Machs grün!
Oh, now this is rich. German greenies calculate that a blog which gets 15,000 hits or more a month (yay! we qualify!) pumps out 8 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
So what you’re supposed to do is, you write a blog post about this, you put a link to them in the sidebar using their “my blog is carbon neutral” graphic, they plant a tree in your name, it soaks up 11 pounds of CO2, and — violoncello! — your blog IS carbon neutral.
So let’s point out the utterly fucking obvious, shall we? There is no relationship between blogs and trees. Nobody is waiting around for a pingback before they go stick a spruce in the ground. This is an ongoing reforestation program (by the Arbor Day Foundation in the Plumas National Forest. In California) and these German greenie-weenies have just latched onto to display, once again, their weak (or dishonest) grasp of cause-and-effect.
The trees will be planted regardless.
Do you know, China is set to pass the US this year as the biggest emitter of carbon dioxide? I say, let’s get on board that campaign! For every blog displaying a colorful “my blog belches carbon” icon (small sidebar version here, pointlessly large version here), China will build another inefficient coal-fired electricity plant or smoke-belching industrial smokestack. Why, your humble blog could be responsible for spewing thousands of extra tons of carbon dioxide (along with unknown quantities of other, real pollutants) into the atmosphere every year!
Okay, not really, but it makes as much sense as that Green bullshit.
UPDATE: whoa! Small Dead Animals ‘lanche! That’s one of Weasel’s favoritest blogs. Y’all be sure to come back Friday for the Dead Pool. Everyone’s welcome — and you might be the lucky winner of Aunty’s Spotted Dick!
March 11, 2010 — 10:12 pm
Comments: 44
Google Images search — Of The Damned
AIIIII! Totally not making this up. I didn’t have anything much to say today, so I figured I’d trawl around Google images and maybe do something cruel and unusual to Nancy Pelosi’s face.
Yep. Top three Nancy Pelosi image searches are “breasts” “young” and “hot.” I just lost the will to live.
Anyhoo, I discovered something interesting today, which you will find probably find totally boring. Humor me. After looking at bank transfers and bureaux d’exchange and other methods of moving my moneys from my US checking account to my UK checking account, I have discovered the fastest and easiest and cheapest method: put my American debit card in an ATM machine, pull out £200, walk in and deposit it in my UK bank. My US bank charges me $1 to do this, and I got within $.01 of today’s posted exchange rate.
Yep. That’s it. What were you expecting, Grammy Pelosi’s hot young breasts?!
March 10, 2010 — 10:51 pm
Comments: 20
But wait, there’s more…!
God, this whole healthcare thing makes me feel like I hopped aboard the Crazy Train for Crazy Town. There is no Obama bill, am I right? There’s the bill the House already passed, and there’s the bill the Senate already passed. Any changes to either and it’s a brand new bill that has to go back through the whole process again from scratch, which is right out. So all this crap about incorporating Republican ideas from the dog-and-pony show is just bullshit, am I right?
So why are they reporting the bullshit with a straight face?
No, no…please not to be answering the rhetorical question. I know why. It’s just, every time the fourth estate looks me in the eye and tells me utter flat-out lies, it feels like the first time.
March 8, 2010 — 9:28 pm
Comments: 19
A great sticky roiling tsunami of bland
Have y’all ever heard of the Great Molasses Disaster of 1919? On January 15, 1919 in Boston, Massachusetts a two-and-a-half million gallon tank of of crude molasses fifty feet above street level went bust, sending a 15-foot wall of goo down Commercial Street at 35 miles an hour. It utterly fucking flattened everything it passed over. Twenty-one dead, 150 wounded.
It’s true. It’s famous in Boston engineering circles. They’ve never really worked out what went wrong. (I’ll link to the story on this lady’s blog. She seems like a nice lady).
It came to mind because I’ve been browsing the Coffee Party USA‘s website tonight, and paddling around in their forums.
The Coffee Party — as I’m sure you know but I have to tell posterity — is the Obamanauts’ answer to the Tea Party movement. They’re trying to recapture the vague but thrilling sense of promise they got from the One’s candidacy, by letting loose a tsunami of meaningless rhetorical butterscotch. From their About Us page:
No lobbyists here. No pundits. And no hyper-partisan strategists calling the shots in this movement. We are a spontaneous and collective expression of our desire to forge a culture of civic engagement that is solution-oriented, not blame-oriented.
[…]
We want a society in which democracy is treated as sacrosanct and ordinary citizens participate out of a sense of civic duty, civic pride, and a desire to contribute to society. The Coffee Party is a call to action. Our Founding Fathers and Mothers gave us an enduring gift — Democracy — and we must use it to meet the challenges that we face as a nation.
They hope to revive Obama’s campaign promise of relentless niceness and post-partisan happy-clappy nothingness, and it’s failing beautifully. Hopenchange is like The Blair Witch Project — a brilliant gimmick, but only works once.
But it’s high-larious to watch them try (especially the rank-and-file lefties in the forums, who aren’t very good at the new vanilla-speak). It isn’t easy to talk about substantial issues without ever saying anything substantial, revealing a political bias, proposing a solution, getting passionate or sending out any negative vibes, man. In fact, it isn’t possible.
Go — watch them try!
March 5, 2010 — 10:54 pm
Comments: 28
You’re welcome!
I saw today’s Drudge headline about the Obamacare bill — titled Push! Push harder! — and I was going to give you a graphic of Barack Obama attending Nancy Pelosi in the delivery room. But when I started assembling photos for the montage, it was clear right away there was not enough mind bleach in the whole wide world to clean up that mess once I made it.
So instead, I give you — the lady whose lips are made out of her vagina!
I am absolutely fascinated by these things. It’s a whole genre of trashy rags here. The high end is comprised of magazines which report the goings on of television programs as if they’re actual news, right the way down to these ones, with the lady whose fake tit exploded in Sainsbury’s. There are probably four or five at this tack level at our local newsstand.
I’d buy them every one, if Uncle B didn’t give me the hairy eyeball. Instead, I stand and read the covers while he shops for…I don’t know. Candied lamb spleens or whatever. The headlines on the front are the best part, anyhow.
And I wouldn’t be too smug, Americans. All this means is that Britain’s really dumb people still read for entertainment.
March 4, 2010 — 11:08 pm
Comments: 62
We’re here, we’re marshmallows and we don’t want any more of that stuff we don’t like
I’m sure you’ve heard of the Coffee Party — an astroturfical answer to the Tea Parties. Organized by Facebook page and as as spontaneous as you’d expect (though I don’t think this one is a professional job; it’s just too lame).
Yeah, tens of thousands of people can march in dozens of cities over months, and the media never hoid of them. Thirty liberals get together in somebody’s basement, and the New York Times is all over it.
Anyhow, in a fit of laudible silliness, Zombie has started a FB page for the Cocoa Party.
We are 100% weedroots. No astroturf Obama-campaigning former New York Times employees in the Cocoa Movement, no sirree! No grassroots racist fascist redneck Neanderthal Teabaggers either! And no hyper-partisan strategists calling the shots in this movement. We are a spontaneous and collective expression of our desire to forge a culture of ludicrous propaganda that is entirely blame-oriented.
People are having fun with it — and you can, too!
Also note that Stoaty Weasel has a FB account. I don’t know why you’d want to friend it; I never update it. I got it to keep company with the Twitter account I never use.
March 3, 2010 — 10:23 pm
Comments: 14
Pass my goddamn bill, goddammit! -=hic=-
Heh. Right. Like I was going to ignore this article: in addition to giving up the smokes totally, Obama’s doctors also counselled “moderation of alcohol intake.” Which sent a titter through the blogosphere.
That’s actually just clumsy phrasing on the Guardian‘s part. If you read the report, it’s clear the doctors recommend continued moderation of alcohol. I don’t believe dude’s a drinker. But, hey — where would I be if I didn’t take the cheap shots?
Sometimes I feel bad about that. Particularly when I remember how fair and gracious the opposition was to George Bush.
Feel free to add to the Dead Pool thread. We don’t wrap that sucker up until somebody dies (and then we start all over again).
March 1, 2010 — 10:17 pm
Comments: 8
Barack Obama, Sooper Genius
Ed Morrissey picked this as his Obamateurism of the day, so it’s not like it isn’t getting attention. But I’m so utterly, breath-takingly stonking gobsmacked, I just have to repost it. Video here.
When I was young, just got out of college, I had to buy auto insurance. I had a beat-up old car. And I won’t name the name of the insurance company, but there was a company — let’s call it Acme Insurance in Illinois. And I was paying my premiums every month. After about six months I got rear-ended and I called up Acme and said, I’d like to see if I can get my car repaired, and they laughed at me over the phone because really this was set up not to actually provide insurance; what it was set up was to meet the legal requirements. But it really wasn’t serious insurance.
Now, it’s one thing if you’ve got an old beat-up car that you can’t get fixed. It’s another thing if your kid is sick, or you’ve got breast cancer.
The President of the United States doesn’t know the difference between liability insurance and collision coverage? He doesn’t know that liability coverage is the only kind that is legally required? He doesn’t know that comprehensive insurance would have been a LOT more expensive — more than a beat up old car is worth? He doesn’t know if the other guy rear-ended him, he had a claim on the other guy’s insurance?
And to this day he obviously doesn’t know it. He (generously, he thinks) declines to name the insurance company, because he thinks they were wrong to laugh at him. He is incapable of processing a basic, grownup point of information I’d expect any kid on his own for the first time to grasp right away.
This guy really was an affirmative action hire, wasn’t he?
February 26, 2010 — 2:21 pm
Comments: 35
Okay, this post has a title now — happy, Gromulin?
Check this out. I make that three 24-inch computer monitors and a thirty-inch television. Behind him. Where he can’t even see it.
Oh, yeah…the fat fuck in the middle is Al Gore.
You know, I have a brand new 23-inch monitor, and I find I can watch a movie, surf the web and do Photoshop on it, all at one time, no problemo. And if I believed CO2 emissions were swiftly destroying the whole fucking planet, I could probably do it on a 15-inch monitor. Or, even more convincing, not at all.
The picture? From Time magazine‘s 2007 profile of Gore, from when they made him Man of the Year. And how did I find it? Al uses it in the sidebar of his own blog.
Yeah, see, that’s what gets me. I expect the hypocrisy — I expect celebrity boneheads to live like gods while scolding me about the lavishness of my pretty damned modest lifestyle. But I am always stunned — every single TIME — that they don’t even realize there’s an issue there.
Al thinks it’s a really cool picture that makes him look all science-y and super-smart and stuff, with the stacks of paper and the globe and, like, FOUR monitors and shit! And the fact he’s a giant useless electricity suck who got rich warning other people to cut back on electricity or we’re all gonna DIE…just does not compute.
My old mother used to say, it’s like taking the back off the television and explaining the innards to the dog.
February 23, 2010 — 5:40 pm
Comments: 39
Dressing for the unserious
Did you see this? A group of Palestinians — during their regularly scheduled weekly protest, no less — paraded around dressed up like those blue things from Avatar. In some of the images, they had the little tails and pointy ears and bows ‘n’ arrows and everything.
Tools.
Does this mean they watch 3D blockbusters in the camps? Or is there some Rachel Corrie type Westerner in the background telling them, “paint yourselves blue and you’ll, like, totally pwn!”
Or, taking this to the logical conclusion, are they waiting for a sympathetic Jew to come along and lead them to victory against Israel?
February 22, 2010 — 6:31 pm
Comments: 11