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President Dreamboat Eyes

I bet y’all thought I was going to go for Julia tonight, but I had to lead with sarong.

She talked about how Obama walked around his bedroom bare-chested, dressed in a blue and white sarong while working on a New York Times crossword puzzle.

“I open the door that Barack keeps closed to his room and enter in a warm, private space pervaded by a mixture of smells that so strongly speak of his presence, his liveliness, his habits — running sweat, Brut spray deodorant, smoking, eating raisins, sleeping, breathing,” Cook wrote.

Um. Ew.

Okay, but here’s the spooky bit:

Cook said when she told Obama she loved him, he responded: “Thank you.”

Thank you?! Oh, I understand there are times when saying “I love you, too” is a commitment too far, but I can think of a dozen ways to say that that aren’t quite so…malignantly narcissistic. Phew.

Also, I’ll cut the guy some slack on this one: he had a nomadic childhood and mixed heritage, so it’s probably legit to spend a little time chewing on identity issues. But the article makes him sound like some kind of freaky self-conscious PR construct.

Have you ever noticed young lefties spend lots of time working out who they are while young righties are working out what they want to do?

Right. Now we can rag on poor Julia if you want.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: May 3, 2012, 10:55 pm


You mean Eau de Chav?!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: May 3, 2012, 11:20 pm

Hmm, I was thinking that a good Nero/Caligula theme would work, but that one is good too… 😉

Comment from Xtian
Time: May 3, 2012, 11:24 pm

I was kinda hoping you’d go all Julia on us, but this is great.

Number three in a series?

Comment from Mysterion
Time: May 3, 2012, 11:33 pm

Oh, that’s what a “sarong” is. I was mildly curious but afraid to google it. My first thought was this story was entirely made up to make him look less gay but, no, it makes him look even more gay.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: May 4, 2012, 12:03 am

Wow, speaking of fanfic…that’s some hot Mary Sue erotica straight out of the http://www.fanfiction.net/. Sweaty men, sullenly smoking, can be a major plot point in that stuff.

Or so a friend, whom I laugh mockingly at, has told me. Ahem.

Comment from Mike James
Time: May 4, 2012, 2:00 am

“The mask was closing on his face. The wire brushed his cheek. And then — no, it was not relief, only hope, a tiny fragment of hope. Too late, perhaps too late. But he had suddenly understood that in the whole world there was just one person to whom he could transfer his punishment — one body that he could thrust between himself and the rats. And he was shouting frantically, over and over.

’Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia! Not me! Julia! I don’t care what you do to her. Tear her face off, strip her to the bones. Not me! Julia! Not me!’”

I’m serious. I want bad things to happen to Julia. The name’s Smith. Winston Smith.

Comment from Elizabeth Waron Wymyn
Time: May 4, 2012, 2:50 am

It looks to me like he is wrapped in one huge snot rag – also wholly appropriate. I don’t think they were raisins.

Comment from docitburnswhenipost
Time: May 4, 2012, 10:42 am

Cor. If Julia is going to be his pitch to women maybe he can couple it with The Archies’ “Sugar Sugar”. Call it the sugar baby initiative. He could have campaign posters of Himself, barechested, thumbs tucked behind his belt buckle and the caption, “Who’s your daddy?” Say, anyone know his email address?

Comment from Deborah
Time: May 4, 2012, 12:46 pm

I wonder of Obama had a songkok stashed in his closet, too. That would have completed his Indonesian playboy uniform.

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: May 4, 2012, 2:05 pm

Mike, I have to wonder if whoever concocted the “Julia luvs Obama” comedy routine consciously named her that for Orwell’s character, or if it popped into his mind unconsciously. The O’Bumbles view of the future and that of Orwell are too close for it to be a total coincidence, no?

Comment from Senata Borata Bababoonga, Jr.
Time: May 4, 2012, 2:19 pm

“Thank you” seemed a more succinct version of what I really wanted to say. Which was “What an excellent taste you have, Genevieve”.

Besides, (according to FBI tape),
“Tonight, I am fcuking for God” and “Tonight, I am not a Negro” were already taken. The brother did it with 2 ladies of the night and pallor. Next morning: immortality. Large boulders placed on the National Mall (made in People’s China). Largest streets in the roughest parts of towns named after.

Genevieve remembers how we broke up differently and the undulating pastel fog of many distant seas covers up the shoreline details.
I did not write about my very special Pock-ee-stani friend with caterpillar moustache. He was very oily which helped with static electricity when we were vigorously rubbing together like grasshoppers. And ooking like harbour seals.

Then came Michelle LaVelle. A strong and masculine type with a dynamite undergrad thesis from Princeton. A dominant leader, she laid her fertilized egg cluster deep inside me. I was like sea horse!! and did not even get unsightly stretch marks.
No sons hatched yet, but I still feel lumps under my washboard pecs, so maybe there is still Hope.
Now, cut Tha Senata some slack. We are working on a Fundamental Transformation Legislation Act of 2013.
Thank you. That’ll be all and may Makoomba bless you.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: May 4, 2012, 4:16 pm

It’s funny how the supposedly cool and hip Left just don’t seem to get this new Social Media thing. Every time they come out with something like this, they step on their dick. People like Treacher and Michelle Malkin are running rings round them. If we can keep getting inside their OODA loop then they’re in big trouble.

The Julia thing is so creepy. The extent that the State is involved in her life would give Mussolini a boner. And woe betide her if she tries to be independent. Tutto nello Stato, niente al di fuori dello Stato, nulla contro lo Stato. The problem with Leftists, as P. J. O’Rourke once wrote is that they see the State, rather than as something free people tolerate in order to get roads and policemen, as the fons et origo of all that is best in life. They think that because the State is necessary, it is also good. We think that just because the State is a necessary evil that doesn’t stop it being evil.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: May 4, 2012, 4:35 pm

I think I recognize your style of writing! 😉

I forgot to echo Stoaty’s Um. Ew. Because seriously, ew.(shudder)
I don’t get the whole “ZOMG the Prez is like so totally hawt” thing that women do, with any of them. Now I am recoiling from the idea that he is even male, since I can’t scrub my brain of the soft underbelly of Sarong-Man. Oh, and why is he knotting it at the side like a woman? Was that your genius or his foolish attempt at looking seczee.

He’s the “International House of Coffee” version of a man as well as a president.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: May 4, 2012, 4:55 pm


Can you conjure up some kind of “I’m NOT Julia” bumper sticker with the Obama/Biden hope and change logo? (heh O.B. tampons…hee!) I really need two of them immediately.

Comment from mojo
Time: May 4, 2012, 5:18 pm

Gave my uncle a bottle of Hai Karate for his b-day, back when it was a new thing. His response: It mixes well with gin.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: May 4, 2012, 7:58 pm

It took me all of about 10 seconds back in the 1980s to figure out that I was a carbon-based biped who loved firearms and fried meat. In the 1990s I discovered that this life-form also loved CH3CH2OH, though that did require quite a few years to get down to an art.

As far as what I want to do, outside of fucking and drinking I’m not really attached to much of a career. I guess you could call me “introspective”.

Comment from Introspective Clouseau
Time: May 4, 2012, 8:12 pm

I am the greatest Introspective who has ever lived. Nothing wrong with some Pernod, but for that other filthy thing you need to see Commisaire Dreyfuss.

Comment from Redd
Time: May 5, 2012, 12:15 am

I’m sorry but I find that image of him utterly repulsive.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: May 5, 2012, 12:39 am


Your sensors are properly calibrated. It is repulsive.

Comment from BJ
Time: May 5, 2012, 1:13 am

I tried to think of something witty or pithy, but the only word that comes to mind whenever I see or hear Teh Won is douchenozzle.

Comment from Noelegy
Time: May 7, 2012, 8:42 pm

I seriously doubt any hard lefties ever read “Nineteen Eighty-Four*,” so I’m going to go with my theory of “Julia” being a name of indiscriminate ethnicity.

*and if they did, they didn’t stay lefties

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: May 11, 2012, 2:07 am

I second the “douchenozzle”.

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