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Number crunching…


I used this calculator to estimate our combined household carbon dioxide output at 6.76 tonnes per year. That’s “tonnes” with a “nes” on the end, on account of it’s some gay European thing. Then I worked out the super-mathemagical guzintas in 41,000 tonnes — the estimate for the Copenhagen Summit in this Telegraph article.

The same article estimates the summit will include:
1,200 limousines
140 extra private jets
15,000 delegates and officials,
5,000 journalists
98 world leaders
The usual celebretards
(Plus 50,000 protesters, I read somewhere else)
The hotels, menus and entertainments don’t bear thinking of

All this to tell ME I’ve been living too high on the hog and I have to cut way, way back on my selfish lifestyle to save the world. FUCK YOU, you oily, dimwitted, sanctimonious, shit-eating kleptocrats. If there’s going severe belt-tightening, YOU FIRST.

The Telegraph article hilariously concludes, “The temptation, then, is to dismiss the whole thing as a ridiculous circus.”

No, really? YA THINK?

GAH! <thud>


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 8, 2009, 8:35 pm

But Stoatie, if they had telecommuted, then they would miss out on all the free caviar, free booze and free hooker sex that the Copenhagen working girls are throwing around to the delegates…….

Comment from Allen
Time: December 8, 2009, 9:13 pm

I am sorry Weasel, I am extremely skeptical of your sciencyness. So I shall attempt to homogenize and add value to your data using the patented CRU routines.

//get data values
while graph<=hockeystick

Output: The final fudgiefactor was 3.5 and the total carbon debt was actually 606,500 years. We'll be sending you the bill.

Your Climate Summit Attendee

Comment from Allen
Time: December 8, 2009, 9:14 pm

Hey, I think I found a new way into Askimet. Do some bogus typing that looks similar to code and old Aski snaps shut.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 8, 2009, 9:28 pm

Hahaha…so it did. But there, I kicked it loose for you.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 8, 2009, 9:29 pm

Sounds like you’ve successfully back-engineered the CRU “corrections” too, Allen. Did you see the thing on Aussie temperature measurements from Watt’s?

Comment from Allen
Time: December 8, 2009, 9:54 pm

Yeah I did Weasel. I have always had a problem with calculating an annual temperature anomaly. Those are mathematical, and assumptive questions though. I know one of the guys at Livermore involved in the detection algorithm. He’s solid, but if someone else games the data with arbitrary factors, well, it screws everyone.

I haven’t talked to him recently but I’m wondering if he hasn’t abandoned ship while the fools are re-arranging the deck chairs. Jesus, it’s as clear as a case of dry labbing I’ve ever seen in my career.

Comment from JeffS
Time: December 8, 2009, 11:11 pm

Don’t forget all the “art” the World Conference of Climate Clowns will be perusing when they aren’t partaking of the free caviar, free booze and free hooker sex in Copenhagen.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 9, 2009, 1:07 am

Weas, perhaps this photographic retrospective of the Queen will make you smile…

…and then go punch a hippie some more.

Do y’all have hippies in Merry Olde? If so, what do you call them?

(other than “Labour,” I mean)

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 9, 2009, 1:20 am

Stoatie, I found the perfect t-shirt for you to buy your hippy friends for their baby showers…… 😉


Comment from David Gillies
Time: December 9, 2009, 1:59 am

It’s like in The Name of the Rose where all the theologians and archimandrites and sundry pestilent God-botherering mattress stains assemble in the Italian monastery decked out in the sort of finery that would keep a local village in gravy for three decades to address the vexed question of whether or not Christ owned the clothes he wore.

In fact, what with carbon credits and all, the parallels between our latter day system of mortification, repentance, penance and indulgences, and theirs becomes ever more apparent. Rationality is being crushed by dogma. The fascists never give up. It’s like a zombie movie, or Alien (and Alien is basically a zombie movie in its plot evolution). Or maybe it’s like the Terminator: the Socialist machine doesn’t feel fear or remorse or pity – it just wants your soul. Or maybe it’s the Borg…

Strange how the nest of bleeding-heart neo-commies that is Hollywood has spawned so many cod anti-establishment motifs. Not so strange: that they enlist the most sinister powers of the legal system to permit such excrescences as the RIAA and the MPAA. When it’s your ox being gored, things look different, right? But the Geffens and the Streisands and the Begleys will still have their dachas in Malibu and La Jolla and Holmby Hills, and will continue to wag their plump fingers over the rim of their Martini glasses at those of us who consume (while producing) more ‘carbon credits’ than a guy in a paddy field in Laos.

Ed Begley Jr.? FUCK. YOU.

Comment from vilmar
Time: December 9, 2009, 7:07 am

I am disappointed that, living by myself, I only use 9.5 tons (masculine, not the faygula tonnes” at the end) a year.

I was hoping to break 10 tons and then realized I could use CRU methods to “adjust” upwards because nowhere in the calculator did they ask me about my 6.5 HP lawnmower (which I use frequently in Florida) and my gas powered limb cutter, the gas powered hedge trimmer and the gas powered edge trimmer. (all 2-stroke, too, for more CO2 emission goodness)

And let’s not forget the charcoal fueled BBQ!!!

Based on my “scientific” calculations I exceed 10 tons! WOO-HOO!!!

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 9, 2009, 10:43 am

I’m at a whopping 24.42 tons according to the calculator I found. I think that’s because they asked how much I spend on electricity, but never specified the time period. I assumed they meant per year because they’re computing the carbon footprint over a 12-month period, but they may have meant per month. If they meant per month, then it’s 14.98, with over half of that coming from the fact that I have stuff like bank accounts and a social life and don’t buy only organic, locally grown vegetables and wear clothes made of hemp.

The funny thing is that I probably have one of the most “carbon-neutral” lifestyles out there, because I’m a cheap bastard.

Comment from John Rudolph
Time: December 9, 2009, 10:52 am

It’s all a way to make more money. They have no real interests in saving the environment – just what they can make from BSing people.

Now, unlike me, please visit my blog and help out a vet sell his BOOK!

Comment from Oldcat
Time: December 9, 2009, 2:22 pm

There was an australian footprint calculator that I tried. Every real world measure for me was low, small, no carbon. I drive little, don’t vacation, live in modest house, etc. Then I put in my salary and suddenly I was at 10+ earths or something.

It’s all just trying to recreate the Peasant class for the Nobles to rule over.

Comment from Oldcat
Time: December 9, 2009, 2:24 pm

Mrs Peel – how much you spend != how much you use. It’s a bad measure for a calculator to use. Here in CA energy costs are high and taxes are too.

Comment from The Dread Pirate Neck Beard
Time: December 9, 2009, 3:25 pm

I like to drink beer. Beer has CO2 right in it. I am a mass murderer. A mass murderer who will appearantly take 6416 years to equal the climactic joy that is Copenhagen.

Comment from Schlippy, Yurt Dweller
Time: December 9, 2009, 3:27 pm

I laugh that they are helping warm the Earth. It’s freakin cold here.

Maybe if they held a few thousand of these annually across the globe we could stop this cursed white powerdery warmening.

Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: December 9, 2009, 3:46 pm

I need help:

1) Where can I go where it is warm, I can get a part time job,
and does not suck like ca,fla, etc. And where Mirth
York will never even visit.

2) Does Suze Orman live in califuckedasiamfornia.

Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: December 9, 2009, 3:47 pm


Al Gore sucks. Just saying.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 9, 2009, 4:57 pm

Holy SHIT, BBB — York isn’t running for governor again, is she? That would be — what? Her fourth try? Sheezis!

Go check out John Rudolph‘s book, y’all (I figure a spammer who bothers to read and post to the lead article isn’t a spammer). He’s a squid. The Navy kind, not the ink-squirting aquatic calimari kind.

And speaking of spam, I’ve started a stuff with bacon on it category. Ideas welcome. I’m currently attempting to mold a globe out of bacon using Photoshop. That one t-shirt I have up, though…it’s looking kind of dark in my preview.

Comment from Clifford Skridlow
Time: December 9, 2009, 5:02 pm

33.1 Tons. That doesn’t include the Wife’s 5 mpg. (no kidding, 5!) hot-rod ’69 Mustang. The awful pangs of guilt are more than offset by the rich satisfying feeling of wearing my new “Release the Weasel” T-shirt. Mmm mmm mmm. . . .

Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 9, 2009, 6:11 pm

Jeez, Rudolph—Is the Forrestal still afloat? Your book-blurb mentions a carrier “better known for fires than anything else” so I immediately thought of the Forrestal, which was known in my day as the USS Forest Fire. They even had a fire aboard her (showing off, I’m sure) when she was moored a ways from the tin can I was aboard in Mayport, Florida.

The story I heard (prefaced with, of course, the obligatory “this is a no-shitter”) was that they were moving big powder charges into a magazine and some squid dropped a charge. It started smoking, so the squid kicked it into the magazine, slammed the door and dogged it.

Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: December 10, 2009, 12:44 pm


The story I heard…

The REAL story was actually much better than that: a ZUNI rocket in cradle on a plane on the flight deck took off and blew up a bunch of stuff on OTHER planes on the flight deck, and then things got bad. And then worse.

Rudolph’s first four and mine overlapped a bit, the Forrestal fire was used with great effect in damage control training at the time.

And, the bigger the ship, the more often they seem to have fires.

/On a preacceptance shakedown, half a dozen sailors went with the yardbirds out of Seattle to check a refurbished USCG high endurance cutter. During lunch, we heard “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! Fire in after steering.” After steering was a very bad place to have a fire on those boats, but only TWO guys left lunch to investigate.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 10, 2009, 12:51 pm

Well, what do you expect from puddle-pirates?

Comment from David Gillies
Time: December 10, 2009, 1:35 pm

Bug: Costa Rica. Hey, it worked for me.

Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: December 10, 2009, 2:46 pm

Mrs BBB won’t leave the country.

I want Costa Rica soooo bad.

Unless Suze or Myrth (she is the most dour moonbat ever)
have vacation homes their.

Myrth’s plan (why don’t we pitch it to the Franklin Fucking Mint) Buy cars for welfare recipients so they can drive to work.

Comment from yonason
Time: December 15, 2009, 11:56 pm

The good news is that if they held it by conference call, it might not have been so confused, and they might have actually come to some agreement – I shudder to think. So, it’s probably better to have them exposed for the con artists they are, and have them come home with nothing to show for their “efforts” to “save the planet” (all while having a grand old time at taxpayer expense).

I.e., it could have been worse.

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