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I promised you chickens

Here they are, the Four Chooks of the Apocalypse. Just tiptoed out and snapped this. As you can see, their feathers have all grown back in and they’re looking fit and ready for Winter.

Angry chicken has issues. Woe be unto anything that perches near her of an evening. I let her have a go at me, so the other chickens can settle in for the night unmolested. I don’t mean she gives me a good pecking; I mean she takes a big beakful of the tender webbing of my thumb and worries it like a terrier. Angry, angry chicken.

Shy chicken is shy among chickens but is the most aggressive with intruders. She’ll lunge at any cat that comes near — head down, butt in the air, wing feathers all spread out. She can make herself look as big as a turkey. The inside cat is terrified of her.

Crazy chicken just plain ain’t all there. She never walks anywhere. She zooms. She is scream-propelled. NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH flap-flap-flap-flap.

Bossy chicken is the Mary Poppins of chickens — practically perfect in every way. Everybody is terrified of bossy chicken. All Hail Bossy Chicken.

Now, me hearties, I have just learned that I must upgrade my Photoshop by December 31 or I fall off the upgrade ladder (I’m using CS3 and they’re up to CS6 now; that’s as far as they’ll stretch it). Two hundred pounds is a lot of money for me to scare up at Christmas time. That means I must make many lovely, cruel, jug-eared Obama ‘shops in the New Year (perhaps I’ll finally nail his likeness in his second term).

But for now, I need to go away until it scabs over a little. And by “go away” I mean post about chickens and recipes and the stupid things English people say. I shan’t be reading news and political blogs for a while (I don’t know who I hate reading more after a stinging defeat — our side or theirs). Feel free to talk about anything you like in the comments, though.

Have an awesome weekend!


Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: November 9, 2012, 3:07 pm

RE: Photoshop.

It certainly is a powerful software package, and it certainly is expensive. I hate Adobe, starting with pdf. ….
….and Java too.. . . but then, Ima crank, so there.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 9, 2012, 3:15 pm

Ha! My main brief for a some years was .pdf’ing all the company’s technical documentation and distributing it on CD. They sent me to Adobe school and everything.

Now, whenever Uncle B has trouble with a .pdf file, he gives me a filthy look, like it’s MY fault.

I’m torn about upgrading Photoshop. The difference between editions isn’t all that impressive, CS3 does me fine. But sooner or later, some technological hoo-ha will be upgraded and I’ll need it. Like the version I had prior to CS3 wouldn’t edit camera RAW files, which I do use occasionally.

Oh, hey — there’s a tiny insect in the viewfinder of my camera, I just discovered today.

Comment from Davem123
Time: November 9, 2012, 4:17 pm

All Hail Bossy Chicken

I don’t have any tattoos, but that is now my top choice, should the day come. Thanks for the poultry update, Stoatie. Keep ’em coming.

Comment from Browndog
Time: November 9, 2012, 4:51 pm

Just too damn funny.

I’m a crazy chicken, NYAAAAAAAAH.

Have a good week end Stoaty!

Comment from AmericanGypsea
Time: November 9, 2012, 5:00 pm

I don’t see a tip jar. All the other blogs have tip jars. We could all chip in (even the lurkers like me) and get you the upgrade for Christmas. Coz I love your blog and come here everyday. And coz I think we all need to move on to the healing and moar jug eared pics of ….him…keeps the wound scabbed. I can’t go to the political blogs either. Can’t watch the news. I need the therapy of chickens!!!

And a bucket of popcorn as I watch my country burn. Someone should have told the left…be careful what you wish for.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 9, 2012, 5:25 pm

That makes two of us, Skandia. Dunno which I hate the more, Adobe or Apple.

Prolly Apple because of their legions of brain-damaged fanbois.

But it’s close.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 9, 2012, 5:36 pm

Now, that’s very kind of you, AmericanGypsea. I follow you on twitter, don’t I? Man, am I not going anywhere NEAR Twitter for a while. I couldn’t take it.

I have a real problem with the tip jar concept. Back when I was employed, I used to hit the tip jars of my favorite blogs occasionally. It was a very unsatisfactory consumer experience. It was just wrong, somehow. I’d spent money, but I didn’t feel like I’d bought anything.

Of course, I was pleased to support the work of the bloggers I enjoyed, but as a transaction, it just wasn’t a happy experience.

I’ll have to look into the logistics of a limited-edition print or something. So you get something more than if you gave nothing. If you know what I mean.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: November 9, 2012, 5:43 pm

Bossy chicken for President!! Now, more than ever!

Comment from Redd
Time: November 9, 2012, 5:59 pm

Hmm, this naming of the chickens reminds me of the Spice Girls. Can they sing? 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 9, 2012, 6:20 pm

They burble.

Comment from beasn
Time: November 9, 2012, 6:31 pm

Burbling chicken prints! I’d buy one but it would need a for realz John HanCOCK. And maybe a stoat saddled up on one of their backs.

*burble – you reminded me of my dearly departed ‘chut chutting’ piggies. They also burbled when happy.*

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 9, 2012, 6:36 pm

Hm. I’ve got a weasel riding a runnybabbit.

Comment from AmericanGypsea
Time: November 9, 2012, 7:03 pm

Yes~you follow me (tickled me that you did!). A Bossy Chicken tee would be great!!!

Comment from AmericanGypsea
Time: November 9, 2012, 7:07 pm

And Twitter is really not that bad right now. Ace is killing it with his ideas of new taxes. I’m seeing (okay, I’m contributing to) a “Let’s out-Alinsky ’em…collapse OCare & starve the beast of revenue” theme.

Starve the beast was my contribution.

When you’re ready, we’d sure love to have you back.

Comment from mojo
Time: November 9, 2012, 7:08 pm

A “chook” is something entirely different in southern California.

Just sayin’…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 9, 2012, 7:20 pm

Hm. Urban Dictionary doesn’t know that one…

Comment from Pupster
Time: November 9, 2012, 8:13 pm

Mexican cook?

Comment from mojo
Time: November 9, 2012, 8:51 pm

Short for “Pachuco”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 9, 2012, 9:28 pm

Oh. Urban dictionary knows that one, but it doesn’t seem like an especially bad word.

I assumed it was a lady part of some kind.

Comment from Yoda the Medic
Time: November 9, 2012, 9:50 pm

Tip jar, Tip jar. Or something other than t-shirts and coffee mugs.

Comment from mojo
Time: November 9, 2012, 9:56 pm

Need to buy some zoot suits for the chooks?

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: November 9, 2012, 10:56 pm

I don’t blame you on staying away from Twitter and the blogs for now. Just a bunch of infighting, finger-pointing and name-calling. Unproductive and I can do without it.

The news, tho, is hilarious. All of the companies that threatened layoffs are, in fact, laying off. What, did everyone think that was just a smokescreen? Sheesh. As someone said before about the liberals – be careful what you wish for.

As another ex-pat (in the Philippines), it should be an entertaining – although sad – spectacle to watch. From a distance. A very _safe_ distance.

And as soon as I figure out a method of payment over the internet – you wouldn’t believe the weird requirements for a credit card here – I’ll stop by your store to help with the upgrade. I think I needs me a ‘Zombie Reagan’ coffee mug. I wish the image on the mug spun somehow – just like Reagan is doing in his grave.

Comment from Paula Douglas
Time: November 9, 2012, 11:22 pm

Hey, I don’t blame you one bit for taking a break from the news. For me it’s back to HGTV and DVDs of Sherlock. Fox’s loss. But I’ve always loved it when you talk about the chickens, anyway. Can’t get enough of them, really, and the fact that they have such distinct, interesting personalities and habits is incredibly charming. The more said about the flock, the better–not that you asked me.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 9, 2012, 11:33 pm

It’s amazing that animals with such tiny brains have such huge and distinctive personalities. Also, voices — I can usually tell which one of them is burbling.

They’re so full of themselves and into everything, we can sit and watch them for hours.

Comment from kilroy182
Time: November 9, 2012, 11:51 pm

Weasel riding a runnybabbit should be a T-shirt.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 10, 2012, 12:09 am

Heh. Thankee kindly, Kilroy.

Doing linework for print is a real booger. If you were to print that image out at 300 dpi, it would be the size of a thumbprint.

Believe me, I’ve spent years of my life trying to explain why. Because, naturally, you think…it looks fine on my screen, why wouldn’t it go on a t-shirt?

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 10, 2012, 12:17 am

So, have you figured out where McDonalds gets its Chicken Nuggets from yet?

Comment from feynmangroupie
Time: November 10, 2012, 12:21 am

I would totally wear a shirt with a weasel riding a rabbit.

Oh, and we need video of a scream-propelled chicken fleeing Bossy and Angry chickens.

Comment from BJM2009
Time: November 10, 2012, 12:43 am

I’m with you Weez, I’m avoiding all my usual haunts online…’cept you & Ree Drummond, cuz I need me some good eats and funny right now.

I have a cat that is exactly like crazy chicken, she never walks anywhere…zooms, darts & streaks…her only slow speed is a loping skulk that precedes a bolt. Nuts she is.

Comment from JeffS
Time: November 10, 2012, 1:53 am

Shouldn’t that be a weasel riding a chook? Or is that mount a distant relation of the jackalope?

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 10, 2012, 3:03 am

I want a Zombie Churchill coffee mug to go with my Zombie Reagan.

Comment from beasn
Time: November 10, 2012, 3:14 am

Runnybabbits, chickens, either one.

What would you charge?

Comment from beasn
Time: November 10, 2012, 3:23 am

This gal does mainly cats, but also does capybaras and piggies. Cute work, but tiny. Also in the U.K.


Comment from dissent555
Time: November 10, 2012, 4:33 am

Chickens on the coffee cups. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I’d like one of Crazy Chicken, please.

Comment from Oceania
Time: November 10, 2012, 8:28 am

Get yourself one of these!
The are extinct in their native Burma 🙁


Comment from AliceH
Time: November 10, 2012, 11:02 am

Yay, chickens!

Sorry. That’s all I got.

Comment from Kat
Time: November 10, 2012, 2:45 pm

I’m glad that we’re not the only ones who can sit and watch the chickens for hours. The yard has been amazingly boring since the chickens have been locked in their coop for the last week. Stupid me wanting a stupid green lawn and overseeding stupid annual rye grass, but not wanting the stupid chickens to eat the stupid seed that is taking FOREVER to sprout. 😛

Comment from mayer
Time: November 10, 2012, 6:55 pm

and you can see photoshop designs free


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 10, 2012, 7:05 pm

Yeah, photo-shop files are all very well & good, but what if I want to get wood that lasts for hours?!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 10, 2012, 7:55 pm

Shoot. I was looking for Levitra without a prescription 🙁

Comment from Mrs Comton
Time: November 10, 2012, 9:36 pm

Ooooooh, Zombie Churchill!!!!!

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 10, 2012, 9:47 pm

Wait, is that `runnybabbit` pic scanned or just a photoshop imitation? Also, is that a snaffle bit?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 10, 2012, 11:11 pm

It is Photoshop. I haven’t done real ink work in a thousand years (except on a banjo head this Summer). Snaffle bit is the one with the joint in the middle, yes? Well, I don’t know…would a rabbit need one o’ them?

Comment from W. Chicken
Time: November 10, 2012, 11:21 pm

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.

Winston Chicken

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: November 10, 2012, 11:35 pm

I dunno, the end looked a bit like a snaffle. Having raised rabbits, I’d suggest chain-mail chaps & a hair-trigger shotgun as well if you were trying to ride one like a horsie.

Comment from EZnSF
Time: November 11, 2012, 1:03 am

I’d buy a signed chicken print.
But make one for us guys. Pin-up chickens.

I actually have quite a few coffee mugs from some of my favorite blogs. I figure in 20 years, collector items, and I can reminisce around the kitchen table bout the good olde days. (Cept these days suck with the power of a black hole.)(yeah, I’m racist) I even gave to Andrew Sullivan once. Before his brain got dropped into a vat of Ty-D-bol.

Comment from Malcolm Kirkpatrick
Time: November 11, 2012, 8:48 am

I’m a dinosaur; don’t do financial stuff through the internet. When I win the dick, I’ll send something to the return address (or you could give us a PO box).

Comment from Oceania
Time: November 11, 2012, 10:39 am

W. Chicken

Well, you’ve signed up for an Obama second helping of Communism.
Not that you are a capitalist free market – you’re a centric corptocracy …. bent, corrupt, inefficient – and bust.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 11, 2012, 3:33 pm

Bossy Chick says “Stop talking Politics!!

Comment from Patrick in Michigan
Time: November 12, 2012, 12:45 am

Nice clucks. 😉

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: November 12, 2012, 3:32 pm

I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who’s worn out with pollie-ticks. Stoaty, please keep up the good work. I love the Weasel Kid and his favorite steed Bigwig, there.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 12, 2012, 3:45 pm

It’s not the gloating of the opposition — I haven’t sampled any of that — it’s the recrimination and backbiting in the ranks. And all the pundits with their, “see? I told you you should have done…that thing I always say you should do!”

Screw it. I’ll come back to it later.

Comment from Nina
Time: November 12, 2012, 5:18 pm

You and me both, Stoaty. Norway’s looking pretty dang good to me right now. socialist, but I’m being promised grandbabies one o’ these days, so there’s that.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 12, 2012, 5:26 pm

Well, I won’t pretend the political situation in the UK doesn’t make me crazy angry, too.

But, upside! The BBC has caught its tits in the wringer this week, so that’s been fun.

Comment from Nina
Time: November 12, 2012, 6:48 pm

These days, we’ve gotta get our satisfaction wherever we can, Stoats. And I ain’t got an amazing Englishman to take me mind offa things like you do.

Not to mention four chickens.

Comment from Oceania
Time: November 13, 2012, 3:18 am

Tits in the wringer? More like their cocks up little boys arses!

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: November 21, 2012, 4:19 am

Are your chickens any relation to the Sacred Chickens of Rome?

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Comment from Mecrack
Time: December 7, 2017, 2:37 pm

Amazing chook expression.

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