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Arrrrr, that’s embarrasin’!

So, a branch of the Women’s Institute invited a retired sea captain to give a talk about pirates. When the news got around, the ladies gamely decided to dress up as pirates for the occasion.

Turns out, the talk was about Colin Darch’s ordeal at sea — kidnapped by Somali pirates, savagely beaten and held hostage for forty-five days in the Indian Ocean. Goodness, were their faces red. Cap’n Darch was a good sport about it, though, and the talk went on as planned. (Say, that granny on the right with the boots and the do-rag looks a game ‘un, doesn’t she?).

Meanwhile over in Wales, a Welsh woman pled guilty to racially aggravated harassment and was given a 12-month conditional discharge and fined £50 for calling an English woman an “English cow.” The cow in question was sleeping with her father, busting up her parents’ 32-year marriage, so tempers were high.

She could have called the woman a pustulant cunt of a hag of a cow of an elderly whore-flavored douche bucket and it would have been perfectly legal, but “English” makes it a crime.

Y’arrr, we be livin’ in stoopid times, me hearties.


Comment from Pupster
Time: May 2, 2013, 11:35 pm

Next month they can all dress like Nazis for the talk about the blitz.


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: May 3, 2013, 12:16 am

…in my Maidenform™ bra!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: May 3, 2013, 1:20 am

Maidenform bra? Hell, go full on ARMORED bra!! http://www.guns.com/2013/05/01/the-womens-armored-bra-of-wwii/

Comment from David Gillies
Time: May 3, 2013, 3:07 am

Daft old besoms. I hope the poor bloke didn’t get PTSD flashbacks although if he walked around Luton he’d probably see a sight more people reminiscent of his captors.

His Galactic Magnificence, the God-Emperor Obamamandius XXIV, blessed be his name, is visiting Costa Rica and boy oh boy is he causing a clusterfuck of immense proportions. There have been multiple C-17s disgorging advance security teams, formation flights of Blackhawks zooming around, and they’re basically shutting the capital down on Friday (including the international airport.) It’s all very unseemly and people are not happy. We’re getting a three day weekend because half our people won’t be able to make it in since the main highways into town are shut. All this for one pissant politician. And anyway, what’s the worst that could happen? Three words: President Joe Biden. And that’s just comedy gold, baby. He’d probably declare war on Australia by accident or turn the West Wing into a strip joint.

Comment from JeffS
Time: May 3, 2013, 3:34 am

Turning the West Wing into a strip joint would be a step up from the whoring it currently houses, David.

Comment from Mike C.
Time: May 3, 2013, 7:46 am

Did anybody bother to point out that English isn’t a race? Sure isn’t in the US, at least. If you’re “white”, that’s all you get to be, unless you’re Hispanic as well. See the last census form.

Of course, instead of “white”, I put down “Anglo-Norman” for the wife and “Celtic” for myself. I don’t see why we shouldn’t get to play the game like everybody else.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 3, 2013, 10:55 am

It’s an interesting point, Mike C. English isn’t usually regarded as a race, but having built this PC monster and set it in motion, I don’t know that they can disallow this claim.

Comment from Pupster
Time: May 3, 2013, 1:22 pm

THE Ohio State University is hosting his most royal highness today for the commencement speech for graduation. I had no idear we could both be so inconvenienced directly by the same guy on the same day. OSU graduation day is already a pretty big clusterfark for Columbus, about 12K students who can invite up to 4 guests. Good times.

Whitehouse.gov has nothing on his public schedule today.

Comment from mojo
Time: May 3, 2013, 3:47 pm

Ever watch “Robot Chicken”?

Once had a sketch called “Ass Pirates of the Caribbean”, helped get them cancelled.

Comment from Davem123
Time: May 3, 2013, 6:00 pm

Granny in the do-rag does look like she could put the captain through another kind of ordeal her own self. His grin kind of makes you wonder where her right hand is, doesn’t it?

Stupid times, yes. Heinlein called these the Crazy Years, right?

Comment from Pupster
Time: May 3, 2013, 6:52 pm

Whoops, never-mind. OSU graduation is Sunday, not today.


Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: May 3, 2013, 8:16 pm

Loved this comment by the good captain: ““In any event, the ladies didn’t look the slightest bit like Somali pirates – more like the pirates of Penzance.”

That was actually my first thought when I saw the picture–that it seemed highly improbable modern-day pirates dressed like that, and that to a significant degree it was questionable to what extent historical pirates who dressed like that were distinguishable from the seamen on ordinary merchant ships. Well, OK–probably the skull & crossbones hat would have been frowned on in non-pirate ships. Anyway, Gilbert & Sullivan seems the more probable venue.

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