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I’m the chicken on the…left

So this qualified herbalist who gave me the myrrh-flavored body paint, I asked her if there’s anything she’s allowed to dispense which really works as a sleeping draught. Chronic insomniac, me. So she made me up a little something.

Tried it last night, and it works! Sends me into short, fitful, dream-filled naps all night, and a deep, steady, coma-like snooze all day long. In a lawnchair. In the sun. Covered in chickens.

I’m as useless today as…Mapp, trying to hatch that damn stupid wooden egg.

p.s. For the record, most of the chatter I hear about the royal wedding is coming from US sites I read. Here, reactions are mostly limited to a) eyerolls and b) coming up with the most obnoxious possible commemorative merchandise.

p.p.s. Though a nearby downmarket town is trying to put together one of those street parties on The Day. They don’t seem to be getting much traction. I asked Uncle B if I could go. Eyeroll.


Comment from James the lesser
Time: April 22, 2011, 1:50 am

When I was a lad I learned in school that we fought a war so we wouldn’t have to pay any mind to British royalty. The teachers told me we won that war, but from time to time I wonder.

Comment from EZnSF
Time: April 22, 2011, 2:03 am

Give us the damn sleep recipe. Steel it if you have to. Kidnap her and force her into a cold basement till she gives it up.

Myself, I’m taking Melatonin. Knocks me out, but no dreams. It’s not addictive and no ‘sleeping pill’ hangover. They sell it along side the vitamin B pills.

Prince Charles. Pfft.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 22, 2011, 3:17 am

If Prince Charles, or any other of the useless royalty, could lay eggs, I might take that crowd seriously.

Otherwise, meh.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 22, 2011, 3:32 am

Speaking of Chickin, i found a vid that you’ll absolutely LOVE, Stoatie….



Comment from Elphaba
Time: April 22, 2011, 3:39 am

Prince Charles is as useful as a doorknob on a bathtub. Jug eared Alfred E. Newman lookalike global warmist fool. Clearly, his genetic pool is exceedingly shallow. Diana paid a high price for the opportunity to dig it a little deeper. Perhaps Wills and Kate will present a more respectable image for the royal family. Even if they are, well…obsolete.

Comment from Elphaba
Time: April 22, 2011, 4:07 am

BTW…I thought this was interesting:

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: April 22, 2011, 8:40 am

One of the tabliods in the supermarket check out lanes says that Kate is “preggers”.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 22, 2011, 9:39 am

And by a space alien too, I shouldn’t wonder 😉

Comment from steve
Time: April 22, 2011, 10:13 am

Uncle Badger won’t watch?

Does he not realize that one his future kings might already be a yeasty little bit of bun, bakin’ away in that there lil oven?

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 22, 2011, 2:24 pm

Afraid I jut can’t take the concept of monarchy seriously, steve.

Naturally, I readily admit that the alternatives are just as bad. Your present incumbent and the thought of a President Blair are stomach churning.

But King Bing-Bong III? Why?

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: April 22, 2011, 3:07 pm

At least Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth has the honor to recognize her offspring for the failure that he is, and retain the throne for as long as possible to spare her country needless damage.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 22, 2011, 4:16 pm

I came to beg for the sleep recipe too. Just for the fun of it and because I can not sleep on an airplane. I fly for days sometimes.

Men just don’t get the royal wedding. They never dreamed of being a princess. I really like Kate Middleton. I think she should get bonus points for hanging on while her prince lost his hair.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 22, 2011, 8:38 pm

Yes, Uncle B.: no matter how silly and otiose the Windsors might be, one has to bear in mind the alternative would have gifted us a Head of State cast from the same mould as, say, Roy Jenkins, a prospect too terrible to bear much contemplation. Think upon this caption on a news photo and shudder at the bullet dodged: “Chancellor Angela Merkel welcomes UK President Peter Mandelson to the Palais Schaumburg in Bonn for an official State visit.”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2011, 8:46 pm

I don’t have the recipe, but I doubt we could reproduce it, anyhow. She has access to some very strong stuff and I don’t think you can get a lot of it without a license.

One ingredient I do know is California poppy. It’s not chock full o’ opiates like somniferum, but it’s got some precursors or something.

That actually matches pretty much how I feel — it’s as if I’ve been on the good pain meds (yay!) but without the euphoria (boo!).

Comment from Steve Skubinna
Time: April 23, 2011, 6:23 am

Presidents are only for four to eight years, royalty is forever (well, wait a minute – how long has that genetic waste Jimmy Carter been hanging on hopefully at the margins of power now?). At least you Limeys finally got yours hedged in so they have no real authority, responsibility, or power, but it took you how many centuries? Hell, your useless inbred House of Peers had actual political power until a little over a century ago.

I second the melatonin recommendation. Stuff works. I only take it when I know I’ve got at least four hours available to sleep – less than that and I wake up groggy.

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