t want to jinx it by being too triumphal this far from the goal. As my old mother used to say, there’s many a slip ‘twixt the cup and the lip.
You wouldn’t think there would be many opportunities to slip just getting a glass to your mouth, but Mother was fond of the occasional stiff vodka herself.
Okay, Dead Pool tomorrow. Six pm Weasel Blog Time. Be here!
We’re playing for dick again. I’m pondering alternatives — preferably alternatives that allow me to continue making stupid and gratuitous spotted dick jokes.
I’ve got enough dick to cover my losses so far, though I am still three dicks behind. Thank you for your patience. The game isn’t fun without real prizes, but I do get behind packing them up.
Don’t worry; I won’t lose track. I have all your emails in a folder called “dicks”.
See? How could I ever give this up?
October 18, 2012 — 10:39 pm
Comments: 23
Binder full of weasel
Wow. That binder kerfuffle. That’s just all different kinds of stupid, huh?
By the way, go to do a Google search of “binder” and “binder full of women” is already the first suggestion.
October 17, 2012 — 8:48 pm
Comments: 18
Post-apocalyptic British government to be run from secret tunnel complex under Medieval castle
Really. There’s a network of rooms and tunnels 150 feet under Dover Castle — WWII era, from the look of it — that was dusted off to be used as a seat of regional government in the event of a nuclear war.
They’re opening it up for tours for the two weeks marking the 50th Anniversary of the Cuban Missile Crisis. We won’t be going. Dover is a fur piece up the coast from us, but it’s still impossibly cool.
Ian Fleming was from Kent, which probably explains why I sometimes feel like I’ve fallen through a trapdoor into a Bond villain’s secret lair.
Enjoy the debates tonight. As usual, they start about 2am my time, so I’ll catch them in the replay in the morning. To be honest, watching these things in real time makes me nervous as a cat, anyway. Drop by and give me some good news to wake up to, hm?
October 16, 2012 — 9:27 pm
Comments: 16