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Okay. I confess. The general lateness and lameness of posts lately? I’ve been…


…asleep. And that’s not a metaphor for hot, hot mustelid sex or anything. Uncle B and I have passed out comatose a minimum of ten hours a day since I got here, snoring and farting like livestock.

Seriously, it’s whack. It’s Britain-induced narcolepsy. Turbojetlag. Even the cat can barely lift her head off the pillow to cadge Friskies. I knew I had some catching up to do after a year of low drama and high anxiety, but this is stupid. We haven’t spent eight hours awake in a row since November 26.

Tonight, I struggled awake to the sound of, “oh my god…it’s ten o’clock!”

And I go, “I dreamed I was having lunch with Mrs Rockefeller and Bette Davis.” And I really was.

And he goes, “I dreamed I was watching the Prime Minister put on a conjuring act.” And he really was.

Well. We’re a well-matched pair, I guess.

Surprisingly, that’s not as happy a thought as you might imagine.


Comment from See-Dubya
Time: December 16, 2008, 9:50 pm

I had exactly the same thing hit me when I set up in England. One day of complete narcolepsy. Never left the B&B.

Comment from armybrat
Time: December 16, 2008, 10:42 pm

A well matched pair indeed! What else is life for but to spend hours on end lying next to the love of your life, punching the bastard to get him to roll over to quit snoring, smacking him when he farts and scratching the cat’s head amazed that she can stand the activity and stench to dare to climb up on the bed. Life is gooooooooood!

Comment from Lokki
Time: December 16, 2008, 10:55 pm

ANONYMOUS, English, 16th century:

Western wind, when will thou blow
The small rain down can rain?
Christ, if my love were in my arms
And I in my bed again!

Comment from Andrea Harris
Time: December 16, 2008, 10:57 pm

Same here, when I went to England with my mother in 1981. Our room wasn’t ready — I passed out in the hotel lobby. I vaguely remember being woken up to stumble up to our room, and then I went back to sleep. It was one of the best naps I ever had. I’ve otherwise always been a chronic insomniac.

Comment from DangerHighVoltage
Time: December 16, 2008, 11:02 pm

When I got back from Asia it was the same thing. I was fine for about a day and then I could barely move for the next week or so and if I went to lay down and close my eyes it almost felt like I was still on the plane…

Comment from surly ermine
Time: December 16, 2008, 11:12 pm

Those low beams of yours may have something to do with it. Yer lumpy skull telling the rest of your body “no wait…don’t get up….we’re safer here.”

Comment from Scott
Time: December 17, 2008, 10:20 am

Sure you two are a well-matched pair… The question is: a well-matched pair of whats? 😉

And no, I imagine the idea that God made two of you would be a less than pleasant thought. heh.

Still, tis funny…

Comment from Farmer Joe
Time: December 17, 2008, 11:18 am

I’m sure it’s a hangover from all the stress of packing your life up here. It’ll probably pass in a couple of weeks.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 17, 2008, 11:49 am

Right. Either that or you’ve got a carbon monoxide leak.

Just kidding. It’s cold, (mostly) dark and nearly Christmas. What better way to pass the time than stink in yer pit as my Dad used to put it?

Comment from Jill
Time: December 17, 2008, 12:12 pm

Actually, Gibby…you make a good point.

SWease, does Badger House have CO detectors?

I mean…even the cat is having a problem.

Comment from porknbean
Time: December 17, 2008, 1:38 pm

*flings open a window, slaps the mustelids, unconscious in their stink pit, with the body of the equally unconscious Charlotte*

For the love of …..wake up….WTF…it should be 7ish in the evening there……..

And if you are about other business outside of your intertube world….nevermind.

That, or your new blood pressure meds aren’t giving you troubles, are they?

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 17, 2008, 2:03 pm

Never met a cat that was awake for more than an hour at a time, but I thought weasels were alert a lot more, even though nocturnal.

Comment from Jill
Time: December 17, 2008, 2:21 pm

I’d feel better if you guys had some detectors slapped on the walls.

Comment from Sarah D.
Time: December 17, 2008, 3:10 pm

Tired, sure…

(I don’t want to know)

Comment from Scott
Time: December 17, 2008, 5:17 pm

Tired, sure…

(I don’t want to know)


Comment from Dawn
Time: December 17, 2008, 6:01 pm

Besides all the farting…it sounds delicious and yummy and warm. Ten hours of sleep in a row must be heaven.

Comment from Lipstick
Time: December 17, 2008, 6:19 pm

Are there two stuffed mustelids on top of the covers?

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 17, 2008, 6:32 pm

Noooo… it’s not carbon monoxide, just a pair of astoundingly indolent mustelids. Well, that and some body clock weirdness, that I can’t explain.

I’m sure The Weasel will post about it at some point, but the US/UK time shift has had an impact, too. We’re often out in the afternoons (UK time) which is when she either posted, or would at least be working on one. Now she posts late UK time.

I am working on this, fellow minions… threatening to nip her ankles and tail until she gets one ahead and can post earlier in the day.

Oh, and did I mention I crawled out of bed this morning, slid into my trousers… only to find them somewhat damp and exceeding smelly?

No, I had not.

The cat had, though.

There are better starts to a day.

I smell conspiracy. Or maybe it’s cat pee.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 17, 2008, 6:54 pm

Nothing is as bad as cat pee. Once gave my manx a bath and he sprayed the walls about six feet up all the way around the room, all 4 walls. Never saw anything like it. Lucky my brother saw it too, so I can tell the story without exaggerating at all. Don’t give a cat a bath.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 17, 2008, 7:17 pm

Girl-cat pee is pretty mild stuff. It takes testosterone to make the kind of pee that burns like acid through carbon-based lifeforms.

Why *do* people wash cats? Nothing good ever comes of it…

Comment from naleta
Time: December 17, 2008, 7:26 pm

I think that people who wash their cats are some kind of uber masochist. As a cat owner(slave) myself, I must admit that there is a definite tendency toward masochism in all cat lovers, but those who feel compelled to wash the cat (in water!) take it to the outer limits!

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 17, 2008, 8:00 pm

Girl-cat pee is pretty mild stuff

Says the person who didn’t wake up to find her bloomers covered in it.

(I was going to say knickers, then reconsidered; pants, then reconsidered; and finally settled on bloomers.)

Comment from bad cat robot
Time: December 17, 2008, 8:09 pm

The Perpetual Kitten at my house has, um, bladder issues. He’s very spooky and if he gets stressed out enough Bad Things, usually at considerable volume, happen. Whenever I have contractors work on the house he gets a little happy pill to make it all go away (for him). Because of his random incontinence I discovered this stuff : http://www.antiickypoo.com/ Clearly they didn’t waste money on finding a clever marketing name, but who cares? It works! And believe me, I have had plenty of opportunity to find out. (Why the SLEEPER SOFA, you damn cat? It never did anything to you!)

Comment from porknbean
Time: December 17, 2008, 9:06 pm

threatening to nip her ankles and tail until she gets one ahead and can post earlier in the day.

Kinky. Explains why she would put off the posts.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 17, 2008, 9:33 pm

The same cat was given 5 mg valium pills to stop the spraying at one point. (It doesn’t work.) But the look on his face after the first pill was priceless. And as he wobbled off to sleep for 36 hours straight we were free of spraying for awhile anyway. In my defense, he was only bathed after getting skunked or something nasty like that. (1/2 peroxide 1/2 water, with baking soda and a small amount of liquid soap does the trick)

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