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Let me explain what a GAME is…

So, I started my Christmas video games, oldest first. That would be the Witcher.

Technically, it’s holding up great for a four year old game. It’s pretty. I’m enjoying all the smiting and the alchemy and the running around all day long without getting a stitch in my side (though dude totally can’t hold his liquor). But the storyline is getting a leetle grown up for my taste.

No, I don’t mean the dryad chick with the green nipples. Or the dwarves who keep grumbling that their balls itch.

I mean the game forces me choose between two bitchy, controlling girlfriends. (Ahhhh…none of the above! None of the above!).

Also, I have to pick sides in a war. Worse, it’s pretty obvious the game doesn’t want me siding with the greedy, racist humans and their creepy religion. I’m supposed to go with the non-humans who have decided anti-human violence is the way forward. (Dear game designers: please don’t make me bet against my own species.)

I suppose this would make more sense if I had read the books these games are based on, but that’s no guarantee I’d like it. I’m here to kill stuff, not make mature choices between difficult options.

Oh, well. I was going to start with Skyrim, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Ba-dum tss.

Good weekend, everyone!

January 6, 2012 — 11:12 pm
Comments: 43