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I moved the couch tonight

Its last night on earth. Couch is 20+ years old. Uncle B, who works from home, has been sitting at one end of it for that long. The cat threw up on my end a few years ago. That wasn’t the problem; the problem was when I panicked and grabbed a bottle of bleach thinking it was a mild detergent.

Under the couch, under the cushions…just what you might expect. My hands still feel grubby. My left eye will not stop itching.

On the upside, I made 73 pence and didn’t find any dead animals.

So the new sofa comes tomorrow lunch time. It is large and red. I brace myself for the howling when the first cat sharpens the first claw upon it.

Comments


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 21, 2019, 8:49 pm

In 1979, I fished a small green brocade loveseat out of a dumpster at art school to furnish my first apartment. The rolled and pleated cushions from that sofa have travelled with me ever since. At the moment, they’re propping up Uncle B’s end of the sofa. They will go with it tomorrow.

They’re unbelievably shabby and grubby — not surprising, given they’re 40 years ex-dumpster. I still have a hard time letting them go.

 


Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: February 21, 2019, 11:51 pm

We have wooden living room furniture, with seat pads and throw cushions. Wood just survives longer against kids, animals, and the highly corrosive / mold-conducive Philippines climate. We just replace the seat pads and throw cushions periodically, and wash / wax the wood.

I did buy my mother-in-law a black living room set for the 2nd floor – within a year, the springs were sprung, the smell was horrible, and the fabric had a grayish-green patina. Ugh. What a waste. It has already been thrown out and her old wooden furniture put back in it’s place (with new cushions, of course).

 


Comment from AliceH
Time: February 22, 2019, 1:13 am

My current couch is moderately clawed. I don’t like it much, and it’s much too big for the room, but I just can’t stand the thouht she’ll shred up a nice new one even more. Stupid cat.

 


Comment from Bob
Time: February 22, 2019, 3:28 am

We’re pretty sure the couch we gave away last year had my wife’s missing diamond earring in it. Even though we checked it for loose change and such before it left. I still hope the earring will turn up stuck in one of her jackets.

 


Comment from Deborah HH
Time: February 22, 2019, 4:47 am

I’ve only ever had one cat, so I don’t have a lot of experience. But I gave the cat several logs of nice barky firewood, and demonstrated what he was supposed to do by holding his paws and scraping them on the logs, and he never bothered the furniture. Two logs in the house, and one on the front porch. Tres chic, n’est ce pas?

In our 10th year of blissful marriage (1980)—but poor as church mice—we were given a sofa and matching chair that had been in storage at a funeral home. Their old parlor furniture: large and heavy in silvery gray brocade with green vines and purple flowers, circa 1950. It had the faint scent of formaldehyde for a while, but it was in perfect condition, and we used it for a long time. Tres chic, n’est ce pas?

I would love to see a photo of the new red sofa, Stoaty. I need some inspiration. Because Java Man and I are moving, we have decided to cull our living room furniture: Two La-Z-Boy recliners (9 years old), and a Pottery Barn sofa that’s 19 years old. The sofa still looks OK. It was designed with slipcovers and we bought two extra sets of slipcovers for it in different colors that I launder and rotate every four months, but the springs and cushions are worn out. Best napping sofa ever, though.

Found out today that we are getting the house we wanted—a lease, not buying. Now we need to have everything packed and ready for the movers by the end of the month!

 


Comment from temple run
Time: February 22, 2019, 10:14 am

Your share is quite attractive and dramatic. I would love to read your article.

 


Comment from LesterIII
Time: February 22, 2019, 1:21 pm

Spambots making the rounds on this post & Deadpool 119. Mayhap they were furniture shopping?

 


Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: February 22, 2019, 1:23 pm

I think temple run wins the thread for the day.

Our leather sofas (not sure why we have them in retrospect) serve Boom and Bang, “The Danes”, well and have survived the 3 Durnedsons, and their assorted friends.

(Flashback)
“Did you notice we have more children again this morning than we did yesterday Mrs. D?
Sacked out on the sofas in the game room.
A couple of them appear to be girls this time.”

“Yes Mr. D I noticed, shouldn’t you perhaps put some pants on?”

(End flashback)

Sometimes I get to sit at one end of the big sofa. Sometimes I’m left alone.

Most times I’m ordered by the normally quiet Dane (theoretical omega) to “get me a carrot!” (I speak fluent Great Dane) at which point I leave the room to fetch carrots.

Yes…I am the omega in this pack.

 


Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: February 22, 2019, 1:29 pm

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: February 22, 2019, 4:47 am

I’ve only ever had one cat, so I don’t have a lot of experience. But I gave the cat several logs of nice barky firewood, and demonstrated what he was supposed to do by holding his paws and scraping them on the logs, and he never bothered the furniture. Two logs in the house, and one on the front porch. Tres chic, n’est ce pas?
*
*
I’ve always bought the rope-wrapped scratching posts from the pet store, until a few years ago. Horrified by the prices, I stopped at the local Ace hardware and bought rope and staples — you know, the kind you can tap into place with a hammer. A few minutes spent cutting off the old shredded rope, a few more winding the new rope into place and tacking it down periodically with the staples, and we were off. I rubbed my hands down the rope and post, and sprinkled some catnip on both.

The feline thugs prefer it to the sofa and the carpet.

 


Comment from Uncle Al
Time: February 22, 2019, 6:25 pm

Having lived and worked under Feline Overlords for much of my life, I’ve noticed that they are highly idiosyncratic when it comes to scratch-able objects. Once a cat has its claws tuned for a particular object or class of object, there is little if anything to be gained by spending time, effort, or money in an attempt to dissuade it.

Some observations that may be helpful for those in need:

— Those corrugated cardboard scratching things from the pet store can have their lifespans doubled if you pry out the worn block of cardboard and turn it over.

— Some cats will use ONLY a vertical scratching surface, others ONLY a horizontal one, and yet others are obstinately biased. If your cat eschews your rope-wound upright post, knock it over – you might get a pleasant surprise.

— Try using double-sticky-sided tape on surfaces that aren’t permanently marred or damaged by it. Cats truly hate feeling something sticky on their paws.

— Don’t bother trying the water pistol trick. After a maximum of three uses, your cat will know what’s about to happen when you merely glance at the pistol and will run off. Do not mistake this running off behavior as positive evidence of the effectiveness of water pistol discipline. It is 100% certain that in retaliation the cat will find something else to do that is even more annoying and/or destructive than ill-placed scratching. In other words, always check for “gifts” left in shoes or on pillows.

 


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: February 22, 2019, 8:11 pm

Re – cats and the squirt gun

A truism about cats is that it is very easy to teach a cat to get down off a counter or a table…. you just can’t teach him not to get back up.

 


Comment from AliceH
Time: February 22, 2019, 9:14 pm

My cat loves her vertical scratching posts (2 of them). And she loves the horizontal cardboard scratch pad. And she also loves the big jute scratch mat. And also the couch. And the wing chair. And the ottoman. And…..

I put sticky tape on all the furniture. She found it a delightful challenge to manoeuvre her self in a way to claw in between the strips.

I don’t *think* she’d claw a leather couch or chair, but it would be a very pricey investment to determine that for certain.

 


Comment from Uncle Al
Time: February 23, 2019, 12:15 am

I am visited from time to time by an Imp of the Perverse. He was reading this thread over my shoulder and just whispered in my ear, “Will it blend?”

 

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