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Another boring day at the office

the office

I hope you don’t mind if I post this, Felix — I thought it was cool and I figured since you’d mentioned it on your blog that it was okay. Squeak and I’ll pull it.

This is where Felix works. She’s a test driver for GM. She says it isn’t all that cool, but she doesn’t spend her day sitting between a woman with cattarh and a man who tacks “…and all like that…” on the end of every sentence he speaks.

February 21, 2008 — 2:28 pm
Comments: 26

Ow! What the hell…?

caffeine council

I woke up with a nasty headache this morning. I don’t get many of those; not since I quit smoking, anyhow.

I didn’t have any caffeine yesterday. I usually have a thermos of coffee and a couple of Diet Dr Peppers…but I forgot my thermos, and I’ve been stuck with black cherry soda since they were out of my favorite tipple since my last supermarket run.

Is that it? I’ve never believed in the caffeine-withdrawal headache. I thought I could pick it up and put it down at will. But I have been increasing my dose lately.

If this is the first sign of that nasty flu that’s making the rounds, I’m going to go HOWLING apeshit. In between trips to the bathroom.

— 11:19 am
Comments: 24

I have this here megaphone and I’m not afraid to use it

tiny megaphone
Last week, National Review called for a truce between McCain’s supporters and the flaming wingnut contingent, of which IR1.

I was going to go along — really, what’s the point of taking shots now? — but I had second thoughts. What if a McCain supporter says something that really torques me off seconds after I take the pinkie swear? My spleen would explode. I like my spleen. So, no. No promises.

But I’m not grinding any axes yet, either. I’m still doing math. Which is more dangerous: a misguided man who achieves many of his goals, or a very misguided man who achieves few of his goals?

Then there’s my other question: which is more insignificant, my vote or my blog?

Over sixty-three million people voted in the last presidential election, but there are over ninety million blogs. So, if my math is correct (and it never is) my vote is 1/180,000,000ths more significant than my blog.

But there’s more to it than math. What if one or more of you silly boo-boos actually writes in Zombie Reagan for president? Then my blog becomes several sixty-three millionths more powerful than my vote.

Uneasy lies the head that wears the…you know. The hat. The hat thing with the bells on.

February 20, 2008 — 6:51 pm
Comments: 42

One dead president to another…

To a few of us here today this is a solemn and most momentous occasion, and yet in the history of our nation it is a commonplace occurrence. The orderly transfer of authority as called for in the Constitution routinely takes place, as it has for almost two centuries, and few of us stop to think how unique we really are. In the eyes of many in the world, this every-four-year ceremony we accept as normal is nothing less than a miracle.

–Ronald Reagan’s first Inaugural address




G’night, Fidel!

February 19, 2008 — 12:21 pm
Comments: 83

What do *I* care?

weasel and flags

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “what the hell do you care, Weasel? You ain’t hanging around for President McClintobama. You’re setting sail for the island of warm booze and offal pie.”

Well, shut up, that’s what. American politics will affect me nearly as much in Badgerland as it does in Weaseltopia. I still have to file a US income tax return every year — America is the only country that makes its expats do this, forever — though I’ll never make enough money to owe anything to Uncle Sam (I think the threshold is, like, eighty grand). I own land in the US, so there’s property taxes to deal with. I desperately need whatever pittance I can screw out of Social Security after thirty-some years of paying in (Uncle B and I both signed up for the “work until you die” retirement plan). I’ll be back every year to buy mayonnaise and cheap blue jeans. Heck, we’ll both come over and build that romantic bunker in the woods I’ve always wanted, if the Musselman overruns the South of England.

And you would not believe how US current events saturate British media.

I don’t mean entertainment. Hollywood dreck is a major American export. I expect to see a lot of it abroad, most especially in English-speaking countries (which includes parts of Britain). (Though, you know, geez…we’ve done other things since Sergeant Bilko. Splash out, Limeys. Try something new in that 10am time slot. Flipper. Or Bonanza, maybe).

No, I’m talking about how American news and general cultural stuff permeate British media, the BBC in particular. Sure, a lot of that is Bush Derangement Syndrome. Some of it is simply responsible international reporting, since we have our fingers in so many…ummm…dykes. But, whoo! Seriously, honest-to-geez, they can work America into the weather forecast. Spend a day listening to the BBC’s Radio 4 — America is with you from the Shipping Forecast right through to Book at Bedtime.

Whenever I hear some lefty tool mouthing off about “American cultural hegemony” I think, “oh, here’s an idea — you could maybe SHUT THE HELL UP about us for, like, two seconds. You think that might help lower our profile? Yeah. Go talk about Belgium for a day and let us rest our hegemoning muscle.”

So, rest assured, whatever you guys do, I’m going to spend all day hearing about it. Especially if it’s something stupid and embarrassing. Most especially if that stupid embarrassing thing involves beer, guns or Jesus.

And so, my fellow Americans, do a weasel a favor? Don’t make this immigrant thing any harder than it has to be. Refrain from getting drunk and shooting up a megachurch, please. And send me my goddamn absentee ballot.

February 18, 2008 — 3:59 pm
Comments: 51

Just resting my eyes

weasel resting

I had a whole weekend of delightful moving and packing planned, then a friend Skyped yesterday morning and said, “wanna go hiking?” And I’m, like, “Tcha!”

We hiked around Arcadia all day, one of the best forests in Rhode Island (of which, believe it or not, there are many). Then we managed to drop $50 on pizza (my friend has a seriously messed up eyes to stomach ratio; I have enough cold pizza in the ‘fridge to last me to Wednesday). Then I stayed up late drinkin’ and watchin’ the Towering Inferno on DVD.

All in all, Saturday was an island of happy in a sea of meh! Now it’s Sunday and I’m footsore and seriously behind.


February 17, 2008 — 10:19 am
Comments: 51

They’ve dug up the Gipper!

No, not me. And no, not Ronald Reagan.

George Gipp (1895-1920) All American football player. Died of pneumonia and may or may not have said the following:

I’ve got to go, Rock. It’s all right. I’m not afraid. Some time, Rock, when the team is up against it, when things are wrong and the breaks are beating the boys, ask them to go in there with all they’ve got and win just one for the Gipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Rock. But I’ll know about it, and I’ll be happy.

Which was immortalized in Knute Rockne, All American, with Ronald Reagan in the role of Gipp. Which is why…etcetera.

Anyhoo! Somebody dug him up this Fall to see if he was that somebody’s babydaddy. Which he wasn’t. ESPN was invited to film the exhumation, which sounds like it was very badly done. Messy. Bad feelings and lawsuits all around.

I’m pretty sure that quote is bogus. I’m pretty sure most deathbed quotes are bogus. Surely, nobody dies talking about football, unless it’s a hammer murder.
I bet you anything the vast majority of last words are something
along the lines of, “HOLY SHIT MARGARET I’M DYING!!!!”

February 15, 2008 — 3:46 pm
Comments: 45

Wawwy Wound the Fwag, boys!

consarnit! I'm in!

Okay, so I ditched work and went to the McCain rally. The crowd was much bigger than I expected. I saw so much blue hair it looked like Free Sample Day at the cotton candy factory.

My pictures are teh suck because I was late and stuck way in the back.

If ever there was such a thing as a John McCain faction of the GOP, Rhode Island is it. He won the Republican vote easily in 2000, partly because he was the only politician who actually visited. Nobody else bothers. I think the mid-Atlantic states felt sorry for us and scraped together a delegate they let us use sometimes.

So maybe he’d give a different speech someplace else. There was lots of the usual talk about his military experience and invoking of Ronald Reagan. He did mention “Islamic radicals” specifically, so…good. That “my friends” thing is going to wear on the nerves over time.

He said his support for the surge almost cost him his career. What did he mean by that? Surely he wasn’t blaming his campaign problems on the war…? Is that what “I would rather lose a campaign than a war” means? Because, who the hell was going to hold that against him…the other party?

Speaking of what almost did deep six his run, he didn’t. Not one mention of immigration.

He talked for a while about global warming in a wheedling sort of way. Basically, “even if we’re wrong about global warming, we’ll develop some neat new technologies.” Meh.

Every time he said something they liked, a forest of AARP signs rose up all around him. That’s American Association of Retired Persons, for you foreigners. Old coots are the most reliable voting bloc, but that image is going to kill him if it’s Obama.

He’s a little fart, too. Senator Sawed-off McRunty, Angry Old Man, versus tall, thin, elegant young black man bursting with Hope and Change. Yosemite Sam versus Tuxedo Mask. Oof!

On the way out, one sweet little old lady turned to the other and said (for no particular reason I could discern), “I just love that Lindsay Graham.” And the other coo’d, “oh yes — me too!”

I hate the Stupid Party.

February 14, 2008 — 6:51 pm
Comments: 48

Neener-neener-neener! w00t!

adam weasel

I have…productivity issues. I’m sure I could have accomplished great things in my life, were I not so…utterly…butt-lazy. And there’s that alcohol thing, too.

I started sweasel.com in October ’06 on WordPress, and a very uneven job I made of it. When I moved to my own URL, I had a personal goal: to pull at least one post out of my ass every weekday for a year. Just to see if I could do it.

Well today, I am a man.

Ummm…whatever. I did it! It’s a year today!

Oh, sure…some of those posts were pretty lame. Okay, a lot of them were very lame. Sometimes, Weekend Weasel is all you got on a Friday. But, hey, those weasels don’t Photoshop themselves, you know. And sometimes, you got two lame posts out of me in a day!

Well, onward and outward. For Year Two, my goal is…

Oh, shit. I don’t have a goal for Year Two.

Ummm…happy Valentine’s Day!

— 6:25 am
Comments: 31

Huh. That’s odd.

I just got a robo-call from the McCain campaign inviting me to attend an event tomorrow. I guess they called me because I’m one of the seven registered Republicans in Rhode Island. He’s going to be in Providence, sounds like.

Isn’t that odd, calling the night before? It’s a 1:30 event. Like, who can arrange time off on that kind of notice?

I’m awfully tempted to try to nip out for an hour. It’s not far from the office and I can’t imagine there’ll be many people there. So I could look him right in the
eye and say, “Ummm…hi, Senator.”

February 13, 2008 — 7:32 pm
Comments: 14