It’s not easy being pink
To be perfectly honest, I kind of hate myself for ragging on this woman. I mean, yeah, sure, she called me a pink honkey cracker pig (and something that got bleeped – anyone know what that was?) and sort of implied violence heading my way and stuff. On the other hand — have you looked at the New Black Panther Party’s website? — I get the feeling Michelle Williams and the rest of the NBBP are all…well…mildly retarded and everyone is just embarrassed to say it. Why else would the authorities utterly ignore blatant incitement?
I feel like I’m reading a Nancy Drew novel right now, because of all the twists and turns.
I mean, I think it’s awesome this lady reads. And I just loved the Nancy Drew books myself, so we have that in common.
I think I was eight when I read them.
April 11, 2012 — 11:11 pm
Comments: 25
Ahhhhhh…that’s better!
I’ve been meaning to do that ever since I saw the original picture.
Obama. Dude. Do NOT mess with Supes.
April 9, 2012 — 8:25 pm
Comments: 19
Every girl crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man
This is a photo from last year, it came to my attention via this tweet (who is that guy? Why do I follow him? God lumme, I don’t know).
The text helpfully explains that Obama was taping a statement about the retirement of Supreme Court Justice Paul Stevens, who wears a similar bowtie.
I bet the caption writer was thinking don’t think Farrakhan, don’t think Farrakhan.
April 4, 2012 — 10:25 pm
Comments: 31
I got The Talk. Didn’t you get The Talk?
In the wake of the Trayvon Martin shooting, I’ve read several articles about The Talk. Apparently, The Talk is the uniquely black experience of sitting your kids down (particularly your boys) and instructing them to be unfailingly polite to policemen even when you are ever so cross and the officer is ever so vexatious.
This one from the New York Post is typical (it’s a tragic tale of a young man who didn’t get The Talk and had to learn a tough lesson the hard way):
My moment — that is, my first moment — happened on Eastern Parkway and Utica Avenue in Brooklyn when I got into a dollar cab with my mother and brother. The cop who pulled the car over wasn’t after the driver. He was after me. I was a tall, skinny black kid with a baseball cap, and I fit the description of someone who was robbing people on the subway.
Right. With you so far.
It didn’t matter that I was wearing a baseball cap because I had been to a baseball game. I fit the description, and no one was going anywhere.
Okay, right. And….?
Wait…that’s it? You fit the description of a crime suspect and you were pulled over? And then questioned and released? Holy shit, dude, that’s supposed to be emblematic of the racial divide in America?
Seriously, if a middle-aged white woman in a denim jacket had just shop-lifted a hundred bucks worth of meat from a nearby Safeway, I would totally expect to be pulled over and felt up for sirloin. And I’d be nice as pie while they did it.
Wait! You did what?
I was uncooperative. I was angry. My mother, the churchgoing teacher, didn’t help. She was indignant, and she spewed words she would never use in the classroom. Only when the cop threatened to haul her to the precinct did I come around.
Holy god. You both did that, really?
Wheeooo.
My mother, who was sort of a proto-hippie and not fond of the authorities, gave me The Talk regularly.
You get stopped or pulled over, be relentlessly bland. No matter what. The cop is armed. He may be bored. He may be an officious prick. He may be spoiling for trouble. He may try to rattle you to see how you react.
Don’t react. Follow instructions. Be angry later.
My interactions with law enforcement have been few, thank goodness, but the advice has stood me well. It also works for judges, city code enforcers, irate bosses, large angry neighbors. Any situation where you are seriously outgunned and cannot possibly win a confrontation.
I wonder how much putative racism is because black people don’t realize how rudely white people often treat each other.
March 30, 2012 — 10:18 pm
Comments: 46
Nice army you got there, Billy Joe-Bob Bubbah
Remember these guys? The <snort> Hutaree? Scary right wing militia fixin’ to take over the gubmint and all?
Today, a judge dropped all the charges, except a couple of the weapons violations. Turns out being a bug-fuck crazy redneck who hates cops and knows how to build a pipe bomb isn’t actually sedition. Apparently, you actually have to commit a crime or something.
David Stone was recorded saying he was willing to kill police and even their families. He considered them part of a “brotherhood” — a sinister global authority that included federal law enforcers and United Nations troops…David Stone suspected Germany and Singapore had aircraft stationed in Texas, and thousands of Canadian troops were poised to take over Michigan. He said the government put computer chips in a flu vaccine.
Looks like they were arrested for being members of my extended family. Say, you reckon these guys like the government a bit better now they’ve spent two years in jail without bond for Felony Runnin’ Yer Dang Fool Mouth?
March 27, 2012 — 10:08 pm
Comments: 35
I will transmit this information to Vladimir
Perhaps this time we catch Moose and Squirrel.
President SmartestGuyInTheRoom actually had this conversation today, unwittingly into a hot microphone.
And then he stood up for the above photograph, which I have not had to alter in any way. I love this guy!
The report I watched, the journalist voiceover was making it out to be, like, “because — pff! — nothing ever gets done during an election year. Am I right, Dmitry?”
Instead of the way every ‘winger in the world heard it, which was, “because in my second term, there’s nothing to stop me selling out my country to the Commies.”
By the way, “I will transmit this information to Vladimir” has become one of those meme things the kids love so much. Thought you should know.
March 26, 2012 — 8:06 pm
Comments: 38
Our very weird president
I don’t know what happened in the Trayvon Martin shooting. No matter what, it’s very sad and I hope we get the actual facts at some point. But, I figure, Peruvian American kills African American, my tribe gets to sit this one out.
Ha! Just kidding. Which brings us to our very strange president. When asked about the killing, he said (among other things), “You know, if I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon.”
Which is just so weird and wrong, I had to read it through a few times. WTF?
And then I was, like, Oh. Right. He took this question because race hucksters have been pressuring him. He’s telling them of course I care, this kid looks like me.
It’s the perfect intersection of malignant narcissism and identity politics. I wonder if he realizes how baldly he gave himself away.
Incidentally, fun fact: if I had a son, he also would look like Trayvon, provided his father was of color. That’s the thing about my gosh-darned recessive white genes – my offspring will take their racial characteristics from their fathers. Hypothetical offspring, obviously. You’re welcome.
Have a good weekend, folks! Daniel Knauf’s bxx drama debuts tonight at 11:30-something Pacific time. If you signed up, check your email for password. If you didn’t, I think you’re out of luck for now. As that’s getting on for eight in the morning my time, I won’t be sampling the delights until after dark tomorrow. No spoilers, please!
March 23, 2012 — 10:49 pm
Comments: 58
Another easy one
So, everybody’s talking about this thing. It’s really and truly from the official Obama Tumblr. And Gabriel Malor said it looked like Obama had snagged this guy’s hat (at least, I’m *sure* he said it, but I can’t find the tweet in my Twitter stream. I suck at Twitter).
So I did that.
I was really hoping Dumb Donald was the one that talked like “Ubba nubba wubby bagubba.” But, sadly, that was Mush Mouth.
Too bad. I could’ve squeezed a lot of campaign posters out of that.
I was never a great fan of the show. I tuned in mostly to stare at it in utter effing disbelief. You know, if anybody on the whole planet but beloved token Bill Cosby had made a cartoon about a group of ugly, stupid poor black children in the ghetto, he’d’ve been run out of town on a banjo.
March 22, 2012 — 11:42 pm
Comments: 22
No brainer
Oy. Doesn’t really matter what he meant now — sometimes an expression so perfectly sums up what everyone was already thinking about a candidate, it sticks like superglue. I wonder what kind of night Eric Fehrnstrom is having.
Still, mustn’t enjoy myself too much. Romney’s going to be the nominee anyway, and I’ll line up behind him and push with all I’ve got. Deja suck.
If you want a nice big blank color Etch-a-Sketch graphic of your own to play with, here you go.
March 21, 2012 — 9:02 pm
Comments: 28
They really pulled out none of the stops
I was really, really looking forward to the Obama movie. The man who gave us fainting fans and styrofoam Greek columns was bound to cook up a seventeen-minute cheez-o-rama guaranteed to yield delicious blog ammo for a week.
Oh.
Huh.
Did you watch that thing? I watched it live. I just watched it again. I still have no idea WTF. It’s the weirdest propaganda effort I’ve ever seen.
No stirring music, a sad little guitar playing chords. Some violins. And then Hanks just tells us what happened the last three years, in case we missed it. There was a terrible financial crisis, they passed a bill. Lots of people didn’t have health insurance. They passed a bill. Boy, that vote was close. The GM bailout. Then there was Osama. Tough call. And those two chicks on the Supreme Court. Things are getting better. The end.
How bad was it? Watching it didn’t make me angry.
It didn’t gel. It ain’t aspic. There was no sense that Obama did awesome things that kept the situation from being worse. It’s like he could have traded places with anyone else around the table and things would’ve turned out pretty much the same.
If you thought the last three years was a double-decker awesome burger with extra awesome sauce, then that might be an effective campaign spot. How many people is that, then?
Please…somebody else watch it and tell me I’m not crazy.
Oh, and for anyone much younger than me, much older than me or foreign, this is where the illustration comes from. Warning: famous earworm. Though it’s not as bad as this one from the same people.
Good weekend, folks!
March 16, 2012 — 11:29 pm
Comments: 36