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I am intimidated by the new bed

The new bed arrived while I was at work today. Uncle B had to face the Horrors That Lay Under the Bed all by hisself. He phoned me up in an agony of embarrassment at the sheer quantity of old tissues, dust bunnies, dead batteries, reading glasses and a pair of my panties that were under there when the workmen lifted the old bed out.

Let the record show, it was not a pair of panties. It was one of these. I got it to keep my face warm riding my bike but soon discovered that I flip right the fuck out if you put a mask over my mouth and nose.

Oh, yes…the last two years have been fun for me.

But I digress. The new bed is hand made by elderly English hobgoblins. It has 1,476 springs hand stitched into muslin pockets and filled with horsehair, English wool and faery farts. Some of those statistics are even true.

They had Visprings in the luxury suites on the Titanic. Is that a recommendation? I guess it is. They obviously can’t be used as personal flotation devices, though.

We didn’t get one of the super fancy ones, which Uncle B tells me cost in the tens of thousands of pounds and are the province of movie stars, oil sheiks and royalty.

No indeed. It was dear enough, though.

You can read their origin story here.

I had a lie-down on it earlier and the whole bed went whizzing across the room on tiny casters. Whee!

I’m’on have to be on the right side of a couple of gins to face this.


Comment from Armybrat
Time: February 8, 2022, 10:42 pm

Hubby and I bought new beds when we moved to sunny Desantis land. We bought a king for our room and a queen for the guest room. The total cost made my eyes water. They cost more than the 2 new chairs, one new couch, 2 new end tables, 2 new lamps and 3 new area rugs combined. I’ve told hubby when we need a new mattress I’m cutting the old one open to find the gold coins they must have hidden in there.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: February 8, 2022, 10:48 pm

Now say the magic words –

“Bibbity Bobbity Boo!”

We can still say that, right?

Beds? I discovered sleeping out in the 1850’s house (my joke, no running water, no central heat, no electric, no indoor toilet, which reminds me I have to pay the portajohn invoice….) in East Texas that I get a better nights sleep on one of these
than I do a mattress with a box spring.

Oh, I have it on a luxury bunkyboard on the top bunk of an old bunk bed we dragged out there so “we” could overnight while I try to turn the shell into something from at least the 1960s.

Go figure.

Comment from Mitch
Time: February 8, 2022, 11:40 pm

I got a Casper mattress off of the internet. Wasn’t terribly expensive and it’s comfy.

Hope y’all get a good night’s sleep!

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: February 9, 2022, 1:13 am

I am so happy for you, and jealous, too. I’ve lusted after the Vispring for decades. Sweet dreams 🙂

Comment from lauraw
Time: February 9, 2022, 2:56 am

Maybe chock those wheels eh? Especially when, you know…you and hubby…

…are having great big bean farts. You might blow cross the room and bust a wall.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: February 9, 2022, 2:21 pm

It’s BEAN FARTS that are moving the bed across the room when we’re making whoopie?
I mean I admit to the occasional thunder blunder, but I have been telling the wife that it’s Caster The Ghost rolling the bed across the room to complain about all the noise.

I’ll show myself out….

Comment from Anonymous
Time: February 9, 2022, 5:00 pm

We had a very comfy night’s sleep, thank you.

But the most comfortable bed I ever slept on was a $20 air mattress on the basement floor. I lived in the cellar like a bad smell while I was trying to sell my house in Rhode Island. So I wouldn’t mess the place up.

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